(A.N. Please point out any mistakes I may have made. Thanks.)
Ch – 2
I had a weird dream. A crowd of Destructions’ ghosts surrounded me ranging from the first edition to the latest Destruction no.33 Some were tall, fat, short or skinny. Nonetheless, they all gave the vibe of an annoying mother.
They kept on chanting ‘Princess Princess’ which crept me out. Did I watch too much anime? I know I have a bad habit of breaking my alarm clocks and my parents always sneakily replaces them but isn’t this too much? Did I really build up so much grudge over the years?
Is this my redemption?
Nah.
Then I woke up.
///
I fell asleep. For four hours straight. In the capsule.
That kinda sounds like a haiku, maybe I should publish it. Mum found me in a drool puddle when it was dinner time, luckily the capsule’s insides were waterproofed against sweat. Now I am entering the game for the second time. Otherwise, Jackson wouldn’t stop complaining about my progress.
Ah. It’s black. Oh yeah, I logged out while I was asleep. It feels warm. And a moist, but mostly warm.
Moist?
“-Bro”
Bro? The male voice sounds quite faint.
“Bro, are you still asleep?”
A face comes into view. Male. 20ish. Gives off the vibe of a useless old man.
“Who are you calling a useless old man!? I’m still 23, far from being an old man!”
“Ah. Did I say that out? I’m sorry, it’s just you look like someone with a crippling debt.”
“This may sound narcissist but I consider myself to be a friendly older brother and for my finances- , wait no never mind that, how could you sleep through that stench?”
“Stench?”
“The uh, you know, rabbit poop.”
I look down to see that I have a moustache, made of poop. And droppings on other areas on my body.
Breathe in, breathe out. Okay don’t breathe in the poop, but calm down me.
“And it looks like the culprit left its message.” He pointed towards the ground.
I look to my right and see a sentence written up in broken sticks and poop.
[DON’T WASTE MY TIME NEXT TIME! HMPH!]
Instantly all anger I had vanished after seeing that message. After seeing my body tremble a bit the Pedo(?) guy keeps on babbling.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry that you’re in this state but I do not recommend getting revenge. You will never feel satisfied and plus Pricia’s fandom will guard her 24/7.”
“Such-“
“Such?”
“Such dedication!”
“...huh?”
“Not only she was willing to dip her hands in manure to make fun of me but also finished it off with a message that stayed in character, not to mention the letters are all in the right size. I admire someone with such dedication. They have my deepest respect.”
“.... Are you sure you’re right the in head?”
I truly respect those with so much energy in life. They can just seem to be able to do anything. Those who are always willing to put in the effort will forever be my heroes.
While I was having an inner worship moment, a crowd of players has grown around us.
“Oi isn’t that the Princess?”
“Hey, you’re right. Guys! The Sleeping Beauty is awake!”
“Where?”
“Seriously?”
“Ba ka na!”
“Who woke him up?”
“It was Stan.”
“…” And then there was silence.
“HAHAHAHA!”
“Dude! Do you really swing that way?”
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“No way, I’m dying here.”
“My stomach hurts.”
“LOL Stan was his prince charming.”
I notice the pedo(?) guy’s face was getting red.
“Oi, cut it out you bastards, it’s not funny!” Stan shouts but they ignored him.
“Did you kiss him to wake him up?”
“HAHAHA I can’t breathe.”
“Was there a poison apple in his mouth?”
“Did you see the 7 dwarves walking by?”
*Briki* I think I heard vein pop out.
“Oi, you sons of bitches!” Stan slowly walks up to the crowd. “Keep it up and I’ll chop your balls off and make you guys real princesses.”
Then they scatter off in a high speed while shouting out random stuff.
“RUN!”
“HAHA, He’s mad!”
“It’s Beauty and the Beast!”
“Stan is protecting his princess.”
“BWAHAHAHA!”
“Be careful that he doesn’t capture your hearts as well guys.”
“LOL! He wants to make us into his princess.”
They disappeared as quickly as they appeared. Stan was grumbling while stomping his way back towards me.
“Good for nothing classmates, retards who eats glue, I swear I’ll get them back.”
Didn’t he just say getting revenge won’t be satisfying?
///
After getting myself cleaned up and collected the ‘offerings’ I found lying around I made my way towards the village. With a stalker of course.
“Who’s a damn stalker?!”
Ah. I did it again.
“It’s just we’re going in the same direction. It’s not I have any ulterior motives or anything or the sort.”
By the extent he is denying it, I fear for my chastity.
“Why are you giving that look? And what’s with the sudden increase in pace? Hey!”
Noisy, too loud.
“Oi, I’m talking to you!”
Stranger Danger.
He runs by and stops in front of me. Faces me and hunches downwards with both hands clamping my shoulders. His face is flush red and breathing heavily.
“ *huff* Look at other people when they talk to you dammit! *huff*”
Survival instincts MAX.
“Sorry, I don’t swing that way.” I retreat a few steps while flipping my hand left and right.
“No that’s not it, you dumbass. I just want to know your name!”
I tilt my head in confusion.
“…For your victim list?”
“NO! As fellow players!”
Current we’re on a forest pathway towards …Rasaha? Well the starter village, but suddenly there was some shouting towards the left. I glance over to see some bandits like old men in rags doing some battle cry in the distant shrubbery.
"N-no way... Are you kidding me? Bandits so early in the game?" He mutters.
[Wild Bandits appeared?]
“C'MON BOYS, LET’S SHOW THE VILLIAN THE BANDITS' HONOR AND SAVE THAT POOR LAD!!!”
“OOOOHHHHH”
“DOWN WITH THE MOLESTER!”
“SEVER HIS JEWELS OFF!”
“SELL HIM TO THE BROTHELS!”
"Too bad he is a cutie, what a waste."
[What will you do?
-Fight
-Pokémon
-Bag
-Run]
The Stalker Pedo lets out an "Eh?"
(A.N. This chapter is a bit short, just shy of 1000 words, cuz I’m still thinking of how the story will go from there. Although I have seen a lot of comedy, coming up with your own and conveying it through text is a much harder challenge. Again thank you for reading and any feedback would be nice.)