Now playing Pale Machine -
‘I'm feeling good, let's say
My emptiness has gone away’
The sound of the motorcycle engine roaring through the street, he enters the highway where there's multiple cars in the traffic, but Ash just slips past those cars without thinking much about it. Underneath his helmet, he was wearing his earphone and blasting music on it. It’s actually not safe to drive a motorcycle while listening to music, but Ash does it anyway. He didn’t care for his safety; even now he speeds through the road, going 90 KPH.
‘Good morning, how's the weather dear?
My feelings are so clear’
At first, he was planning to get something to bite, but for some reason the nightly drives felt different than usual. When he rode his bike, when he felt the wind hit his face, the taste of the air on his lips, the beat from his favourite song, Ash grip tightened at the throttle. He was going a bit faster than his usual speed. A much more dangerous and stupid idea enters Ash's mind. He slowly twisted the throttle, 100 KPH. 105 KPH.
He glances at the side mirror and notices there’s no car behind him; he looks ahead, and there’s an empty road.
A complete empty road… He knew this road well; there’s no corner for the next 10 KM, another 10 if he just went completely straight. It's just a straight-line road.
Gear 4.
He fully twists his throttle to its limit.
‘Doing what you do,
always Show me how to live’
130 KPH. Ash enters a dangerous territory. He never goes past the speed limit before; he usually obeys the laws. He usually would never do this. His heart was beating loudly; it's like it's trying to escape from his chest. He was not used to this amount of speed before. He let out a heavy breath, his eyes focusing on the road, and the music playing in his ear was blacked out. All he can hear is his engine roaring.
‘What am I doing?’ He thought to himself. ‘I must have gone insane. Why? Why does this feel… something?’ He doesn’t understand himself. He just twisted the throttle to its limits. He finally felt... something for once.
150 KPH.
He wants to go even faster. Gear 5. This adrenaline he is feeling—it’s been a long time since he felt this.
‘Faster.’
180 KPH.
“FASTER!” He shouted at the empty road.
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Gear 6.
The speedometer went to an even faster height. He didn’t care anymore. He is going beyond faster than he used to ride. He passed by numerous cars, trucks, and other bikes. He didn’t care for anything. He just wants to forget everything.
210 KPH.
To forget this suffering, to forget his pain, to forget about his existence, and to never exist in the first place. He simply wants this to end.
220 KPH
He finally reaches the speed limit of his bike; he laughs at the speed he is going. It’s been a long time; maybe it’s the high or maybe it’s the adrenaline; Ash didn’t care anymore. Slowly he let go of the throttle, opened his arms, and felt the gush of wind hitting him; it’s truly “Rejuvenating.” Ash chuckled as he closed his eyes.
‘####’
‘L##e’
‘Live.’ a soft voice whispered to him.
His eyes immediately wide open; he grabbed back the handlebar and hit the back brakes. The motorcycle violently shook; he quickly lowered the gear, but because of the speed, it doesn't matter what Ash does; he has lost control. He hit both breaks at the same time, but the road felt slippery. A sound of the tyre left a burn mark on the road.
He got thrown at the side with his bike as well. Luckily for him, the side of the road has a patch of grass and dirt. He slid on the ground, the same as his bike.
A loud ring echoes in his ears. Ash clutches his chest tightly. He tries to breathe, but his chest feels too tight; the air won't go into his lungs, and Ash's body couldn't help but panic. He frantically grabs the buckle of his helmet, trying to forcefully remove his helmet off his face. "FUCK!" He curses as he finally manages to throw the helmet away from his head.
He tries so hard to breathe that even when he removes his helmet, he is still out of breath. His breathing got more and more shallow. “Fuck, damn it!” He shouted as he slammed his fist at his chest. He hates this; his long past still haunts him. He hates it. He slammed his chest again and again; he hated this, and with a fit of rage, he slammed his fist at his chest again. "FUCKING BREATH!" He shouted and coughed violently and was finally able to taste the fresh air.
He violently coughs, a clump of blood spat out of his mouth, and Ash clutches the dirt on the ground with deep rage. He hates this; he hates how pathetic he feels; he hates this; he can’t even breathe properly; he hates this; he just wants to forget about it but he couldn't. This is his curse. Even when so many years have passed, Ash's past still haunts him. He hates this so much; he bites his lower lips in anger, his grip on the dirt tightens, and he clenches his hand to a fist and punches to the ground.
He punched the dirt on the ground, punched, punched, and punched. He was so angry, about everything but mostly about himself. His knuckle kept slamming at the dirt; there was no effect for doing this; nothing will change if he does so, but Ash has lost all rationality. He has lost his emotions to his anger; he didn't even bother about the crash he just had. All he's thinking is the deep rage he's feeling.
“FUCK!!!” He screams as he slams his knuckle once more. He panted heavily as he looked at the ground; his eyes were in deep sorrow.
‘Close your eyes, you'll be here soon.’
The sudden sound of the song coming to his ears makes him stop at the moment. He pauses and lets out a short breath.
‘Tokidoki hontōni netai
Demo kono wādo dekinai’
Slowly, Ash's anger died down; his fury on the ground stopped. He let out a few deep breaths to calm himself. He clenches his hand to a fist in a tight manner but soon softens and sighs as he relaxes his hand. He took another deep breath and looked around at the street, and sure enough, no one was there. He is all alone, sitting on the ground with very little scar. His lethargic body felt awful; he could feel the swelling pain, but he chose to ignore it.
He stares at the starless skies for a bit and takes a deep breath. He caresses his face with his palm and sighs deeply as he views the starless skies once more. He slowly stood up but fell back to his ass. He looked at his condition, and sure enough, he was fine. Thanks to his clothes, he had avoided many injuries. Ash wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He chuckled a bit, smiling at his own patheticness.
‘Oyasumi, oyasumi
Close your eyes and you'll leave this dream
Oyasumi, oyasumi
I know that it's hard to do’
The song played loudly in his ears, blocking any thoughts he currently had. His laugh subside and he sighs deeply. He got back to his feet once again and slowly dragged his body to check on his bike condition. The bike crashed on the grass; thankfully, it still worked. He stood the bike up, set the bike to neutral, fixed the broken side mirror, and checked on his bike condition.
There were scratches everywhere, but it still worked. He turned on the engine, and sure enough it didn’t explode. He sighs as he drags the bike back to the road. He went on to check on his stuff and put back his helmet. He looks at the road ahead, and the highway is empty as ever. There was no one there, only Ash. Ash revs up the engine once more, and this time, slowly drives away.
'Oyasumi, oyasumi
Close your eyes and you'll leave this dream
Oyasumi, oyasumi
I know that it's hard to do
Oyasumi, oyasumi
Close your eyes and you'll leave this dream
Oyasumi, Oyasumi
I know that it's hard to do'
Ash mumbles to the song; he obeys the speed limit this time, driving alone on this empty street. He empty his mind, empty his emotion; there’s not a single thought in his head, just the music playing in his earphone.