Episode 3: Guadalupe Girls

Narrator: At the bar, Jed and Teddy overheard someone mention a cattle drive making its way from San Antonio to New Braunfels in the next few days. Upon inquiry, they found the source of the information across the saloon in a hefty man sitting alone, one Mr. Samuel Ricketts. Despite the empty seats around, his table was quite full, as well as his stomach, it would appear. Bowls and plates abound, many empty, some half-full of pretzels, cold cuts, salted peanuts, potato chips, and smoked herrings. As Jed and Teddy approached his table to inquire, Ricketts was attacking a large hunk of bread, attempting to tear a piece off with his teeth.

Two chairs scrape against the wood.

Jed: Howdy, Mr. Ricketts.

Ricketts (with mouth full): Hello. It seems you know my name, but I don’t believe we’ve been acquainted.

Jed: I’m Jed, this here is Teddy. We heard you know something about a cattle drive making its way through New Braunfels.

Chewing.

Jed: Take your time.

Swallowing. Gulping a glass.

Ricketts: Ah, there we go. My apologies, but you did catch me during mealtime.

Jed: It’s two in the afternoon.

Ricketts: My point exactly, Jed, is it? And Teddy? Together, you could be Jeddy. Nevermind. Okay, well, yes, what you say is true. A train bound for Abilene, passing out of New Braunfels in two days time.

Jed: And are you bound for that train?

Ricketts: I am, my friend. I’m the drive’s cook. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but even in the middle of Indian Territory, I can make you feel like you’re still a boy sitting in your mother’s kitchen.

Jed: You riding up there soon?

Ricketts: Only about a day’s ride from here. My wagon’s already on its way. Didn’t leave the train with me.

Jed: Mind if we ride back with you, then?

Ricketts: I always do love some company, but what for? You meaning to go to New Braunfels? Y’all seem gruff enough to man that short trip on your own.

Jed: We were hoping to join that train. Thought maybe we could follow you right to it. Assuming you ain’t full, considering you haven’t even reached Austin yet.

Ricketts: That may be a problem. I’d be full down to let you join us, but I’m not the one in charge of the peopling of our group.

Jed: How’s about the man who is in charge of that? Teddy and I both know our way around a horse and aren’t likely to cross you over. Is there much else to it?

Ricketts: Well, Frank, I mean, Mr. Marlow, ain’t in the business of letting anyone join his train. He’s not a very welcoming man and only cares for results. I was lucky enough to melt the ice around his heart with my hot bean bowl, but that only swayed him in my favor. My assistant, bless his soul, had to cook up a dish himself, but he did pass Marlow’s test. You’d have to show him you’re all up to snuff. If it were up to me, I’d let you all come along. I can only assume you’re upstanding Christian folks, and that’s enough for me to know everything about a man. Why, I can tell everything about the two of you by the company you keep, and everything about your friend just by his look. Ain’t I right, friend?

Jed: Who?

Charlie: Howdy, sir. I’m Charles, but you can call me Chuck, like your wagon.

Narrator: Unbeknownst to our duo, Charlie had followed the two of them and had been part of the conversation in Ricketts’ mind the entire time.

Ricketts: I knew I liked you, son. I’m assuming you three cowboys are hoping for a gig as a group?

Jed: He’s not-

Charlie: I’m not just looking for a gig. None of us are. We’re just hoping for safe passage through Indian Territory, and would love to be able to help you and that Mr. Marlow in whatever way we can in exchange for that. I’m sure there’d be a way for us to prove ourselves to him. As my friend Jed here said, we all know our way around a horse. Maybe a test of riding would be our ticket in.

Ricketts: Out here, riding men are a dime a dozen, so I doubt you’ll be able to sway my boss much with a horse. Despite that, there may just be a way to swing it, let me just chew on it for a minute. Why don’t you take a seat, Chuck?

Charlie: Sounds good to me, Mr. Ricketts.

Ricketts: Sam, please.

Charlie: Alright, Sam. And feel free to call me Charlie.

Ricketts: Not Chuck?

Charlie: I’m assuming you have enough of “Chuck”s in your line of work.

Ricketts: Right you would be. Charlie it is, then.

Charlie: Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Ricketts: Likewise. Now that we’ve worked that out, I think I may have an idea on how to get you on that train. First, let me tell you of my predicament. I wish I could say I’m down here because of the food, which, of course, has been an upside, but I’m in town on business for Mr. Marlow. You see, Mr. Marlow knows me second as an upstanding chef, and first as an upstanding Christian. Now Mr. Marlow’s son has yet to see the light. He’s apparently been running wild down in these parts, and rumor has it he’s been held up inside the establishment behind this fine saloon for over a week now. Now Mr. Marlow won’t have any of that, you see.

Charlie: You’re here to bring him to his father?

