One afternoon in my middle school, I stood on the highest platform of a ladder on the stage while holding a certificate. My glimmering smile resonated through the crowd’s shout.
The loudest crowd was mostly composed of students with the same school uniform as mine. My grin stretched from ear to ear, feeling the happiness within them.
This opportunity made me think that I already met my calling.
While the audience delivered their shouts, the principal of my school approached me and whispered, “Sachika Fujimoto, you had a call.”
My world suddenly paused with my lips turning flat. In the middle of the awarding, I followed her to her office. The telephone lay open over her desk, waiting for a recipient.
When I put it to my ear, the voice of a boy shouted. “Nee-san! We’re in the hospital! Mom was…”
After hearing what happened, I ran twenty minutes from school to the nearest public hospital in our home. I rushed to the counter and asked…
“SARA FUJIMOTO! WHERE IS SARA FUJIMOTO!?” I shouted to the nurse at the counter while catching my breath.
“Excuse me, Miss? May we please calm down now? I believe the name you’re looking for just arrived moments earlier.”
“WHERE’S MY MOM!?”
“She’s currently in the OR—”
I ran like I was slowly losing every second. When I got to the operating room, I saw two familiar faces sitting on a bench.
The boy with spiky brown hair was Naoki. He was the second sibling of our family and I’m five years older than him. He also brought Hisao with him, the youngest third sibling.
They both had gaunt appearances with their eyes blinking infrequently. Naoki stared down to the ground with shuddering breaths.
When I approached Naoki, I asked.
“Mom…. Where’s Mom!?”
“Where were you?”
“I’m still at school. I’m sorry that I—”
“What are you holding?”
I stared at the certificate in my hand, which he grabbed in no time. He clicked his tongue and gritted his teeth. After reading, he tore it, not even caring what it was.
I gasped as my hand flew on my tightened chest. My hand beats together with the thudding of my rushed heartbeat. Water surrounded my eyes, but I could never get angry.
“Mom was in that room… suffering… and where were you? Having fun? Does it look like we had a choice to have fun!?” Every time Naoki shouted, his words stabbed my heart.
“It’s—”
“Mom was crying… Mom was in pain. When she suffered, you weren’t even beside her! And now, you show us this paper? Can you eat this? Can this paper pay the bills in this hospital!?”
“I’m sorry, Naoki… I’m really sorry.” Tears crawled down my cheeks.
“Nee-san, can you please be realistic? Saying sorry wouldn’t do anything. We’re poor people. Having fun was always out of reach for us.”
“I know…
“I won’t ever have fun again.”
While I thought that this was the reality that I traveled back from the past, darkness took over. The light illuminated my surroundings as I opened my eyes.
The chandelier from the ceiling welcomed me. It was the only thing that reminded me that everything that was happening to me wasn’t a dream.
“I had that dream again,” I muttered as I sat my head on the soft pillows.
After realizing where I was, I straightened my back and checked my foot. “It doesn’t hurt anymore. There’s not even a wound on it!”
Healing and magic were pure mysteries I didn’t even witness in this fantasy world. The royal family might have asked someone to heal my wound.
But I didn’t have anything with me yet to repay their kindness. This would have caused me to drown in greater debts.
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I stood from my bed, but the skirt part of my dress lodged at the bed frame. Since it was an expensive-looking dress, I should pull it carefully.
I analyzed the part of my dress where it hooked and pulled it with care. I gasped after it split into two.
“Oh my God! What should I do!?” I exclaimed in my shrill voice. My face turned ashen when I burst breaths in and out of my hanging-open mouth.
I gazed at the closet, for which it gave me an idea. I removed my clothes and searched for something that wouldn’t look too expensive.
“There it is!” I pulled out a pair of casual clothes and shorts which weren’t fashionable enough to be called expensive. I wore it and looked in the mirror.
Never I had expected to see a female and noble protagonist wearing a commoner’s clothes. I still couldn’t accept the fact that I was reborn as Veniara Ravelgrace, but there might still be a chance to live out of royalty.
Another idea came into my mind.
“I should repay them for what they had done to me.”
***
It was past afternoon when the royal court maid, Elara, wandered throughout the castle. She came across a running maid who carried a basket full of laundry. That maid was years older than Elara.
Elara noticed a piece of cloth fell onto the ground. The maid did pass through her, but Elara still took the cloth.
Instead of chasing the maid, Elara compressed the cloth and threw it like a ball towards the basket. The cloth landed with perfect accuracy which made the maid stop.
“Don’t rush your chores, Miss Jean,” Elara shouted. “Be careful with the royalty’s clothes.”
“I’m sorry, Senior Elara! I will make sure that nothing will be dropped again.”
