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Life would be so much easier if I weren't a monkey
Chapter 38: Tinker, tarsier, soldier, spy

Chapter 38: Tinker, tarsier, soldier, spy

Name: Natasha

Race: Mandrill matriarch lvl 10

XP: 135

Size: 75

Type: Beast

Faction: Unaligned

Armor: 0

HP: 4/100

Strength: 8/Speed: 11/Endurance: 8/Magic: 8/Plasticity: 5/Luck 10

Senses: Vision 4, hearing 4, smell 4, taste 1, touch 2

Abilities: Balance 2, omnivorous 4, aposematism 3, specialized innate magic 6, Voice 1, coordination 2

Skills: Piercing bite 6, Jab 8, grapple and strike 7, precise throw 7, agile climb 7, nimble sneak 6, hide 1, rapid dash 6, dodge 2, block 1, discern weakness and strength 6, mysticism 1, quickstep 1, tumbling 1, leadership 4, mystic channeling 1, adaptability 1, infliction 1

Spells: Wind drake breath 6, windfury 5, jetstream 1, cloud step 1, thunder missile 1, misty path 1

Boss ability: mob boss

Lao Tzu

Mandrill lvl 4

HP:20/20

Tony Luciano

Mandrill lvl 4

HP: 17/20

As soon as I heard the shriek, it was followed by a chorus of voices and padding of feet. Now, in other circumstances I would have been curious as to what was going on, but I knew better than to try and eavesdrop when I’m at 4 hp. Besides, I can’t even understand them anyways, so half of the message would have been lost on me. I waited behind the tent for a moment, listening closely for any of the goblins coming this way. Now I really was wishing that I’d invested at least a little bit into the hide skill too.

As soon as the cloud step passed, the pain pulsed back to life, feeling the weight pressed onto the two injured limbs. It was like they were on fire, but I just had to endure it. So I sat back, watching out for any of the goblins. The two ahead of me weren’t paying attention until the alchemist yelled, then they started running back this way. So I had to duck inside the tent to keep from being spotted. Inside it was empty other than a bedroll on the ground and a few baskets. Part of me really wanted an actual bed, but I wasn’t about to just snatch one up, especially when I can barely hold myself up.

The goblins passed by, and I heard the unintelligible shouting from ahead, a few more goblins running out into the open. Now I could see just how many there actually were. There must have been at least fifty goblins, at minimum. If not for the literal crippling pain in my hip. I could feel sweat dripping off my brow, which I didn’t even know was a thing. I assumed monkeys couldn’t actually sweat, like dogs can’t.

I closed my eyes trying to hype myself up to keep moving as soon as the wing came back to my lung. I exhaled again, and felt my body grow light, lifted up by the slightest breeze. It was an immediate relief, which I used to pull myself forward, launching myself up and over the tent again. This time I was looking back to see if I could catch a glimpse of the horde gathered near the center. I watched as they were spreading out already like a web trying to find which way I went. Luckily still behind the tent they couldn’t see me yet.

I didn’t wait for them to get closer, dropping down from the tent and onto the ground, practically launching myself in two bounding steps to the next tent on my path, and past it in a flash. I was surprisingly quick when I weighed nothing. Not as quick as if I’d used jetstream, but notably impressive compared to my normal speed. That said, every jerky movement made my body thrum with protest, half of my mind was solely focused on the pain while the other half was trying to pay attention to where we were going. Though it seemed half was not enough.

THUD.

My bad shoulder bumped directly into a goblin as I rounded the tent. We both stumbled back, but I merely bounced away before righting myself again. I was entirely holding my weight with one arm as I was once again blinded by agony as everything blurred. A few moments passed and the world came back into view, seeing the goblin sitting on his butt, looking up in shock at the large weightless monkey. He was very clearly going to shout. I knew he was. So I just made the snap decision to run. I knew the cloud step was about to end, but I needed as much distance as I could possibly make.

I gripped the ground tightly and threw myself violently forward, barreling in a straight line out into the open. I’d abandoned stealth, and now was time for speed. I tumbled over my good shoulder as the spell faded, and nearly fell on my face, but I tucked in somersaulting a couple times until the momentum stopped. I landed on my back, laid out and looked back at the goblin as it started to shout, and then the oncoming green tide that started to curl around corners to see what was happening. My good leg pushed under me to force me to sit up, dragging myself in what is probably the most pathetic run I could imagine.

Still, as soon as the group had spotted me, I knew arrows would be coming down. So I needed to put a tent between myself and the crowd. Just as I had thought it, I heard the twang of bow strings behind me and had to once again ignore the screaming of the nerves in my leg when I rolled over my side. It must be the adrenalin that makes this even possible at all. But still I dragged myself onto the other side of one of the tents, out of the line of fire. I could hear the running feet coming up behind me, and fast, so as soon as my cooldown was up, I was weightless again.

