“Hi there, whoever is reading this.

My name is Daniel Karstein. Of course you have heard of me, awesome and handsome as I am.

My skill in many crafts and my immense talent is second only to my humility, so naturally you have heard of me? No? What a shame.

All joking aside though, I want to tell you my story.

I grew up in a small city in west Germany called Alpen. It is a small “city” if you want to even call it that. I personally would not.

Throw together a few houses and a couple thousand people that are mostly traditional german farmers and people that are very set in their ways. Conservative setup similar to most small towns in the countryside.

Not that this matters much to me. I am a weeb, a shut-in, a no lifer. My mother, god bless this woman, always supported me though. I was allowed to follow my dreams of online streaming and gaming.

If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

Even when I turned out to suck at both, she still pushed me to not give up. A few years ago, at my nineteenth birthday, she died of a brain anorism.

Days later I found out the simple reason why she pushed me to fulfill my own dreams. Our family was loaded. Even though we had lived rather simply all our lives, my inheritance amounted to a solid 424 thousand Euros.

Even since then I can no longer be called a “real” shut in, I am visiting her grave every Sunday after all.

Today, 10th of May, 2020, I turned 26. My weight is 132 kg, I am 179cm tall. 5 foot 11’ in retarded measurements, or about 9 average bananas. Might as well use that as measurements, seems equally meme like.

No idea how kilos are measured in imperial units, but I’m deviating.

Again, all joking aside: I am currently in the middle of a real Zombie Apocalypse and it isn’t looking pretty.

Aside from barely surviving I currently am in the process of founding my very own kingdom, with blackjack and hookers! Although, currently... we are kinda short on both… Hmm.

Anyway. I am off now, to visit my mother’s grave. Its Sunday. I’m a little scared, but armed with my wooden katana, I’m hoping for the best.

If you are reading this though… I will most likely already be dead.”

                 -  Daniel Karstein, Lord Protector of the Kingdom of the Dead, Day 9, Year of the Catastrophe