CHAPTER 99

Waking up was a strange experience for Kuroyuki. There was an incomprehensible sense of being trapped, strangled and smothered by the weight of her own flesh. She should have been able to simply move as she wanted, without any sense of impedance, but her limbs moved sluggishly, stupidly. Her bones were heavy, her muscles weak and trembling. It seemed like even her hair hurt, though she wasn’t even certain how that was possible.

She opened her eyes; it seemed as though she was laying just outside the room the Sidhe had used to escape the world. A strange feeling gnawed at her guts. Not painful, but... insistent. A need with no mouth, a desire with no voice.

She struggled to her feet, and frowned disappointedly. She was liberally covered in dirt and dust. Her mother would be extremely disappointed and ashamed of her. Proper women did not get filthy. Her nails had shattered, her fingers were shredded and bloody, she’d skinned the palms of her hands, her knees, and at some point she’d managed to smack her elbow against something.

"Hungry." She muttered to herself, and then frowned. Hungry? What did that mean? She ate whenever Sasaki ate, because it was appropriate, but what was hunger? Why was she hungry now? She staggered out into the hallway, mentally retracing the steps that would lead her out of the ruins, away from Aston’s patrols, allow her to enter the city, and return to her mother’s side. She needed to be there when she woke, and also to give-

Her thoughts cut off. What had happened to the gear she had planned to give to her mother? She thought back, vaguely frustrated that the answer didn’t immediately come to her as things so often did.

Ah. She’d left it someplace. Where? Outside the ruins? In the city? She eyed her hands and balled them into fists, feeling the broken shards of her fingernails edge into her skin.

"This is really inconvenient!" She shouted, frustrated, and then immediately glanced around, to make sure nobody heard her. Of course nobody would hear her. She was alone in this place. She was cold, hungry, tired, her muscles hurt, her bones hurt, her ears rang, and her body dragged at her, slowing her down with the stupidity of flesh.

Something had changed, she finally realized.

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Sasaki rolled out of bed in the comfortable way she’d always used; the hot bath the night previous had done wonders to ease the ache in her muscles, and cleanse the dirt, mud and ash from her skin. She went through her morning routine of stretches, turned to face Kuroyuki and announce the plan for the day... except Kuroyuki wasn’t there. That was unusual. Her strange daughter was always awake before she was, dutifully retrieving their breakfast, helping Sasaki itemize the things they needed to take care of during the day.

Sasaki eyed her clothes. They’d brushed the mud and soot off, and tried to clean the best they could, but they were filthy and travel-stained. She wholeheartedly did not want to put them back on again. She was a grown woman; complaining impotently about a thing would not bring change. She lifted her clothes from the hangers the innkeeper had grudgingly provided for her.

Kuroyuki stepped into the room, prompting Sasaki to tumble into a crouch, her sword seemingly appearing in her hand as if by magic.

Sasaki and Kuroyuki eyed each other like two strange cats, and that itself was a confusing surprise to her. Kuroyuki often appeared as if by magic wherever Sasaki seemed to least expect, but there’d never been a sense, or ... awareness, of danger. Kuroyuki was a strange girl, but there was never a sense she was dangerous. Strange was something Sasaki could accept. She understood strange. In a way, the Anglish were strange. In a way, the Yamato were strange. What was the point of adhering to the Five Rings so strictly?

But from the moment Kuroyuki had stepped into the room, Sasaki’s training and reflexes screamed ‘danger’ at her; her body moving and reacting as she’d been trained.

That was a first. She’d never felt threatened by Kuroyuki’s presence. There were things she did that were unsettling- like her strange dissection of the fire-breathing lizard they’d encountered, but there was never a sense she was in any way in danger from Kuroyuki, so why did she react the way she did?

She could read that confusion, alarm, caution, and selfsame strangeness reflected in Kuroyuki’s face, too.

Sasaki rose from her crouch and sheathed her sword. "I was a bit surprised to wake and not see your smiling face, Kuro." She began, and set her blade to the side. "And you scared the shit out of me, opening the door like that. People knock, you know."

Kuroyuki continued to eye Sasaki as strangely as Sasaki eyed her. Perhaps she shouldn’t have set down her sword? It seemed the younger woman was assessing her, sizing her up as a threat. She’d never done that before, and it hurt and baffled Sasaki to see that calculation in her face.

"I brought breakfast, mother." Kuroyuki finally replied, and unshouldered a leather satchel Sasaki hadn’t noticed the other woman was carrying. "Also, I was able to speak with one of the Yamato guards, and I was able to get you some more.... robust clothes." She said by way of explanation.

