When will it end? The thought flashed through Jamie’s head as she ducked under Heather’s fist, shifting her feet so that she could drive her elbow into her friend’s stomach. Heather grunted as a hole formed in her chest and she was blasted halfway across the room.
Her red eyes flared as she activated LIGHTNING, her stomach healing in the time it took Jamie to blink. She dove to the side as Heather vanished, narrowly dodging as Heather’s boot skimmed her face.
Springing off the ground, Jamie went into a spin, her foot striking the edge of Heather’s jaw. Now, usually this resulted in an explosion of gore if she used the move on any mobs. Her staff gave her STATS a dramatic boost, but even without it, Heather should at least have a shattered jaw.
Instead, Heather rolled with the blow, a bruise forming on her face as she slipped backwards. Her skin seemed to ripple as the bruise vanished, her face unblemished.
Jamie hated it. Hated all of this. She jumped a few dozen feet into the air to give herself a moment to breathe. Her mind wasn’t on the spar, her thoughts taking a darker turn that she usually tried to avoid.
Is this our lives now? Fighting, getting stronger, struggling to survive… forever? Is that it?
She… she just wanted things to go back to normal. To be a normal girl again, worrying about exams and homework instead of this constant fight for her future. She’d never asked for this life, and if there was a way to go back, to leave this game and never return, she’d take it without hesitation.
WIND spun her around as she fell, avoiding Heather’s next blow. If we make it through the ABYSS, I’m forcing us to stop. We desperately need a break.
Her feet bounced off air as Heather came by for another pass, directing Jamie away from her friend. What did I used to do for fun? Other than Leveled Plane? I can barely remember anymore…
Heather caught her wrist, flipping Jamie over her shoulder and throwing her to the ground. They were both panting, and Heather frowned down at her.
“Something’s distracting ya. Whatcha thinkin’ about?”
“It doesn’t really matter.”
“Nah, out with it, Jay. What’s botherin’ ya?”
Jamie tapped her fingers against her thigh, staring into the clear blue sky above them.
“Do you… ever wish that we’d never made it here? That we’d just died instead?”
Heather shifted in place, settling down beside Jamie with a sigh. They both lay there for a moment, neither speaking. It was an awkward question, one that was deeply personal. Jamie didn’t really expect an answer.
“Yeah, sometimes,” Heather eventually admitted. “I mean… we can’t really contact anyone we used to know. We could ask Paul for help, but then…”
Jamie nodded in agreement. Neither of them wanted to put Paul in that position, and besides… what would they even say? It’d been two years, and their old friends had most likely moved on with their lives. They all assumed she and Heather had died, and there was no reason for that to change. It was better this way.
Still… Jamie missed them. Holly’s rants about her homework, Jessica’s boisterous personality and disregard for personal space… stop it. Don’t think about them. I don’t wanna cry.
She heard Heather shift again and turned to find her red eyes staring into her own. They were dull, drained, looking like dark velvet.
“Jay… I’m tired.” Her voice was barely a whisper, her hands clenching at her sides. “I don’t like this… the constant fighting, the pain, the fear. I feel like an old woman, and I’m not even in my twenties.”
Heather chuckled, low and hollow. “Half the time, the only reason I can keep going is to keep you alive, or just the knowledge that this’ll end at some point. It has to end. It has to.”
Jamie sighed, rolling over, resting the side of her head on her hands. Heather’s knuckles were turning white.
“And now there’s this whole new thing from the system, and… it’s so hard, Jay! It’s so hard! There’re voices everywhere, screaming and crying and begging for me to do something. And I…”
“It’s alright, sis,” Jamie breathed, moving one of her hands so it rested against Heather’s. “I know. We’ll make it through this, just like we always do, alright? And then… once this is all over… I was thinking of settling down for a bit. Just the two—no, the three—of us. No more fighting, just us trying ta… get some rest, yeah? How’s that sound?”
