Klaus’s mother knows that Fess-T-Burgers are 100% beef and pork mixed with our unique curry spice mix.
Klaus just knows that they are good.
It’s really kind of disappointing. We would like children to know why the food is so good at Fess-T-Burger.
We tell our meat suppliers on Vredenburg to give us 100% real meat in every shipment. Our quality control division makes sure that they do,
Parents and guardians trust a Fess-T-Burger. That is why we sell so many every day!
Ask any mother or father why Fess-T-Burger is their kind of place. They’ll tell you many answers: Quality. Sanitization. Fast Service. Value. Ask any child, and they will say to you Fess-T-Burger is fun.
And the food tastes good too.
A familiar flavor no matter how far from home you are. Fess-T-Burger
Fess-T-Burger Brings you the Big Festus.
It is as good as it is big.
Under a spread of our own zesty Festy Sauce is a large patty of 50% beef and 50% pork with our unique blend of curry spices, no fillers. Instead, a slice of Muenster cheese, fresh onions, and crunchy dill pickles. This is wrapped with a freshly toasted kaiser onion roll.
We welcome you to bring your bigger-than-average hunger.
A familiar flavor no matter how far from home you are. Fess-T-Burger
Print Ads for Fess-T-Burger ‘A Familiar Flavor’ Ad Campaign
2186 ESC across Many Realities.
Sky Hurricane, Near Erde
Neu Holgaard Town
February 11, 2187, ESC
The two children had indeed shown her a much faster route than the mapping program had. Althea suspected that the mapping program had meant to lead her through the town past all the shops and in front of the amusement park. But, unfortunately, she had fallen for it, and this is how she had her encounters. The Fess-T-Burger was huge. Large as a skyship hangar and decorated with statues of their mascot Festus. The cartoon cat was a motheaten orange and white tabby dressed in the blue overalls and baseball cap of his supposed homeland of Appalachia. There were other members of the Fess-T-Burger land, including his fussy city cousin Gulliver, two of his kids Stan and Ollie, and a standard black cat named Monkey for some reason. Althea loved it all.
The kids had tried escaping as soon as she had arrived, but she collared them and made them tell her their orders. Then, when they mentioned seven others at home, she asked them to use the communication stones in their ears and on their wrists to get orders from them. Thus, the kids left with four sacks of greasy food and giant smiles.
Now Althea sat eating a much more modest meal than she had planned, sans plushy. She just couldn’t afford it now. The smiles on the kid’s faces were worth it. She would get the plushy next time she visited. So instead, she sat with her Big Festus meal and chewed thoughtfully on the large plank fries that were her side. She savored the bites of the deep-fried potato and dipped it in a container of the extra festy sauce. She loved the orange-red sauce with its chunks of bacon. It was much better than that knock-off place on NewHome. She took a bite of the burger and smiled as she tasted curry, onion, garlic, and some other flavoring. Many had tried to get the special seasoning that they mixed Fess-T-Burgers with, but no one could get it just right. She sipped her short beer and looked around.
The restaurant around her was a wonderland devoted to her favorite restaurant. They had all sorts of food from all over, including local flavors. Most of the nicer foods that you would have to eat on a plate were on the Gulliver menu, and they had a kitchen devoted to that exclusively and waiters. The restaurant section she was in was much more lowbrow. You had to seat yourself, but it had been themed to look like the Appalachian Mountain town that Festus was supposedly from. Holograms and sculpted elements made a realistic place to sit in. She knew she was at a normal table, but they had styled it as a stump and rocks that looked like a table. She sat opposite the cabin that Festus ‘lived’ in and had watched the animated show three times already.
She thought about the first time she had had a Fess-T-Burger. It had been about fifteen years ago. She worked with her unit to root out several Sidhe bases in tunnels. The fighting had been long and hard, and several of her sisters had died. Finally, when the base had been destroyed, and all hostiles were taken care of, they were ordered to head to the closest allied forward camp to resupply. It had been a hot, miserable day on the edge of the eastern continent where the Imperial Japanese had had their colonies before the Sidhe had overrun and killed the inhabitants. The closest base had belonged to the GmbH, and the humans, Kondarrians, and Tigré troops had looked at them with awe and curiosity.
