Rule 16

Ogres Are Too Big & Confusion Gas Sucks

Statement: The problem with talking to people, is that I’m often left with more questions than answers. If I put serious thought into every half-baked sentence out of Midge’s mouth I’d be insane in a matter of days. Assuming I’m not already.

Hearing and seeing the trio’s view on the world opened my eyes as to why they acted how they did—but it left even more confusion behind. What sort of mad world allows all these perspectives to exist together? Worse still, if we can’t see the world in one unified manner, what else were we misunderstanding? The bigger picture questions only grew scarier to ponder.

My ears roared with a sound like crashing waves. My hands were clasped over my head. They burned with energy. The rock in front of me was taller, larger, and denser than my current body. Placed my fists together and letting the energy infuse my joined hands was a new discovery.

“We don’t have all day,” Callisto said.

The other three were directly behind me a ways. Leon had a fresh shield up. I often wondered where he got them all. There had to be a police station dungeon with some boss monster that dropped shields instead of the homeless man and his dirty panties.

The burning sensation strode a thin line between pain and pleasure. Soon, I’d be smashing the pitiful rock and reveling in the explosive aftermath.

“Come on,” Callisto shouted.

The reason I hesitated wasn’t to let the power build. Destroying this object would hurt. Additionally, I’d probably be blinded, and wound my hands again. That would leave me weak to whatever came next.

I felt glad that we’d rested prior to breaking this rock. My eyelids had dropped almost instantly. Paranoia and worry should have kept me awake but I felt secure enough in this hulk of a body to wake up before anyone could kill me. I’d already estimated I could grab any of the trio and throw them.

It would have been the best time to murder me for orbs. However, need outweighed desire. A lesser person, such as myself, might not have been able to resist.

“It’s not really a cave,” Allegra said. “It’s a bunker. I think. One of those old military ones.”

“There’s more in there than that, right?” Leon asked.

“I would settle for a working rocket launcher,” Callisto responded.

Their banter continued in the background. I eyed the best place to land a blow then made sure there were places to go for safety, in case the trio attacked. It would be easier to defend with a solid wall at my back. Dodging into the compound might be an option but this doorway might be too small.

“We found those grenades at the precinct, remember?”

“Those useless candy filled grenades,” Leon responded. “Was a waste of our potions.”

The conversation didn’t imply a need to murder me after I opened the doorway. That helped but I still worried. Trust was not a thought I encouraged in myself. I’d spent most of this trip watching for ways that Callisto or Leon might betray me. Sure, they were willing to talk. Sure, they were kind enough and Allegra knew who I was beneath the magic. But only a fool trusts in this world. I’d not let their friendly natures lull me into complacency.

Post Note: I ask myself, when did I first turn so cynical? Then I remember. I crashed a car with friends inside. They didn’t call or write. None of them offered to help me. They didn’t even call 911—another driver had. But that was the old world.

“Today!” Callisto shouted. “We had a deal.”

That we did. If nothing else, I’d honor the bargain. It was a good place to start, and I wouldn’t be one to break the oath. They would not get to call me a liar.

My arms finally came down. The world went white then faded as I tightened my eyes. Rocks blasted small divots into my skin. It felt as if a giant sand castle exploded in front of me. I staggered back from the sudden force and veered toward a nearby wall.

Huge clumps of dirt were all over the formerly flat ground. I felt the cool surface of the wall along my forearm. My fingers showed no signs of registering the sensation. They were dull and throbbing.

I kept them out, prepared for anything, be it an attack by my group or some event triggering as Leon had said. I couldn’t hear and my sight was blurry. I filed away the information; ogres have extremely sensitive eyeballs.

They didn’t. My eyesight cleared to see the three of them approaching the doorway.

“Heal if you need.” Callisto whispered in passing. “We’re going to scout the inside. Allie will see the traps for us.”

“We’re better at working together anyway,” Leon said.

“It would be best if we split paths here. The ceiling is too low for you anyway. If this place has what we need, then our deal is done.” Callisto nodded. She paused and frowned. Her head shook quickly as if something else had occurred to her. “But if you still want to help, we could use you back in town. If you want to wait with the wagon.”

Translation—go away while we take all the good stuff. Allegra glanced once in my direction then followed the others in a tight formation. They stepped over rubble, pushed a few larger chunks out of the way, and slipped into the exposed doorway.

They’d completely ignored the moment of weakness. I felt thankful for such fools then immediately suspicious. A dozen reasons for letting the opportunity pass came to mind. I suppressed them and rubbed my fingers. They hurt.

Small trickles of blood dripped from their ends. It proved that using this explosive rune on my own form came with serious drawbacks. I compared the damage to what I’d sustained as Hawthorn. Being an ogre, or whatever half-breed I’d become, had advantages.