Ricketts: Not that, Charlie. Just to make sure he’s out of that place behind here. Marlow don’t want his son making a reputation as a frequenter of such places.

Charlie: What places? Ain’t that a hotel.

Ricketts: Oh, no, son. There are rooms, but I don’t believe they’re for sleeping in. I’m not sure how to say it.

Jed: It’s a whorehouse.

Charlie: What?

Jed: Take off your rose-colored glasses, son. That’s a cathouse. Those ladies ain’t wives.

Ricketts: I’m not sure I’d phrase it that way, but, yes, Mr. Marlow was hoping I’d be able to get his son to find somewhere else to waste his time. He’s half given up on the boy, but he knows I won’t, so around San Antonio he had me ride East to this exact saloon. Plan is to meet back up with them in New Braunfels, as you heard, after I free his son from sin.

Charlie: That’s a real praiseworthy effort, Sam. Have you been able to show him the light, as you said?

Ricketts: Not yet, but that’s where my plan for you three comes in. I’ve been here a day already and haven’t even met the boy yet, and it seems little likely I’ll be able to now. I tried to find him yesterday, but was turned away. “Only paying customers,” they told me. I figured they was assuming I was hoping to sneak a peek at the young ladies or trick one of them into meeting me without spending a penny, so I explained myself.

Charlie: And they didn’t believe a man like yourself?

Ricketts: Nope, they say I was telling the truth. Problem was, they didn’t like that truth. Apparently Marlow’s boy’s been one of their best customers. Not often you get someone who stays for more than a few hours, much less a whole week. Don’t believe there’s any amount of money they’d let me in for now, as they’d be sizing it up to whatever they imagine he’d keep paying, and, for now, it does seem that he will keep paying. This is where you three come in. If you can get in there and convince him to leave, may be that Mr. Marlow’ll let you on as thanks. He’ll expect that you’re quick on a horse, but here you can show you’re quick on your feet, if you’re able to change the mind of his son. Sound like a plan?

Jed: Deal.

Ricketts: Alright, Marlow’s son’s name is Frank Jr. Believe the main reason he don’t want the boy staying here is just cause they share a name, but I stand to gain if we bring another soul out of the darkness. I don’t know much about him for you to use in your convincing, but I’m sure God’s word alone told by a true believer will be enough.

Charlie: I agree there, but-

Jed: Assuming you’ll still be here, we’ll bring him here.

Ricketts: Great! Thank you for your help, and I believe that this will help y’all, too.

Narrator: On the opposite side of the block our three heroes stood looking up at a worn wooden sign that read “Guadalupe Girls.” Jed’s face was a look of aggravation at having to deal with whatever this task was just to be able to easily make it North. If you would’ve told him four years ago that he wouldn’t have been ecstatic at the prospect of entering a whorehouse, he would’ve called you a liar, and if you would’ve told him two weeks ago that he wouldn’t have been disgusted with it, the same would occur. Teddy’s face was still hidden underneath a low-brimmed hat and bandana, but was likely expressionless beneath. Charlie, on the other hand, was poorly trying to hide his fear as disgust, figuring that was the appropriate reaction.

Charlie: What exactly is the plan here? Who is going in?

Jed: What, you want in? I’m good with that.

Charlie: I wasn’t saying that.

Jed: You agreed with Ricketts that a true believer’s words would lure him out, so you’re the only option here.

Charlie: You ain’t true believers?

Jed: Just go in, find Frank Jr., and pull him out. You worried he won’t be happy to leave?

Charlie: That ain’t it.

Jed: Damn, son, look at your face. Are you scared of him? He’s been surrounded by whores for days, probably has all the fight fucked out of him. Borrow my gun if it’ll make you feel better.

Charlie: I ain’t scared of Frank, okay!

Jed: Then what is it you’re afraid of?

Narrator: Teddy pointed to a window next to the front door, the only one on the whole wall. Through it sat a woman with her hair done up and her dress pulled down.

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Jed: What, you know her or something?

Charlie: No.

Jed: You ain’t even looking. What’s wrong with you?

Charlie: I just ain’t ever…

Jed: You never seen a pair of tits before?

Charlie: If I’m being honest, sir, I haven’t, not since I was a babe.

Jed: How old are you, son?

Charlie: Eighteen, sir.

Jed: Well it’s about time you did. Here, I’ll pay. This’ll be better. Go fuck one of ‘em and then get the boy.

Charlie: No, it’s okay.

Jed: What’s wrong? You already got somebody?

Charlie: Not exactly-

Jed: You don’t want to?

Charlie: Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. If you want to, you can go instead. I’ll be happy out here.

Jed: I don’t want to fuck anyone, dumbass. My wife just died.

Charlie: Sorry, I-

Narrator: Teddy, tired of the dragging conversation, volunteered instead by briskly walking up and through the door.

A door closes.

