“What is that beast?! It’s hideous!” Charmeine crowed balefully, looking at Grizz the tattoo with an impressive mixture of disgust and horror. He was perched on Lin’s shoulder, delighting in the discomfort surrounding him.
“You know him, Charmeine, it’s Grizz!” Lin protested, her mind going blank with panic and turning to the simplest of arguments. It would only be in hindsight that she would realize how inaccurate this statement was given this Grizz’s nature.
“You mean the turncoat that followed the sun-stealer into the pits of hell?!” Charmeine shrieked with an anger that baffled Lin.
“Ma’am, he’s been a regular here for years. Why are you reacting like this now?”
Unexpectedly, but not surprisingly, tears prickled the corners of all 12 of the angels’ eyes, prompting her to whip around in embarrassment. “How could you even ask me that, Lin? Grizz was the first of my siblings to die since the dawn war! I mourned him! I went to his funeral. AND NOW HE’S SITTING ON YOUR SHOULDER LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!”
“You know kid, she’s got a point. This must be pretty stressful.” Rumbled Grizz. “Why don’t you brew us all up some 9-eyed fire spider elixir and let us talk it out?”
Lin’s head was in her hands before she considered how unsympathetic it was to telegraph her feelings so blatantly. Dropping her arms, she looked up to find herself alone.
“Yeah, she left kid. Didn’t seem into my ‘sit in a circle and sing Koum-by-ah’ idea.” Grizz said, patting Lin’s shoulder supportively.
Taking a breath, Lin straightened her back and got to work; she wouldn’t let this poor start ruin her day. Sadly, this proved to be only the first of a series of unfortunate eve- occurrences. (Trademarks are tough.) Thirty minutes into her shift, a short woman with stiff shoulders and red fading to gray hair walked into the shop. Lin caught her breath at the sight of the rather plain human. Normal people rarely patronized the shop, as most potions tasted acidic to them and offered few magical benefits. There were some exceptions, of course.
This particular woman came into the shop about once a month. And once a month, Lin’s heart shattered to pieces.
“Hello Janet! Welcome to the shop!” Lin said, plastering on her best smile. It wasn’t hard, the worst sorrows stem from the greatest joys. Grizz cocked his head, staring at Lin with an implacable expression.
“Hi! Nice to see you again… Um- Lisa?” Janet replied with an embarrassed laugh. Lin’s smile faltered for a split second before reasserting itself.
“Lin. But I like the name Lisa too! What can I get for you today?”
“Is the artic batwing juice good?”
“No, it’s like a freezing cold habenero, but the next fruit you eat after drinking it will taste incredible!” Lin said, her eyes squeezed shut in a smile that hurt every part of her.
She doesn’t know us anymore.
“Oh, that sounds exciting. Let’s give it a try!” Janet said with a cute little fist pump. Lin nodded and wrote up the order. She turned to start preparing it, only to find Burton already hard at work juicing bat wings.
This left Lin with nothing to do but sit at the counter and stare at Janet awkwardly as the woman paced the shop, examining the various magical and holy relics on display. A thousand statements and questions crowded Lin’s mind, clogging up in her throat so tightly that she couldn’t say anything at all. How was work? Were her shoulders still sore? Had Michael graduated high school yet? He must have, it was that time after all. Did he have plans for the future? Was the family pond still filled with bully-wogs every summer?
Do you miss me?
“Is this my drink?” Janet said, gesturing at a drink on the counter casually as if she hadn’t sliced through the bleak waves that threatened to drown Lin whole. “Oh my. You look so sad. Are you okay dear?”
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Impossibly, Lin managed to nod without tears bursting from her face. “Yes, I’m fine. Been a long day is all. Thank you for asking.”
Janet favored her with a comforting smile. “Of course, dearie. Make sure to take time yourself. You’re always working so hard when I come in here, it can’t possibly be good for your mental health. Have a great day.” She said, laying a tender hand on Lin’s arm.
Swallowing down the lump threatening to strangle her, Lin beamed. “I will. Have a good day as well, Mo- … Janet.” Her eyes widened in both shock and hope, but Janet didn’t seem to notice the slip, never turning back to face her as she exited the shop.
