he mystery of the missing livestock wasn’t fully unraveled until the morning.

After Heng Xiaowen had leapt out of the well, Qiu Jucheng pulled him aside to tend to his wounds and convince him that he would not, in fact, join the ranks of the living dead, just because he had gotten a little bite from a ghost. He’d just need some simple treatment for corpse poisoning. Heng Xiaowen felt deeply aggrieved that he had seen a billion tumblr posts about original flavor Heng Xiaowen’s repressed homosexuality and not a single mention of whatever the fuck corpse poisoning was.

Would it have hurt to mention the zombies? Or the fact that he apparently had the ability to selectively ignore gravity? He felt like the posting had really misrepresented the genre of the story to him.

While Heng Xiaowen was being tended to, Song Jiayi hopped in and out of the well, bringing up the writhing pieces of the dismembered corpse. She made a quick series of gestures with her hand, which produced a glowing symbol that flew down at the ghost, which finally stilled.

Yang Jingfei bent down and pried something out of one of its gnarled hands, seeming completely unphased manhandling the thing. “This must be the flute that senior brother heard! This is probably what ghosts use to lure animals into the well!” she announced, holding up a bamboo flute.

“Yes, that’s probably it,” Song Jiayi agreed. “Its resentment must be too weak to escape the well on its own, but if someone had dropped a flute here a few months ago, that would have given it the ability to lure prey.”

With the pressing concerns taken care of, Liqiu Hua Sect sat vigil with the corpse until sunrise.

When morning came and the residents of Li Village emerged from their homes. Heng Xiaowen was relieved to find that unlike his companions, the villagers did find the corpse decidedly upsetting and expressed their thanks to Sect Leader Song for quelling the ghost.

It didn’t take long for word to reach some local official, who hurried to meet them and dispense their commission.

“The Liqiu Hua Sect sincerely thanks you for your help. We have never suspected that there might be something behind the disappearance,” the official said.

“I’m so flattered,” Song Jiayi said, waving her hands. “The cultivator just hopes we don't cause more trouble than we solve.”

Heng Xiaowen squinted at Song Jiayi. There was something about her mannerisms when interacting with strangers that reminded him of something. It was a little bit like his customer service voice, but that wasn’t quite it.

The official cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“Well, now you must investigate, how did the ghost of a girl appear in this well?”

The official blanched and stammered, “Oh, uh, well—“

“Of course, Liqiu Hua Sect is happy to provide further help. It's just a matter of commission.”

A used car salesman! Heng Xiaowen clapped his hands together, earning him a sideways glance from Lu Xiuying. Song Jiayi often seemed to comport herself like a used car salesman when dealing with outsiders.

“Master,” Lu Xiuying interrupted. “May I ask a few questions?”

“Hm?” Song Jiayi glanced behind her. “Xiuying, tell me.”

Lu Xiuying stepped forward. “Sir, when was this good thing built?”

This question surprised the official. “I do not know about this.”

“Disciple noticed that many buildings in Li Village are not very old. Was Li Village built recently?”

“Oh yes. Most of it was built in the last fifty years. The village itself existed before that, but was destroyed in a fire a few generations ago and was abandoned a lot before people started rebuilding.”

“That explains it,” Lu Xiuying said and then walked towards the well. “I think the well looks older than the rest of the village. Someone must have taken refuge in the well when the village burned down.”

Heng Xiaowen, who was still damp from well water, shivered when he remembered how he had uselessly tried to climb out of the well. “And they must have gotten stuck down there.”

Song Jiayi furrowed her brow. “But that means there's been a ghost in that well ever since the town burned down. How come no one's noticed yet? Haven't you been fishing for bones these past few months?”

The official looked very pale. “Wells are usually dry. Only after heavy rains does water appear in them, and no one drinks from it because it is rumored to be unlucky.”

“And if no one drinks, the ghost can't escape and cause trouble. It won't be noticed until it gets the flute.” Lu Xiuying finished, pointing at the flute that Yang Jingfei was still holding onto.

