I woke up in stages. My bruises were first. All of them, all over my body, including my head. For some time I lay where I was, experiencing nothing but pain.

Next came my sense of touch, and with it taste. I understood from the taste of dirt in my mouth that I was lying on my face. My hands were tied behind my back. I would have tested those bonds if the desire to do so hadn’t been one of those things (like my ability to move) that still remained unconscious.

So, face down, tied up, and in pain. Not a good list, but at least I was alive.

Then my hearing kicked in.

“But he’s not even human! You saw the tail. He’s some sort of demon or something.” It was Gabby’s voice, smooth and warm and undeniably angry.

“I ain’t human neither.” It sounded like Max. Good, I thought. He was still alive. Then I realized my ability to think was returning. “An’ you ain’t entirely either. What difference do it make?”

“Enough of this. Get out of my way. I’m going to stick this in his gizzard. It’s what he deserves!”

“Now, hold on a minute. I ain’t sayin’ he ain’t rotten an’ rude an’ just plain bad news to be around. But he saved me from bein’ a snack for them goblins, an’ that’s gotta count fer somethin’.”

“You also said he tried to bargain your life for his.”

“Yeah, but I can’t say fer sure that weren’t just some ploy. Savin’ me life now, that’s undeniable.”

“And so is breaking my crystal ball!”

I suddenly found I could see. Unfortunately, the only thing in front of my eyes was dirt and goblin innards. Without consciously deciding to do so, I groaned.

“He’s waking up!” hissed Gabriella. “I’m going to kill him!”

“Yeh’ll haff to go through me first!” Max replied.

With a herculean effort, I managed to roll myself over so I could see them. Max was hovering almost above me, sword drawn. This time it wasn’t aimed at me. It was aimed at Gabby, who held not a cosh, but a dagger in her hand. Her expression was murderous.

Perhaps my sight hadn’t returned properly. I could have sworn her skin looked slightly blue, like that of an orc but paler.

“I didn’t break your crystal ball,” I managed, trying to speak clearly through a mouthful of dirt. “You did.”

“It was your fault!” she returned.

Even though it set the blood rushing in my ears, I shook my head and struggled to a sitting position. “I didn’t make you knock the table. And anyway, you don’t really want to kill me.”

Her top lip, beautifully formed, curled into a snarl.

“If you did, I’d be dead already. Not tied up.”

“A moment of weakness only,” she hissed, glancing at Max. “Soon to be remedied.”

I’d had, I decided, just about enough. “Fine. Go ahead, then. Max, thank you for your protection, but please let her do as she wishes.” I figured if she did stick that dagger into my gizzard, at least I wouldn’t hurt so much. And really, I didn’t expect her to do it.

She started forward and I started to doubt my assessment of whether or not she would kill me. “What if I were to promise you a replacement crystal ball?” I said desperately.

“I’d think you were lying.”

“Why? Surely they’re not that hard to come by.”

“The one you broke had been in my family for generations. As you so callously pointed out, it was hardly the best crystal ball in existence. But it worked, and to get a replacement would cost me more than I could make in a decade. They’re quite rare. You can’t simply find them for sale for a few coins at a local market.

“But even if you were somehow able to find me a new one, how would that make up for my tavern?”

During her speech, I’d surreptitiously maneuvered my tail about so the serrated edge was against my bonds and had started to work my way through, but the last sentence she said caught me by surprise.

“Huh?” I said, displaying limitless intelligence. I tried again. “The tavern was yours?”

“Yes. And you burned it down. It was everything I’d worked for over my whole life, and now it’s nothing because of you. And for that, you’re going to die.”

“Sorry,” I blurted. “I didn’t know.” Then I frowned. “But I didn’t burn it down. Everyone keeps saying I did, but I was getting the crap kicked out of me by the guardsmen. I don’t know how the fire started, but it wasn’t my fault.”