“It’s alright, Miss Jean, and you need not call me Senior. You’re quite older than me.”
“But… You’re still higher than I am, Senior Elara. It would be appropriate to only call you that.” After that, the maid walked away faster.
Elara pouted. “Why are these maids so stubborn? They made me feel like I’m their grandmother.”
She stomped her feet towards Veniara’s room. When she opened the doors, she exclaimed. “Miss Veniara! Free warm hugs for…”
Not witnessing Veniara, she wandered her eyes at every corner and entered the room. “Miss Veniara? Miss Veniara?”
Elara flinched back with her mouth falling open. She witnessed a piece of dress lying on the ground. When she took it, a torn part caught her attention, which hastened her heartbeat.
On the brink of her focus, another maid appeared at the door and shouted. “Senior Elara!”
Elara squealed in shock at the same time. “N—Nadia? Don’t scare me!”
“I’m sorry, but Miss Veniara is…”
“Miss Veniara is what!?”
***
I stood in front of the sink in the kitchen and locked the doors. I made sure that no one could enter because if I did, everyone would stop me from doing this.
Using only a water bucket and a sponge, I washed all the dishes from lunch. I did it even though gazes from the see-through door flooded my attention.
From plates to glassware, I made sure that dirt didn’t stay on it. I also ensured that they were placed in the right order so that they wouldn’t break.
I handled them with the utmost care possible… but a drinking glass nearly slipped out of my hands when someone opened the door with her foot.
“Miss Veniara, what are you doing!?” The court maid, Elara, shouted. She had a tambourine of keys in her hand yet used her foot to break the door.
Wasn’t it obvious what I was doing? I’m repaying the shame and trouble I caused for the rich. Washing these dishes was just a pinch in the globe.
Elara approached me and took the glass from me. She threw it in the cupboard without care, but it landed exactly without a scratch.
For some superhuman reason, I slacked my mouth and widened my eyes. She gripped my shoulders after, which turned my expressions back to normal.
“Miss Veniara, why are you wearing those clothes? Washing dishes was never your job. You can leave this to the maids. Why are you doing this?”
I wanted to say that I should repay the royalty, but I couldn’t. My mouth stammered and I couldn’t open my jaw. There are so many things I wanted to say to them, but…
My lips and chin did nothing but tremble. My body froze with tightened shoulders that rooted me in place. My lack of trust from my previous life made me unsociable to the point that I never had practice talking to a stranger.
“Miss Veniara, I’m afraid but please excuse me for my rudeness. You seem to have an uncomfortable time lately. If you would like to share what bugs your mind—”
“I— I—” In the end, that’s all I could say.
I ran out of the room and cried with my tears leaving trails. The maids blocking the corridor gave way to me. I heard Elara calling out my name, but she didn’t follow me.
I ended up on the terrace of the castle, accompanied by the castle’s garden view. From the distance, I saw a vibrant array of flowers of all colors and sizes.
I leaned on the railing to continue crying. The sun shined bright, together with the crimson- and azure-filled sky, but I killed the mood.
Crying in the middle of the sunset? It’s too ironic, but I couldn’t help it. I should have said those simple answers, but why do I still feel threatened speaking to others?
Even though I’m already reborn, why do I still live on my past life’s principles? They aren’t even people. They’re just fictional characters for the story. They wouldn’t feel threatened if I hurt them.
If they were fakes, I wouldn’t have bothered connecting with them. I wouldn’t have bothered hurting them.
But why? Why do they feel real? Why does every time I talk to them, I feel like I’m doing something wrong? Am I becoming conserved of my feelings again?
Arms gripped me from behind. That hug from someone made my tears stop. I couldn’t look back, but I remember her voice.
“Miss Veniara, I’m here for you. Even if you stay or change, I’ll always be by your side. If you have something holding you back, you can let it out. I’m always willing to listen to you.”
My world paused in time. My eyes widened while my breathing calmed down. The warmth of her arms wrapped my confusion and gave me an answer to my questions.
“Elara… are you real?”
“I’m real, Miss Veniara.”
“Liar… You’re a liar… You’re just an extra…”
“What I said was real, Miss Veniara. And if you’re still doubting, I’m just happy that you’re able to talk to me again.”
If you said that, I—I would feel important myself! I never considered myself an important person. I severed my relationships so I couldn’t hurt anybody. But seeing you happy makes me…
I pressed my lips as my vision blurred. “I’m sorry…”
I cried that it reached through the maids wandering in the castle garden. Elara hugged me tighter, continuing to give her warmth to me.
“You had nothing to sorry for, Miss Veniara.”
No, I should be sorry for everything, but I couldn’t say it to her.
You’re too kind, Elara… even if you’re hugging the wrong person.