“Kid? Are you alright? There seemed like a lot to unpack there.” Grizz piped up, his squeaky gravel voice softened by as much tenderness as the tiny ink demon could manage.
Lin allowed herself a small but honest smile. “Not as much as you might think. It’s more like an empty suitcase if anything. I’ll be fine.”
“Will you? Because it really seemed to me like that woman meant a lot to you, but she didn’t seem to know you at all.”
“She doesn’t, not anymore.” Lin replied softly, turning to organize the potion flasks. Grizz opened his mouth to continue his questioning, but he was interrupted by an equally high-pitched voice.
“Hey, are you the art lady?” Lin didn’t turn around, keeping her focus on the wall of crystal decanters.
“I’ve never heard myself referred to as such, so I’m doubtful, but I do make a scribble every now and then. Why do you ask?”
“Well, my grandma’s sick, and keeps asking where grandpa is, even though he died years ago. I heard you make living drawings and was hoping you could bring my grandpa back for my grandma.”
Lin paused her sorting. “Why do you think I can make living art? My drawings are just like anyone else’s.”
“That’s not what I saw!” The child said stubbornly. “My friend, a Treant-sapling at my school, showed me a bunch of sketches he grabbed from the garbage here. They were all moving and dancing! He says you made them, so please, help my grandma!”
Lin slammed a decanter onto the counter, the glass singing a song of pain only a few octaves beneath the song of shattering. Her body began to quiver and shudder as she clutched the edges of the faux marble so tightly that her knuckles turned white.
Grizz looked at Lin and back to the kid quickly, a smarmy grin sliding onto his face. “Hey bud, I’m sorry to say it, but she’s not taking requests ri-”
“I’ll do it. I’ll help your grandma. But you’ll need to help me if that’s going to happen.” Lin interjected, turning to fix the child with a stare that made the fires of hell look cold. Grizz’s stomach dropped into his knees… Did he even have organs or knees anymore? His ink dropped into his ink. That didn’t seem right.
Clutching his horns with his hands, Grizz shook his head to rid himself of these intrusive thoughts, this really wasn’t what he needed to be focused on right now. There was a look in the kid’s eye as she knelt to interview the elated boy that made the demon inexplicably nervous. Rooted in her gaze was the same determined fanaticism that had driven a host of god’s children to rebel and plunge the universe into a divine war.
But where Lucifer’s madness derived from an insistence on freedom of choice, no matter the harm those choices could sow, Lin’s spawned from the knowledge she had taken a step too far down the slope. Her feet were moving on their own now, and if she didn’t follow, gravity would force that path upon her.
Grizz couldn’t be sure how he knew all of this. He had always had a knack for empathy, it’s what made him such a good torturer (torturist?) but this was too much. It felt as if he were standing upon the edge of a river, and across from him sprawled the magnificent, if chaotic, village that was Lin’s mind. Each of her thoughts and feelings was a distinct member of this society, each one colluding and collaborating to make the best world that they could.
That was the ideal anyway. There was something dark playing out where the eye couldn’t reach. Hands banging on closed windows and bars slid over locked doors. A shadow sprouting in the central courtyard. What looked idyllic and peaceful at first glance was in fact a town at war with itself. Pieces of her rebelling and fighting back. But one member wasn’t held back, a man standing on top of the church steeple, screaming at the top of his lungs.
“This is our doom! To tread this road is to pass through gateways better left sealed!” Fear stood unopposed within Lin’s mind.
Unopposed, but also unheeded. Lin had chosen her path and would not be swayed. Grizz knew where such determination could lead. The pits of Tartarus sung with the laments of an untold number of souls regretting such choices. And yet, there he stood, one such soul, full of nothing but regret for his lot in life.
Any choice a person makes has the potential to upend everything around them. Whether it is for good or ill cannot be known until the pieces fall into their new places. Every choice is a gamble, some riskier than others. But to make no choice at all, to vow fealty to the “status quo” is to allow rot and corruption to fester. Like a felled tree on the forest floor falling prey to termites, that which stays still becomes prey for the small minded and opportunistic, allowing them to destroy all that was good. In the end, they leave only an empty husk from which they might spread their filth and harm even more of the innocent forest.
Grizz smiled. Lin was absolutely terrified of what she was doing and what she might become. But she was trying anyway. Could there be anything more beautiful than that?