Chapter 80

We didn’t leave the moment we ended the call. Of course not! Even if we left most of the work to our Prime Minister, we still had some work to do regarding things that could only be passed through us.

During this time, the Reverie ended and our Prime Minister returned to Safe Haven…thankfully not harmed. Apparently there was some skirmish with the Revolutionary Army and the World Government but since they were already at war with each other officially, we just called our ‘Neutral Card’ again and it was good.

As the Reverie ended, just as we predicted the World Government abolished the Warlord system and sent Marine Fleets to remove the remaining warlords. Thankfully, Boa Hancock took to our advice and resigned before that happened, and thus was saved from having to fight. Strong or not, war on home territory will almost lead to casualties you don’t want. If you’re going to fight a war, do it on someone else’s land; how to win a modern war 101.

By now, I’m sure X-Drake would have informed Sakazuki of what was happening at Wano. Looks like it’s time for us to go.

On the way to Wano on the Requiem, Sarah kept bombarding us with questions.

Sarah: Are you really going to do this?

Diana: Yes, that’s why we’re going.

Sarah: But it’s…it’s Kaido! You might die you know?

Me: We fought Big Mom before…

Diana: We have to let the world know that nobody is an exception. Not Pirates, not Marines, not Warlords, and not even the Emperor themselves. Besides, I don’t think we’ll die.

Sarah: They call him the strongest Pirate!! He tries to kill himself for a HOBBY! If even he or the Marine’s can’t kill him while he’s down, how could you two?!

Me: I think we have a basic idea.

Diana: We’ll run down on the things of what is normally supposed to kill someone. Hopefully we’ll get one before we run out.

Sarah: You girls are hopeless…but i know that no matter what I say you’re going to fight anyway.

Me: We’re stronger than we look.

Sarah: You literally killed Big Mom. I’ve been with you for a couple of years as you two went around beating the biggest and baddest criminals in the world. I think I understand that quite well.

Diana: Sarah, just don’t get into our fight. Make sure to stay out of it since I don’t think anything or anyone other than someone on Whitebeard’s level of defense can tank Kaido.

Me: We’d like some support from above to keep Kaido’s underlings away from the fight as well. But don’t engage with any of his 3 Commanders. That’s not a wise choice.

Sarah: You mean King, Queen, and Jack?

Me: Yeah, don’t mess with them. If they want to help Kaido, let them come. We’ll deal with them as well so don’t worry about that.

Sarah: … You know what? You’ve come back from impossible odds unharmed. Fine! I’ll let you girls do as you wish one last time!

Diana: It won’t be the last.

Sarah: YES IT WILL! Seriously! Think about your position and safety as well! You girls are the Foundation of Safe Haven. The strength that comes from you two are what holds together this power in the New World.

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Me: Seriously, you don’t need to worry. We’ve got a plan. Eventually everyone falls down after getting beat the shit out of them.

Diana: From there, run down on the list of ‘How we think Kaido can be killed’. If that doesn’t work…well, we’ll think about that later.

Brown: Leave them Sarah, you know those twins are batshit crazy anyway. Nobody in the right mind would willingly fight not one, but two emperors in a matter of 2 weeks. My only solace is knowing that you girls are strong…so make sure to beat Kaido’s ass okay?

Me: You got it :)

It took a couple of hours but we reached Wano, or Udon to be precise. Sis and I decided we’ll just jump down from here (which was above the clouds) and walk to Onigashima there. We want to enjoy a little bit of traditional Japan before going to fight.

We double checked that our crew understood that they are to never engage in a fight with Kaido, or any of the commanders before jumping down. We got a lot of attention as we landed in the middle of the street, still in our usual clothes and not bothered to change.

I, of course, was wearing my short black tank top and black tights with a warm purple leather jacket while Sis was in full black and white formal wear. How she wears that all the time is still a mystery for me. Isn’t it uncomfortable?

Eating udon, some other foods that we’ve never had before. We also bought a few souvenirs from the local stores like Kimonos before calling it a day.

Diana: *sigh* Honestly i wanted to push it back as much as I can, because truth be told I’m quite nervous about this as well.

Me: Sis, we’re going up against the Strongest Creature in the world…it’s quite normal to be nervous. Most people would’ve shit their pants by now.

Diana: I guess you’re right. So what do we do now, make our way over?

I don’t remember where the Straw Hats and the others were at this point in the story. I know I screwed up the storyline for this as Big Mom would no longer be part of the Wano arc. Does that mean Luffy would remain in Prison? Or did he break out with those strange ninjas that were with that old grandpa guy that knows how to use advanced armament haki? (Partial Aura Projection)

I guess it doesn’t matter. We came here for Kaido and we know where to find Kaido.

Me: Off to Onigashima then.

We arrived at the sea and simply started floating our way over. Things are simple if you aren’t held down to the ground by an invisible force.

Once we arrived at what looked like where Kaido would be, we didn’t bother and just walked straight through. A few people tried to stop us but it was honestly just a ridiculous attempt. When I just squashed into a pulp, the rest learned and stayed away from us.

*Crash!*

Sis kicked open the wood/paper door of where we sensed something that had to be Kaido, and there he was in all his drunken glory. In a messy dark room with his equally messy hair. His permanent scowl marked deep in his face, almost as if he was glaring at us…but that would be unbelievable, he was too drunk to even look at a direction correctly.

Kaido: *burp* Who…?

Diana: So you’re not in your angry or sad drunken state. What is this type?