Sasaki turned away, still feeling that sense of strangeness, of danger from Kuroyuki, and struggling against it. Some abstract part of her wanted nothing more than to simply out sword and hack her daughter down, and she didn’t understand why, so she railed against it.

"Well, let’s have a look." She offered, and raised her hands in a gesture of surrender. "But after breakfast, please. I think we forgot to eat dinner last night. I feel like I could practically eat an entire table."

Kuroyuki smiled politely. "I doubt that will be necessary. I’ve seen the portions they serve; you should have no need for such drastic measures."

Sasaki snorted at this, and the moment between them passed. Kuroyuki pulled out the clothing and armor she’d picked up from the guard, and Sasaki laid them out and eyed them critically. It was simple, utilitarian, without embellishment, serviceable. Boring in its uniformity. The shoes were not the clunky boots she feared, but simple layered leather with straps that wrapped around the calf. She didn’t need the bracer, she had one already, and it was a thing of sophistication, cunningly designed to fire three foot-long steel darts with a twist of her wrist.

The leather vest could be cut down and ... was tailored the right word with leatherworking? Shaped to a proper muneate, a chest protector, though Sasaki had disdained such things in the past. Was the way of the warrior to take a hit and survive, or was it to ensure the blow never arrived in the first place?

As they ate breakfast, Kuroyuki set her food down, and eyed Sasaki.

"Mother, tell me about magic."

Sasaki gave her daughter a bewildered look. She’d just violated several unspoken protocols; speaking while eating, bringing up a difficult subject during mealtime, and it should have been a question, rather than a flatly stated demand for something, as was appropriate for a daughter to her mother.

"Why?" She offered, and tweezed some food into her mouth with her chopsticks.

"Because nobody does." Kuroyuki replied, as if that meant anything.

"You’ve been asking people about magic?" Sasaki asked, wiping her hands on a napkin.

"It interests me." Kuroyuki replied. "But nobody seems willing to discuss it."

Sasaki gave her a long, considering look. "Mages are dangerous." She explained flatly. "Both to themselves and to others." she finally allowed.

"That doesn’t tell me anything, Mother." Kuroyuki argued. "Why? Why are they dangerous?"

Sasaki sighed. This would be a difficult conversation for her. Sasaki grew up like everyone else. Magic is dangerous. Report any and all magic use to a government official. Fear the mage. She wasn’t given to understand the esoterics of magic, all she needed to know was that it was dangerous, and that mages needed to be brought to the Church for Sanctioning, or outright killed for the threat they possessed.

She explained as much to Kuroyuki, and then picked up her chopsticks to resume eating.

"That explains nothing, Mother." Kuroyuki finally decided, irritation in her voice. Sasaki’s eyebrow twitched at this.

"Well, we have to go to the Chapel of the Sword up at the church to get our reward from Gared." Sasaki offered. "If you like, you can speak with a pastor, or perhaps even with one of the mages themselves. I don’t know much about magic itself, except..." She paused, and pointed with her chopsticks at her sword.

"I am dangerous because of my sword. Place me in a situation where I have need to use it and I will, without hesitation. I have been trained to do so." She paused, "But mages are dangerous because they simply cannot put their sword down. It is always there, and the blade is always bare. They can hurt themselves, and everyone else around them with it. It’s wholly possible that they will do these things long before they are trained to control themselves. They can’t help it. If they’re lucky, they can be trained in their ability and Sanctioned. Most often, as far as I know, they can’t help themselves, and need to be given the Goddess’ Mercy."

Kuroyuki considered this for a few minutes.

"Lady Araya does not much like me, Mother. I don’t think she’ll be pleased to see me on the Church grounds." She paused. "Which would be more beneficial for you? Shall I wait here for you? Shall I accompany you?"

Sasaki tugged on the collar of new clothes with her fingertips. "Come along, please."

Kuroyuki ducked her head in acknowledgement.

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Sasaki and Kuroyuki made it to the Church without incident; Sasaki secretly thrilling in the comfort and flexibility of her new shoes, which were quite effective in keeping the mud away from her feet. An umbrella kept the rain at bay.

As Sasaki and Kuroyuki passed the low stone wall that separated the church from the rest of the city, Kuroyuki delicately pinched the bridge of her nose and winced in pain. While Sasaki marched through the Church, making a beeline for the Chapel of the Sword, Kuroyuki found herself in the heart of the cathedral, idly examining the stained-glass windows and the inscriptions beneath.

"Is there something I could help you with?" An older man offered. Kuroyuki eyed him. He was wearing robes with a specific cut and markings that likely identified him with position and rank; however she was unable to discern what it was, or what the markings might be.