I lowered down, gripping the ground tightly as I tried to make the most of this as physically possible. I needed to launch myself at a straight forty five degree angle for maximum distance. I knew it was going to hurt, but it was better than getting hit with another arrow, so it was my only option. I grit my teeth to brace for it before throwing myself as hard as I physically could, which turns out was harder than I thought.

The world spun as I tumbled end over end through the air, seeing the tops of tents pass by and flew up into the low hanging vines from the trees above. I didn’t consciously try to, but somehow managed to grab a vine out of a reflex from trying to stop the spinning. Unfortunately it was my bad arm so the grip was pretty weak, and I flew off again. The spinning had stopped, and I found myself at least thirty feet in the air, looking down at the village below.

Before I could even articulate a thought, I grabbed onto a passing vine with my good arm this time, and found myself in a wide pendulum sing, sending me even higher than before. My eyes widened as I hurtled through the air and up towards the branches of the tree. I saw arrows flying past but their aim was way off. Still, once I came to the peak of the swing, I let go, and was sent flying. Though as I did, I could feel my weight come back, and with it the force of my fall. My only chance at not plummeting to my death was to either grab a branch or another vine in passing. Which I was fortunately headed towards.

I latched onto the nearest vine about halfway up and all my momentum was abruptly dragged, coming to a jerky halt as I hung there by one good arm. It didn’t occur to me until my weight returned that I couldn’t actually climb. So I was stuck, sat there on the swaying vine as the goblins below started to aim for the now much easier target. Luckily arrows aren’t like bullets, you can see them coming. So I was able to jerk myself out of the way, and dodge the couple that came the closest.

I was getting really tired of these looney-tunes close calls, but I had to wait until I got my wind back before I could do anything. I saw one arrow heading right for me, and the only thing I could do to avoid it was to loosen my grip and slide further down the vine. I tightened my grip again after, which yanked on my shoulder. Now even my good arm was getting sore.

Still, as soon as my breath was back, I exhaled sharply and I was weightless again, throwing myself straight up and climbing the vine effortlessly. I came to the branch the vine was hung from, and relief washed over me, knowing I was actually on solid ground again. Still, the goblins below weren’t giving up. I could see a number of them climbing the trees to try and get to me, and I could hear the arrows impacting the underside of the branch. I need to get back to the river, but what’s the fastest way there?

I looked to the vines with a slight grumble under my breath. I really didn’t have a better option. It was going to be high risk, high reward, but the other option is stay on this branch waiting to die. So I closed my eyes for a few seconds as the spell faded, took in a sharp breath and leapt for the lowest hanging vine I could. Hurtling down, I reached my good arm out to snatch at the vine, feeling the sudden hitch threatening to pull my arm out of socket as I swung forwards, and let go again only about halfway through the swing, which instead of sending me up, threw me straight forward at a frankly alarming speed.

I didn’t want to hit a tree moving that fast, and luckily for me, I wasn’t headed for a tree. Though unluckily I wasn’t headed for much of anything. It was just open air in front of me for a hundred feet as I started towards the ground again. Not good, but I could feel the cooldown end, and cloud step made sure that my landing was soft enough not to take any more damage at least. It didn’t stop me from tumbling across the forest floor though which sent another sharp lance of pain through my leg.

I could still hear the goblins behind me, but couldn’t see them any more at least, and with a few more seconds of weightlessness, I could still launch myself more towards the river. I threw myself over a large root and it gave me a decent bit of distance as I could see the edge of the water again. I ran, or rather hobbled over to the water’s edge taking a moment to rest there before I would swim again. Or “swim”, drag myself across the riverbed.

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I knew this was going to suck, a lot, but I didn’t come all this way just to drown at this point. So I took in the biggest breath I could manage, and activated jetstream. Where last time I leisurely made my way across over the course of a minute, this time I scuttled like a crab, launching myself across stones to get over as quickly as I could. Popping back up on the other side in half the time. I could still hear angry goblins, but as soon as I passed the bushes, I was sure that I was out of harm’s way… or at least its immediate path.

I was sorely tempted to just make myself weightless and start flinging myself back towards our cave, but I needed to grab the boys first, and we should still try and sneak back if we can. The last thing we need is more attention on us up here where everything is stronger. I stumbled out of the brush to where I’d left them, and immediately was hit with a powerful smell. I cupped a hand over my nose reflexively before I even saw what it was. There Lao and Tony were both sitting beside the half eaten body of one of the goblins. For some reason it didn’t even occur to me that they would try to eat them, but I felt a quick reflexive gag from the sight.

