“Not again,” Ayuka muttered to herself as her Calculus I professor handed back her graded test with a percentage written at the top in red, 58%. Next to the percentage, a large F circled in red ink seemed to radiate for the students who sat behind her to see. Ayuka felt small, inadequate, and like a failure. All she wanted to do was to earn a computer science degree from California College, San Francisco and get a job with Google or a start-up app company somewhere in Silicon Valley.
Ayuka’s hands grew sweaty, holding the four exam pages in her hands, she stared at her result from days of studying and cramming for the exam. This was her second F on an exam. This meant she would most likely not pass Calculus, the last math class she needed to earn her degree and be done with college.
Her only option was to speak with the professor after class, and for her to discuss her options with him. Soon after everyone received their exams, the students left for the day. Ayuka waited until no one was left in class before she approached Professor Richardson.
“Professor,” Ayuka started, walking up to his desk as he gathered his papers, piling them in his briefcase. Professor Richardson was near the end of his career, so to retire. He had taught calculus classes at several universities before teaching at California College in San Francisco, attaining the prestigious position of being chair of the math department.
Professor Richardson lifted his eyes, peering over his bifocals. “Ayuka?” he answered. “I’m sure you want to speak to me about your test.”
“Correct,” replied Ayuka. Her father and mother both would have beat her for such a bad mark if they ever found out. She needed to do something, anything to prevent failing. This was the last credit she needed for her degree, and one she had been putting off because she hated math.
“Well, there’s not much to discuss,” Professor Richardson stated. “You needed to get at least a C on the second exam to have any chance of passing this class. You neglected to do that, so I’m sorry. You are going to fail this course. I would recommend that you withdraw from the course today. It’s still early enough that the grade won’t appear on your transcript, but you must retake Calculus I next semester.”
“But, Professor. I can’t afford to take this course again. This is my last semester, and my scholarship runs out,” explained Ayuka, realizing her situation grew more and more desperate. “There is nothing I can do. Extra credit? Anything?”
“I’m sorry, no. Perhaps you should have studied more. I offer again the course in the fall. I recommend that you withdraw this class and when classes open for next year, enroll then.” Professor Richardson paused and looked at his wristwatch. “I’m late for a chair meeting. I have to get going.” He lowered his gaze to the floor and walked at a brisk pace out of the classroom leaving Ayuka there, by herself, as if she was a nobody.
Ayuka blinked her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that accumulated. The blinking could not hold them back, and tears bubbled at the corners of her eye, flowing down her cheeks. She had been looking forward to graduating this semester and interviewing over the summer with Google. If only she could pass Calculus I, the one class stopping her from her dreams.
The next class that met in the classroom where Ayuka stood, crying, filtered in. They looked at her, and she could no longer bear the other students watching her in this state, that she ran out of the classroom to find a restroom.
* * *
Splashing water on her face, she washed off the salty residue the stream of tears left that. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she did not know how she would tell her parents that she would need to borrow a few thousand dollars to retake Calculus I. All she wanted to do was to be done with school and on to making money. She grew up in Oakland, in a rough area. Her parents were immigrants from Japan and could never get a good footing in the economy. Neither of them went to college, and that was the one thing they instilled in Ayuka. She would be their family’s first college graduate.
The first three years were easy for Ayuka. She passed her classes, stayed up late writing term papers, drinking gallons of coffee to cram for what seemed like an endless number of tests, and never missed one class. Never. This was the type of work ethic that got her into California College, San Francisco, one of the most prestigious schools for computer science, and on a scholarship. Ayuka felt as though this was her ticket out of the bad neighborhood she grew up in, out of poverty, and out of feeling trapped.
She looked at her reflection and could not help the feeling of worthlessness seeping into her conscience. Ayuka hated feeling like this, but she knew no other way of feeling when things did not go the way she planned them to. This very feeling was what kept her motivated to succeed.
Ayuka could not take being held in limbo any longer. That was what college felt like for her. It was her way out, but now it was preventing her from getting to the next level. Not a child, but not an adult, yet. Not until she was earning a wage herself. The thought of taking another semester was enough to have her laying on the floor, in the fettle position, wailing.
Then an idea came to her. She could get her degree this semester. All she would have to do would be to find another Calculus I class at one of the community colleges nearby that started the second half of the semester. She would need to take it, pass it, and pray that the credit would transfer to satisfy the math requirement she needed for her computer science class. With the plan firmly placed in her mind, she rushed back to her apartment to find if such a class existed.