Luella: Howdy, sir. Mind if I take off your hat?

Narrator: Teddy shrugged. The young woman was already half naked, the top of her yellow sequin dress pulled down to her waist. Her hair was off-black, long, and done-up for the occasion, although this occasion was an everyday occurrence for her. The woman made her way to start undressing Teddy as well, but, when she removed the hat, she found a wad of auburn hair tied up together and a pair of feminine green eyes meeting hers. She pulled down the banana, revealing large cheeks, full lips, and a pointed chin.

Luella: You ain’t a man?!

Teddy: Nope. Glad it didn’t take you to my pants to figure that one out.

Luella: You’re a lady?

Teddy: Woman, not a lady, but not a man, either. Could fuck you better than most men, I reckon, but that’s not why I’m here.

Luella: Ma’am, it’s a sin what you’re suggesting.

Teddy: First off, I ain’t suggesting it. I said I’m not here for you. Second, ain’t prostitution a sin already? Don’t mean anything by it, just sayin’.

Luella: I oughta get-

Teddy: Look, I already paid, so we can sit in here and you can help with figure out my next steps, or you can kick me out and get fucked by the next dusty, sweaty cowpoke who finds his way into town. What’s your choice?

Luella: Next steps to what?

Teddy: I’m here for Frank Marlow Jr.

Luella: Why are you dressed like a cowboy?

Teddy: Long story. Actually, not really. People treat a woman different than they do a cattleman, and I’m looking to be treated like a cattleman where I’m going. Helping my friend outside avenge his wife and kid.

Luella: Who’s your friend?

Teddy: Damn, a lot of questions from you.

Luella: Lotta questions when a woman comes to your room looking to kill a man.

Teddy: Who did I say I was trying to kill?

Luella: Frankie. I need to know if you have reason to do so before I can help.

Teddy: I ain’t trying to kill Frankie. I’m trying to get him out of here.

Luella: Why?

Teddy: Okay, I lied, it is a long story, but I’ll tell it to you short. We need to get him out to get onto a cattle drive to make it North to find and kill the man who killed my friend’s wife and kid. That enough for you?

Luella: And Frankie ain’t that man?

Teddy: No, your Frankie ain’t no killer, far as I know. His name’s Redmond, and I have reason to believe he’s making his way to Montana as we speak.

Luella: Frankie ain’t mine. And what about your friend?

Teddy: What about him?

Luella: Who’s he?

Teddy: I ain’t got a good answer to that. We spent the last week trying to track that Redmond I mentioned and he didn’t talk much. Only a few words at a time until we made it to town.

Luella: Well how about you?

Teddy: I talk just fine. Maybe not as much now that I’m pretending to be a cowboy. Ain’t got the baritone down yet.

Luella: I mean, who are you? I gotta know someone if I’m to help.

Teddy: I’m asking you for help and I don’t know who you are.

Luella: I’m Luella and I’m a Guadalupe Girl. That about covers it. You got any other questions for me?

Teddy: Yeah, you willing to help me now?

Luella: You still ain’t told me who you are.

Teddy: I’m Teddy and I’m whatever I feel I want to be in the moment. For now I’m helping this man hunt another. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find myself as a Guadalupe Girl. Shit happens.

Luella: You’re telling me. So what’s the business with Frankie?

Teddy: His father’s hoping he doesn’t get a reputation as a punter. My job’s to get him out of here for starters. That sound good to you?

Luella: It’s not much we get folks holed up for as long as him. I don’t much see a reason to kick him out. What’s my gain in this?

Teddy: Like I said earlier, a break from being somebody’s scratch post while I figure this out.

Luella: Fair.

Teddy: So where’s he at?

Luella: With Rena, right on the other side of this wall. Don’t worry, they’re made to hide the sounds of fucking, so our talking ain’t going through.

Teddy: Will Rena give any pushback?

Luella: Likely not. I’m sure she’s not used to having to deal with anyone for this long. I’d say she’s the most popular pick, so used to being busy, but this is different.

Teddy: No one’s come looking for her to find her busy?

Luella: I mean, sure, I’ve had a few who came looking for her. Settled for me when they found it might be a while ‘til she was open.

Teddy: And no one’s losing money from all this?

Luella: I mean, those few paid most the same for me, and Frankie’s apparently paying regular timed price even with the long stay. And he’s good for it.

Teddy: Any idea where all that money’s coming from?

Luella: I’ve no idea. Just know he pays for a full day again each morning. He come from money?

Teddy: Doubt it. His father’s a trail boss.

Luella: Strange.

Teddy: I’m starting to figure an idea. Could I borrow some of your makeup?

Luella: I’m open to let you hash this out with me, but now you’re asking for a lot.

Teddy: Just makeup?

Luella: This is starting to sound like sabotage. Can’t imagine anyone’d be happy if they found me helping to chase off a customer.