I shook my head quickly, closing my eyes to try and collect myself. I know they’re just animals, they don’t know any different. I should just try not to think about it. Move on as quickly as possible. Though as soon as I opened my eyes again, both Lao and Tony were running towards me. I didn’t know why, I hadn’t done anything yet, but it was apparent as soon as Lao came up to sniff at my bad leg. They were worried after seeing me injured. I suppose last time I was numbed so they couldn’t really tell.

Still, not wanting to waste any time, I turned and started hobbling back in the direction of the cave, expecting the two of them to follow after. This is going to take a while, and with how it feels like there is a fresh pulse of pain with every heartbeat, this is going to be a really long walk. I was relegated to using both my good and bad arm to get along now, but I was thankful that my good leg seemed to still be doing fine. Either that or I’m just blocking out how bad it actually is for me.

While I was contemplating this, I felt a nudge against the back of my thigh. I started to look back but before I even could, my back half was already being lifted up. My eyes widened, looking back first then down under my belly where I saw Tony’s face bumping into my chin. He pushed forward, lifting me up and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck to not fall. He picked me up and started carrying me on his back, something I didn’t think he was strong enough to do, but maybe I underestimated a monkey’s strength.

I held on as he started to walk back in the direction of the cave, but still I was very confused. I was not expecting him to actually carry me back, or even understand that I even needed help in the first place. I was expecting the monkeys to be more… survival of the fittest. I don’t know if this is just that I misjudged the monkeys or if this is an aspect of my mob boss skill. Either way it was a pleasant surprise at least. Hopefully one I don’t have to utilize too often.

Tony was only walking while he was carrying me, so it wasn’t much faster than before but at least I wasn't having to use my arms or legs any more. I just laid my chin down on his shoulder and tried to relax, feeling the pain in my limbs and side. Now that I had a moment, all I could really focus on was the pain. It’s funny, even though it hurt more to actually carry myself, I was at least thankful at the time for the distraction that walking provided. Now I just kind of had to wallow in it.

I’m sure coming up here must have only been minutes, but getting back felt like it was taking hours. I could feel every little bump and rock in Tony’s path, and though I didn’t blame him, I resented every pebble. Though eventually the sound of running water became louder, tumbling over the edge in a dull roar. The trees came to an end before we reached the cliff and the sun hit my face again letting me know to open my eyes. There at the edge I could see where the red leaves ended and the yellow leaves below began again. If I weren’t in terrible pain I might have admired it for a while.

Once we came to the cliff, I unhooked my arms to let go, climbing down off Tony’s back again. After the rest, I can’t say I felt any better, but I wasn’t as exhausted at least. Tony protested my stepping down, trying to motion for me to get back on, but I wasn’t about to make him climb with me on his back. Instead I came to the cliff and cast cloud step again, before climbing down. Since I weigh nearly nothing with cloud step, I was able to climb even with my bad arm, though not without effort. Still I could make it down into the entrance with a little more time to spare.

Once I was inside again and past the curtain of white water, I felt a sense of relief that was no doubt entirely mental, because physically I was still about to collapse. I hobbled towards the bridge when I heard Tony and Lao coming in behind me. They both came up in front of me before Tony sat down right in my path, still insisting on carrying me. This time I relented, if for no other reason than speed, cause I’m going nowhere fast.

He carried me back across the bridge, where we could see all the other monkeys seem to be enjoying their new home. Which I would too, considering there are no giant spiders here… that I know of. They were running about, some wrestling, some climbing the buildings, just generally getting familiar with the place. Tony brought us to the courtyard, where the bulk of the monkeys were, and there sat Boris right beneath the tree, looking like a big man compared to all the smaller monkeys.

Tony came up to where he needed to climb up to the roof, and this time I let him carry me, but I was at least going to make it easier, casting cloud step again to make myself lighter just as he jumped. He almost didn’t seem to notice, climbing up to the second floor and through the window. We went down to the hot spring again and before we even stepped into the doorway I was already feeling better.

The door slid open, revealing the sight of the familiar bath, and I hopped down off Tony’s back. I wasn’t going to need it in just a bit longer. So I took a step forward, but before I stepped in I did the sensible thing and took off my pouch this time. I wasn’t about to turn the hot spring into a chemical soup. I took off the ax for good measure before dipping my foot into the water and just going limp. I fell forward with a splash as the hot water washed over me completely. The dull thrum of pain through my body very gradually started to ebb, but even that much was amazing.

+1 hp

This was going to take a while, but I am absolutely not complaining about that fact. In fact, I’m probably going to be spending a bit longer here than entirely necessary. I deserve a bit of a break. This day just started and already I’ve done so much. Though I could say that for the whole week too. It’s a miracle that I was still alive. By all accounts I really shouldn’t be. This jungle is extremely dangerous, and I started out as an ordinary monkey. I mean, I’m level ten now, and I’m still not doing really all that well. Maybe my getting more hp is making me reckless?