"It depends." She replied, speaking carefully. It was often difficult to speak with Anglish because they spoke so quickly it was difficult to understand the entirety of what they said immediately, and she understood her mastery of Anglish probably reflected poorly in her accent as well.

"I would like to learn about magic."

The man’s mien changed, becoming guarded. "You’re here to be Sanctioned?" He asked, and she shook her head. "You misinterpret me. I apologize for not being clear." She offered, and bowed her head politely.

"Magic is regarded and spoken of as dangerous, but I have found that the ‘why’ is often left out. I would like to understand the Anglish reasoning behind this edict."

He gave her a baffled, puzzled look. "What are you talking about? Everyone over the age of five knows that." He replied.

Her mouth twisted. She was barely more than a year old and was born in a completely different country; exactly how was she expected to know and understand a different country’s stance on magic?

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Omitting the nature of her birth, she asked the question of the man, who sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose, and then covered his face in his hands.

"All right, I will explain it to you, since it is apparently taught differently in Yamato culture:" he began. "Magic is dangerous."

"Why is it dangerous?" She interrupted, and she received a hot glare in return.

"There are many reasons." He replied. "First, it’s blasphemous. All right and true power flows from the Golden Lady. Any other power is an offense to Her divine authority." He paused, and then added, "However, there are a great many things that magic can do that our clerical abilities cannot replicate, and so mages are Sanctioned, trained and taught to use their power for the benefit of all."

"Tell me about Sanctioning." Kuroyuki offered, and he gave her an exasperated look. "Do you want to learn, or not? At least wait until I’m finished before asking questions, else we’ll be here all day, and neither of us will be happy with that result."

Kuroyuki bowed her head in apology, and gestured for him to continue.

"Second, magic is toxic. It corrodes the body and corrupts the spirit. This manifests in several ways: insanity, the rotting of the flesh, and mutation." He paused. "Sanctioning is a sacred ritual that filters the toxic element from a mage, and allows them to use their magic without fear of these unfortunate side effects." Kuroyuki’s eyebrow raised at this. She’d never heard the like before, she was certain.

"The goal is to bring all mages to the Church and Sanction them so that they can use their gifts without the fear of illness, insanity, mutation, or death. It can be very difficult at times to do this, because it’s often difficult to identify a mage until after the side effects begin to develop."

"What sorts of side effects?" She asked.

"The illness is generally systemic in nature. Hair, nails, and teeth begin to fall out, uncontrolled bleeding, then the organs in your body fail, and you die." he offered. "Mutation is varied and random; there’s no way to predict or control the result. Additional fingers, scales, extra limbs, the list is endless." He shrugged at that. "Finally, magic corrupts the soul of the user. Insanity of some sort is the typical manifestation. Kleptomania, compulsive lying, hallucinations, massive emotional swings, irrational acting out... The result is eventual loss of all mental faculties and the self-destruction of the soul." He shuddered. "The worst possible result is a combination of all three, a true abomination. Constantly rotting, constantly mutating, insane and..." he trailed off. "Horrific."

Kuroyuki nodded. "Thank you, that was very informative." She offered, and bowed.

"If I might ask a question in turn?" The older man offered. "How are mages handled in Yamato?"

Kuroyuki touched a fingertip to her lip as if in thought. "Please direct any and all inquiries into Yamato customs through the Yamato embassy." She responded and rose to her feet. "You have been invaluable in satisfying my curiosity." She praised, bowed again, and set off in search of Sasaki.

As she passed through the Cathedral, she felt compelled to glance up at the statue of the Golden Lady, Arm raised in triumph, a crown of lilies wreathing her brow.

"Don’t look at me like that." Kuroyuki muttered, looking up at the statue. "You and I have nothing to say to each other."

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"Captain Grimaldus was slain in an Urthan ambush while scouting the terrain for a training exercise." The man who had introduced himself as Dorian replied to Sasaki’s question. "I’m his temporary replacement, until someone can be dispatched from Darnell."

Sasaki reached into her belt pouch. "Here’s my Auxiliary Mandate. Grimaldus sent me to raze Apopka and clear the mine."

The man glanced over the document.

"Yes, I’d heard he’d left some specific requests, should you return." He replied. "You’ll get the usual bounty of course." He smiled a little. "Actually, that fire you set drove the Urthan ambushers back towards our pursuit squad, so..." he ran a finger across his pencil moustache, "I’ll throw in a little extra, since we were able to avenge his murder."

"I’m sorry for the loss." Sasaki replied sincerely. "He was a good man."