* * *
One the way back to her apartment, she received a phone call from her parents. What could they have wanted now?
“Hello?” Ayuka said as she swiped the bottom of her phone to answer the call.
“Hey, girl! How are you doing?” Ayuka’s mom asked.
“I’m good. A tad busy right now. Why? You rarely call in the middle of the day?”
“Oh, right? I just wanted to let you know that we are flying in your grandparents for your graduation in two months,” answered her mother. “I haven’t seen them since you were a baby. I’m very excited, wanted to let you know.”
“That’s great mom,” said Ayuka, fighting back the tears, walking faster to solve the problem that transpired earlier in the day. The very problem that made this conversation near unbearable.
With a plan in place, Ayuka made it to her apartment she shared with two other roommates who also went to California College. Heroki and Keiko both seemed to come from money, which seemed to always leave Ayuka out. They were friends from church, and Ayuka often wondered if they agreed to share an apartment with her because they felt bad for her. Thankfully, with the scholarships that Ayuka received, she did not have to work a part-time job, but she was still always late with the rent and contributed less to their monthly food budget.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Heroki was the daughter of a real estate mogul in the Bay Area and Keiko the daughter of an intellectual property attorney. Their lifestyles were a sharp contrast to Ayuka’s, whose parents both worked at the Daily 99, a discount shop in Oakland.
Ayuka busted through the door, intent on finding a Calculus I class at one of the local community colleges to enroll in. Her last-ditch effort to graduate by the end of the Spring Semester.
“Hey Ayuka, how was your day?” Keiko asked she was making a snack in the kitchen.
“Worst day ever!” Ayuka replied, too busy setting her bags down and anxious to get to her computer to even look in Keiko’s direction.
“Why? What happened?” Keiko said, coming toward Ayuka from the kitchen. Ayuka sat on the couch, staring intently at her laptop screen.
“Failed my calc exam,” answered Ayuka not making eye contact with Keiko.
“Oh dear. Sorry. I know how much you studied for it,” Keiko replied, sitting next to Ayuka. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to see if I can add a calculus class at San Francisco Community, or someplace nearby.”
“Good plan. The only issue is that you would have to pass it,” affirmed Keiko, nodding as she looked at the computer screen along with Ayuka. “Still not sure why you waited until your last semester to take that class, knowing it was a requirement for your degree.”
“Right. I was seeking to avoid it if possible,” Ayuka ignored the admonishment, justified in her action despite being putting herself into the predicament.
“You will nevertheless have to pass it if you can get into a class,” repeated Keiko.
“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I first need to see if there is a second session Calculus I class. That’s the first hurdle.”
The secret that Ayuka did not want anyone to know was that she had cheated her way through high school, through middle school, and even though elementary school. One thing that Ayuka was good at was getting someone who could help her. She always had sung the same song, that her family could not afford to get her tutoring. Eventually, she would find someone in class to give her answers. Reading was particularly difficult for Ayuka. She learned to speak English fluently, even though her parents spoke mostly Japanese and broken English. However, reading was problematic for her.
Higher-level math was another struggle, but when Ayuka found computer programming, something clicked. During college, she found people to help her. She paid someone to write papers for her during her underclassman years. However, her programming classes, those she invariably did her own work in. Her passion was gaming, and Ayuka put in the extra work to learn the various programming languages and coding to create video games.
With this learned behavior, Ayuka found that she was not confident in her own abilities unless it dealt with gaming and programming. Not able to read well, could perform some math, but could code with the best of them was how she saw herself. For her, cheating her way through school was far easier than learning the material.
When Ayuka earned all of her scholarships her senior year, she felt as though the world owed it to her. Growing up on the wrong side of town, Ayuka wondered how she would compete with others who had tutors, the top teachers in the school and attended the top schools. Cheating was the way to get back at the world for Ayuka.
* * *
The knob of the front door turned as it was unlocked. “That must be Heroki,” Keiko concluded. Keiko looked over her shoulder and the back of the couch, “Hey Heroki, how was your day?”
Heroki hung up her keys and put down her bag, glancing at Ayuka and Keiko on the couch. “Ayuka, you’re usually not home at this time? Everything all right?”
“I’m missing my programming class to figure out a way so I can graduate on time,” answered Ayuka.
“Graduate on time? Thought you were going to be fine,” replied Heroki in astonishment.
Ayuka felt a flush creep into her cheeks, which was an equal part of shame and embarrassment coupled with anger. “Found out I failed my calc exam and now there is no way I’m going to pass the class,” answered Ayuka.
