The dim glow of a nearby lamp created a soft ambiance, casting gentle shadows on the walls. The soft hum of the air conditioner provided a gentle background noise, punctuated only by the occasional shuffle or sigh. Besides the cool breeze every now and then, it was still pretty hot.
If I were by myself, I would have gotten rid of my clothes already. But obviously, that wasn’t an option given the situation. I couldn't shake the awareness of Marius lying next to me. I shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position. But it was no use.
Although my back still hurt from the fall in the shower, my discomfort had little to do with my body’s well-being. It was mostly my mind that couldn’t relax. And the heat made the discomfort even more unbearable, beads of sweat forming on my forehead. Although it seemed I wasn't the only one struggling.
“I’m gonna open up a window,” Marius began, exhaling a heavy breath while getting up, “If you don't mind.”
It took me a moment to realize that it had been an indirect question, not a statement. Perhaps the dictatorship of Veezer had numbed my mind into submission. A shiver came over me as I thought about it. “Uh… okay,” I agreed.
Marius was nothing more than an unknown silhouette in the dark. A pretty big one. It was almost intimidating. As the window cracked open, the distant sound of busy streets seemed to amplify the silence within the room. Usually, I'd never sleep with open windows. The noise of the city always kept me awake and eventually drove me crazy. So, either I would overheat or go insane. It was like choosing between pest or cholera as we used to say in Germany. Although, since I had already gone insane at this point, it wasn’t too hard of a decision.
After Marius had laid down again, he cleared his throat before he began to speak. “So, what’s your opinion on ‘the squad’ so far?” He sounded serious despite referencing Nick’s language.
It made me chuckle a bit. “Well…” I had to evaluate if Marius was trustworthy to get my true opinion. After all, I hadn’t even told Nick, because I assumed he might get sad from hearing about my disappointment.
“Yea, I know,” Marius laughed, “it’s quite a disaster.”
I winced, feeling like he read my mind. “That’s not what I wanted to say, but yea… Especially Veezer is hard to handle for me.”
Or more like impossible to handle.
“Oh, you're not the first to say that. In fact, I haven’t heard anyone having a different take on that.”
“But why are you still playing on this team then? You’re so much better than them,” I blurted out, almost feeling embarrassed about it.
“Didn’t know you were thinking so highly of me, coach,” Marius joked, making me flush even more. “It’s not so easy finding a team when nobody knows you. In e-sports, it’s all about branding yourself and making connections. But I guess you know that yourself already.”
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He was right. Unless you're extremely high elo, nobody in the upper leagues would care about you, ever. Once you’ve made a name for yourself, though, it gets much easier. Even allowing you to drop in elo or be an asshole. “True, but what’s your elo then? You played pretty good today,” I said, trying not to be too nice about it whilst also complementing him. “In my opinion,” I added.
“Thank you… Currently, I’m at 350LP. My peak was at 600,” he said thoughtfully.
“600?! Wow, that’s pretty good though!” The words burst out of my mouth without a single doubt.
“Haha, I guess… But not enough for a good team, it seems.”
So even people with much higher elo than me struggle to get into relevant leagues, huh? I’m barely hovering around Master; how am I gonna make a name for myself? This tournament really is my only shot…
While was lost in thought, Marius began talking again. “It’s a lot of luck, y’know? This whole e-sports thing, I mean. You could be one of the greatest competitive players, and there’s a chance you’ll never get to show it. The only difference is when you’re in the top 100 of challenger… Then the big teams might approach you by themselves and maybe offer a spot in their academy team to see if you’ve got the potential to become something big"
“You thought about this a lot, hm?” I asked, no judgment in my voice. We were really similar in our way of thinking, it seemed, because I’d come to the same conclusions as him.
Marius chuckled. “How did you know?” He asked, acting surprised.
“And what about the others? What are their goals?” I was most curious about Janosch. If someone is that toxic, he should have a pretty big motivation that keeps them going. Or they’re just a psychopath, which could actually be the case for him. But also Gregor was an interesting case. Almost the pure opposite of Janosch. Why did he keep playing, and even make an effort as traveling for an offline event, if he doesn’t care whatsoever?
“Ouh… Now you’re hitting me with real questions, I see.” Marius sounded kind of happy, as if he had been waiting for me to open up. Rhythmical humming filled the room as he paused to gather his thoughts for a moment, making my mind drift back to the outside noise.
Berlin was such a gigantic city, at least compared to what I was living in. There would be so many people in the crowd tomorrow and also online watching from home. It thrilled me with both excitement and nervousness. Although it felt like a stomachache, it also motivated me to give it my all.
It filled me with hope, knowing that tomorrow everything would be in my hands. Whether or not I would make it as a pro could be decided in just one series. So it made lots of sense to try to understand my teammates as much as possible. Maybe that would give me a slight edge, which could turn around the whole series. In the end, a single wrong word could shift the mood of another person completely. But it also worked the other way around. Knowing what my teammates care about – what keeps them going – could be a deciding factor. Although I wasn’t sure if I would even be able to use this knowledge with my poor social skills, I would still try.
“So, Janosch… As you already know, he can be a real pain. Always toxic and passive-aggressive. But it's not entirely his fault. His parents are strict, like, really strict. They don't even want him playing video games in the first place. But being an esports player is his dream. He takes it seriously, almost too seriously, but struggles with keeping his cool when things go south.”
“Oooh yea, saw that one too many times today,” I said in a laughing tone, although it wasn’t actually funny. But right now, while I was talking about it with Marius, I could genuinely laugh about it. Marius returned the laughter.
“But deep down, he cares a lot, even if he fails to show it, someti- almost all the time. When he’s in a good mood though, he’s a beast.”
I had a hard time imagining that since he didn’t show that at all today. But the fact that Marius was saying it made me want to believe it.