Roan's Point of View

Chapter 14

Sunlight warmed my skin as I finished my workout for the morning and washed up in the stream nearby. Cerbie was waiting for me, practically vibrating with excitement as he nudged a ball my way.

I picked it up with a grin. "I've got something better today. Come on."

Cerbie woofed and followed me back to the library, bounding along the path like a puppy full of too much energy. I'd been playing fetch with him every morning to calm him down, but throwing balls for a three-headed dog was more difficult than I expected.

If I threw a single ball, Cerbie's heads would either fight over it or the middle one would snatch it up and the others would be sad. If I threw three balls, they'd inevitably end up in different places and Cerbie wouldn't know which one to chase after. He'd literally fallen over a few times trying to run after too many at once.

So today I had a new plan. I'd made a toy just for him, one perfect for a three-headed dog. I reached under the bench where I'd hidden it earlier and held it out to the dog like a grand prize.

"What do you think, Cerbie?"

His tail wagged faster and faster as he sniffed the new toy, which was really three of his old toys put together. I'd strung rope between three balls so none of them could roll away and each of Cerbie's heads could carry one. I really should have thought of it sooner.

I threw the toy as far as I could, watching it sail through the air as Cerbie raced after it. He jumped, catching the toy midair. Instead of each head getting one, the greedy middle head came back with all three balls in its mouth like a squirrel gathering nuts.

"Cerbie, that's not how it works," I said, but couldn't stop laughing. "Let's try again."

We kept playing until the sun was clear over the trees and Nyssa poked her head outside.

"Time for breakfast," she said, smiling warmly. "So he liked the new toy, huh?"

Cerbie barreled into her, showing the toy off proudly. She laughed and knelt down to pet him, but her gaze was on me. Something about the way she was looking at me warmed me more than my workout had.

"He loved it, yeah. Let's go eat." I motioned for her to lead the way to the table at the back of the library where we'd been eating our meals lately.

A fluffy stack of pancakes was waiting for us, warm and melty with chocolate chips. Nyssa plated a few for both of us.

"I hope you like pancakes," she said.

The smell of maple syrup and melted butter washed over me as I sat down. "You made these? I didn't know you could cook."

Or that there was a kitchen here. Mochi had been providing most of our meals since we got to the library, so it hadn't really come up.

She smiled softly. "Yes, I can cook. But this is the only breakfast food I'm good at."

And she made them for me. I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face as I took my first bite. Hold on...

"Are there apples inside?"

She nodded. "Little pieces of apple give pancakes a nice texture, don't they? It's how my mom taught me to make them."

I took another bite, practically groaning over how delicious these apples were. What a thoughtful addition. It felt like she was sharing part of her past with me too. Working out, playing with Cerbie, and then having a wonderful meal with Nyssa was how I wanted to spend every morning.

Wait.

Every morning? Had I really gotten that comfortable here?

I paused with my fork halfway to my mouth, watching the syrup drip down. This was supposed to be a short visit where I helped repair the library and had some fun, but now I had routines and...feelings.

It was all a bit unsettling. I was used to being on my own. It made me happy to travel, to see the world, finding new people and completing missions.

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Staying in one place for too long just didn’t work for me.

"Everything okay?" Nyssa asked. "Don't tell me I burned them or something?"

I quickly shoved the pancakes in my mouth, shaking my head. What could I even say to her to begin to explain what I was feeling?

I'd used our bet as an excuse to stay here for a while, but that was wearing thin. I was an adventurer for a reason, choosing the open road over settling down so I could help as many people as possible. And protect myself too.

Because even if Nyssa did want me here right now, she wouldn't want that forever. Nobody ever did.

I had to end this, for both our sakes. Once we fixed up the library, it was time to move on.

"Nyssa," I started, but Oren shouted something from across the room.

"Hey!" He hurried over, grinning. "The book tree has new buds."

"New buds?" Nyssa jumped up, racing after him to inspect the tree. "Roan, come look at this!"

My jaw clenched with words left unsaid, but I finished my last bite of pancakes before following her. The book tree looked greener than usual with half a dozen buds on it and Nyssa's smile was so bright it was hard to look at. How could I spoil the moment now?

"What's up with you?" Oren asked. "Trouble sleeping?"