“Gees, Ayuka. That is not good news,” Heroki responded.
“The only offer the class on Fall and Spring semesters at California College, so I’m trying to take it at a community college to try to transfer the credit over,” explained Ayuka.
“Sounds like a long shot,” retorted Heroki, joining Keiko and Ayuka on the couch.
“Why do you say that?” Keiko asked.
“Well, she will need to add it, if she can find an open class. Pass the class, where she’s already failed it once and didn’t give herself enough time to learn the material since she didn’t get it once before. Then she must petition her department to allow that class to qualify for a course at California College. I’m thinking that’s a long shot!” Heroki elaborated. It was clear that Heroki was interjecting a realistic take on Ayuka’s plan.
There was a silence among the roommates as Ayuka seemed to lose faith in her plan. She did not know where to turn or what to do. The phone call with her mom weighed on her, as her parents planned on coming to her graduation and flying her grandparents out. Little did they know that there would not be at graduation. California College’s new policy was not to let students participate in the graduation ceremony until she fulfilled all graduation requirements. She did not know where she would turn or what she would do.
“Gees Ayuka. You’ve really gotten yourself in a bind. Our lease is up in May, right after graduation. We’ll all be moving out of here. Do you have somewhere you can go to finish up your degree?” Heroki asked.
The gravity of the situation began to sit in with Ayuka. She slammed the top of her laptop shut, standing up from the couch, she stomped to her room, slamming the door.
* * *
Heroki was right. She fell face-first on her bed, burying her head in her pillows, tears streaming down her face from the frustration and disappointment of the situation. Thoughts rushed through her mind. Could she challenge her grade? Deep down, she knew that there was no way to win in this case.
She flipped over, looking at her many books the lined her bookcase, some of her most treasured possessions. Ayuka loved science fiction and fantasy and had the complete collection of Tolkien’s and Asimov’s works, and various others such as 1984, Dune, and 2001: A Space Odyssey completed her collection. Besides her extensive science fiction and fantasy collection, she had several manuals for tabletop RPGs. D&D was a phase in high school. She loved playing Dungeons and Dragons, but it became too time-consuming. When she was growing up, her parents got her into Sword World RPG as it became big in Japan and they wanted to play like their relatives. Those nights that she would play with her parents were fun, and because of that, she fell in love with role play games.
Ayuka appreciated the different player classes of both Dungeons and Dragons and Sword World RPG. She was interested in the various magic systems and enjoyed playing in those worlds. That is how she got involved with MMO games.
Her eyes locked on the glossy posters that decorated her walls by her desk. Anime characters hung by her TV, pictures of her and her friends at various cons lined her desk by her computer. These were the things that she treasured. The very elements that allowed her to be whoever she wanted to be and escape reality.
With her MMO games, Ayuka usually logged in at least once a day if not more. She first started with RuneScape, World of Warcraft, and Final Fantasy XIV. It was Final Fantasy XIV where she encountered the ninja class and fell in love with the rogue who branched off into the art of ninjitsu.
Yearning for more of the ninja class, Stellar Arts Inc released a new MMO based on shinobi clans in feudal Japan, but this one had an unusual angle. The game was called Kunoichi Online: Blade Wars. the player characters could choose any class in the game, but the game centered on a clan of kunoichi’s, or female ninjas.
MMOs were the reason Ayuka wanted to major in computer science. Being a game designer and creating worlds, player characters, and a story arc that people would enjoy was her life’s mission and devotion. As Ayuka thought about her love of MMOs and living in different worlds, her cheeks flushed with fiery rage and guilt once again. Her dreams shattered by her inability to earn a math credit from a silly college. Ayuka could code but could not do calculus. The irony that she had made it this far, although she had duped her way through school. She had come so far, and all of it was being taken away.
She vowed that she would not let this stop her. What was a college degree, anyway? Ayuka reasoned that she had passed all of her programming classes, and the fact that she could not do calculus had nothing to do with programming. The calculus class was an asinine requirement that had little to do with her degree and future job position.
Realizing this helped her put things in perspective, and Ayuka wanted nothing more than to unwind from the day. She could solve her existential crisis tomorrow, she craved nothing more than to log on to Kunoichi Online and escape this world for a while.
Not wanting to sulk in our own self-pity and misery anymore, Ayuka took the controller from her nightstand and turned on the TV and console. This is exactly where she wanted to be, in Nara.