“That’s right!” Song Jiayi gave Lu Xiuying a grin and then turned her attention back to the official. “Okay,” she said and clapped him on the shoulder roughly. “I guess this is a lesson in regular water quality checks! Glad we can help! Disciples, let's go have breakfast!”

Qiu Jucheng bowed to the sputtering official and quietly took a string of coins out of his hands before following Song Jiayi who had already set off down the main road at a trot, her disciples scurrying along behind her.

As a reward for Liu Xiuying’s cleverness, Song Jiayi ignored a dirty look from Qiu Jucheng and did not take them to the dingiest tea house in Li Village for breakfast. She didn’t take them to the nicest one either, they did provide 50% off ghost busting, after all.

Before they could all enter, Heng Xiaowen caught the edge of Song Jiayi’s sleeve. “Master,” he said and awkwardly waved around his own sleeve. “I’m still wet.”

“Oh, yes, yes, here—“ Song Jiayi took his arms and placed him into a T-Pose. “Stay there.”

If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

Song Jiayi moved several paces back, swept one foot behind her and sank her weight onto her haunches. She then drew her hand back and thrust her palm forward.

A blast of hot air hit Heng Xiaowen and almost knocked him to the ground.

The posting had left out so much. So much.

Song Jiayi gave him a cursory pat down, seemed to deem him acceptably dry, and walked into the tea house.

“Senior brother,” Ling Hong said, and pointed at Heng Xiaowen’s ponytail. “You look like a squirrel.”

Heng Xiaowen closed his eyes. “Thank you, Ling Hong.”

Breakfast passed in a daze. Song Jiayi got them a table by a large open window, where Heng Xiaowen soaked in the morning sun and absently watched as Li Village bustled to life.

He took advantage of the respite to use his reward to upgrade the translation matrix and probe the system for information while he waited for the update to load.

System, can you tell me what genre this story is?

[System: Genre Tags- Danmei, Xianxia, Drama.]

[System: Genre Tag updates based on the actions of The Protagonist are still being calculated.]

Heng Xiaowen knew one of those words.

What does Danmei and Xianxia mean?

[System: The Protagonist has not activated the (Glossary).]

Can I activate the Glossary function?

[System: To activate the (Glossary), The Protagonist would have a remaining point balance of (-20)]

[System: Does The Protagonist wish to proceed?]

No…

Heng Xiaowen, who had enough difficulty seeming sane without audibly reacting to the disembodied video-game-system-thing in his head, resisted groaning.

Okay, so maybe this world wasn’t all hiking with snarky kids and hypothetical, eventual, googly-eyed pretty boys. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t actually know whether the story he had been transported into was gay for real or if it was just prime material for slash shippers. Going off Tumblr, for all intents and purposes, AMC’s The Terror was a gay romance on ice. He hadn’t seen any gifsets of a kiss either.

That was fine. Sure, it hadn’t been fun getting stuck in a well with a hungry ghost, but Heng Xiaowen figured he could handle some ghost hunting with practice and he was excited to test just how high he could jump when his leg healed up. Also, the gender of his hypothetical love interest concerned him less than whether or not he’d actually be compatible with them, given that he didn't know the taste of the original inhabitant of his body.

The system chimed.

[System: Fan-Translation Matrix upgrade installation is complete.]

[System: Translation Notes have been activated.]

[TN: hi everyone~ so, ive decided to make some changes to my translation (~_~;) i never expected this to get so many readers!! i was mostly just posting this so one of my friends could read, and all i was really doing was throwing the chapters in MTL and touching things up here and there. but since so many of you are following along now, im going to start trying to do my best to translate this properly. im a beginner translator so please be patient with me _(:3」z)_

anyway ive gotten requests to leave more of the kinship terms and titles in the pinyin instead of translating them i.e. senior brother -> shixiong, senior sister -> shijie, master -> shizun, etc. let me know if you have other suggestions or corrections!! i hope you enjoy the story as much as i do~~]

Heng Xiaowen blinked. The metaphysical implications of the translation note were more than he could process at the moment. So, he decided against it.

Thankfully, Heng Xiaowen didn’t have much time to dwell on it, because commotion had erupted outside in the main street of Li Village.