Pirate 1: Captain Kaido is currently in his nostalgic Drunken form.

Kaido: ehh…? What? Shut up!

*CRACK!!!*

Kaido: JUST WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!!!

As Pirate 1 was flatted into the ground by a very strong fist, Pirate 2 came in the room to replace the now-dead pirate.

Pirate 2: Ahhh!! Captain’s in his rage drunken form now!!

Diana: How do we get him sober?

Pirate 2: You’ll have to wait!! Don’t you know?

Me: We don’t have time for that. Sis, let’s get awake. I don’t want to fight him while he’s drunk.

I walked up to him and gathered as much Haki as I can (in just a split second) before punching him directly in the gut.

Kaido: *brragghhh!!!* *cough* *cough*

The ground stank of liquor and vomit as Kaido threw up most of his liquor…as well as his lunch.

Diana: Hi Kaido, we’re here. You were kind of drunk so we took the liberty of waking you up. Looks like a quick punch to the gut worked fine.

Kaido: uhh…why is the Society here…?

Diana: Don’t you remember? I called you to say that we were coming for an inspection.

Kaido: Whaa? Inspection?! INSPECTION!!! That’s right! You were the reason I started drinking like crazy to begin with yesterday!!!

Diana: Don’t try to fool me. You were probably just looking for an excuse to drink. So anyway we’re going to have to arrest you for your connections with Doflamingo and the importing of SMILE.

Kaido: What?? Arrest ME?

Me: You’re taller than I thought honestly. Even bigger than Whitebeard if I remember correctly. Besides, I’ve got a few questions to ask before we do arrest or fight or whatever.

Kaido: You think you can…wait, heh, let’s hear it out

Me: You really tried killing yourself and failed? I mean…if you’re really determined to die, How can you fail?!

Kaido: Ropes snap when they are hung around my neck, swords and spears break when they try to cut off my head or stab me in the heart.

Me: What about the traditional weakness of all Devil Fruit users?

Kaido: I’ve sunk 8 Vessels holding me while in the sea, and still I survived! I’ve jumped off Sky Island, 10 kilometers in the sky and survived! Tell me, What could kill me?!

Me: You really are dumb…how have you not found a way to kill yourself yet?

Kaido: Do YOU have an answer?

Me: Of course! I’ve got a few. First, drown yourself and make sure to chain yourself to the seafloor with Seastone chains.

Kaido: It won’t work. I’ll rip out the Seafloor with me as I resist my death.

Me: That means you aren’t trying hard enough to die…anyway what about cutting through your head and heart with one of the Supreme Grade swords? You can get one of them if you declare war against all 3 Emperors at once…and the Marines while you’re at it. They’ll make sure you stay dead.

Kaido: I’ve been captured so many times…they’ve done everything they could to try and kill me.

Me: what about eating a second Devil Fruit. have you done that before?

Kaido: …

Me: You haven’t done that have you.

Kaido: …ok, I’ve survived every traditional form of execution and suicide then.

Me: You’re a Devil Fruit user, did you seriously not think of that?! You’re just like Big Mom. So powerful yet so dumb!

I was trying to provoke him into his dragon form. It was something I wanted to see before we fight for real. After all, for all we know his Dragon form might be weaker than his current form.

Me: Always getting drunk and ignoring the problems of the World, secluding yourself in Wano because you’re too scared of what the others have to say about you!!

Kaido: grrr

Good, looks like he still can’t think completely straight.

Me: You’re a Goddamn EMPEROR of the Sea, yet you don’t have a single capable underling that can’t take care of a single Straw Hat? You need to go out yourself?? Besides, what’s with that scar on your chest? If someone left a scar on you with a Great Grade sword, then how come you weren’t able to kill yourself with anything else? Are you THAT weak?

Targeting his scar left by Oden with Enma seemed to have an effect.

Diana: Reminds me of a specific story you know? Since Oden was too strong for that big bully over there to take care of, he had to use his status instead. “Oh My God~ I’m so scared of Oden~ so I’m going to whore myself to Orochi and get him to execute his brother~~”

Good job sis, Kaido’s quite literally fuming now. That steam coming out of his nose, is that a dragon Zoan thing?!

Kaido: HOW DARE YOU!!! I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN EMPEROR IN THIS OCEAN!!

Kaido grew bigger and bigger, tearing through the roof of the traditional Japanese palace we were in and covering the sky with his majestic Asian Dragon Form.

He grew longer and longer until it seemed as if the palace we were in looked like just a small toy to him.

Kaido: CAN’T YOU SEE? TO ME, YOU ARE ANTS!!!

I smiled as we got ready to play our own cards.

Me: Ready when you are sis.

She smiled as she prepared herself for the Jutsu.

Diana: *MANGEKYO SHARINGAN* PERFECT SUSANOO

Me: *RINNEGAN* *SUMMONING* GEDO STATUE!

Sis’s aura began to grow until it overshadowed the palace and soon the mountains. In moments, she was taller and bigger than Kaido’s Dragon form. Making it look like a garden snake compared to a fully armed Kuniochi

I buckled in pain as a black rod stabbed me through the Torso as the Gedo Statue was summoned. If it didn’t hold all the Chakra from the 9 Tailed Beasts, this was the only way to make it function like it did. The only saving grace would be that I charged it for a couple of years continuously with my haki. This should last at least a couple hours.

As we stood towering over Kaido, I saw sis smile.

Diana: You were saying?