“What are you waiting for, kid?”
Daniel startled, looking over his shoulder at Duane. Movement made no sound in this weird place and Daniel was already trying really hard not to think about relative distances. Having watched that thing earlier coming closer had been enough to send him running for Riordan, even if he had no idea if it was actually close or not. As it was, he felt like he had overreacted to nothing. He knew with certainty that thing would have gobbled him up if it got close.
And he was back to not knowing distances here and thinking about it more than was healthy. Daniel pulled his attention back to Duane, trying not to feel utterly adrift and out of his depth. He tried to find an answer to the question. Duane was so together and respectable and mature. After everything, he deserved whatever answer Daniel had to give.
“It doesn’t feel over,” Daniel finally said, “How can I move on when it still feels like I have things to be doing?”
“Good question, kid, but I was asking what was keeping you from going with him,” Duane said with a nod towards Riordan and a smile.
Okay, that threw Daniel for a loop. “I’m dead,” he pointed out, as if it wasn’t obvious.
“And?” Duane countered, “You’ve been dead almost the whole time you’ve known Riordan and it hasn’t stopped you from helping out.”
“The ritual is over. He got rid of the pack bond. He might not even be able to see and hear me out there anymore.” Daniel’s voice was getting a little hysterical. This was crazy. He couldn’t possibly…
Duane continued on, sounding eminently reasonable for a madman. “Sure, that stuff ain’t tying you together anymore. Doesn’t mean you aren’t still friends. And that is a man in desperate need of friends. Perhaps more now than ever. If he can’t see you, I’m sure that death magic specialist could cook something up to help you talk.”
Concern for his friend cut through Daniel’s flustered panic. He glanced back over at Riordan, who was helping some of the other ghosts by taking their regrets and requests. Yet more burdens on a man who couldn’t seem to stop giving himself away, who gloried in dragging himself through the mud in pure martyrdom but also thought that no one should be grateful to him. Daniel found himself wanting to be needed by Riordan, but he couldn’t see how that would be the case.
“What do you mean by ‘now more than ever’?” Daniel asked quietly, wanting to see what Duane was seeing.
There was a pause to that as Duane stopped to think about his words. When he began to talk, it was as if he was measuring each word. “There were moments where you could just see him falling apart while we were dealing with everything. See him starting to dwell on something or get panicked about something. And then he’d just… stop. It let him get through the kind of shit and upheaval that I can’t even imagine, even being murdered in the middle of all this. He just compartmentalized and suppressed whatever it was, to be dealt with later.”
Duane made an expansive gesture to take in their surroundings and slowly diminishing group of ghosts. “Well, it’s about to be later.”
Oh. Daniel understood that. He felt it right down to the core of himself. He’d been putting off and suppressing things right alongside Riordan, usually using humor in his case as opposed to Riordan’s stoicism. Only, being dead, Daniel had never expected to ever actually have to process things. He expected to just move on first.
Daniel didn’t want to move on, he realized. That was what Duane was trying to get through his thick mopey skull. He wanted to keep existing, dead or not, because he wasn’t done growing. Ghosts were stuck in time, unable to age or change their body in conventional ways, but change was still possible. Daniel’s personality wasn’t fixed and he was still forming new memories. He wanted more of those memories before he passed on to whatever came next.
Something in his expression must have conveyed Daniel’s decision. Duane nodded, clearly pleased. “Exactly so. For my part, I’m happy to be done. I’ll move on to the next stage of life, or death as the case may be. You still have business to finish, which is pretty much the definition of why a ghost sticks around.”
This was all too much. Daniel pressed both hands to his head and groaned. Why couldn’t life be simple? Not terribly long ago, his biggest concerns were related to planning out his future and realizing that his current course of study was making him miserable. Now he was pondering the metaphysics of existence as a ghost and how much he both wanted to stay and knew it was going to suck when he did.
Daniel’s desires were still very much those of a living person. It wasn’t like he’d been dead long. He wanted family and love and something meaningful to do with his time and existence. Some way to leave the world a bit better when he did finally leave it. But telling his family that he was hanging around as a ghost that they couldn’t interact with directly was only going to hurt them, if they believed it at all. And Daniel had died without having a real romantic relationship! He’d wanted to fall in love and grow old with someone, but never made time with it or found a person who was so amazing that he had to make time for him. Plus, he’d never get a job, so his meaning would have to be something more esoteric. Daniel imagined himself in the same role as Zeren, only helping out Riordan, except that Zeren was a badass ghostly abomination made for combat and Daniel was just some dude!
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He was totally overthinking all of this, but given Daniel was at the cusp of a very big decision about his future, some overthinking was likely in order. He had no idea if it would be easy to change his mind and pass on later or if he’d have to find some way back through the realms to here. Maybe he couldn’t even manage to pass on properly if he still felt this conflicted and all he’d manage is to trap himself here until he got gobbled up by one of those hungry dead.
At the same time, Daniel knew he’d made his decision really. He just needed to tell Riordan.