Teddy: He don’t leave, right?

Luella: Right. Has all his meals delivered.

Teddy: So if he pays cash every morning, he must have it on his person. Assuming he’s expecting to stay here longer, there must still be some cash on him.

Luella: What are you getting at?

Teddy: Just giving a reason for you to help me.

Luella: Money? How’ll I end up with any of it?

Teddy: Something tells me someone staying in this place won’t have much need for clothes. Would you agree?

Luella: The one time I had a long-term buyer, he spent the whole day naked.

Teddy: Exactly. And I’m assuming he ain’t keeping his cash in his ass. Probably wherever his clothes are at.

Luella: In the room with him, then. That’s how we do it.

Teddy: If I can get him out of here without his clothes, the money’ll be there for the taking. Now you down?

Luella: I’m down if you can get him out of here without his money.

Teddy: I believe I can. I’ll just need some of your makeup, and maybe a nice dress, if you got one.

Luella: You mean something that won’t make you look like a worker?

Teddy: Exactly. Something a nice wife would wear.

Luella: I think someone’s got a Sunday dress here somewhere. Use it for folks who want the feel of marriage. That work?

Teddy: They want that feel, ain’t sleeping with them against the point?

Luella: I never married, how’d I know?

Teddy: You got me there.

Luella: Should I get that dress then?

Teddy: Yep.

Narrator: The next room over, a young man with slicked back brown hair and a short frame was about to have his way with an even shorter blonde-haired woman. The man was stark naked at this point, coaxing over the only half-undressed painted lady to the straw bed on which he lay. As she finally made her way to the edge, he reached for her waist, but found himself interrupted by a pounding on the door.

Woman: Who the hell?

Man: It ain’t been time yet. They better not try and kick me out.

Woman: I know, I’ll check it.

Narrator: Soon as she unlocked and opened the door a sliver to see who was knocking, a lady made-up in her Sunday best shoved the door open. Her auburn hair waved down just below the tops of her shoulders. Despite her makeup, Teddy’s face was red with what could only be rage.

Teddy: Who the fuck are you?

Woman: I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t think you should be back here.

Teddy: I shouldn’t be back here?! That’s my husband you’re fucking, whore!

Man: What?

Woman: What?

Teddy: You think I wouldn’t find you, you sonofabitch? Well, I did. Now you have three seconds to get your ass out of here before I tell my father about this.

Man: Ma’am, I got know idea who you are.

Teddy: You can’t remember your own wife, you budgie piece of shit.

Man: You ain’t my wife!

Teddy: You’re right, I won’t be after this. You think my father gonna let you live after disrespecting me like this?

Man: You threatening me?

Teddy: Damn right I am.

Narrator: At this point, Teddy stepped out of the doorway and to the man, now sitting up and covered with a jacket. She slapped him on the face. The doorway now clear, the woman, standing terrified in the corner, ran through. She’d never seen this happen before, and she always assumed no married man would have reason to make his way to their house. Once in the hallway, she almost walked into Luella, who was standing just away from the passage and listening to it all unfold. Upon seeing her coworker, for lack of a better word, Luella turned white in the face. She paused for a moment to try to figure out what it was that was happening. It took her a few seconds to fully grasp the brevity of the situation, but, before she could react, Teddy exited the door with the man being pulled by the ear behind her. While Luella knew Teddy likely had the strength to bring the man outside on her own terms, it seemed that she had a great advantage in that the man was too confused to know how to react.

Luella: Wait, stop!

Teddy: Too late, I got the bastard.

Narrator: Before she could explain, Teddy was already out down the hall and out the door, in tow a naked man who was definitely not Frankie.

Charlie: What’s all that commotion?

Jed: What?

Narrator: Jed had tuned out the endless story-telling of Charlie, who apparently strung together tales when he wanted to distract himself from something he wished he didn’t have to see, in this case, a whorehouse. The commotion inside, however, stirred both of them.

Charlie: Something’s definitely happening. Should we get out of here?

Jed: You trying to leave?

Charlie: If it’s about t0 get dirty. Doesn’t seem like something I want to be part of.

Jed: You talk a lot for someone who abandons a friend at the first sign of danger.

Charlie: Teddy ain’t my friend. At least he don’t seem like it.

Jed: Real hero you’ll be.

Narrator: Before Charlie could defend himself, both to Jed and to himself, the door was kicked open. Someone who looked like Teddy from the neck down stomped out, but whoever this was was a woman. Next came a short man being dragged by the ear, a confused look on his face and nothing on his body. As they exited, the woman threw him down on the dirt.

Teddy: That’ll teach you to dishonor a woman.

Narrator: They were then followed by a painted lady in yellow.

Luella: Teddy, that ain’t him!

Teddy: What?

Luella: That’s not Frankie!