Her sisters had made her go to the showers with them immediately so they could be sanitary again. They got dressed in local loaner uniforms and had gone to the mess. There were two lines, one for the normal army food of sausages, cabbage, and potatoes that she was familiar with and another with a different smell. A good smell. Most of the GmbH soldiers were over there standing in line. She joined them and waited patiently with her sisters bugging her and teasing over the battle-net. Her people were known for their stoicism and emotionless faces, but that was just in person. It was extremely lively over the shared battle net with emoticons, and thoughts passed with abandon.
The line had led to a temporary pop-up Fess-T-Burger restaurant, and it took her about half an hour to get her ration. Finally, she returned with the small, wrapped sandwich, fried potatoes, and a small beer.
What is that, sister? A thought popped to her from Filippa 5478.
She sent back a tiny picture of the food. She immediately got back a wave of annoyed emoticons from all her sisters.
Yes, we see it in front of you. Do not be such a smart-ass, Vassia 32508 replied with a hint of reprimand.
I think it is food from a restaurant they miss, Althea finally sent it back over the network. She took a fried potato and sniffed it. It had some sort of spicing on it. Tasting it, she sent a wave of happy emotion icons. Her sisters looked at her in surprise, and she opened the sandwich. It was a simple meat patty on a bun with onions, pickles, cheese, and sauce. Biting it, her eyes lit up enough that her cat coloring became highly pronounced.
Her sisters blinked and started making an avalanche of laughter emoticons. The digital comments s began to flow:
She is showing so many emotions!
The humans will think she is going to go berserk!
Oh my, she is being so scandalous!
Hahaha!
Ah, our younger sister is so cute; she loves food too much.
Outwardly it looked like the ten women were eating in silence, their skins briefly flashing into cat colors as they ate. There were no words exchanged. They did speak their own language but had found that the humans became disturbed when they couldn’t understand what they were saying. Especially since half of what they were doing was emphasized by emoticons, they couldn’t even see. So instead, they had resorted to going to online communications only around humans.
Blushing hotly across her nose and into her ears, Althea said out loud, “Ba betsimo, meba kabo alkes luu manaba. Ke raskas chehî ke pînîtse toh ka vî pozî azame o tsi.”
Vassia 32508 replied over the battle-net, Do not be greedy, sister. Also, do not annoy our allies. Look, they judge us over your outburst. It was true, several GmbH soldiers had looked over at them.
Althea turned redder and looked down at her plate, surprised to see the food all gone. She slowly savored her short beer and cast furtive glances at other tables that still had their sandwiches. I stand by my statement that the food is good, and I still want another plate of it, she sent.
They had laughed at her for being so emotional and greedy. Still, later she had returned and gotten a second serving from the startled cook. Learning that they were called Fess-T-Burgers, she had decided that after the war was over, if she didn’t die, she would have these as often as she could and would share them with as many people as she could.
Back in the present, she finished her food slowly. I’m dawdling, she thought. I don’t want to go back to the ship and deal with the harassment. The Staff Captain or some of his friends would most likely do something which she could not respond to, or it would tarnish her uniform and her people’s reputation. Well, maybe she could scare them but not actually hurt them. “Hrmm, tsa lasî ne detalni îpi,” she said aloud. A few people nearby looked over at the unfamiliar dialect. Unlike that aboriginal woman on NewHome, this would spread fast if she made an ass of herself. She would just have to ask to be on a different shift for the last day aboard or stay in her cabin.
Cleaning up, she walked through the restaurant and looked at the other themed areas before heading downstairs to the small subway to take her directly to the port. Yes, this would avoid any more distractions. She could pick up her necessities on base at the PX and not have to go into the town again. She was sure the kids would appreciate that as well.
The subway was small, had standing room only, and only had three cars. So she paid via her Storm League electronic account through her built-in network node and just joined the rest of the riders. She was in the light near the port and heading to the ship five minutes later. A large Kondarrian in the blue digital camouflage and a black beret of the shipboard marines waited near the gangplank.
As she approached the gangplank and the waiting Bearman, she looked him up. Najden Cherepnalkoski, a veteran of the GmbH regular army, had made 2nd Sergeant, a veteran of many battles. He was about eight feet tall and though greying around his muzzle and temples, was still in mostly fighting trim. She stopped and saluted him, “Permission to come aboard, 2nd Sergeant Cherepnalkoski?”
