In the end, when the sun dipped down below the horizon, Mereli had to drag my comatose body back to the library. As a result, I gained a whole new set of scratch marks and bruises all over my upper back.

It took me a full day to recover from the fatigue and even longer to recover from the other injuries. Two more days passed like this, before I once again found myself standing in the middle of an empty courtyard.

I glanced up at the sky with a lethargic expression on my face. My right hand unconsciously reached for my stomach.

“I’m hungry…” I mumbled beneath my breath, as I squinted through the harsh sunlight.

In truth, I had already eaten today, but still, I couldn’t stop the noisy gurgling sounds that leaked out from my abdomen. Maybe it was because of my earlier injuries or maybe it was because the food simply wasn’t enough, but I was still hungry. No, I couldn’t help but be hungry.

It wasn’t weird. I mean, one chunk of bread a day wasn’t nearly enough to satiate one’s hunger. With that sort of diet extended to more than a week, it was only normal for me to be hungry.

It was normal, and the situation I was in was rather desperate, but still, I couldn’t help but complain.

Thinking back on it, if I had known that using mana would be such a physically taxing thing to do, then I would have hesitated a bit more before actually doing it. After all, life was a tad bit rough right now. I couldn’t afford to go hungry or waste any more energy than necessary.

In most fantasy novels, wasn’t mana something that effected the mind? Things like mental fatigue, or painful headaches were the things that I expected, they were the things that I was hoping for. Something just a bit more like a conventional backlash.

Or maybe the issue is with me?

I couldn’t help but turn towards Mereli.

I mean, this child doesn’t look at all effected…

Mereli was just a little bundle of energy. I mean, she’s like that almost all the time, but Mereli was particularly high strung when we got back to the library the other day.

She kept showing off, boasting proudly while manipulating that mana of hers like a convenient flashlight. Even as I lay bedridden and unable to move, flashing before my eyes would be Mereli’s pale blue mana light. It was annoying. It was really annoying, and I’m pretty sure it effected my overall recovery speed.

She used mana for what felt like hours, but despite all that, she was in perfect shape. In fact, she looked livelier than ever before. She only ate half a piece of bread this morning, and even went as far as to give me her other half. Even so… even then, why is it that this girl has so much more energy than me?

Was this the difference between a child and an adult? Or maybe it was the difference between that of a knock off and the authentic specimen?

Regardless of all my inner complaints, today wasn’t the time for that. Today, I was once again here to try and experiment with magic.

In the strictest sense, what I did a few days ago wasn’t magic. It was simply the manipulation of mana. Magic, at least according to my own understanding, is different.

It was something more.

It was more than just flashing lights, it was more than just moving around a bundle of invisible energy. I don’t know how much more magic is exactly, and neither does Mereli, but… well, it was just… more.

My main goal today was to try and bridge that gap between simply manipulating mana and magic. I wanted to find out exactly what that more was. I wanted to know what exactly it’ll take for me to reach the threshold that is magic.

By the end of the day, I fully expect to be bedridden, full of fatigue, and covered in even more bruises, but it was a completely necessary sacrifice. I mean, come on, it was magic.

Then again, I don’t know what exactly constitutes for magic within this world.

From Mereli’s vague accounts of her past, the magicians in the castle shot out fire balls from the ends of wooden staves, created water with the mere flip of the hand, and flew through the skies with neither wings nor harnesses.

It was exactly the type of magic that I was hoping for.

The problem lied in the fact that I did not know how they did it. It was obvious that they used mana as the energy source, whether it be the mana that lingered in the air, or the mana that existed within the body, but how? How exactly did they utilize mana to create what can only be described as supernatural phenomena?

Did they use vocal spells or archaic runes? Was it done simply through the power of imagination or was there a needed catalyst, like a wand or a grimoire? My greatest wish is that it wasn’t the latter. Where the hell was I supposed to find a grimoire or a magical staff in such short notice?

With such jumbled thoughts floating in my mind, I let out a drawn-out sigh, and sat down on the ground. I folded my arms in front of me, as I glanced up at Mereli. She was absentmindedly running around the courtyard, chasing after a beautiful black butterfly.

Watching her actions, I couldn’t help but acknowledge just how flexible and athletic this little girl was. She effortlessly danced through the rubble and jumped past fallen debris. Her moves were light, if not a bit feral. She was like a child who lived her life alone in the wild, and truthfully speaking, her situation wasn’t really that far off.