Heather sniffled, rubbing her eyes as she nodded. “Yeah… that sounds nice.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” Jamie pushed herself to her feet, noticing that other players were beginning to enter the room. It seemed their time was up for now.
Reaching down, she grasped Heather’s hand and helped her stand, returning Heather’s smile with one of her own.
“Wait…” Ah… I know that tone of voice… “this is what was distracting ya? Are you kidding me?”
Jamie groaned, palming her face. “Shut up, H.”
“But… how did this even come up in the first place? We were sparring! How did you have time to think about all that?”
“Stoooooop.”
Heather laughed, bright as a bell, and Jamie felt her heart lift. At least Heather was happy, especially after how rough things had been lately.
She felt an uncomfortable tingle on the back of her neck and tensed. Turning slightly, she glimpsed Holden’s eyes burning a hole through her skull as they left the room. The moment he was out of sight, she let herself relax.
“Him again?” Heather asked, never once glancing back. With BERSERKER, and especially with the insanity debuff, Heather was so attuned to emotions that she no longer just tasted them. Sometimes, if they were potent enough, they felt like a physical weight against her skin. Or, at least, that’s how she’d described it.
“Yeah. Can’t really blame him, though.” Heather hummed, her pace increasing slightly, and Jamie winced.
“Sorry.”
“S’alright. I… don’t like it, but I get it. Wish I’d known about this whole thing sooner, though.” They both went quiet, their footsteps echoing through the empty hallways. Most of the challenges were done for the day, so people were either in one of the training rooms or had left the COLOSSEUM until tomorrow. Sadly, Heather and Jaime didn’t have that option.
The sound of metal striking metal soon reached their ears as they neared the forges. A few blacksmiths glanced up at them as they passed, but most were too absorbed in their work to spare them any thought.
Jamie and Heather wove their way between the workstations, sometimes having to dodge around hammers, tools, and other equipment. There was one moment where a piece of metal glowing a cherry red flew off an anvil, shooting straight for Heather’s neck. Only a quick application of LIGHTNING let her move fast enough to avoid it, and the blacksmith that caused it apologized as he raced after his project.
Eventually, they found Paul hidden behind a tarp near the back of the forges. Steam was rising from a basin of water, Paul in the process of cooling his metal creation. He wiped some sweat from his forehead, turning around as he did, and smiled when he saw them.
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
“Hey guys, how’s it going?”
“It’s… going, I guess. You know how it is.” He nodded, turning back to his work. Pulling his tongs from the steaming water, he used them to carry a thin plate of cooled metal over to a wooden bench. Paul sat down with a sigh as he set the metal plate on his lap, grabbing a Dremel as he began working on the engraving.
“How’s BERSERKER coming, and that new TITLE?” They both winced, and Heather grabbed Jamie’s upper arm to steady herself.
“There’s… no change.” Paul grumbled something under his breath, driving the Dremel into the metal slightly harder than necessary.
“So, you’re still stuck with the red eyes, then? Considering how things have gone for us, I’m not too surprised. Have you at least gotten a handle on the debuff?”
Heather’s grip on Jamie’s arm tightened. “The one on me isn’t too bad, so I can deal with it just fine. The voices are the problem. Other than that, though… I’m getting better at not spreading it to others. Not there yet, but I’m getting close, I think.”
Paul nodded, almost completely focused on his work, and Jamie frowned. The relationship they’d cultivated with Paul had been strained after what Heather had done to Holden. Paul understood that it was an accident, but that didn’t change the fact that Heather had caused a severe mental breakdown in the poor kid.
They’d talked about it, and Paul had made Heather promise that she would find a way to control that aspect of BERSERKER. It hadn’t been too big of a deal (Heather would’ve tried to do that anyways), but it still created some conflict within their group.
There was an awkward tension now, like the string connecting them all had been pulled taut. It wasn’t close to breaking, and it hadn’t started fraying, but it was uncomfortable all the same.
"If I’d known, I would’ve…”
Paul sighed again, setting down the plate of metal and his Dremel.