He started and smiled at her. Then, saluting back, he said, “Of course, Technical Sergeant.” He stopped her with a huge plate-sized hand when she tried to walk forward. “Technical Sergeant, can I ask you a question?”
She nodded, “Of course, 2nd Sergeant.” She went into parade rest.
He looked embarrassed and asked, “Hey, umm, were you by chance part of the Argus Legion on Dyaitig about eight years ago? There was this huge continent in the middle of the Atlantic with a bunch of ruins the Sidhe had holed up in.”
“Yes, 2nd Sergeant. I was there. I was part of the airdropped commando unit that infiltrated their shield barrier,” she replied. It had been a tough assignment as the world had a tech magic ratio of 50/50, meaning all tech and all magic worked equally well. The Sidhe had gotten the old magitech of the former inhabitants working and used it to keep the Storm League forces out. She had dropped in with twenty of her sisters of the Legion. At the same time, her brothers were gated in onto the land itself to keep the Sidhe occupied and storm in after she and her sisters had done their job.
He brightened up and smiled hugely at her. “We suspected, but no one knew until we looked up your name. Then, most of us Marines on this ship owe you a debt of gratitude. I was with the 3rd army 2nd Battalion, 361st rifle division, and you guys saved our asses that day!” He clapped her on the shoulder, making her bounce a bit at the force of it.
Blinking a bit in surprise, she said, “It was just my mission, is all.”
Cherepnalkoski winked at her and said, “Yeah, the mission that took down the shield crystals and allowed us to kick some Sidhe ass. I was getting damn tired of them teleporting in and shooting us in the back with elf-shot. Then when we found where they were, they teleported back and threw spells from that barrier.” He leaned in a little closer and said quieter, “Look, Staff Captain Hall has it in for you. None of us like him either.”
She started and turned her eyes towards him. “I…”
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“You pissed him and his cronies off,” he said. “Those vids of him acting weird and harassing you was what a bunch of gals needed to pin harassment charges on him. He wants you disgraced and shown to be crazy and that you manipulated the videos.” He nodded at her unconscious growl. “So, my Marines and I are gonna be your escorts for the two days you got left onboard.”
She looked at him, and he nodded, hooking a thumb towards the ship. She saw several Kondarrian men and women waiting at the top of the gangplank. “You don’t go nowhere without one of us. We even got two guards at your door,” he growled.
“B..but,” she said, her ears burning red. “I don’t….”
He put a huge mitt on her shoulder. “You do. Look if it helps, think it as payback for helping fellow soldiers during the war,” he said.
Letting out a sigh, she replied, “Thank you, 2nd ….”
“Ah, ah, ah,” he tutted. “Name’s Najden. We’re friends now. And you are helping us with pest control, chiefly Hall.”
She flushed catlike all over her skin, and she said quietly, “Thank you, sec… er Najden.” A ghost of a smile flashed on her face.
“An expression!” he grinned and exclaimed. Then, he guided her up the gangplank to walk with him, putting his arm around Althea’s shoulders. “I am honored.”
She nodded blandly and said, “I’ve been practicing.”
###
The next two days were blissfully uneventful. Najden and his fellow Marines were around Althea around the clock. Several times she had been out and about, and someone had tried to get in her way only to be ‘accidentally’ trampled or elbow blocked by one of the big Kondarrians. She had even received a room inspection twice. Everything was in its designated place, and the one time a crony had tried planting something, he had been grabbed from behind by Najden himself.
Althea was thoroughly enjoying herself. The schadenfreude was extremely satisfying. Even though she looked completely stoic outwardly, inside, she was cheering. Her cat patterns had asserted themselves on her skin to a great deal with all these emotional highs. She had even been practicing smiling, though it felt unnatural. She had also taken to eating with the Marines in their raucous break room. All in all, it felt like being with a unit again, and she loved it.
On the last day, the Euphoric Zenith had made the transition to the grey skies of Erde in nearly the same place as NewHome’s Seattle. The town was called Smaragdstadt and was a much smaller trading port whose business was primarily with the IJ ports in Japan proper. She got dressed in her Storm League uniform and ensured the creases were in the proper places. Then, gathering her duffle, she opened her door to see not just the two Kondarrian guards there but the entire Kondarrian Marines squad.
