K.I.P.D Records
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OPENING CASEFILE…
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CASE ID: J-██-███-█████-███
STATUS: UNSOLVED
DATE: 29/10/20██
CATEGORY: MISSING PERSON
VICTIM: DARCY ████████
REPORT:
[NOTE: Case is no longer under KIPD jurisdiction and falls under the ███ ██████████’s. Document has been heavily redacted to comply with federal law.]
On October 29th, at approx. 1600 hours, the KIPD received an anonymous complaint about a ‘suspicious smell’ emanating from a home at ████ ██████████, by ███ Lake. Location was flagged and officers were dispatched to investigate. Upon arriving at the scene, officers noted an odd smell that was described as ‘putrid,’ ‘foul,’ and ‘kind of Italian.’ Officers judged it’d be prudent to enter the lakeside home due to suspicious circumstances after noticing a ████ flag blocking out one of the windows for suspicions of ██████████.
Interior of the home was filled with rotting meat covering most surfaces in the entrance, kitchen, and dining room. Similar situation in almost every other room. Eggs of unknown origin were found within both bathrooms. [NOTE: Eggs are currently in ███ ██████████‘s custody. Following their demands, all photographic evidence has been ██████. Department has also been charged due to Officer ███████‘s idea to make an omelette out of evidence.]
Officers immediately called for backup and the domicile was marked as a potential crime scene. DNA analysis was performed on multiple meat samples found on scene. Results showed that most of the samples were beef, pork, and ████ with some samples of unknown origin. [NOTE: One sample was possibly ███████. Unknown how it was procured. Possible connections to Antarctica.] Further examinations of samples could not be made due to ███ ██████████‘s involvement.
Homeowner, Darcy ████████, could not be found or contacted. Similarly, the suspect's girlfriend, Kayla ██████, could not be found or contacted. Both assumed missing.
Additionally, letters from supposed pen pal ‘Mr. Fischer’/‘███████████‘ were found scattered throughout the domicile. Letters give reason to believe that Mr. Fischer and his family are responsible for the scene. System has no record of Mr. Fischer or ███████████ being local to the area and the address on the letters does not exist.
Beneath are the letters submitted into evidence prior to the ███ ██████████ involvement.
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LETTER 1:
“Dear Darcy,
Your reply was an unexpected yet very welcomed surprise, especially from someone who writes so exquisitely. We’ve quite a lot in common, as I’m a bit of a culinary expert myself, though my speciality is unique. You see, my family has peculiar tastes, and I’ve taken it upon myself to see all their needs are met. I’m sure you understand how important a happy family is after all, given the way you’ve explained your own regretful situation.
It’s hard to find people that can truly appreciate family and how difficult it can be to take care of them. I hope you continue to remain in touch so that we may share more. I’ve not had a pen pal quite as delectable as you in a long while.
Your newest friend,
Mr. Fischer”
[NOTE: Letter possessed a sweet smell of unknown origin. Assumed to cause ███████ ██████ as Officer ██████ could not stop ██████████ for the next few hours after exposure. No narcotics detected.]
LETTER 2:
“Dear Darcy,
I’m a bit old fashioned, so you’ll have to forgive me for being unfamiliar with terms such as ‘goth’ and ‘███ █████.’ Still, I do sympathize with your troubles. I too have hungered for the rarer sorts on the market, so we find ourselves with yet another trait in common.
Unfortunately, I’ve also been dealt my own fair share of problems. My family’s grown agitated, you see. They’re now seeking something with a bit more flavor compared to their usual fair. Fortunately, another pen pal of mine has managed to help me sate them for the time being. I’m truly grateful to be in touch with so many kind souls.
Yours truly,
Mr. Fischer”
[NOTE: Letters assumed missing as there are large gaps between the dates, unknown how many. Multiple officers allege Officer ██████ having taken some for ████████████ but cannot be confirmed, despite claims that ‘the man can’t even be trusted around a box of donuts, he sure as ████ can’t be trusted to not ███████████.’]
LETTER 3:
“Dear Darcy,
Though I appreciate your suggestions, I regret to say that trying out ‘vegan cuisine’ is not on the table for us. The very suggestion might very well offend them. This ‘Korean barbecue’ of yours does sound interesting, however, and we’d be all too happy to try. Korean is a spice we’ve yet to try.
I must offer my condolences at your lack of success. It’s a trouble I can more than sympathize with, especially when so many people’s tastes don’t suit your own. Fortunately for you, I may be able to help, should you accept my help that is. I’ve got friends in high places and plenty of strings to pull. All I ask in return is that you return the favor someday.
I patiently await your reply,
███████████”
[NOTE: ███ ████ ███ ████ █ ████ ███ █ ████ ████. Unknown if observation is true or false. New signature reveals that ████ ███ █████ ██ █████. Officers were informed not to repeat it by ███ ██████████ for their own safety. Additionally, Officer ██████‘s locker was searched at insistence of other officers. A jar of suspicious eggs, two halves of a █████████, a glue gun and a stack of █████ magazines were found. Officer ██████ denies ownership of the eggs. Further investigation pending.]
LETTER 4:
“Dear Darcy,
Ain’t nothing I can’t do, especially for a friend in need. All I ask is that you play host one fine evening some time down the road. I won’t even burden your pockets, as I’ll be preparing my own meal. All you’ll need to do is let me in.
If you accept, all you need to do is find some █████ and speak my name. Ridiculous, I know, but rest assured I’ll know. Besides, it’s about time we meet face to face.
Your biggest fan,
███████████”
[NOTE: Victim and suspect assumed to have met in person. ███ ██████████ has firmly stated we are not to do as instructed.]
LETTER 5:
[NOTE: Last letter is composed of leather-like material and stitched together. Also possesses a sickly-sweet aroma. Assumed that ████ ██████ were involved. Possible █████ █████.]
“Dear Darcy,
It’s been quite some time. Last I heard, you’ve been doing quite well for yourself ever since receiving my aid. Looks like it pays to have a friend at a high table. It’s impressive to see how much you’ve grown in such little time.
Of course, ain’t nothing for free in this world, especially when you have such an ambitious palette to fill, and I’ve finally come to collect. Rest assured, I fully intend to stick to my word; by the end of the night our bargain will be fulfilled. My family’s been especially looking forward to finally meeting you, starved for some rich cuisine.
I know you’ll more than provide for all our needs. After all, isn’t that what pen pals are for?”