The Sky Father looked out across the world. He was annoyed.12 The humans were doing stupid things again.

He walked on the earth. His wife, the Great Mother, walked beside him. They walked along the beach, then turned in the direction of the tents of the Vatharian army.

"The humans have gone completely crazy. We should send another prophet."

“Sparky, again. Every time we send a prophet we end up with six more religions, and they fight,” She said.

“Well, yes, that has happened in the past. How many have we sent so far?” He asked.

“Three,” She said.

“But there are a lot more than eighteen religions.”

“Well, the humanoids have the count of prophets at fifty-four. You know how they like to make up their own prophets.”

“Right, so no more prophets,” He said.

“It is really for the best,” She said.

As they left the beach, He waved goodbye to his older brother Neptos, Lord of the Ocean. The ocean had existed first. It was the primordial matter from which the Great Mother had pulled the land and the Sky Father had divided the sky from the world below. In that way They had given birth to this earth.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

In the heavens, the Old Couple could see their Twins preparing their chariot. They would carry the sun and their sister Hista, as She danced to weave the colors of the morning across the sky.

Morning was the presentation of a new day that the gods had made for the mortals. The colors of morning crafted to inspire them to great deeds and thoughts, as they strove to develop their souls.

Morning was usually the gods’ favorite part of the day.

But not today.

Because this morning Doaris, the pale Goddess who was Death Incarnate, also walked on the beach. Her snakes wrapped around her arms, as She called her bright-winged maidens. They prepared to accompany the souls of those who would soon lie dead on that beach and the hills around it.

The Great Mother and Sky Father reached the tents of the sleeping Vatharians soldiers. Most of them were just boys, barely growing whiskers. They should be home with their families, tending to the cows and flirting with the village girls. Instead, they slept with their hands inches away from their swords, frightened at the battle with the orcs they knew would come in the next few days.

The sleeping Vatharian soldiers did not realize, but the Old Couple knew, that the orcs were less than a mile away, creeping silently toward the humans. With the orcs were buggebears marching beside goblins mounted on angry wolves. Amongst them walked sorcerers, whether elven or orc, and trolls that carried the terrible weapons of the dwarf and goblin engineers. Behind them dragons waited for the command to take to the air.

Some older men whom the Vatharian king had appointed as his army's leaders had told the boys that the orcs would run away when the first Vatharian cavalry charged. Those men did not understand that a free people did not run away when defending their own land and families. Those men13 had planned to be well behind the lines when they gave the boys the order to charge.

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In front of the Sky Father, one of those boys emerged from his tent and headed to the forest to take a leak.

The Sky Father grabbed the boy, and held the boy’s head between his hands, and shouted, “We gave you clear instructions: Treat others as you want to be treated. It isn’t complicated!”

The boy knew with whom he was talking. He would later wonder if it were all a dream.

“My Lord, yes, I do that. I follow the rules, I do what the priests tell me to. I'm respectful to my father!”

“Then how are you here, about to go into battle? How is an invasion of a peaceful neighbor in any way treating others like you want to be treated?” A tear ran down the Sky Father’s cheek.

“We are fighting orcs sir! The priest told us that you want the war, that it’s a holy war.”

“Holy war? How could such a thing even exist? It makes no sense! Have you paid attention to nothing We have said?” The Sky Father slapped the soldier across the face. “Get out of here and go home.”

The Great Mother touched her husband and the earth swallowed them. She brought them back up on top of a nearby hill, with a view of both the sea and what would soon be the battlefield. In the distance they could see flashes of lightning as their son Thorsin practiced with his recently-granted power.

“Sunbeam, you just can't go around slapping random humans. That isn't the most efficient method of communicating our message of peace to the mortals. Really!”

“Yes, you are right. But I get so angry. They never listen. I just want to smite things.”

“Well, all you've done is inspire that young man to start a new religion.14 Didn’t we just talk about why that was a bad idea?” asked the Great Mother.

“Maybe it will be better…”

“Are they ever better?”

The Sky Father shrugged.

“At least you didn't wrestle him like that other human. That was completely over-the-top.”

The Sky Father changed the subject, as he knew his wife had a point.

“I feel our instruction was clear. We even elaborated for specific cases to make it extra clear: Do not murder, do not lie, do not envy what your neighbor has. And yet here they are. How could we possibly have been clearer?”

“Oh, we were very clear. Any who really want to understand, can. The trouble is those who misuse our words. There is always some scoundrel that says ‘Oh, They meant no killing unless you are helping me get rich and powerful. Then it is alright. That is what the Gods meant.’ In that way, our simple instructions are twisted.” She looked in the direction of the Vatharian capital.

“Yes. What we taught them doesn't require complex interpretation. It requires simple action.”

The Great Mother shifted her gaze to the other capitals of the world’s kingdoms. “And to make space for their new king's commands in their beliefs, and any thought they could challenge the call to another war, they suppress knowledge of the Goddesses. The Vatharians have long since relegated me to a harvest goddess. Someone they sing to once a year. Hista they've changed into a minor holy spirit of the hearth. Then they build temples to convince the young men that the king’s vengeful god calls them to war.”

“What you say is true.”

“I only speak truth.”

“So what do we do?”

“For today, we can just watch and hope that some sanity emerges. But, for the longer term, I have no idea as to what we should do about the humans.”

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12 While Teyspater the Sky Father (“Sky Lord” if you are Vatharian) did not consent to an interview, Kayleth and Grdkr told me that the Great Mother has said that He spends 37% of his time annoyed by something the humans are doing. Another 12% of his time was spent being annoyed by what the elves, orcs, dwarves or other humanoids are up to.

13 Those men, the Vatharian Knights Sir Landon and Sir Gwenod, had been abducted by The Wild Hunt at Shadow’s request, and were dying of exhaustion in a distant forest as the Sky Father walked through the tents. He personally oversaw their reincarnation as lice.

14Translator's Note the previously mentioned soldier, Goreu Fox, ran south before the battle, survived, and went on to found the Church of the Truth Slap of Peace of the Sky Father. He swore to me that this story is true.