River was a grown-ass modern woman raised in a modern world where millions of people can call her 'crazy' for simple normal things.

Being outspoken? Crazy. Being emotional? Crazy. Getting mad over a horrible thing that has happened to you? Chances are high that a woman would be called as crazy hysterical.

So, as a modern woman, she doesn't throw the c-term around willy-nilly in support of women who have been deemed crazy for experiencing the normality of life. You never who was getting oppressed by the c-word, or who have been abused by it that the very word could be triggering. Matter in fact, it was Dr. Malia's Achilles heel. The word itself would send her reeling back to a dreary past. It's why River had resolved to use the word sparingly. And would never in her life call someone 'crazy' out of ignorance.

That's why when she entered another universe, another world— she had given herself the benefit of the doubt. Then when other tribespeople started helping to assuage her ignorance— she gave them the benefit of the doubt. Nothing taken at face value, and least of all, no quick judgments of a world she barely understood.

But this one takes the cake.

"This is crazy!" she mumbled. Suddenly feeling the need to get some fresh air. The cloying urge to get away needling under her skin. "Crazy! You let babies die! Fucking Christ!"

Sul'ahvi stumbled as he pushed himself off his bed. He would have crashed down if Na'reem hadn't caught him by the shoulders. "Take it easy, brother."

"No. I want Hell'ina safe now. We still got time, we can still save her." he sputtered in a rush, turning to River in near hysterics "Save her, please. I'll do anything. Anything! Just name it and it's yours."

A piercing headache threatened to break her skull down in the middle. She just wanted to go home. She knew in her gut that it wasn't meant to be by Rover's side or her parents whose treatment to her belied their true relations, treating her like a practical convenience worthy of no effort or no time to even make a single bond with her. It was as if she was just another set of hands they could use whenever they like.

The air grew heavy and suddenly it became hard to breathe.

Even with her roommates who doubled as her co-workers treated their relationships and interactions as a business investment, no more going deeper than a simple conversation about work, house chores, and rent.

The headache became searing hot and she whimpered from the sudden flare of heat.

With Dr. Malia, the kind therapist had rejected her proposal to become friends, telling her with outright bluntness that what they had was quickly becoming close to dependency than a healthy service to balance her mental and emotional health.

That had been five months ago and they hadn't seen each other since.

Sometimes, thinking about Dr. Malia as if she was going to see her again made it easy to perform all those helpful exercises and advice the good therapist had given her all these years. But if River was being honest, she liked to always think the outright cut-off hadn't ever happened at all, preferring to think that she still had a stable rock and anchor in her life.

Because otherwise she had none.

And the pressing truth of the matter was surging up in this ill-suited time.

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The truth was Dr. Malia no longer offered her services to River and instead recommended her to another therapist but she never took it up, preferring to think that fateful afternoon hadn't happened. Ever since then, she had been on a downward spiral of one bad decision after another. First by actually agreeing to Rover's machinations of having her guide them to the Ylein mountains for free with no charge for the simple fact that they were family. Then second by agreeing to help anyone who gave her the slightest bit of attention. The confusion and struggles to keep up with changing universes had made it easier to deny the truth of her own reality. And yet the pain was rising up, wave after wave, hitting her with unholy hurt. Opening real wounds and hardened scabs.

"I want.." she took a sharp exhale after a fresh wave of unbearable pain slammed inside her head. Her defenses were stripped down, her mind and body operating on survival mode and there was nothing left but the truth. "I want.."

She saw herself in the full-body mirror right besides Sul'ahvi's dresser. In the reflection, a young girl no more than 10-years old fresh off the Ylein mountains with bleeding wounds, few broken bones, and even muddier skin. And all she saw was a dirty girl abandoned and forsaken in the mountains with the stark longing to go home. No one had come for this girl. It had been five days before she herself found a trail that looked familiar enough to follow back to their farm. But this little girl finding her way back to her grandparent's farm was secondary to the simple fact that no one had ever saw fit that this little girl was worthy of saving.

Ever since then, her therapist had pointed out that it was around that time began her nasty habit of readily helping anyone who dares ask for it because it was a way to compensate for the fact that no one came for her.

No one was able to help her.

So ever since, she had developed a complex of helping people out no matter what. It was a real problem. One she sought to fix.

And she had been making progress, goddamn it. She took classes, took advice, and practiced routinely by it. She was confident, outspoken and assertive. At least she had been.

Dr. Malia's departure had really put her out of balance.

She looked back in the mirror and found River Florencia, an abandoned girl in the Ylein mountains and her face crumpled into tears. Of course, Dr. Malia would reject her. She was nothing but a throwaway, an extra set of hands, a failed business investment.

She was useless.

Lei'la captured her cheeks once more with both palms, "Behagthi." she called her attention. "Natura Brumcia's divine friend. Tell us what you want and it will be done."

She took in a deep inhale and powered through the hurt. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" Looking back in the mirror, the reflection went back to normal. And she resolved to wipe her tears off and gather her wits about in preparation for what lays ahead.

Because once the day is done, only then will she attempt the many changes happening inside her. Only then will she give herself the time of day to properly break down in a pity party. Alone.

For now, there were promises she needed to make good on.

On a mental note, she proceeded to make a checklist starting from Lei'la down to Holden and based its order out of urgent priority.

"Me'ren." River turned to him, still wiping fresh tears off the side of her face. "I need you to fulfill Lei'la's potential and give her whatever she needs to achieve it so long as you are able to provide it." She nodded to Lei'la, "Go on. No time like today." They both left the room with him looking over his shoulder, unsure whether to leave or not. But leaves with the weaver girl, anyway.

When U'tu would have protested, she called to him. "You are the heir apparent, aren't you?" At his nod, she reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a red spider that was oddly named like her grandmother Willow. "I'll be taking Willow with me when I leave for Hell'ina." Her gaze bore down on him with as much intensity as she can muster up to look intimidating to a teenager who was inches taller than she was. "Lei'la stays here. And in the second I find out you took her against her will, I will crush your little friend right here in my palms." River readied herself if he would disagree back with his wolf strength and supernal abilities. She could take him for whatever battle or challenge he was capable of doling out. There was a beastly power pacing under her skin waiting at the periphery, searching for a chance to hunt and conquer and become alpha.

A sad, weary expression fell on his face. "Ruthless." he commented, not the least bit bothered by her asserting outright dominance. "My sun prince would have loved you."