It didn’t have any impact. She continued to stand over me with grim intent in her eye and her dagger in her hand. Despite the threat she posed, I couldn’t help but be distracted by her curves and the way her insufficient clothing struggled to keep them hidden. Her skin definitely had a blueish tinge, I thought. Why hadn’t I noticed that in the tavern? I kept working on my bonds.

“Do you take me for a fool?” she demanded. “I saw it in my crystal before you … before it broke! And I talked to the survivors. Those that saw all describe the same thing: they saw you, breathing a stream of fire at the guardsmen.”

“Wha—?” I started, displaying just as much intelligence as I had a moment before. “But that’s crazy! I can’t … I don’t…. Look, if I could breathe fire, don’t you think I would have done so with the goblins?”

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

And yet, it somehow fit with what I remembered. That strange feeling in my chest and the taste of charcoal in my mouth that just wouldn’t go away. Was it possible?

Nah! It was crazy, as I’d said.

For the first time, Gabby’s eyes contained a glimmer of doubt. That’s when Max chimed in. “Tha’s what I saw, too. Don’t know how he done it, but he breathed fire!”

Thanks, Max.

Gabby’s resolve hardened. “You must be some kind of demon,” she said. Too quickly for my minuscule winged protector to intervene even if he wanted to, she lunged forward and swung her dagger at my face.

Fortunately, I’d managed to weaken my bonds just enough. They parted as soon as I started to move. I blocked Gabby’s slash and surged to my feet. “Now now,” I said, backing away. “Let’s be reasonable about this.”

Gabby’s idea of being reasonable appeared to be to snarl and swing wildly back and forth with her dagger. I skipped backwards once, twice, three times. Then I changed tack and blocked her, only to be rewarded with a lightning fast slash across my chest that really would have hurt if it hadn’t been for my armor.

“Look,” I said, trying once more. “I’m not a demon. I don’t know exactly what I am, but I bleed just like anyone else. Look, you can see where the goblins got through.”

It was true. I’d been bitten and cut in a wide variety of places, and while most of the resulting injuries were minor, several of them still leaked blood. Demons, as far as I knew, didn’t bleed.

It wasn’t as if I was looking for sympathy or anything, but she didn’t seem to care at all. She just kept attacking, and I kept backpedalling. At least until I tripped on a rock and fell backwards.

Sensing victory, she pounced like a hungry rat might pounce on a rock-lizard, her dagger coming at me with her full weight behind it.

I caught her hand and held her with the dagger inches from my face. She snarled again, leaning as hard as she could to drive the knife home. I couldn’t help but admire once more how she was made, but just at that moment there were other things to consider. Like surviving. She was remarkably strong. Much stronger than I would have guessed, looking at her. So I reached around her with my tail, unbalanced her and flipped her over.

Now I was on top of her, holding both of her hands so she couldn’t hurt me.

It seemed to enrage her further. “Get off!” she yelled. “Get off! Get off! Get off!” She thrashed around wildly enough that once or twice I was almost unseated.

“Stop that,” I said.

Carefully, I wrapped my tail around the wrist of her hand that wasn’t holding the knife to free up my hand, and pried her knife away.

She stopped struggling. “Now,” I said. “Are you going to be reasonable?” She spat at my face, but I was ready for that. It’s what I would have done. I dodged easily enough. “Good,” I said, as if she’d agreed. “Here’s what’s going to happen. First, you’re going to stop trying to kill me. As I said, I didn’t break your crystal ball, and if I did have anything to do with the fire, then I’m sorry, but it wasn’t on purpose. Second, you’re going to tell me where I might find the Fracture. And third….” But I didn’t really have a third. It just flowed on so nicely from the first and second that it just came out.

So I hesitated. Then I thought, What the hell. I leaned down and kissed her full on the mouth.

Perhaps my timing wasn’t the best. After all, I’d just fought a horde of goblins and was still covered in gore. But I figured I might not get another chance anytime soon, so why not?

For a moment, Gabby was still. Then she struggled so furiously it was as if she’d only been pretending before, shrieking at me all the while. Great fun to begin with, but she didn’t stop and as I said, she was surprisingly strong. I quickly found myself losing my grip. She kneed me a glancing blow where a man shouldn’t be kneed and I reflexively winced.