“Umm, Najden,” she began. The Kondarrians all went to attention and saluted her. Then, staring in surprise, her skin changed its patterning. “I’m not an officer,” she started again.
Raising an eyebrow and not stopping his salute, “You saved our unit on Dyaitig. This is an honor guard, Tech Sergeant d’Argus.”
Sensing she wouldn’t be let go without the honor, she saluted them back. “Thank you for the honor, Marines!” she barked at them and lowered her salute.
Grinning, they lowered their salutes. Najden walked up and looked at her campaign ribbons. He smiled, showing his teeth. “That little shit Hall was trying to fuck with a hero, marines,” he growled out. “He was a supply clerk in the Federacy.” The other marines made a low growl in response.
Holding up her hands, Althea said monotonal, “I am sure he had his own trials, Najden.” She didn’t want any trouble just as she was leaving. “Besides, I doubt I will see him again unless he visits me on base.” Her nose flared a little, and she could tell the Kondarrians were calming down a bit.
She was clapped on the shoulder gently so as not to muss her uniform by Najden. “We’re going to escort you off the ship. No worries. Tech Sergeant.”
Ten minutes later, she was in the passenger area with about six Kondarrians in pressed uniforms with Najden ahead of her, making sure no one got in their way. She was blushing furiously, her ears drooped and bright red. I don’t warrant this, she thought. I was just in a few battles, the same as them. She was proud of her ribbons, but not to this degree. I guess this was a punishment for my hubris when I boarded the ship.
Security Captain Chung, Staff Captain Hall, and a third man with olive skin that they seemed to defer to at the entrance. Najden walked up to Security Captain Chung, ignoring Hall, and saluted. Then, the Kondarrian barked, “Security officer Cherepnalkoski, reporting with the escorted dignitary as ordered, Sir!” Chung and the other man saluted back, and they all dropped their hands simultaneously.
The olive-skinned human smiled widely and said, “Captain Mateo Oyantçabal at your service, Sergeant d’Argus.” He reached out and took her right hand in both of his, shaking it.
“Sir, this is a recent purchase, not a passenger,” Hall started, his voice tinged with anger. “She’s trying to escape. She’s in a fake uniform and wearing stolen ribbons.”
“Shut up, Hall,” Chung hissed at the other man. Najden growled, his eyes shooting hate at the man.
Captain Oyantçabal said quietly, “May I see your ticket, Miss?” He looked over the proffered piece of paper and nodded. “Everything is in order.” He looked at Hall, “She’s a passenger in our new Arbeit class.”
Turning back to talk to Althea with a smile, Captain Oyantçabal said, “How did you enjoy our working passage pilot program? It’s new and specially tailored to allow the military to travel at a discount.”
Althea turned darkly cat-colored, her eyes looking away. “The last two days were very good. I enjoyed being around the Marines.”
Oyantçabal blinked and asked, “And the days before?”
She kept looking away, “I would rather not comment on my time before we docked at Neu Holgaard.”
“She’s lying,” Hall snarled. “Nothing happened.”
Looking confused, Oyantçabal said, “She didn’t say anything, Hall. Why are you so upset?” Then, to Chung, he said, “I can’t read Mechanese expressions. Is she pleased?”
Chung shook his head, “We can talk about it later in your office. I would suggest telling everyone about the Arbeit tickets from now on to avoid any more unfortunate mistakes.” He looked at Hall meaningfully.
Swallowing heavily, Hall looked away. “It’s new. How was I supposed to know?”
“Well, we’ll be in touch with you, Sergeant d’Argus. A letter of apology and compensation for this misunderstanding will happen,” Oyantçabal said. He shook her hand again and turned to the next passenger.
She moved away from the man and asked, “Najden, who is that?”
The Kondarrian was wearing a savage grin, “Oh, just the captain of the ship. He knew about everything before we even came up. It was his idea,” he said before putting his hand out. “It was a pleasure to serve with you once again, Tech Sergeant.”
She patterned darkly and shook his hand. “It was enjoyable, Najden. If I meet you again, I shall buy you a beer.”
Winking, he replied, “Nah, we’ll get one for you.”
