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The First Tsaritsa Pt. 4

The First Tsaritsa Pt. 4

After the night of horrible news came the next day where the matchmaker was to announce the results from the doctor’s visit with a ceremony by the village center while the bonfire was lit. Through her broken heart, it was completely Vivian’s intent to still support her friend Eva when her good news was announced but those plans had to change. That morning she received a knock on her door from the matchmaker, while she had always been friendly and caring before, she now was cold, calloused, with a fury suppressed behind her aged eyes. She let Vivian know that it would be best for her own sake that if she had any shame or cared for anyone in the village that she did not attend the ceremony, regardless of how painful the decision might be, it was all for the best, she claimed.

The matchmaker wasn’t wrong about that the decision would be painful but such pains would take on such a twisted life of their own the poor girl could never have expected. That ceremony was the announcement of all the young lads and maidens who have come of age, they celebrated Eva’s soon-to-be new honor as she grows and learns following the elder’s lead. She also acknowledged the noticeable stain in the whole event, which was Vivian’s absence. Without her attending, the matchmaker announced the unfortunate news, that it’s out of shame she doesn’t even celebrate for those who have received good blessings. At the end of the announcement, she insisted that it would be best to do what is needed to be done, regardless of the pain it may bring. The village chief had supported this decision, knowing how it may affect the people, but it was a matter of survival that they did not have the luxury to ignore for the pleasure of more company.

In Vivian’s life, the change was initially subtle enough that she couldn’t notice it right away, too far lost in her own grief and fear for her home. She trusted the doctor that however the conversation that he may have had with the matchmaker who would then talk to the chief about, there may be a chance that unwed, nothing more or worse would happen. She knew fully well that she normally would be sent away immediately, the night of the ceremony, sent into the snowdrifts without permission to ever return but she was still here, she’s still home. This was the hope she clung to as she bore the burden knowing she was a shame, continued helping where she could, taking care of those who needed help and teaching the children.

In the initial time, people were pitiful, worried for Vivian and what would happen to her, sorrowful that not only had she lost her family but that she was to be lost as well. There was no denying her truth, their customs, and the cruelty of time.

Time was like a constant river over a stone, the erosion of the water on the stone’s surface will make slow work that the mass it once had will dwindle down into sand. The people’s pity and love for Vivian was set in stone but that began to diminish. It started with the small things like helping Vivian with her contributions till that metaphorical stone got smaller and they no longer needed Vivian’s help to take over her tasks. With other’s tasks, they no longer accepted her assistance either insisting that they will do it on their own or claiming they’ve asked someone else to come help. With more water over their stone hearts, they no longer hid that they had yet to find someone else for help but still insisted on refusing hers. Blindness nor denial could cloud Vivian’s eyes from their ignorance of her, so she wasn’t surprised when the night came and she had one last visit to her door from the matchmaker.

The knock came at about 9:30 into the night, when all the children had fallen asleep, adults found themselves by the fire and no other person could be found out on the streets. At this time, it made it best that no one else who might have their remaining sympathies could intervene, like Eva might have. She never blamed Vivian for not showing up but it didn’t hurt any less. Vivian was her sister and Eva doesn’t have the heart to ever abandon her.

“Vivian, please answer the door, there’s something that needs to be brought up with you and “no” is not an answer.” The matchmaker spoke through the door knowing Vivian was still in the home as she hadn’t seen her left since entering that late afternoon. Within a couple minutes Vivian quietly opened the door, not surprised to see the presence of other villagers who were making sure that no wrong happened during their “conversation”.

It wasn’t necessary though, she had given up and conceded to the knowledge that she would most likely be exiled before the autumn came. The village needed another home for a new family, to grow and expand, while she would have moved in with her husband’s home if she was to have been made a match and married, the expectation that her house would be kept to one for a full lifetime was never a consideration or option. This is the time when space will be made for new growth, this is the moment when one less mouth to feed will, in turn, benefit for all the rest, this was exile.