All this while, not a single drop of sweat ran down her forehead.

What really impressed me wasn’t her athleticism, but rather her emotional ability. She was able to enjoy life even in such an environment. Even as she disappeared around the corner, I could still see that lingering smile. It was a smile that stuck to my head, a smile that I couldn’t help but want to protect.

I shook my head, and turned my gaze over towards the towering forest ahead of me. I don’t know since when, but a desire sprouted. It wasn’t something that just suddenly arose from out of nowhere, but rather, it was a slow burn. It was something that quietly ignited deep within my heart, and gradually gained traction over the days that I’ve spent in this world.

It was a desire. No, it was more than just a desire. It was a goal, my one and only goal within this new life of mine.

I wanted to leave this forest. I wanted to bring Mereli out of this castle. I wanted to bring that child out for the rest of the world to see, and for her to see what the rest of the world outside this little corner looked like. I wanted to bring her to a city, to let her communicate and interact with other people, to people her own age.

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I wanted her to laugh, smile, and cry.

She was already doing that here, but I wanted her to experience those emotions in their truest sense. I wanted her to share it with someone else, someone more than just me. I wanted her to know what it felt like to have friends, to talk and communicate, to say good morning during the mornings and good night during the nights. Maybe she could even go to school, or eat out at a restaurant, or just anything really. Anything that wasn’t this castle or the forest beyond it.

Really, these days, I’ve began to wonder if something had happened when I was created. After all, were the emotions that I harbored normal? Was it normal to worry so much about a single person?

I can only explain it as a sort of ingrained desire, something placed in me as the product of alchemy. The desire to protect the one that created me. There was simply no other way.

Otherwise, I couldn’t explain these desires of mine.

So, my desire, my goal was to get out of this forest, and I’m positive that magic will play a key role in accomplishing that goal.

I extended my hand out and hesitated.

I wanted to repeat what I had done a few days ago, but I was afraid.

Suffering through pain wasn’t what caused me to be fearful, but rather, I was afraid of the time I’d waste. Each day that passed was an important resource that I would never ever get back. Each moment, each second was a countdown until starvation.

To finish all the preparation before that countdown ended was a very dangerous and difficult task to accomplish. I couldn’t afford to mess up. Not now, at least.

With timidity and hesitation, I once again followed my instincts, and let that familiar sensation flow towards my palm. The moment the faintest traces of light began to shine, I immediately stopped.

It was not as intense as the other day, but I felt a certain sense of pain. It was a pain similar to muscle sores and it only came after I stopped. This pain was comparatively smaller than before, which I could only attribute to the fact that this time around, I controlled mana for a significantly shorter period of time.

“Like I expected… it has to be the process…” I found myself mumbling beneath my breath, as I listlessly stared at my empty palm.

Again, I felt it. When I moved the mana around and attempted to gather it into my palm, it simply did not feel right. It was a similar feeling to the other day, a feeling as if my whole body was a water balloon with several holes poked in it.

The sensation of mana leaking out from my body was uncomfortable and made my skin crawl.  It felt unnatural, and almost instinctively, I knew that something was wrong.

But even if I knew it was wrong, I did not have any of the correct answers. How was I supposed to control it in a way that did not let the mana leak out? That was akin to scooping up soup with a fork.

“Turning raw mana into magic…”

Normally, I would be clueless, and in part, I was clueless, but I had a feeling that magic was a lot easier than I originally gave it credit for. At the very least, I felt quite comfortable whenever I was moving mana from my body into my palm.

Unfortunately, this comfort was a specific and oddly difficult thing to describe. The pain I felt directly after using mana was in no way comforting, nor did I find the feeling of being a leaking sieve to be any better. It was just the actual process that I found oddly comfortable; the sole act of moving mana from one place to the other.

In essence, mana was just a lot more malleable than I originally expected. Even though I only really experienced it for a short while, it felt a lot like moving my own limbs.

With such a feeling as the foundation, I had the vague impression that I might be able to do it. I did not know what exactly it is that I might be able to do, but I was definitely on the right path. I was so infinitesimally close to the first step.

Right now, I just had to decide how to place my foot down.