###
Smaragdgrün Transport Hub
Smaragdstadt, Washington Northwest Territory
ISD GmbH
Reality of Erde Prime
February 13 th , 2187 ESC
1800 hours
Erde was the same as always. The transport hub was filled with advertisements for the latest technology and products. They invaded her vision temporarily before being blocked by internal software designed to remove intrusive distractions. People moved in the queue to their destinations, except for tourists who were gently corralled by their handlers and guided to shops where desperate salespeople waited. Drones watchfully floated about with true antigrav provided by marble-sized liftstones in their centers.
She followed the Network directions unerringly to the Monorail station. There was no trash anywhere, the floors were spotless, people were unfailingly polite, and yet the sheer misery and desperation of the place ached after being with the Kondarrian marines.
A salesperson ran up to her as she passed by a dataslate store. “Hi~! Welcome to Zeusolutions Division! What can we get for you today?” the androgynous human said. They smelt of desperation and sadness, belying the plastic smile on their face. The person also had a robust data presence trying to weave adware into her own datasphere. No doubt provided by the company and carried by subtle implants.
Using her own counter intrusion software, she rebuffed the adware and siphoned the personal data of the salesperson. Examining it, she saw that this person was a middle salesperson in this division. Althea turned away, “Nothing. I do not need a dataslate.”
The salesperson moved to intercept her, “Our Dataslate division makes higher quality ones than our competition!” they said cheerfully. The adware attack increased. “They have many advantages and have many automated tasks to make your life simpler.” Their smile grew even more fake while they bowed to her. “Please, just take a look.”
Althea blinked at her blandly. “I have no need for a dataslate. I am Mechanese,” she said flatly. Her counter intrusion software quickly infiltrated the salesperson’s own datasphere, crushing its defenses with ease. It then forced a reset of their implants. “Know your audience before you approach them.”
The salesperson blinked and looked stunned as their augmented reality shut down and flashed reloading. They glared at Althea, “That’s a crime, you know!” they yelled at her, pointing a finger.
“So is using the adware programs your division supplied you with,” she said with no expression. A drone floated over to listen in.
Looking up at the drone, the androgynous person said quietly, “I’m just doing my job the best I can for the division.”
Althea nodded and looked at the drone, “Personal disagreement of sales technique. No complaints about this employee-citizen’s job performance.”
The drone beeped and floated away, with the salesperson breathing a sigh of relief and Althea hurrying to catch her scheduled monorail to Annasheim.
The monorail station itself comprised security checkpoints, guards, and the platforms themselves. Not having the world to themselves politically and having several separatist movements within their own territories had made the corporate state rather paranoid about security for some things. The automated security checkpoint scanned the quasi-silica-organics of her body under the watchful eye of blue-uniformed human and Tigré guards. It beeped once before turning green due to her Storm League credentials. She dutifully moved to the side and let the muscular Tigré scan her. He was about two meters in height, almost that wide, and looked like a humanoid tiger with a buzz cut of green hair.
“Sorry, ma’am,” he said as he waved a wand over her and her duffle bag. “You’re Mechanese?” She nodded once without changing her expression. “Don’t see too many of you nowadays.” She shrugged as he finished. “Have a nice day.”
She walked out of the security checkpoint and headed towards the platform. It was wide with room for three monorails. There were walkways under the rails so passengers could get to the further tracks. She checked her ticket, and as luck would have it, hers would be one on the first track. The Monorails were wide squat things that straddled their tracks like a hand gripping a rail. The magnetic levitation they worked with was easier to use in this application than liftstone. The latter technology might cause the monorail to float off the rail instead of floating above it.
The front and back of the train were wedge-shaped for aerodynamics, and the cars in the middle could comfortably seat many commuters. Unlike the transport on NewHome, central power stations provided broadcast energy to all the railcars and tracks. Standing on the platform, she was assailed electronically by ads that she knew were clogging the dataslates and augmentations of the locals. Still, she was vigilant for any more subtle software attacks. There were tales of one of her sisters from another legion who had been hacked and had to shut down half of her inorganic systems and return to Mechanon for a complete software purge. That was when she had received her last update. It was a cautionary tale in the version notes that Lord Mechanon thoughtfully provided.
