What’s on your mind, Shadow?

Hmm? Oh. Shade’s voice brought me back to reality. I don’t know how long it’s been since Solace left, but it must’ve been a while for Shade to call out to me, hah.

The truth is that I got used to her being here, honestly. It made home feel… not empty.

But so what? Her acting close to me, being kind, and all that couldn’t hide the fact that she was afraid. She was scared that I’d kill her, and all she did had the purpose of convincing me to not end her life - even though I never planned to anyway. It was all just a sham.

I… know precisely the type of monster I am. And that’s fine. If being a good person could let me achieve my goals, then I would willingly be one. But it won’t, so this is what I’m left with.

So, I’ll forget about these random thoughts and think to the future instead. After a final glance at the still-empty street at night, I went back into the house and sat down on the bed.

“Nothing important, that’s what.” Shade, within my shadow, was on the floor. “More importantly, Shade, it’s time for you to explain everything to me.”

That’s a lot to ask, Shadow. Shade smirked, but I made sure it could sense my intentions. In the end, it let out a strange sigh. Fine, but you’ll need to be more specific. Everything is a lot to ask for.

You’re annoying as always. Ah, I hope I didn’t say that out loud- Actually, it wouldn’t have mattered, since it’s the truth. “Well for one, despite me being able to adjust spells, I have the feeling that I’m still incapable of creating one myself. What am I missing? Or, how about you finally explain the other Devil Creeds and the special traits I’ve gotten from becoming a Devil? Alternatively, I wouldn’t mind knowing about what other Laws or paths you know about, or for you to give me information about Sorcerers as a whole.”

Oh, there was a lot more than I’d thought. Well, these are all things that have either been in my mind or just popped up. I only ignored them for now because they didn’t matter, but in order to have more experience dealing with new situations, these are the types of things I need to know.

I get that you want to have more experience, but even with it, won’t you just continue to act recklessly as you have been? Shade got my point, but its words after that make me want to punch it. I’m not a reckless person - I think things through before taking action!

But when I tried to talk back, it continued on without care. For example, it seems that someone just needs to mention Winter-

“How dare you…!” The second that name was said by Shade, I immediately lunged for it. Of course, all that I ended up doing was slamming into the floor. Ugh, at least the jarring to my head knocked some sense into me.

That’s exactly my point. Shade doesn’t even need to say it. Even I can tell that I overreacted.

I’m still not going to just let it off so easily, though. “Since you know, then why do you even care? More importantly, this is just you trying to distract me so you won’t have to answer my questions!”

No, this is me trying to strike a deal. I will answer your questions about Devil Law at least, but you’ll tell me about this Winter in return. Ah, I had to resist the urge to attempt tackling Shade again. Are my reactions really this strong? It’s a weakness, and one that needs to be gotten rid of. Only by knowing about it can I come up with a solution for you.

It makes sense- No, something doesn’t make sense. What is it… Right, “Why do you need to ask me about this, when you’ve known about everything else in my past?” Of course, I questioned it right away.

Shade was silent. Some guesses came to my own mind, but they all have a common point - it means that no matter what, Shade is definitely something that latched onto me, rather than being formed on me. I did know this already, but answering me means the facade is completely up now.

So, it’s up to Shade. It’s the one that wants to know, not me, so I can just sit back and wait.

While waiting, I got up and began cleaning the house once again. Stupid habits, even now that I’m living by myself and nobody is forcing me to clean, I still can’t help but want to. Even with blood splattered on me, I still feel fine, so why can’t I stand some dust or dirt in the house?

I guess it doesn’t matter, since you already know, huh. While I was in the middle of cleaning the main room, Shade’s voice appeared in my ears. All I did was nod in acknowledgement and continue sweeping. Yet, my past is of little importance. Promises, grudges, and leaves fade in autumn and death.

Is that last part a saying? I’ve not heard it before, but it must not be from the modern Wasteland. Leaves and autumn? Those aren’t seen around anymore.

The reason I knew about your past was because I ‘possessed’ your mind and read your memories. A shiver passed through my body at those words. Doesn’t that mean Shade can just read my thoughts as well?

Its response to my question was just: How do you think I could hear you when you spoke in your mind? Of course, I can’t read all your thoughts, only those that are addressed to me. Nor have I gone through your memories a second time. My methods only let me read through the Memory Sector of your mind, not the others.