My definitive first step. At the start, it might not be a step in the right direction, but it was a step nevertheless. Without any prior knowledge, this was the only way I could proceed forward; through simple trial and error.

There was a famous phrase that floated around the internet in my past life; “Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.”

This was exactly what I was trying to do. With what little information I had going for me, all I could rely on was my own understanding of mana, as well as the tiny bit of ingenuity that I had.

Thinking about magic in all the stories from my past life, I came up with a variety of variabilities.

Magic that depended on items to cast were definitely a no go. Things like tomes, staves, wands, staffs, crystal orbs, grimoires, I had neither of those things. The other type that I identified was magic that utilized magic circles and spell words. These seemed a lot more accessible, in a sense that they did not need physical items, but rather non-physical information. Still, where to find the perquisite knowledge was still a huge problem for me.  

Of course, if we’re talking about fictional magic, there was also the easiest and most convenient type; magic that could be used purely with a person’s imagination.

Frankly, this was what I was aiming for. A simplistic use of mana based solely on mental commands. It was simple, so simple in fact, that I had my own doubts, but it was not like it was totally implausible.

For one, the mind was not completely separate from mana. From the very first moment that I came into contact with mana, the first thing that I felt was the mental connection. It was a difficult feeling to describe, a sensation that was akin to someone brushing against my brain with a feather or a wooden brush.  

If it was imagination based magic, then it might be doable.

With such hopeful thoughts floating around in my mind, I decided to test out this conjecture immediately.

I once again stretched out my palm and began gathering mana.

I felt the uncomfortable sensation of mana leaking out from my body, as well as the more comfortable accompanying awareness of mana gathering towards my palm.

No pain just yet... I shouldn’t have anything to worry about, but then again, it was like this last time too…

I hesitated for a moment, before I bit down the bullet and began with my experimentation.

Imagination.

Imagination was key, and if we’re talking about magic, then it has to be the classic fire ball.

As soft blue rays of light began to shine from my fingertips, I slowly closed my eyes, and pictured a ball. A red-hot ball, with flickering tendrils of flame. I imagined that ball combusting, and then contracting again. I imagined it expanding, I imagined the intense heat that its searing flames exuded.

A fire, a pale red fire.

A flame whose light shined dull, but whose heat was more intense than the surface of the sun. A flame that was not normal. A flame created solely by me. It was a fire ball. It was my fireball.

I imagined it.

I imagined that tiny ball of flame, flickering in and out like the light of a dying candle. I imagined it expanding, devouring the oxygen in the air, as well as sucking in all the mana that lingered in the forest. A great big ball of heat that rivaled even the numerous stars in space.

I imagined it once more.

I imagined that such a flame suddenly broke apart. It split into several dozen, several hundreds of individual flames, before they all coalesced into the palm of my hand. Those tiny wisps of fire, all forcibly brought together, condensed smaller and smaller and smaller, until it fit snugly in the palm of my hand.

I don’t know whether it was an illusion created by my own imagination, but I felt beads of sweat trickling down the side of my cheeks, as well as the familiar unfamiliar sensation of lightheadedness. My body suddenly felt drained. The longer I thought, the more and more my thoughts grew hazier. I was surrounded by a thick fog, and at the center of it all was the flickering ball of flame that I had created.  

I slowly opened my eyes, just as a particularly strong wave of fatigue hit me. This fatigue was far larger than the one from the other day, and it was not alone. Accompanying that fatigue was an even harsher feeling of pain.

I felt my body splitting apart. Like the flame from my mind, I felt as if something had forcibly torn my body up into several hundred individual pieces, before it was hurriedly contracted into a single entity. My limbs were suddenly shaking, while dry heavy heaves echoed loudly from my chest.

Even my mind was affected. My vision blurred, while my mental image of that flame also turned hazy.

I could not help but look at my still extended hand, only to see a flickering orange hued light.

For an instant, I felt happy. It was a definitive success, but that happiness was immediately turned into confusion. I had imagined a flame, yes, but the flame in my mind was a lot larger than the one in reality.

“It’s… only as big as a finger… nail….”

With such words echoing loudly through my fading consciousness, I could see that tiny flickering light slowly move away from my hand. It flew through the air, and moved lethargically like a dying turtle towards the empty forest. I heard an echoing boom in the background, before my world immediately turned black.