The train slid into the station with a quiet hum and a woosh of air. It streamed water from the rain outside and took a moment before the doors opened and passengers flooded out. She walked in and found her seat assignment. It was in the cheaper area and was bench seating. She sat down and held her duffle bag between her legs, holding the top with her hands. The monorail began to pick up speed, soon heading out into the rainy northwestern cityscape of Smaragdstadt. Unlike the quaint village of Neu Holmgaard, this was a modern city with broad, towering buildings that housed employee-citizens, pyramidal buildings that contained corporate offices, and sprawl of smaller houses and tiny factories that had things that could only be manufactured in a gravity well. There were wide avenues filled with automated vehicle traffic and a lot going on in the sky. There were over ten billion people on this Reality after all. The cloud cover obscured the night sky, but she was sure she would see the orbital habitats and Ring soon enough.
The adware started to come from all around her, from the passengers and their dataslates. Sighing, she turned off her connectivity, and silence once again reigned supreme. A man in a trendy yellow jacket looked annoyed and moved away from her, staring at his dataslate. She checked her logs, and her skin patterned darkly. Someone had tried to hack her. The few passengers around her saw her skin color change and shied away, and the man in yellow headed to another car.
She created a dummy system in a virtual environment and laid tracing program traps all through it. Then she reopened a connection to the environment around her. Twenty minutes later, she saw someone at it again, trying to gain access to her bank accounts. Internally rolling her eyes, she thought, Isn’t he in for a shock. I don’t have anything. Instead, she followed the trace back. Surprisingly, it wasn’t originating from the man in the yellow jacket. He was apparently just the end point of a another point of origin. It was a hacker group named 'The Strong Ants' based somewhere in the central GmbH provinces of the heartland of former Italy. They ran through several nodes, bouncing into a few other realities in a loop to get through here. She could see that she wasn’t their only target.
Annoyed, she ran the latest Mechanese counter intrusion software and took over their computers. They were toys in comparison to her people, after all. Sure, they were based upon the same basic Mechanese technology. Still, it was like taking over a modern system with one of the first room-sized computers. She scraped all the data she could find and then sent commands to all the machines attached to their network. The new programs crashed their systems, having the semi-organic liquid crystal drives and processors commit suicide. Lord Mechanon had placed certain root commands in all the computers He had made and all derived systems. She then burnt out the Man in Yellow’s dataslate for good measure.
She ignored the loud cursing from two cars down and erased her virtual machine, shutting down her connections again. She had surreptitiously had the hackers pay for the entire subtitled series of Imperial Assault Force imported from the IJ. She had always loved the combination of military uniforms, Vernian steam robots, and young women getting in trouble while fighting evil but never had the money to catch more than a glance.
Serves them right, trying to hack military personnel. Althea justified in her mind as she opened a small vid window in her vision and readied herself to watch the show. She paused in thought and then ran everything through virus checks. Wrinkling her nose, she then spent the next four hours pulling out the infected data from the show. Adware and spyware from the IJ that normal GmbH citizens would ignore. She sighed when she was done and then ran it through her scrubbers again. Yeah, I would have ruined my software and needed an update if I hadn’t done that, she thought. Imperial Japan was seemingly much further along than the GmbH in software development. It would probably be a thorn in Mechanon’s side. She prepared a virtual box of all the viruses for her Lord to examine when she got to her base away from the putrid sewer of data that the cities of the GmbH had become.
They had emerged from the rain, and she could see the cloudless sky with the lights of the stars and many space habitats in low earth orbit. Peering south, she could see the twinkling band of the great Ring that had been constructed around Erde by the three Superpowers. It crossed the sky like an artificial Milky Way. She could even see the small hairlike spikes of the space elevators that tethered it to the planet. The structure was enormous and housed much of the advanced technology factories that kept the company-government of the GmbH in business. It also housed military facilities and weapons batteries used to bombard and invade the Sidhe worlds. She had been up there many times, dropping from orbit with her sisters to assault strongholds from the direction the enemy seldom looked. Up.
She turned to watch her show, the virus scans came up as clean, and she finally opened a window to watch the first episode. She began to hum and sing along with the opening theme song, gaining odd looks from the passengers around her. Finally, she stopped singing in embarrassment, blushing bright red before her patterning covered it up.