I wake up

Somehow I have this weird feeling of deja vu

But other than that I´m feeling great

How´s my fever?

“Current body temperature: 36.7 degrees Celsius”

It´s completely gone, wonderful.

I´m still somewhat bleary though

Let´s do some sports like I always do to get my engines rolling

I think one of these leaves will do as a sports mat

As I think that I begin doing some morning exercises

While I do random thoughts start whirling around in my mind

And one of them just won´t leave my head:

Is it ok that I came to accept this whole situation so quickly?

Maybe it is because I was thrown into an emergency from the get go and don´t really have the time to complain?

Although there should be so many things to complain about

Complain…

You know, now that I think about it, I don´t like this

My situation I mean

I was living a happy life with a loving family and now everything was taken away from me in the blink of an eye

How are they, my family, doing right now?

Do they even know what happened to me?

Are they searching for me? Are they panicked because I just disappeared? Am I in a coma, in the hospital? Or maybe I wasn´t found and my actual body is still in our neighborhood, lying there as an empty hull? Maybe they think I´m dead? Or am I just a copy and the real me is living her daily life like I always do?

…

Will I ever see them again?

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

I stop in my tracks as I notice a tear flowing down my cheek

Wait a minute, now that I really think about it, I hate this

I lean against a wall and sit down

Images of which I´d think nothing special of a few days ago start flowing through my mind:

Me helping my little sister with her homework, eating dinner together with my family, hanging out at the park with some friends.

I don´t know why but I somehow can´t stop the water coming out of my eyes, even though all these images should be happy ones

I hug my knees and bury my face in them

“Why can´t I stop crying?” I ask myself

But no matter how much I try to stop, it only intensifies

“Fuck!” I shout into the cave as my sniveling turns into sobbing

Tears and snot are flowing like a waterfall down my face

“Why did this happen?” I say to nobody in particular

“Can´t everything... just stay... as it was? Will I ever... see Lea... and mom... and dad... again?” I ask nobody in particular again

“Aaaaa… AAHhhh” I continue crying, but nobody answers my questions.

…

After about 10 minutes of crying my heart out I calm down a little

I rub my eyes with my hands

“Jesus, what am I doing”

Seems like I was more stressed out than I had initially noticed

But, I feel refreshed now

After this, my subconscious was able to get some rest too

Crying your worries out from time to time… is not so bad after all

I wipe down my face and smear all the fluids on the ground as there´s no better option

Then I stand up and take a deep breath.

“Fuuuuh” I hold the air in my lungs

“Haaaaa” and release it

Although nobody is here I suddenly feel kinda embarrassed

“Will I ever see you again” I mock myself

I feel my face getting hot

Well, I can´t really say this situation is normal so no wonder my feelings are such a mess

But I need to set my thinking straight once and for all or my confusion will lead to real problems sooner than later

The most important of all is that I am still alive

I somehow got to this place so there definitely is a way back

If I´m lucky I´m gonna see everyone real soon again

And although my body has changed, my mind is still the same

If we meet again and they don´t recognize me, I will just explain this whole absurd situation

Communication is key

They have been with me for so many years already I´m sure they will recognize their daughter, sister and friend if we just talk a little

And even if I´m just a copy or something like that and the “real” me is living her daily life right now, they will probably still accept me even if there are two of me

I believe that from the bottom of my heart

As I know my parents they will definitely say something like: “Now we´ll have double the support when we´re old and retire”

I giggle to myself at that thought

Now I´ll kinda be disappointed if they don´t say that

Honestly, now I kinda hope for myself to be a copy

It probably would be really interesting to talk and live with myself

And as I am me the original me will think the same

Does this make sense?

Well, I don´t care and it doesn´t matter anyways.

You know, it´s kinda fascinating how a thought which made me desperate just a few minutes ago can fill me with so much excitement…

I´m feeling motivated now!

My goals are set:

1. Survive

2. Find a way home

That´s it.

But unfortunately for either of my goals I´m lacking, well everything

I really have to start from scratch on this…

I know near to nothing, even about this body

If I already have something like appraisal then give me a status skill too

Nah jokes aside, it´s not like…

“Opening [Status]” is how my thoughts are interrupted as new information flows in my head

Huh? Are you serious?