+1 hp

As I mulled this over, a splash interrupted my thoughts. I opened my eyes, which I didn’t even realize were closed, and saw Tony plunging into the pool and Lao backing up for a jump as well. If they spoke english and I had a human throat I would be scolding them for diving into a hot spring, but Tony did get hurt on my behalf so I’ll let it slide I guess. Next time I’m going to go grab a ton of those persimmons first before going back up there. I don’t want to get into this problem again. Same for that blue goop, but I need to figure out how to make that.

+1 hp

Tony Luciano +1 hp

For that matter, I should probably think about what I should be doing in the short term again. Yes I need to level up, but I need to think like before. Just killing things isn’t the right way to go. I need to think practically. Like I did for those rats. What is the most efficient way to get xp? I need to go looking around up there in the red leaf area for a way to get quick and easy xp, instead of trying to fight something that is more my equal. Those goblins weren’t too strong but they were clever, and poison arrows are a deal breaker for them.

+1 hp

Tony Luciano +1 hp

I need to find something like those rats. Weak and numerous, or like the centipede. Something stronger, but I can make a plan to take out and get a big payout. Which means I’m going to have to go scouting around for a bit and see what I can find. Maybe if I’m careful- wait, no. I can’t really scout all too well. I still need to worry about the boys. They are great but stealthy they are not. Two big monkeys with brightly colored faces and no sense of stealth. Maybe I could teach them to sneak? But how? Teaching how to throw is easy. Teaching how to sneak is very complicated, or at least comparatively.

+1 hp

Tony Luciano +1 hp

The pain was creeping away slowly but my hip was still aching badly. It made trying to concentrate hard, and coming up with ideas even harder. I clenched my fists a bit, as I just focused on floating there for a bit before trying to refocus again. First thing is first, after I get out of here, I’m going to go up to the boss room and start using that as a place for long term storage. All the ingredients I just got from that goblin can go there. And maybe I can set up some sort of chemistry station there once I know what I’m doing.

+1 hp

After that my pouch will be empty and I can go get those persimmons and fill my pouch to the brim. I looked down at my hand, seeing the scar across my singers and where my ring used to be. I wish I could have figured out what those humans did with it so that I could have swiped it back before leaving. No sense dwelling on it right now, I should focus on the future. After I get those persimmons, I’ll get enough that I won’t worry about immediately dying and get back to scouting out the red leaves again. As soon as I can figure out a way to grind for xp I’ll be back on my feet again. Plus I won’t have to worry about the boys as much when they level up too.

+1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp

I stayed floating there like a log in silence as I contemplated what would be the best path forwards. The rat pack was the best idea down here in the yellow area, but up in the red area the large group of weak enemies may be much worse. Or the goblins might actually be the “rats” of that area. I could go looking for what the “centipede” of the red area is, but I’m slightly terrified that it will live up to all my worst nightmares. Even worse, if it’s the strongest thing in the area, then it’s going to be a way higher level too. Maybe there’s some sort of compromise around. Something expressly farmable, should I be so lucky.

+1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp

My pain in my arm was nearly gone, the slice to my arm sealing up and I could feel the strength coming back to it. I will never take for granted having my body healed. Ever since day one of being here in the jungle, being fully healed made me value my bodily integrity like I never did back home. Though on that note I also still miss my old body as well. Being human came with quite a few perks physically speaking, like lack of body hair, being more than three feet tall, or speaking.

+1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp

But anyways, if I get back to work in scouting, teaching the boys to sneak would be really good, but how am I going to do that? I hesitate for a few moments before looking at my menu again, scratching my head. There is the leadership skill, so I could try upgrading that to see if that will give me any insights as to how to teach monkeys anything beyond “hit with rock”. Though even then that requires me to level up again first before I can even do that, so I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

+1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp

I was halfway healed, and I could feel the bone in my leg had mended, and I could move my hip again without dizzying pain. As soon as I realized it, I was wiggling it around in every direction to test it, which in hindsight was dumb. It’s like I was begging to break it again, but I wasn’t even thinking about it. Instead, it continued to heal, and I opted to test it out, lowering myself into a sitting position and very slowly putting weight on it. No, I still couldn’t do that much, as I tried the pain was sharp, like I’d just been jabbed in the spine with a hot poker

+1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp

It was then, as I raised my head, looking over at my pouch that a lightbulb went on in my head. I don’t just have a new fancy skirt (though admittedly it doesn’t really fit) but I also stole that ax. With an ax my lethality just took a big jump. Especially if I use windfury on this thing. It’s gonna chop like crazy. I can jump down and cause some really nasty damage in just a few seconds. So this is kind of similar to my plan against the flat bug the first time I fought it. Jump, grab and stab. Though this time I have thunder missile for the rock throw, so it won’t be useless this time.

+1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp, +1 hp