So hungry. I haven't eaten or drink anything for the past two days.

I wanted my corp to look neat after I hang myself.

Anyways, I will not kill myself until I finish with the writing.

What should I eat? What did I like?

I used to eat whatever was in front of me when I'm hungry, but I want to eat what I like today.

When I was in grade school, Minhee's mom treated the whole class with jjajangmyeon to celebrate the day of Minhee becoming the class president.

I tried it for the first time and I remember it was unforgettable.

So I once told my dad I wanted to eat jjajangmyeon but he said "next time" and never bought it for me.

At that time, everyone knew how to eat jjajangmyeon, except me. I remember Youngbae giving me the mixed jjajangmyeon and taking mine and mixing it for himself.

I should order jjajangmyeon. Not sure if I can feel the taste of that time again.

"Thank you for calling Youngbin-gwan what can I get for you"

"Ah. Yeah. Can I get one jjajangmyeon?"

"You have to pay in cash for one"

"Oh. Really? Can I pay with coins?"

"Sure can~ What's the address?"

"Dongdaemoon-gu Hwegi-dong St.102-172 unit201, Seoul"

"Got it. Thank you for the order"

Did I order it right... If it doesn't come, better order it somewhere... Didn't like the name anyways...

First, I should get rid of that rope. Don't want the delivery guy to call the cops and get me in trouble.

I went up to the chair and cut off the knot with a kitchen knife. It was quite tough to cut it. If I will ever have a chance to hang it up again next time, I will buy a knife that works well and write it down on paper: 'It's not important evidence, so you can just use it. The rope is quite tough.'

I think I'm a kind person when I see things like this. I've been victimized all my life, but I don't like to victimize others.

Perhaps I don't do that because I felt the pain first.

So the weak become weaker and the strong continue to be stronger.

The victim is accustomed to being in suffer and the perpetrator is accustomed to inflict suffering.

The victim is not accustomed to inflict suffer and the perpetrator is not accustomed to being in suffering.

Children are even more so. So a child who was bullied for some reason has countless reasons to harm others, but don't. On the other side, a child who has no reason to harm others does so.

We might all have been born with the same heart in the first place, but being a victim or a perpetrator first. The death of poverty, the inheritance of wealth all begins here. Sometimes these ideas are believed to be true when it's just a little chat inside my head.

Suddenly, I hear heavy rain outside.

'Beep,' a doorbell rings.

I've been listening to the sound of rain for a long time.

I think jjajangmyeon is here.

I'm very reluctant to let anyone come into my space, but I'm quite glad to hear this doorbell.

Come to think of it, I wasn't preparing coins. Where's the coin?

"Give me a sec"

"I'm sure there was a bag of coins... There's no way to disappear in a studio apartment.

"Beep"

"Yeah hold on a sec!"

"Can you open the door fist I'm in a hurry so I'll put it down"

Found it! But there aren't many coins inside. I spent most of it buying ciggy at once a while ago.

I should open the door first.

“Um... I'm sorry I've got no cash.. can I pay with a card?"

"We told you, you can't pay with a card for one.."

"Sorry... I have a good memory... I spent it all buying cigarettes a few days ago."

"Then you can do an account transfer"

"Ah. Sure I'll have to log in first.."

"ugh. I'm in a hurry.."

"Yeah. can I get your account number"

"1002"

"uh-huh"

"251"

"yup"

"860956"

"Yes"

"Woori Bank"

"Got it. Eight dollars right?"

"Yeah"

"All right I just sent it"

If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

I showed the transaction screen. The delivery man's facial expression was is very dark.

He seems to be annoyed at me for making things difficult for ordering one bowl.

His arms were covered with Irezumi tattoos holding a delivery bag. Now that I see, he is not even wearing a mask.

His whole body is wet without raincoats, perhaps because it rained suddenly.

Water drips down, and my shoes on the porch get wet. Why did he have to come inside?

Our eyes met.

He stares at me with a look on his face as if he thinks I caused damage unilaterally or what did I do well.

His jaw is moving, dripping with water.

"What you lookin' at?"

You stared at me too.

"My shoes are wet. Can you leave if you checked it already?"

"Is that a big deal right now when I'm all wet?"

"Well, I didn't tell the rain to come or knew it's going to rain."

"I mean, what's the big deal about these shoes getting wet?"

"So what do you want me to do? Just go. Are you going to soak it up? Like your clothes?"

"I need an apology"

"I transferred it to your account why do I need to apologize?"

"You fucking delayed the time!!"

"Then off you go so no time will be delayed anymore."

What did I do wrong to eat soggy jjajangmyeon for someone whose waiting for a meaningless apology?

"Apologize!!!!'

I was about to die a while ago. I have nothing to lose. Does he have any idea if I get out of control, I can end up killing him?

"You fucking say sorry if you don't want things to get messy.."

If you don't want to die, get out.

He walked two steps forward and stepped on the floor. I felt a sense of fear in a moment.

Fear has just trampled on my previously elated mind and has already covered my ragged mind.

"I'm sorry. Please get out"

A smile lifted the corner of his mouth, snorted, and looked at me in a silly way.

"You don't have to be beaten up to show you pride, do you?”

"No."

"Be careful from now on. Your face looks like you need some punches."

“.....”

He slammed the door and went out.

I went to the restroom to see the mirror.

A face that makes you want to hit?

There was no problem with my face. I've been told that I'm not ugly, but rather handsome...

Rather than that, as the fear that was on top of this ragged heart slowly descends, and disappears into the darkness, my anger rose suddenly. I was so angry that I couldn't control myself that I punched in the air.

'Fuck!!!! Fuck!!!!!'

My fist hit the mirror by accident. I felt pain in my hand.

I got so pissed off at that moment and broke the mirror.

My hands bled, but I kept hitting the mirror crazily.

My hand was so broken, that I picked up the showerhead and broke the rest of the mirror.

My face in the mirror looked pretty bloody and ugly.

My hand has been hurting since I calmed down a little after seeing it. My hand was bloody with fragments of the mirror.

Shaking hands. I think I've seen it somewhere. That's right. Haha!

Shaking off the protruding pieces of glass, I turned on the shower water and washed my hand...

When I came out with my hands wrapped in a towel, I saw jjajangmyeon.

I ripped the wrap and ate it with my left hand without mixing it.

It's delicious. I was hungry. I should have ordered two bowls. I should have ordered three bowls.

I'd be less annoyed if I ordered three bowls. It's good. It's so good. It's as delicious as then. It is insanely delicious.

Oh, my right-hand hurts so much. How do I draw... What is the point of that? There is no progress.

No one recognizes the value of my painting.

I did not find it unfair since I did not start drawing for a successful life.

I started drawing because I wanted to see the thing that I could not see.

I drew to keep the mistakes that I want to forget about into a beautiful piece of memory.

I should go to a hospital first.