“Memory Sector? I get that that must be where memories are stored, but what’s with calling it a sector?” Since my question was answered, I wasn’t concerned about that anymore. But this strange term caught my attention instead.

It’s the foundation of Mind Law, or at least the current understanding of the mind. Five Sectors: Memory, Thought, Intent, Emotion, and Instinct. Whether it’s true or not doesn’t even matter anymore, since if it weren’t, the mind has already taken on such a format.

Huh? I get the sectors part, but what does that last part mean? How can it being true or false not matter? Well, it’s not the first time I’ve felt that I’m not smart enough to understand the things Shade says.

Rather, the question I have now is, “Is Mind Law yin or yang type? And if you can read my memories, then why don’t you know about…” I had to take a deep breath, “Why don’t you know about… Winter?”

I was going to explain that before you interrupted, you know. Mind Law is yang, so there’s no point in you learning about it. As for the main topic here, I can only see the things in your memory when I was there. In other words, a memory such as that one, which you seem to have intentionally forgotten, was not there.

“Eh? If it was forgotten, then how can I remember it now?”

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I’m not a Mind Law expert, why would I know?! Ah, Shade seems angry. But I guess I get it.

“Why can’t you just read my memory now that I remember it?”

Do you actually remember it? Can you think back and recall what happened, or is it just the name Winter that you remember, and that it has negative connotations for you?

Do I remember it? Winter… Ugh, “If you knew that I couldn’t remember it, then why in Hell are you even fucking asking me to tell you what happened?!” I’m almost certain now that Shade doesn’t actually care about this, and is still just trying to get me to forget about the earlier things I wanted to know.

The only way to truly forget something is through Mind Law methods. I’m certain that no such things have been used on you, so you must remember - you just aren’t willing to. Shade is really starting to piss me off now. As if it wasn’t enough to bother me about this, now it thinks I’m just lying about it?!

“If I could remember, then I would! Don’t you fucking accuse me of lying!”

There was no response from Shade, but… the silence helped me calm down. I don’t even know why I’m getting so mad about this. Nor why I can’t remember what happened back then.

Does this mean that I can’t even trust my own mind? But if I can’t, then what can I really trust? If my mind isn’t trustworthy, then couldn’t it be that the things I hear aren’t the truth, or that I’m not seeing the world as it really is?

…Perhaps everything is just a dream, and when I wake up I’ll be back in reality, living a horrible life with the abuse of father. Maybe even that is part of the dream, and I actually have a good life…?

Shadow, snap out of it! A shout resounded in my head, and I opened my eyes to see Shade in my shadow on the ground, just as it has been. When did I even close my eyes?

I looked at it, hoping it could say something - anything - to prove me wrong.

I’m not accusing you of lying. If you can’t consciously recall it, then it must be because your subconscious isn’t willing to. I don’t know why it would, but it must be doing it to protect you. After all, it’s your mind.

Not being able to remember is my mind protecting me? The idea… does make me feel better, for some reason. Though, my mood has still been ruined by all of this.

Just ignore it for now, then. Shade is being talkative in contrast to my silence. Heh, it’s the opposite of what normally happens. If you can’t remember, then it’s not the right time. What you can do is learn to control your outbursts. The way you overreact is likely also part of your subconscious, and thankfully, the subconscious can be controlled with enough effort.

Great, another thing for me to have to spend time doing. But still, I nodded. The fewer weaknesses I have, the better - that’s something obvious enough.

…I need some water. After setting down the broom and going to where the jars were kept, two blue gems caught my eye. It reminds me of Solace trying and failing horribly in teaching me the spell that uses them. Or her shock when she saw how much water was made when I cast the spell, haha.

Wait… “Shade, my side of the deal was to tell you what I remembered about Winter. And I did that. So, isn’t it time for you to tell me about the things I asked?”

No, that’s not what the deal was. You needed to tell me about Winter, but I still don’t even know if they were male or female, let alone anything else about them. Shade’s words were logical, but this time I feel like being unreasonable.

So, I’ll keep arguing until Shade finally gives in.

I feel like my brain is exhausted…

At first it was my throat feeling dry from talking so much. Water helped a bit, but eventually the need to conserve water became more important than arguing more. Then I switched to using my mental voice to argue with Shade, but in the end I’ve only gotten one piece of info promised.