Dorian nodded. "He truly was." He replied regretfully. "However, you’ve been given new orders."

Sasaki blinked. She wasn’t expecting that. "For some time now, we haven’t been able to send merchant shipments south to Norn. They go missing and don’t return." He waved his hand irritably. "If it weren’t for those damnable Urthan shits, we’d be able to see to the matter ourselves. Maybe it’s some rogue beastmen, or bandits. Golden Lady preserve us if the Urthan have somehow gotten around us and have taken Norn." He muttered worriedly. "In any case, dispatch for Norn. Find out what’s going on, but I want you to understand you’re just passing through- your ultimate destination is Darnell. If Norn is lost to us, then break through, get to Darnell, and send word. Can you do it?"

Sasaki opened and closed her mouth a couple of times.

"My horses died." She complained, and he gave her a sympathetic half-smile. "Kinda new to this, aren’t you?" He asked, and she nodded.

"I was too." He sympathized. "You can requisition two more horses from the Chapel of the Sword, but please please," he stressed, "get to Darnell. Send word back."

Sasaki nodded. "I will."

Dorian flopped back in his chair. "Great. Excellent. Please make sure to pass a request to the Garrison there in Darnell for reinforcements. We’re getting our asses pounded, and soon there won’t be more than town militia to protect us."

Sasaki nodded again.

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Sasaki had requisitioned the horses, some additional travelling gear, collected Kuroyuki, and set out south, towards Norn.

Araya watched her leave from her window in the central spire. "We do not choose the roles we are meant to play, Sasaki." she murmured to them as they headed south towards Norn. "We can only struggle in the traces."

She patted her belly protectively, which was perfectly flat. "I wonder what role it is that you shall play, my son?"

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It was typically a ten day trip to Norn by horse, she’d been told, but Sasaki intended to make it shorter. As soon as they passed the gate out of Aston, she urged her horse to a trot. The warhorses from the Chapel of the Sword were bred for bursts of speed as well as endurance. She figured she could cycle between a trot and a walk several times during her journey and likely shave several days off her journey.

Kuroyuki was quiet, but she nearly always was, unless there was some need to share information, but Kuroyuki seemed lost in introspection.

Well, that was fine. Kuro was a smart young woman, and if she had some thinking to do, Sasaki would leave her to it.

It was on the third evening, halfway into their journey to Norn, that Kuroyuki asked Sasaki for a pen. Sasaki was baffled at the request, but nonetheless rummaged through her saddlebags and pack until she could find a pen and a stoppered bottle of ink.

"You once asked me-" Kuroyuki began, and then stopped. "You wanted to know what I was." She began, and then paused. "I’ve learned quite a bit more since you asked the question, and so I feel a bit more confident that I will be able to answer you," and then she looked to the side, "Though I have doubts that it will be a sufficient explanation, or if it would simply confuse you further."

Sasaki settled herself across from Kuroyuki. "Try. I’ll listen, and-" she gave a small smile, "I hope that I can meet your expectations, daughter."

Kuroyuki sighed with obvious relief at this pronouncement, and placed a board between them. Where it was that Kuroyuki had managed to procure it went right over Sasaki’s head. When had she picked it up? Back in Aston? When? Where? Why?

Kuroyuki unrolled a sheet of parchment, which immediately tried to curl back up. Kuroyuki simply stared at it as if willing it to flatten, and shockingly, it quivered, and did just that.

She drew a circle in the middle of the paper. "The world." She indicated, and then reached to the ground and picked up a pinch of dirt and sprinkled it into the circle. "The races of men, in all their forms, be they elf, orc, human, or Yamato."

After a moment, Sasaki nodded. Easy enough to understand.

Kuroyuki then drew another circle inside the original circle, nearly touching the inner edges. It was slightly off center, perhaps a millimeter or two. This ring was green, which mystified and scared Sasaki. The only ink she knew of was black, and that was the inkwell she’d given her daughter.

Kuroyuki gestured to the green circle. "The Gods of men." She indicated, and then drew a second circle, this time in blue, that interlinked and overlapped with the green circle. It too was slightly off-center. She gestured at the blue circle. "The Gods of Magic."

Sasaki took a breath at this. Nobody spoke of such things. It was forbidden, it was blasphemous, it was heretical, it was taboo. There was no word to express the wrongness of what Kuroyuki had just done.

Off to the side, she drew another circle, this in red.

"In truth, this circle should be in the other circles as well, but I cannot figure out how it should fit." Kuroyuki muttered, frustration painting her voice.

"What is that circle supposed to represent?" Sasaki asked. It wasn’t nearly as large as the world, but it seemed to be of a size with the Gods of Men and the Gods of Magic.