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“I am sure you know that your contribution to the village has dwindled over the last couple months. There is no chore for you to take on and no one is in need of your help. You’ve stayed long enough but it’s time for you to move on Vivian. Do you understand?” the older asked sternly, staring down the young woman who couldn’t even bare to look her in the eyes. Oda only had a small nod in reply from the girl so that was answer enough that she was at least going to be compliant. “It’s good you understand. Then let us go.” she stated will turning to start the walk across the village to at least make it a quick one. “Let me grab what I have really quick-” “No Vivian, we’re leaving now. Leave everything else behind.” the old woman barked. “But aren’t I at least allowed to take some food with me? A blanket at the least?” “No Vivian. You’ve stayed here long enough. That has been your last meal, that has been your only supply. Anything left in that house is already someone else’s and it’s time for you to go.” she grimaced at the girls desperate attempts to what she assumed was to stall the inevitable and steal from the village. One of the men stepped forward towards Vivian, seeing as she had yet to move from inside the house, with what was clearly in silent surprise.

She didn’t try to run, object, or cry, none of that would change her fate, it was destined since the diagnosis. She followed the elder, and behind her walked the villagers who once were like family to her, friends of hers, people she has known all her life, but now they felt far more distant than strangers. The walk was at a much more brisk pace than Oda usually sets, especially in her age, for in her mind she needed to hurry to cast out one woman so she can deliver good news to another after.

There was too much on Vivian’s mind, too many emotions swelling her heart, each step through the village bore another memory that had stayed with her through the years. Each step she had to keep walking past as these memories are only hers and will die with her.

At the edge of the village there were no parting words, no wish for survival, no faith or hope to give her. That silence was the second loudest thing she ever heard, next to the sound of her shoes sinking into unthreaded snow.

-

She just kept walking, not really knowing where to and unsure for how long. It was summer after all meaning the cold was now more bearable and her body of ice allowed her to feel a little more comfortable in the cold than most but not in autumn and most certainly winter. That would be if she was able to live for that long, maybe she might be unlucky enough to be brought before Lana, a quick and painless death devoid of any chance at rebirth. The fur of her dress kept her warm as long as she kept walking but that wouldn’t be able to last forever.

The wind was harsh and this punishment was harsher. There was no one, not a living being nor even a sign; such emptiness finally collapsed in on her. Fallen in the snow she cried every aching sorrow, bore out her heart where no one could hear, no one could see, where no one even cared.

-

At some point she must have drifted off in the snow because she didn’t hear the footsteps nor the voice calling to her but the weight of a blanket startled her back to the sight of the vast moonlit white. But there was also the doctor, Yahoshua helping her up and guiding her while his glasses thickly fogged over in the cold.

They rushed through the snow as quickly as they could till a small building could be seen approaching in the distance. While Vivian had so many questions, not one of them made it past her freezing lips but neither had the doctor yet to stop and explain.

The building was rather small, small enough to fit only just a bed and a furnace with little space inbetween, an old tool shed clearly repurposed. “Why…” she breathed out, her body now starting to shiver as he warmed her up, circulating her blood through her body. “Like I said, you’re like a daughter to me… I couldn’t just let you leave and not do what I can to help. Speaking against the matchmaker and the chief wouldn’t have done anything so this was the best I could come up with. I’m sure most of the village forgot about this place, it’s been in the family for a bit, we used to take contagious patients quite some time ago. I can’t bring you anything else besides what I have in this basket but from here, you have to make it on your own. The villagers will be suspicious if I did help you and there’s not ever much of a good time that I can get away long enough to see you. I already brought over some small things of yours but that’s it. I wish I could do more, stay longer, and help, but I must go before anyone looks for me. Stay safe Viv”. He gave her a gentle kiss on the head and then he was quickly gone, back into the night. It’s as good of an explanation as any and it must have already been a huge risk to do, much more than anyone else has.

Vivian’s cheeks stung, the frozen streaks of tears burned as fresh new ones traced over them, the inevitable fatality of her future seemed a little less inevitable. Due to the risky kindness of one man, she now has a second chance to live. That was the only thought she could have as Vivian returned to sleep, now in a bed, in a place where she could stay warm.