“Elara.”

After I woke up, she Elara my head. Her face is blank, but from her tingly lips, I can feel that she’s holding her tears.

She didn’t do the usual hugging like she does to me. Her downturned face worries me. Her foot isn’t fully recovered yet looking at her crutches.

I never expected her to be here. I’m not able to see her yet. I’m still not proud of how strong I can be. I swore to myself that I can only see her if I’m able to protect her.

But before I speak to her, she dominated my voice with her deep tone.

“Princess, stop what you are doing right now,” she said, but around her, I can feel the air of disagreement. I’m longing for her sweet voice, but she didn’t show it to me.

“E—Elara? Y—You’re awake. I thought I’ll be waiting for six months to—”

“Princess! Don’t make yourself suffer! Nothing’s your fault!” She growled like a threat of a wild wolf.

“Elara. What’s happening? Why are you like that”

Elara holds my hand with both her arms before she speaks.

“Nothing’s your fault, Princess Veniara. I’ll shoulder all the burden myself. I’m the one who should protect you, but I end up becoming a hinder.

“I’m not blaming you or anyone. I don’t have anything against you. You shouldn’t shoulder everything by yourself.

“I am here. Senior Ellyn is also here. You also have your family that worries about you. Despite this useless suffering, there’s a bright future waiting for a princess like you.

“So please, don’t pressure yourself too much.”

She wrinkles her brow with a stooped posture. She presses her lips with a probing gaze. My hand vibrates from her pulse.

I’m starting to realize how concerned she was for me. But her worry is getting overboard. Still, I can’t bear her mocking my efforts.

It got to the point that I can’t control my emotions at all.

“You called my suffering useless!?” I shouted.

“P—Princess…” The tears she was holding started to crawl down her cheeks.

I took off my bed and stood up with bare teeth. I started arguing over a simple matter that I didn’t let her speak up about her thoughts.

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“You hold a place dear in my heart, Elara. But what you did is upright and disrespectful! I cherish those who are important to me, that is why I’m doing this.

“I’ve been sacrificing my breath and even my life so I can protect you and everyone dear to me. I am born in this world for this sole reason.

“If I fail here, I will regret it for the rest of my life. There’s a fate written for me that only I can change.

“That is why you can’t dictate to me how I’ll do things! I do things in my own way, and I will save everyone with my own efforts.

“So please, Elara. Never show up to me again, not until I become the strongest that I could be proud of.

“I’m sorry.”

I ran away with tears dropping from every step. As I go out of my bedroom, Ellyn leans on the wall beside the door.

From her drawn eyebrows, I can tell that she heard our conversation clearly. I didn’t hesitate to talk to her and ran towards the library.

The peace in this place calms me, but not right now. The skies turned blue. The heavy droplets collide with the thick glass, painting mosaics at the window.

Soon, the fog sticks on the other side of the window panes. I sat on the floor, leaning on the shelf behind me, holding my knees as I sob while hiding my face.

I’ve said harsh words to Elara, not knowing if it’s the right thing to do.

I’ve been reasoning that I’m doing this for their sake, but it’s all lies. I did see them as hinders, but not to the point that they’re problematic.

I’m a selfish person for prioritizing my goals, no matter what others think. That’s the same in my previous life.

I only had one goal then: to get my family out of poverty. That simple goal took much of my time nothing is left for me.

It resulted in me becoming an antisocial person in disguise. I might have someone to call friends, but they’re not my real friends.

They only called me if they needed me. That is why I shut down my connections with people. I don’t speak to someone who isn’t worth my time.

This habit hardened my heart and it limited me to what I should do. I’m doing this so fewer people would worry about me.

But right now, I’m the princess. Everyone, even those who didn’t see me yet, worries about my state.

Even though I’m selfish, I note people who worry about me. It’s an imaginary debt I need to pay. If everyone is worrying about me…

“I can’t compensate everyone for the time I had,” I sobbed while still hiding my face.

“And what compensation does in the picture?” A woman’s voice asked.

I stopped sobbing and looked up. I didn’t even notice Ellyn entering the library from the doors.

“What are you doing here, Ellyn!?”

“I’m in no place to comment. But just so you know, Elara isn’t as strong as you think. She thinks of you as her little sister, but she doesn’t want to repeat the same tragedy again.”

“Tragedy?”

“I saw with my own eyes how her little sister died in front of her from forced endless padding. If you saw Elara’s face, you’ll end up regretting it.”

“T—That’s—”

“Don’t tell her that I told you,” Ellyn said and walks near the door of the library. Before she left, I followed up with a question.

“Ellyn, you don’t have any ulterior motives for entering here, do you?”

“I told you, right? I’m the guardian of the children,” she said before leaving and closing the door.

I didn’t reply. Instead, my eyes were lost in the void.

I didn’t consider Elara’s history. I thought of her as a background character. Being a part of Grayrats isn’t convincing, but when I heard that she had a sister…

“That’s sad…”

Tears continue to fall but my downturned mouth didn’t move an inch. I squeezed my shoulder. I rubbed my painful chest which throbs slowly.

This isn’t tears for myself. It’s tears of sympathy because, in the future, history will repeat itself.

She’s a fragile glass that needs the utmost care to handle. But I broke her.

“I made the wrong choice again.”

After that day, and the subsequent days after that,

I never saw Elara again.