“I know you would’ve reigned it in,” he said, his eyes meeting Heather’s. “I know. And I’m sorry for distancing myself from you guys for a few days. I just needed some time to think, that’s all.”
He smiled softly, and Heather sent him a small smile back. Jamie didn’t voice it, but she suspected that the work project Paul was needed for was used as an excuse to get a few days away from them. It pained her to think about, but she had to be honest with herself, and she realized that she would’ve done something similar if she were in his position.
She and Heather were willing to do anything it took to survive. If they ever wanted to start living again, truly living, they had to survive. It was the first step.
Paul, though, was a tagalong. He didn’t have the same desperate drive that they had and was unwilling to stoop to the same harsh cruelty that they sometimes employed to achieve their goals. And… that was a good thing.
In here, while Jamie and Heather had chewed up the concepts of ethics and morals and spit them out, Paul had not. He kept them both from taking things too far, almost like a parent in the way that he would steer them away from some of their… particularly nasty ideas. It was something they’d needed, considering he’d come into their lives right before they both snapped completely.
“Hey, Paul,” Jamie started, but her words caught in her throat when he turned towards her. She swallowed, turning her gaze towards her feet. She couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Look… we appreciate what you’ve done for us. We really do. But… I gotta ask it. If this type of thing happens again, if we go too far, what’ll ya do?”
She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling Heather’s nails dig into her arm. The thought had been going through her head for the past few days, eating away at her. It was a harsh reminder that even though it felt like they’d been working together for years, Paul had only been working with them for just three-ish weeks.
It hadn’t even been a month yet. Really, they shouldn’t trust him the way that they did. And yet… they were both just so desperate. The constant loneliness and pain faded into a dull ache with Paul around.
She heard Paul’s clothing rustle as he stood, and she cracked her eyes open, forcing herself to look at his face. His mouth was pinched in a thin line, his hands shaking at his sides. His brown eyes looked like a windowpane—soft, and yet there was also a deep sadness within them.
“Is this what you’ve been worried about?” His words were quiet, whispering, but they pierced through Jamie all the same. Looking back towards the ground, she gave a slow, shaky nod.
“Oh, kid.” An arm wrapped around her and pulled her close, the other wrapping around Heather. Paul’s height and lanky build meant that he could hug them both at the same time. Jamie felt her head press against the side of his wiry chest, and she breathed out a dry chuckle as her body pressed closer to his, and by extension Heather’s.
Man, I’m such a mess. Am I really that touch-starved?
“I’ll still be here for ya, alright?” Paul whispered, making sure they could both hear him. “There’s stuff I’ll be uncomfortable with, sure, but I’ll just have ta set ya straight, ya know? That’s my job, anyways.”
He laughed, wet and sad. “Don’tcha worry about it. I promised I’d stick with ya guys, and I intend ta keep it. Can’t have ya dying on me, so.”
Jamie felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. After having basic human interaction again with someone that wasn’t Heather, she was loath to give it up. And Paul was one of the most honest people that she knew. If he said that he’d help them, no matter what they may do in the future, he meant it.
She wasn’t sure how long they stayed there, a small spark of hope in this increasingly bleak world. But, of course, it had to end at some point. They had things to do, plans to make, dreams to achieve.
“Ya sure ya don’t wanna get rid of us? Probably make things easier for ya.” Heather asked, and Jamie could hear the smirk in her voice.
“Hm… now that you mention it…” They all laughed, and Jamie let out a dissatisfied hum as Paul pulled away. Based on the way his eyes twinkled, he’d noticed. Then his face shifted, and his mouth pulled into a frown.
“Huh… can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I know I tried it, but did either of you try messaging a GM about your situation? I never asked, I just assumed you had.”
A cold feeling welled up in Jamie’s chest, and she snarled as her eyes flashed purple. “Those forkin snotty badgers didn’t do a thing! The message got deleted right after we sent it! I have half a mind to-”
Heather’s hand grabbing her own brought her back to her senses, and Jamie ripped the demon from her head and threw it back in its corner. It clawed and screamed at her, but she was used to it by now and only winced briefly. Her eyes faded back to their usual green.