It was all she needed. In moments our positions were reversed. Again. Now she was on top with me underneath. I panicked briefly, thinking this was the end, and wondered what had happened to her knife.

Then she kissed me back.

Surprised, I didn’t respond. She was looking at me with a mixture of hatred and uncertainty.

“I despise you,” she said, and kissed me again.

At that moment I felt I would never understand women as long as I lived. Things might have become even more interesting had Max (who hadn’t said one word all through our fight) not chosen that moment to speak.

“Much as I hate to interrupt, I think yehs both need to stop what yeh’re doin’ right about now.”

Gabby immediately stopped what she was doing. Thanks again, Max, I thought. You win today’s perfect timing award.

I lay where I was, suddenly conscious of all my various aches and minor hurts. In the last day I’d been badly beaten not once, but twice. Either time I could have been killed. And now, just when it looked like something positive was going to happen, it didn’t. Gabby climbed off me, leaving me exhausted and just a little aggrieved.

I closed my eyes, decided that the ground seemed surprisingly soft, and thought about sleep.

No such luck.

“Hey—sorry, I don’t even know your name.”

“Gordan,” I said. “Gordan of Riss.”

“Right, then. Gordan. Um, pleased to meet you. Sort of. Maximus is right. We’ve got to go.”

“Why?” I said, not moving. “Have the goblins come back?”

“No. Worse.”

Worse? Groaning, I opened my eyes and sat up. All I saw was Gabby, looking stunning despite being smudged with goblin gore, and Max hovering in the air. Neither of them looked panicked. But they weren’t entirely calm either.

“What is it?” I asked.

“That,” Gabby replied, pointing.

I looked. “Oh. It’s coming this way, I gather?”

“Yeah.” This time it was Max. “Watched it long enough to be sure.”

“Right then,” I said. “What are we waiting for?” I hauled myself to my feet. “Any chance my poor pony survived the goblins?” I asked.

Max shook his head. “Yeh can check if yeh want. I think there’s some tufts of tail left, and maybe a bell. But that’s about it.”

Somehow I didn’t feel like checking. “So, Gabby, care to double?”

“Gabriella,” she said. She looked at me for a moment, then nodded. “Don’t think I’ve forgiven you though, because I haven’t.”

“You’re not going to try to kill me again, are you?” I asked. “Either of you?”

“Not right now,” replied Max.

“Depends,” said Gabby.

It was good enough for me. “Let’s go, then.”

Now, you may be wondering what had so motivated us to leave. Simply this: the Demesne, that floating mountain-palace of the Shadow, was drifting towards us. This wasn’t an unheard of event, but the folk around here had all learned not ever to be caught beneath it, if it could be helped.

Partly, this was due to the cold, miserable shadow it cast. It turned daylight into darkness, but that wasn’t the worst of it. Water dripped from it in large, cold, wet drops like you get on the inside of a cave.

All by itself, this would have motivated most travelers to move out of its way. But in addition to this, it wasn’t unheard of for bits to fall off. Small rocks for the most part, but even they could do damage if they landed in the wrong place. Like on top of your head, for example, or through the roof of your house. And some of the bits that fell off weren’t small at all.

Even this danger wasn’t the worst. I mean, the rocks would just kill you. It would be sudden and quick.

But I’ve mentioned before that the Demesne is home to various servants as well as the Shadow. And more than a hundred thousand orcs. Now, I don’t fully understand the mechanics of it all, but you can’t just dig a latrine for so many on a floating piece of rock. You have to use some form of plumbing.

The result of this is that the Demesne has storage tanks that hold the waste of all those living on top. And every now and then, those storage tanks are emptied over whatever happens to be underneath at the time.

Ever wonder what it’s like to drown in orc excrement? There are those who could tell you.

For my money, that was the best reason ever for being somewhere else when the Demesne sails by.