I wanted to see what prize they were going for. If it was the weapon, then I didn’t feel safe entrusting it to them. It would be far easier for me to sneak by as Hawthorn, steal the item, and take a bus ride back to town and murder the Ogre King. Honestly, I could complete my goals before they made it halfway down the road by using the bus as a shortcut.

Stella’s life would be infinitely safer. At the least, I could easily follow them to make sure the trio survived. Though I’d be forced to be more covert. Oddly, the idea of sneaking after my own party, who thought I was dead, then possibly stealing the supreme treasure out from under their noses, excited me. Those sorts of perverse thoughts were easier to realize with my abilities.

As the idea occurred to me, I peeled off the ogre form of Mister Underwood. The spell lingered in my fingertips while my body shrank, or the world grew. I could feel myself fading from the environment. The sensation was easier to notice now that I’d been an obvious target for so long.

Maybe that was why I could barely tell if I was invisible to others or not. I’d been unnoticeable since getting this mirror-paged book. It was only when being visible, and literally naked, that the effect could be detected.

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I’d have to experiment with it more when no one else was around. Inside might be a new boss or big monster that had powers to acquire.

Callisto’s voice rang from the doorway. They were fighting something. A flash of light spilled out.

I stayed as Lance. It was the most logical solution. Hawthorn was dead and him showing up here would be difficult to explain. I halted and pondered the choice again. I could say that I’d healed and simply caught up. Then my judgment would be clouded by the desire for sex and violence.

Neither option sounded great. I resolved to stay as Lance anyway. Allegra would know. Callisto probably wouldn’t recognize me. Hawthorn’s form may not have much facial hair, but Lance was riddled with it. I knotted a chunk of my tattered pants and put on the shirt that had been sitting in my pocket the whole time.

It hung loosely over me. After the grime of spider webs and dirt, I looked like a homeless man living in the park. I grabbed some earth and smeared them on the shirt to complete the disguise and quietly giggled.

My small legs felt weak. There was no strength to these arms. I didn’t have the sinuous grace of Hawthorn. It was simply me, and a spell book with only four tricks.

I slipped into the small passageway and buried my fears. They wouldn’t matter if everyone died. If these three failed then I’d have to find the weapon myself. I’d be utterly lost without Allegra’s maps. They probably wouldn’t work if she passed away, so I needed to help make sure they stayed alive.

The mission became twofold. Take anything useful I could find, for the only sure bet was power allowed for easier survival. Keep the others alive so they’d help Stella stay alive. I had zero confidence in keeping a baby healthy on my own in this maddening world.

Post Note: I did not like needing people. Still, there are certain realities I must face. I am no parent. I would likely make a terrible father in general. Which brings to mind another fear I’d never considered. What if Callisto got pregnant? We’d certainly tried often enough. I will have to find out.

Admission: I had to stop writing this recount for a time after this occurred to me. Worse still, we surely weren’t the only survivors to engage in such actions. Or, did her ability let her see when would be a good time? If I still believed in god, I would be praying heavily right now. Instead, during that time away, I scavenged a few beers and steeled myself for the rest of this journal.

The bunker’s inside had moss covered steel walls. It grew along every surface, showing where the cold and damp hadn’t been blocked by the boulder. A single series of lights along the ceiling lit the hallways. They flickered every few seconds.

This place had to be a dungeon. Like the supermarket and the back-alley shortcut we’d used to sneak up on the Ogre King’s territory. That meant the normal laws of space and sanity loosely applied. Enemies should fit a theme. For the supermarket, it had been based on aisles. For the alley, it had been a homeless man, and scavenger-type animals.

I moved slowly, watching for signs of enemies. Once I saw the first creature, I could probably figure out the theme. Slime and an underground lair might be any sort of monster. It might have been easier to guess if I’d played more video games or explored more dungeons in my first month of this world.

Hallways branched off every dozen feet; some went into storage rooms that were piled high with plastic storage tubs. Inside the clear containers liquid splashed on its own. That worried me, so I placed an explosive rune in the doorway. I half expected those rolling liquids to be monsters that might climb out after me.

It wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’d seen.

“Two more, shield!” Callisto said.

“Blocking the left,” Leon responded.

His words were clearer. I held still and the sound slowly faded away. They were getting farther away and I still couldn’t see any of the trio. They battled enemies as well but those were invisible.

More shouts came from down the hall. Callisto’s voice bounced off walls until it utterly distorted. I could hear her but couldn’t figure out where they’d gone. There were no fresh foes or defeated monsters. I stared at a hallway intersection expecting a series of yellow orbs floating through walls.

“Watch out!” Callisto shouted.

I jerked around, expecting her to be behind me. She wasn’t. The words lingered in a soft echo.

It was the same pattern repeatedly. Hallways. The ceiling lights flickering. Bins of liquid rolling from side to side as though they had small oceans contained inside. I grew wary and summoned my wine flute from the black energy spell. I set it in a doorway. My explosive rune had been placed elsewhere.

