I don't exactly remember the day my father died.
I mean, I remember two retards screaming at the top of their lungs as they posed awkwardly but thats just it.
That, and my father telling me "THIS IS WHY I DON'T LOVE YOU!" as his [STAND], a bear wearing a red tie, made the most disturbing sound. Then, blackness.
I awoke in a forest, confused and almost naked. Bear-chan always attempted to undress me for the strangest of reasons so I guess he saved my life? I'm not sure. My saviour's identity was pretty ambigious.
I was surprisingly calm about his whole ordeal, (my father was kind of a douchebag) but I just had to flashback to that one time we....fished? Wait what. And I cried? That fishing trip wasn't even that memorable!
And I felt angry and swore vengeance on his killer from that day on? And I found a master to train under and got clothes?
...
In hindsight, that had to be the poorest reason anyone could have for seeking revenge.
Fishing? Seriously? And I didn't pursue the matter of me being naked any further?
Man, 2 years ago me was weird.
It is now that the fishing flashback would overide my memory and restore my motivation again, bringing me back to my senseless journey...
Back to my senseless journey, I guess its time for me to go get revenge on "I'm depressed". Well, I did train 2 years for this after all.
Two years in fidget spinner time translates to a thousand years of training, or so I have been told. To "I'm depressed" who was clocking 300 spins per second (SPS) when he fought my father:
Pffffttttt, thats childs play.
And besides, its not like anyone would dedicate a full 2 years on something that would turn out to be meaningless...right?
As if directly rebutting my statement, a whimpy voice cried out:
"I DEVOTED TWO YEARS ON SOMETHING MEANINGLESS!"
Welp, there goes my brillant theory.
"Two years on perfecting fifty spins per minute...and its useless!" The voice seemed to say, though the crying in between disturbed the clarity of his speech.
The owner of the voice belonged to a boy no older than ten, who was currently in the midst of a [STAND BATTLE]. Characterised by his unusually long hair and his abomidable choice of clothing (Pink shirts don't match orange pants, do they?), he looked like he was plucked straight from an anime with terrible character design.
Come to think of it...this whole setting resembled that of a lame anime really.
A boy holding his own against a stronger pretty faced foe... His weak [STAND] barely managing to stand up against a superior [STAND]...his opponent laughing in an unreal manner...and a cheerleader in a corner cheering him for some reason?
Yup, this is definitely the first episode of a lame anime. After defeating the boy, the pretty faced opponent would, without prompting, reveal that he was the champion of some famous tournament, resulting in the boy developing some powerful technique to best his self proclaimed rival in said tournament. And then, the boy would inexplicably be embroiled in a fight to save the world, eventually concluding in a final battle that turns the boy into a hero and gets him his harem.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
The only things that could top that premise would be...tons of other lame anime...and my own senseless journey...
That comparison really broke down, huh?
Well, whatever, I don't care.
Returning to the boy, he appeared to be in a tight spot.
His body trembled as his unicorn [Stand] tried to hold its own against his opponent's raging bull, but the effort was ultimately futile.
"Take this! Giga Burst!"
"Uwwwahhh!!"
With a heavy thrust, the bull flung both boy and [STAND] ten feet backwards, almost causing them to collide head on with me. Thankfully, the reflexes I gained from two years of fidget spinning acted up on time, giving me time to dodge.
Instead of crashing into me, the boy crashed into a giant rock conveniently located behind me, causing his entire body to bleed. Having taken too much damage, the boy was unable to even stand. His body pathetically slumped against the rock, as if waiting for death. Talk about overkill...
Upon seeing the defeated state of his victim, the pretty faced opponent proceeded to laugh.
"And you thought you could challenge a pro!" The opponent pointed to his shirt, which spelled the words "champion". "Hahahaha, how foolish!"
As he said that, his [STAND] began to gather energy, evidently charging for a finishing blow.
"For your insolence, you must die."
Woah, woah, woah, big guy, show some restraint here. You're killing a shota because he dared to challenge you? Have you listened to yourself? Not to mention that you are using a fidget spinner to kill someone too. Even though I'm probably going to do the same thing, I have to admit, thats pretty gay.
Before I could finish the speech into my mind, a newcomer sprang into the scene.
Decked with all sorts of flashy chinese accessories, the newcomer looked hilariously umpressive. He seemed so much like the ideal chinese tourist, I decided to call him chinese tourist kun.
"Yukino!" Declared chinese tourist kun, whose voice revealed that he was the cheerleader in the corner. "I will protect you!"
Yukino? You mean that pinked haired boy? What a weaboo name for a guy. Truth be told, I'm disgusted. The pretty faced opponent must have thought so too.
"Bah! Another insolent challenger?" Remarked the pretty faced opponent who had no intention of ceasing his attack. "Spare me."
Looking at the situation at hand, I couldn't help but sigh. If this was the first episode of an anime, how more far fetched can this get...
As it turned out, it could get far worse.