Duane stayed with him, watching patiently, while Daniel had his little internal argument. When Daniel finally stopped fussing and looked towards Riordan, Duane asked in a tone of mild curiosity, “I know you are friends with him, but are you falling in love with him? Because that’s likely to break your heart, even without the difficulties. He doesn’t seem like the sort to let himself love someone.”
That was a bizarre thought. Daniel almost started laughing at the image of him and Riordan having some sort of tawdry supernatural affair worthy of a romance novel. “No,” he said through his chuckles, “Nothing like that. I mean, Rior’s totally hot and I enjoy looking, but I really just want to be his friend. I want to take care of him and help him out and hang out with him. I don’t want to date him. His romantic style would drive me crazy.”
“Good. I really am hoping for the best for you, Daniel. As much as most of us died way before our time, the young ones like you always struck me as the saddest. You had barely gotten started before it all ended,” Duane paused, turning away from Daniel and looking out into the darkness around them. The man looked like a lumberjack, big and burly and tough, but his eyes were sad in a resigned sort of way. That way one got when the world was terrible but there was nothing they could do about it.
Daniel wondered if Duane had regrets. Or, well, Daniel was sure he did, but they didn’t seem the sort of regrets that would bind Duane to a life lost. Duane had seemed ready to move on from the moment Daniel got to know him, ready to cut his losses and start fresh. That didn’t mean there weren’t regrets and new losses to be added with that choice.
Impulsively, Daniel reached out and hugged Duane. The big man startled, pulling his distant gaze back to Daniel and then awkwardly hugged him back. They stayed like that for a minute, comforting and being comforted, before Duane cleared his throat and let go.
“I think it’s time for me to go,” Duane said, stepping back. “I was just waiting to make sure the rest made it safe. Go on now. Riordan is waiting for you.”
“Duane…”
“No, none of that. I’ve always hated goodbyes. So let’s just leave this at good luck and maybe we’ll run into each other again someday, on some side of life or death.”
“Yeah,” Daniel said, throat thick with emotion, “Let’s do that.”
Duane faded out as Daniel watched, streaming off into some place that was impossibly distant but also just a step away. He was smiling the whole way until the last trace of him vanished.
How strange, to have someone there one second and gone the next. To know that you would never see them again in this lifetime, unless reincarnation was a real thing. Daniel didn’t cry. His heart felt too numb for that. Instead, he turned and looked for Riordan.
The man was alone now. He stood there looking like some hot fantasy warrior with leather and fur clothing and those new badass tattoos. Even in grayscale, Riordan was dark skinned with darker hair and muscles fit to send women everywhere swooning. It was all very picturesque and brooding. Daniel wasn’t going to let that shit fly. If Riordan couldn’t get past looking sad and mopey, well, Daniel would simply have to fix that.
As simple as thinking it, Daniel was next to Riordan, glaring up at him with his hands on his hips. “Hey, now. Why the long face? This is it! We’ve won! I mean, sure, there’s a few things to tie up, or untie as the case may be with your body, but realistically, this could have gone so much worse!”
Riordan hadn’t startled at Daniel’s sudden appearance, having gotten more used to the weird movement here than Daniel had, but the spontaneous lecture left him gawking like a fish on dry land. Riordan stayed silent for a moment before starting, “Daniel, I-- That’s…”
Well, that wasn’t good enough. Daniel reached out and began pushing Riordan forward towards the hole in the Veil thing. Of course, Daniel wouldn’t have been able to budge Riordan if the big, magically gifted man hadn’t let him do it, but it was kinda cute to see Riordan all awkward. Daniel talked while he marched them both towards the hole. If Riordan hadn’t been dragging his heels metaphorically, Daniel had no doubt they could have gotten there in one step or something.
“Yeah, I know,” Daniel said, “It’s been a hell of a day and it’s not fully over yet. But we’ll get through today. And then we’ll get through the next and the next. However long it takes.”
Riordan spun and grabbed Daniel’s wrists, halting them in their tracks. “Daniel. I don’t-- I’m going to miss you.”
Daniel snorted, raising one eyebrow. He didn’t bother trying to break out of Riordan’s hold on his wrists. Ghost or not, he didn’t feel like hurting himself on futility. “No, you’re not,” Daniel quipped back to Riordan.
Riordan jerked as if surprised or struck, looking genuinely upset. Whoops. Not the best time for Daniel’s sense of humor. He hurried to continue his statement before Riordan’s feelings got more hurt. “You won’t miss me,” Daniel said kindly, “because I’m not going anywhere. I’m sticking with you, Riordan, if you’ll let me.”
It was Daniel’s turn to feel vulnerable as he waited for Riordan’s response. Fortunately, he didn’t have to wait long. “Are you sure, Daniel?” Riordan asked, “I can’t ask you to give up going to the afterlife for me.”
“You aren’t asking. I’m offering,” Daniel countered, “Besides, as long as you need a friend, I’m always going to feel like there’s unfinished business for me. You’ll just have to get used to being haunted.”
This time, Riordan’s smile was broad and genuine. “I can do that.”