Am I... alive?
Maybe in a hospital. That doesn't explain why I can't see anything, though. Also, can't hear, or smell. Don't know about taste. However, I can feel, and all I feel is the ground. For some reason, I can't even feel my whole body. Just a weird, small, hammer shaped section.
Wait, I think someone is picking me up. I am not one to assume genders. It seems like that hammer shaped section might be my arm, or leg, since where they grabbed was the shaft like area. Oh, we started moving. I guess i'm being taken to the hospital now, since I was just lying on the ground.
I feel like my movement speed just increased, maybe we're in a c... OW, WHAT THE FUCK!?! What the hell just.... Fuck! Again! Why am I being slammed into something!? Is someone trying to kill me!?
Shit! That was the third fucking time!
Congratulations! You have lost Durability for the first time!
Congratulations! As you have lost Durability, you are now one step closer to death as a Virgi... an inanimate object!
Your current Durability is:
20.994/21
...
Why is the number so precise!?
Also, why is it congratulating me for being closer to death!?
However, I do seem to be pretty sturdy... That's nice to know. Now, if this person could just STOP... FUCKING... SLAMMING... ME... INTO... SOMETHING... Everything would be fine. At least there's a boon to this. I now know I can feel pain.
----------------------------------------
Hmmm... What should I do now? That person stopped slamming me into things quite a while ago. I don't even know when they'll come back.
I'm pretty hungry. Too bad I can't move. Or see, since that would mean I would probably eat dog shit.
I just remembered... I never got to enter Becky's room. Damn.
Nurse! Status report!
He seems to have crippling depre...
Status Name: N/A Race: Living Hammer Level: 0 Experience: 1.6/2 Gender: Hammer Titles The Virgin Durability 15/21 Strength 0 Vitality 0 Agility 0 Dexterity 0 Classes Stamina Undefined Intelligence 1 Wisdom 1 Perception 0 Charisma 0.01 Hammer (Main) Mana Locked Tool (Sub-Class) Sharpness 0/0 Crit Rate 0.2% Status/Element affects Stun 12% Status Ailments N/A Skill Points 0 Skill Selection Stat Points 0 Skills Proficiency Traits Locked 0 Hammer: Can only do impact damage. Can stun enemies. Copper body: At least a part of you is made of copper. Nullifies effects of electric attacks. Wooden body: At least a part of you is made of wood. Extremely weak to fire. Inanimate Object: As you are an inanimate object, you gain double the stat and skill points others do as a boost, and have an item description when appraised, rather than a status.
What the hell?
I'm pretty sure that i'm not a hammer. What's up with these weird screens anyways!? And why does it say i'm a virgin!?!
Title: The Virgin
You are a virgin.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
You're status screen will appear pink to you and all others.
All messages will have sexual intonations, including your everlasting Virginity!
Well, that's pretty self explanatory...
But, why does it have that in the messages!?! What's the point!
Wait, i'm a fucking hammer!!! That title doesn't even make sense!?!?! Even my gender is Hammer!!!
And why are skills locked!?
Why is this screen here in the first place!?!
Shouldn't I be dead from bleeding by now!?! That would even be a better explanation for lack of senses!! Blood loss!!
WHY THE FUCK AM I A HAMMER!?!?
----------------------------------------
Quite a bit of time has passed since my amazing revelation. Again.
It seems that the person came back once again. They picked me up to start the gruesome process of slamming me into something, probably nails, once again.
I might as well start counting, since I have nothing better to do. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11...
...
....
.....
......
........
.........
67, 68, 69...
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
238, 239, 240...
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
........
..........
...........
367, 368 369...
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
........
.........
...........
............
609, 610, 611...
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
............
.............
749, 750, 7...
Congratulations! You Have Leveled Up!
Congratulations! You have leveled up for the first time, becoming slightly less useless!
Maybe one day, you will be able to smash something yourself and stop being a Virgin!
Oh! I leveled up!
Warning! You are at Half Durability!
Your current Durability is:
13.5/21
If you don't increase your durability, you will die. Make sure you stay "hard and sturdy."
Status Name: N/A Race: Living Hammer Level: 1 Experience: 0/4 Gender: Hammer Titles The Virgin Durability 13.5/21 Strength 0 Vitality 0 Agility 0 Dexterity 0 Classes Stamina Undefined Intelligence 1 Wisdom 1 Perception 0 Charisma 0.01 Hammer (Main) Mana 20/20 Tool (Sub-Class) Sharpness 0/0 Crit Rate 0.2% Status/Element affects Stun 12% Status Ailments N/A Skill Points 10 Skill Selection Stat Points 20 Skills Proficiency Tier Traits Smash 99.98% 1 Hammer: Can only do impact damage. Can stun enemies. Copper body: At least a part of you is made of copper. Nullifies effects of electric attacks. Wooden body: At least a part of you is made of wood. Extremely weak to fire. Inanimate Object: As you are an inanimate object, you gain double the stat and skill points others do as a boost, and have an item description when appraised, rather than a status. Magic Proficiency Tier Mana Sense 0% 1
Congratulations! You Have Unlocked Mana and Skills!
As you have reached level 1, as well as have enough intelligence to open the status screen, even if on accident, you have unlocked Mana, Skills, and Skill tiers!
As a complementary gift, you have been given two tier 1 skills.
For mana: Mana Sense
Reason: desire to use standard human senses
For skills: Smash
Reason: Previous actions, as well as inability to "smash."
What? Mana and Skills were unlocked! YES!
Why!?!
What the hell is even happening!?!?
I still don't get it!