“Heh, sorry. But yeah, we tried it. Didn’t work.”
“I… yeah. Got it. And you haven’t tried reaching out to anyone else about it?”
This time, it was Heather that took the lead. “That was the first thing we did. The party laughed in our faces before they left for the TOWER.”
“Well, sticks… yeah, makes sense. Ah well, not like it changes anything. Was just curious, that’s all.” Grabbing his current project again, Paul went back to work on engraving his design.
“By the way, Heather, how are you able to deal with the insanity debuff?” he asked, the Dremel whirring to life. “That thing’s rough at its best, sadistic at its worst.”
Jamie glanced over at her friend, Heather smiling a slightly too sharp smile at the question. Her eyes blazed, and Jamie flinched as redredred pain blood death–
She looked away, breaking the spell. For the longest time, she’d thought those visions were caused by DARK DRUID. She should’ve known better.
“Paul…” Heather whispered, “I’ve been dealing with this for over a year. BERSERKER already acts as a partial insanity debuff, at least on Realistic Mode, so I’ve got some practice with it. It’s just a bit harder now, and I don’t have the stopgap of shutting my emotions off anymore, but it’s manageable.”
He hummed, finishing one of the curved lines on the metal plate and turning it to work on the next line. Heather’s expression shifted, her face going blank so quickly that it gave Jamie whiplash.
“The voices, on the other hand… those are horrible.” She turned towards Jamie, frowning. “I don’t know how you’ve dealt with it for so long, with DARK DRUID. I mean…”
“Alright!” Jamie interrupted, clapping Heather on the shoulder. “Yeah, I think that’s enough depressing stuff for the day. So… uh… Paul! Yeah! When’re we gonna meet the wife?”
“Really? This again?” He let out a low groan, shifting his project again as he continued engraving the metal. “I told ya, you’ll meet her when ya meet her! So have some patience, won’tcha?”
“Yeah yeah, but when? I wanna knowwww!”
“Look, I really don’t…”
“Wheeeennnn–”
“I–”
“Wheeeennnn–”
“Just–”
“WHEEEE–”
“FINE! Just… stop that! Snickers, that’s annoying… reminds me why I didn’t have kids. Anyways! I’ll convince her to meet ya after we clear the ABYSS. That work?”
“Yep! Moment we’re out, that’s the first thing I wanna do!” Paul grumbled something under his breath as Jamie grinned, Heather snickering off to the side. Man, I really should mess with him more often. Forgot how good that feels.
“By the way, Jamie and I were talking earlier, and we figured out what we wanna do once we clear the ABYSS. Wanted ta run it by ya, see if you’re interested.”
He set his project down, mumbling something about never being able to complete any work around them before paying attention to Heather. “I’m listening.”
“Well… we’re getting tired of this. Have been for a long time. And we kinda just wanna settle down for a bit. Find a place to stay, take it slow, the works. Get us some rest before throwing ourselves at mobs again. You don’t have to stick around for that, but we wanted to offer it to ya anyways.”
Jamie nodded her agreement, glad that she’d vocalized her thoughts to Heather earlier. Already, it was giving them something to cling to, an actual goal that went past surviving until tomorrow.
“Seriously? Did you think I was gonna say no?” He laughed, his eyes shining. “I’m running myself ragged over here just trying ta keep up with ya. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you two. A break sounds good.”
They all shared grins. Voicing these thoughts made them real, and Jamie felt that completing the COLOSSEUM and the ABYSS were no longer impossible dreams. It was tangible, and if she ever wanted to get away from this mess, she needed to live. They all did.
There was still a long journey ahead of them. They may not make it through this, and she had to accept that. Even so… it was nice to dream. Maybe… someday… that dream could be realized, but until that day came, she would fight. After all, she had nothing left to lose, just the two people next to her and a prayer for a better life.