Not even a little bit. Sleeping next to Nyssa was like a dream, warm and comfortable. I'd just been doing it to keep her safe, of course, but each night we moved a little bit closer. Dangerously closer.

"It's really healing," Nyssa said, voice full of excitement as she rested her forehead against the bark. "The library is going to be okay."

Which meant there was really no reason left for me to stay. No reason at all. The roof was solid, the new windows were all in, and the golem was even slowly straightening the floorboards.

I gently touched the tree's bark, only inches from Nyssa’s cheek. My gut twisted as I felt the magic thrumming through it, weak but definitely growing stronger. There was nothing left for me to do here.

Leaving would be best for both of us, so why was I having such a hard time telling her that? I never hesitated when it was time to go back out on the road. I loved new adventures and all the new places I'd get to see. People need my help, so I couldn't just stay in one place and let my skills go to waste.

But something about this just felt wrong.

Did I...want to stay?

I rubbed my hand over my chest, suddenly feeling like something was lodged there. If I didn't tell her soon, I might stay here for another week and then another. And then it would be even more painful to leave.

"I have to go," I said abruptly. "The library's all fixed up, so the bet's over. I'm going to go pack up."

Nyssa froze. "What?"

My mouth went dry. I cleared my throat, avoiding the surprised look on her face. "The library's healing wonderfully and you're doing amazing as the librarian. I'm really glad I could help you with your dream, but I've got to get back to the other people who need my help too."

I forced myself to turn away from her, to walk up the stairs to the room we'd been sharing, and pack my things up as if nothing was wrong. I was an adventurer. Moving on was what I did.

Nyssa stood at the bottom of the stairs, blocking my path.

"Are you really leaving? Just like that?" Her expression looked panicked and a little angry as her hand gripped the railing. "You don't even want to see your hard work pay off? See all the patrons come back for the festival?"

That was the problem: I did want that. She’d worked so hard. She deserved to flourish alongside this library. I wanted to see the joy on her face when that first patron walked through the door and commented on how nice the library looked. Or when somebody pet Cerbie instead of running away in terror.

I wanted it all.

But wanting something that badly was the most dangerous emotion I'd ever felt.

Hope only led to disappointment.

As she stood at the bottom of those stairs, all I saw was my childhood self, waiting and waiting for my parents to come back, but they never did. That hope each time the door opened was torture and I wouldn't put myself in that position again.

One way or another, we would disappoint each other. I’d rather we left as friends, able to be proud of the library’s success.

"I'm sorry," I said, swallowing my emotions. "I know you'll make the festival amazing and the story spirits will help you. You don't need me anymore and this was always a temporary arrangement."

She dropped her gaze, moving aside slightly to let me pass. Each step felt heavier, like my feet were turning to stone, but it had to be done.

"I might not need you," she said softly, "but what if I want you?"

My eyes widened as I turned back. Nyssa met my gaze, walking brazenly toward me. She...wanted me to stay?

What was I supposed to say to that? Sorry, but I didn't want to?

My pulse raced. I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't stay either. I'd never been this torn over something before. I cared about her and about this library.

"Sorry to interrupt...whatever this is," the demon lord said with no concern in his voice at all, "but adventurers are coming up the mountain."

It took a second for his words to sink in, but once they did, my hand flew to my sword.

"What?" I cursed, racing outside.

If they were here, it had to be for the haunted library missions. I'd taken them all to avoid that though. Unless those contractors had posted a new one. Dammit. They were probably here to dispel the so-called spirits.

"What should we do?" Nyssa asked, glancing at the shadows oozing off the demon lord like they wanted to devour somebody. "Feels like this could get out of hand real quick."

She was right. The demon lord was the last story spirit I'd want the guild to meet, not the first.

"Go back in your book," I told him. "Let me handle this."

He scoffed. "Like I'd trust you. You're an adventurer too."

"And I'm higher ranked than almost anyone who'd come here," I said, trying to reassure Nyssa. "It'll be fine. They know me, so if I explain the situation, I'm sure they'll understand."

Nyssa's eyebrows pinched together. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

She nodded. "Okay, we'll let you deal with them. You can think of it like your last mission before you leave."

The sarcasm in her voice stung like nettles. I hadn't meant to upset her, but now wasn't the time for that. Because the adventurer walking up the path wasn't a friend. He wasn't even an ally and was the last person I'd hoped to see.

Sylas.