Are you going to wait out the entire night and then not be able to search for a target for a whole day? Can you really wait that long to know about the Sin Creed? Oh, and with that information also comes more to do.

Isn’t this your fault, Shade? My image of Shade has completely changed. The only word that comes to mind to describe it isn’t evil or suspicious or cunning, but instead shameless.

I didn’t give Shade the chance to urge me to go out again. Let me at least finish cleaning up. My brain is too tired, I think I’d mess up casting even Blood Spike right now, let alone Steal Yin.

Ahh~. Sweeping is so monotonous, but it also means I don’t need to think at all. And right now, that’s all that I need.

Since I still use the same process of cleaning as I used to, the main bedroom is the last to be cleaned. Now that I think about it, it’s a bit odd that I have no issues or anything with sleeping in the room of a dead person, let alone that dead person being father.

The only thing I can think about the matter is ‘eh’. Plus, it’s been long enough that I’ve returned to referring to him as father, so it’s not that odd.

Hmm? Something caught my eye, so I stopped sweeping and leaned the broom against the wall. Then, I leaned down to check the floor. My eyes weren’t wrong, there’s a set of deep gashes on the floor. When did these show up?

This is just in front of where I was sitting earlier, and I’m certain this wasn’t there earlier. Actually, maybe I overlooked it because this is where Shade was. Where Shade was…?

There’s five gashes there. A thought popped into my mind, and I lined the fingers of my right hand up with the gashed on the floor. It’s too perfect to be a coincidence. Was this really made when I tried to attack Shade earlier in my anger?

Ugh, this will really hurt if I’m wrong, but I have to find out. So, I clenched my right hand into the initial seal for Blood Law and slashed at the ground with the claw-like shape.

“Ah-!” That sound is horrible! It pierced right into my head and made me immediately use both hands to cover my ears. Of course, the sound stopped at the same time, and when I checked, there was indeed another set of gashes on the floor.

So it was my hand… Ah, a smile must be on my face now, because Shade has no excuses for not explaining this to me! “Shade… Why is my hand able to make gashes in solid stone?”

…I’ll tell you so long as you go out to hunt a Sorceress tonight. Heh, since it’s saying that, this must be related to the Sin Creed, right?

Well, that’s fine I guess. “Alright.”

Firstly, it’s not your hand specifically. Your nails are what are cutting through stone, though I’m surprised that they’re able to without you using sin. It must be because of how intense your Devil mark is. Hmm, so my Devil mark is special. Well, that’s expected. Using sin… I think I understand already, but I’ll still let Shade explain, obviously.

The special traits of a Sin Devil are automatically absorbing sin power from actions that generate it instead of only being able to gather it with spells, and their Devil mark being capable of unique powers when infused with sin.

That’s what I guessed, but, “Does that mean that my Devil mark’s power is that my nails become sharp? Or is that just something that happened because of my hand’s transformation?”

I’d guess it’s your Devil mark’s power, but there’s no way to know until you actually try it. And no, I won’t tell you how to do it, because you haven’t gathered up much sin in your body yet to risk messing around with it. Ugh, Shade’s second sentence shut down my expectations.

“Well, what about Sin Creed? What does it do?” It’s obviously about the effective use of sin power, but that’s too abstract, isn’t it? Comparing it to, say, Metal Law’s Spear path, it’s obvious what the purpose of that one is.

Don’t think you can trick me, Shadow. Go hunt down a Sorceress, and then I’ll explain. How annoying.

I’m not going to give up on my hopes of staying in, though. “But wouldn’t it be better to learn a spell for gathering sin so that I get more out of each Sorceress I kill?” Actually, why do I even want to stay in? Eh, I’ll just trust my desire to.

Did you already forget what I told you? As a Sin Devil, you will automatically absorb the sin power from the actions you perform! Ugh, I really did forget about that.

“...Fine.” Whatever. I don’t really have a reason to avoid it. This is actually a perfect time to test out the sharpness of my nails - if they can cut through clothing and even flesh, then they’re an amazing secret weapon for me to surprise people with!

After all, my body is small and weak, so people wouldn’t think of me as a threat in close combat. Mmm mmm, this can be considered getting rid of a weakness, right?

“Just let me finish cleaning.” This time, I happily got to it.