"Dragons, mother." Kuroyuki replied. Sasaki glanced up at Kuroyuki’s face, seeing the firelight reflected in their golden glow.

"Dragons? They’re a myth. They’re not real."

Kuroyuki was simply silent while Sasaki processed this information.

"So Dragons are not part of the world?" She asked, and Kuroyuki made a vexed noise. "They are definitely a part of this world. I simply cannot…" She struggled "I don’t know how they fit into the schema I have drawn you, mother."

"How would you?" Sasaki asked, and Kuroyuki blinked at the question.

"What responsibilities would you assign a god, mother?" Kuroyuki asked, and Sasaki gave her a baffled expression. "I can’t answer that. No one can. A God simply is."

Kuroyuki closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face. Clearly, she was disappointed in Sasaki’s answer.

"A God creates. A God destroys. A God gives blessings to their followers and banes to their enemies." Kuroyuki explained, "and perhaps most important of all, they shepherd the souls of those that believe in them." She offered. "Does that give shape to your understanding?" She asked Sasaki, who made a seesaw gesture with her hand.

"Dragons fulfill many roles, but the one role they do not have is the management of souls." She stated, and pointed at the red circle. Setting aside that requirement, this circle belongs in here." And she pointed to the "world" she had drawn. "But I cannot place their role in the world, since I do not-" She made another vexed noise in her throat.

"You’re saying that a dragon is as powerful as a God?" Sasaki tentatively offered, and Kuroyuki made the seesaw gesture back at Sasaki. "Aside from shepherding souls, they can fulfill the other responsibilities we discussed, yes. They can create, they can destroy. They can empower those that follow them, and describe punishment to those who stand against them." She explained.

Kuroyuki reached across the board to Sasaki, and gently lifted out the necklace with the long purple gem. She gestured, and Sasaki unlatched it, and handed it to Kuroyuki.

The young girl considered the gem in her hand, and then she picked up a slim dagger from beside her, and plunged it outside the world, with its circles of gods and little pile of dirt that represented the countless throngs of men and women that populated the world.

"What’s that?" Sasaki whispered, gesturing to the dagger.

"The Sentinel." Kuroyuki whispered. Directly opposite the dagger, but still outside of the world and its circles of gods, Kuroyuki paid the long purple gem.

"Me." She finished. She looked up at Sasaki. "Do you understand?"

Sasaki immediately shook her head. Kuroyuki sighed, tugged the paper off the plank of wood, and tossed it indifferently into the fire. She handed back the necklace, and tugged out the stiletto from the plank of wood.

"It’s fine that you don’t understand." Kuroyuki offered. "There is still so much that I don’t understand." She sympathized. "This was my attempt to try and understand things for myself." She sighed despondently.

"We have a problem, mother."

"Problem?" Sasaki asked, hand going to the sword at her side.

Kuroyuki shook her head. "You have a mission to complete in Norn, in Darnell." A tear trickled down her cheek. "But I can’t go with you."

"Why not?" Sasaki immediately objected.

"I was poisoned in Aston." Kuroyuki replied. "There’s a place far to the east where I might be cured." Her mouth twisted in frustration. "I also may not be cured. But what matters is the choices we have before us." She looked up at Sasaki. "You are my mother, so the choice resides with you. You may give me your mercy here and now. You may abandon me to your mission… or you can-"

She shook her head. "You have a dream of being a Witch Hunter. You can definitely achieve it, if you follow the plan."

"Mercy?!" Sasaki blurted out hotly. "You want me to- to-" She trailed off, and Kuroyuki nodded. "This body of mine is flesh and blood. You can easily grant me mercy. My soul will remain within the gem."

"You keep saying, over and over, that you are my daughter- and then you say I have the right to kill you? What sort of sense is that?"

Kuroyuki allowed a small smile. "I did not say it was sensible, only a choice."

Sasaki covered her face with her hands and dragged them down. "You said you might find a cure to the east."

Kuroyuki nodded. "Slight, but possible, yes. However, it’s months out of our way."

Sasaki frowned in thought, eyes darting back and forth. "You said you’re poisoned, but would you be able to last that long?"

Kuroyuki shrugged. "But you can disregard that, and continue to Norn, to Darnell. Complete your goal. As long as you have the gem, I will be able to find you."

Sasaki shook her head. "No. I go with you." She grimaced, and then added, "I wanted to be a Witch Hunter because of Katarina. She’s dead now." She let out a bitter sigh and a tear trickled down her face. "I still want to. But you take priority right now. I’ll go with you. Darnell can wait."