I took two more turns. There were no signs of the wine flute or explosive rune. The scenery stayed the same, right down to the moss-lined walls. My shoulders tightened and hunched body froze. Dozens of turns separated me from the entrance. My escape route might have vanished entirely in this maze.

I’d never be able to complete either goal if this continued. Worse still, I might die, having failed on all fronts.

I inhaled and exhaled slowly. “I will survive…”

The words echoed and died quick. I stopped and pondered the situation. A few hints existed but nothing told me with certainty what was happening. All of my guesses were based on a limited experience with other dungeons.

First, I could attempt to destroy the lights and plunge this place into darkness. It might trigger something. It was possible everything in here was an illusion cast by their strange rhythmic flickering. I’d be able to see due to my gifts, but there might be monsters who were able to hide. Loss of vision would be a last resort.

As another facet, I could hear Callisto shouting. She and the others were either still alive or somehow in a different version of this maze. I heard them, they could probably hear me. That meant we shared the location or were close enough to each other. They could be up a floor or down one, depending on how badly space distorted in this dungeon. Maybe Allegra could find me if I alerted them.

That led me to a third factor to consider. They had monsters to fight while I didn’t. This might be a result of my stealth abilities. Those tubes could be filled with monsters waiting to be activated. If I triggered a group of them, then maybe the trio would find me. I could pretend to be a hapless victim running from monsters. As a homeless man, that almost fit, and Leon hopefully wouldn’t attack a human.

I would be Lance, the crazy loon in the forest. The idea amused me. I hadn’t had a role for this normal form of mine since leaving Coach Big Balls, also known as Coach Madison.

Post Note: It seems like I am obsessed with acting in roles. However, as I write this, the real truth becomes obvious. I like it when people don’t know who I am. I like being further from the broken bodied teen I’d been. If Callisto and Leon could remake themselves, transforming from an angsty plump teen into a warrior princess, and mild-mannered bus driver into a paladin of the light, why couldn’t I remake myself, once, twice, or three times?

I settled for a trap and tipping the containers. Then it would be possible to watch from another location and see if monsters formed. If they did, then the trap would likely scatter them to the winds. Allegra and the others would hear if I did it close enough to their shouts.

All the storage rooms were the same. I wandered until Callisto’s voice seemed to come from right in front of me. An explosive rune went into the nearest doorway, and I pulled out my net. The containers bobbled calmly, ignoring my presence.

My net draped over the clear tub’s edges. I stepped back into the hall and got ready to yank the stack over and give myself time to run. Fairly certain I’d accounted for everything, I pulled on the net’s edge and stepped away as the totes toppled.

Liquid burbled and fell to one side in an exaggerated rush. I only had a second to take it in the before ooze spilled outward. A tall slender creature I hadn’t notice stood behind the former stack of ooze tubs. Its lanky body and thin hands frozen as if it didn’t understand what had happened.

Then it flickered and vanished. The explosive rune went off. Once it cleared, the monster I’d barely taken note of hadn’t reappeared.

“Gas!” Callisto barked a warning. I looked down the hallway in both directions to see if her form had suddenly appeared. “Get away from the doorway, Allie, cleanse. Leon, two monsters. Go!”

“Ten seconds. Don’t breathe it in and I can work faster.”

I stared at the room where the explosion had happened. Green liquid bubbled in the doorway and scattered across the hall. The moss growing along the edges sizzled as liquid boiled on the walls. The two materials combined to create an unknown reaction. Smoke billowed.

A second splattering of goo slimed the hallway. I couldn’t figure out where it had come from.

“One down!” Leon said.

“On it,” Callisto responded.

A second puddle of goo exploded. The others obviously fought a monster, based on their shouts, that I couldn’t see. They’d been fighting them earlier when I first walked into the doorway too. I surmised something existed in those plastic tubs.

The wall of gas rapidly expanded and seemed to be alive as it dove for my face. I jerked back and took a huge lungful of air. My stomach twisted and vision blurred. The world went monochrome, then purple and green faded in, taking the place of formerly gray walls and yellow ceiling lights. I put out a hand and watched as my skin rolled on its own, as if something lived under the surface waiting to ripple out.

So, I did what any sensible man might do, especially if they lived in a fantasy world of nightmares. I bit my tongue to stifle a scream that threatened to escape.

I did that because down at the other end of the hallway, the tall, slender man stood with its head cocked to one side in clear confusion. The monster I’d briefly glimpsed had returned. That wasn’t the part that scared me the most. He had no eyes and no mouth. His ears were lost in a smooth curve that barely stuck out from his head. The creature had no hair and might have been female for all I could tell.

He took a step forward and space seemed to fold and his body blurred. Then he was close enough for me to breathe on.