“Zhu-gongzi, we offer our sincerest apologies!”

Heng Xiaowen looked out the window to see the same official that had spoken with them that morning was frantically trying to appease a young man who looked to be about his own age, dressed in expensive looking deep magenta robes.

[System: The (Character List) has been updated.]

[System: ‘Zhu Guangli’ has been added to the (Character List).]

It’s him! Heng Xiaowen thought, excited. It’s the legendary hot pink bitch!

“Do you have any idea how far I’ve traveled to help your backwater town?” Zhu Guangli spat.

“We are truly sorry, Zhu-gongzi, it’s just that it had been so long since we sent our request that we—“

“Contracted some unscrupulous rogue cultivators?” he sneered. “Do you have any idea how many requests for assistance Denglong Palace receives? Li Village doesn’t even pay annual tribute and you expect immediate assistance for what? Some missing chickens? Are you questioning the priorities of Denglong Palace?”

“Of course not, Gongzi, we would never be so presumptuous!”

Heng Xiaowen raised his eyebrows and glanced at the rest of his companions. He had been expecting them to be watching the show as well, but all of them had their heads bent low over their food, wearing the look of a dog who had been caught knocking over the trash can, the only exception being Ling Hong, who had fully crawled under the table.

“Our matter was so minor, Gongzi, we thought it must be no harm to accept the help of Liqiu Hua Sect when it was offered. We hoped to spare Denglong Palace the trouble of helping our insignificant selves.”

“Liqiu Hua Sect?” Zhu Guangli said with disdain. “There’s no cultivation sect by that name, you idiot. Not only have you wasted my time and insulted me, but you’ve clearly been deceived by charlatans.”

Quick as lightning, Qiu Jucheng placed a hand on Song Jiayi and Yang Jingfei’s shoulders and held them down in their seats. Song Jiayi swatted his hand away and let out an angry huff through her nose, but she stayed put.

Zhu Guangli continued to tear into the local official, who in turn continued to desperately attempt to placate him.

It was something of a let down. Heng Xiaowen knew as well as any seasoned internet denizen that fandom characterization was not to be trusted—Zhu Guangli’s attire hardly qualified as hot pink, it was too dark, an amaranth manybe. And more importantly, Zhu Guangli was a perfectly ordinary bitch.

Memories surfaced of the countless times Heng Xiaowen had gotten berated, humiliated, and abused by customers at his shitty jobs, forced to grin and bear it so he could continue financing his lavish lifestyle of eating instant ramen in a studio apartment that was probably giving him black mold poisoning.

It occurred to Heng Xiaowen that he could probably go tell that twerp to piss off without getting fired.

Before Qiu Jucheng could lunge across the table and prevent it, Heng Xiaowen hopped straight out the window and marched up to the bilious little prick causing a scene.

“Hey!” he shouted. “Back off!”

Zhu Guangli spun on his heel, fixing Heng Xiaowen with an affronted look that said, Why is this poor speaking to me

“Excuse me?” he asked. “Who are you?”

Heng Xiaowen rolled his eyes at the cartoonish haughtiness. “Oh, I’m just some nobody.”

“Clearly.” Zhu Guangli turned away. “Don’t meddle in my business.”

“And what business might that be, terrorizing some poor local official for having someone else handle the job you’ve been blowing off for a month?”

Zhu Guangli froze and narrowed his eyes. He then turned to look Heng Xiaowen up and down, his gaze lingering on the sword slung at his waist. A smile crept across his face. “Oh. I see.” He strode forward, his eyes traveling back up to meet Heng Xiaowen’s. “You’re the rogue cultivator that stole my night hunt.”

“I didn’t steal anything. These people needed help, you weren’t here, I was.”

Zhu Guangli laughed. “You all pretend to be so noble, as if rogue cultivators like you don’t just scurry behind the great righteous sects stealing scraps of glory like street dogs.”

This guy sucked. This guy really sucked. Heng Xiaowen expected as much, given dykes4zhuguangli’s taste in wretched, miserable bastards. Heng Xiaowen knew it well; the reason they’d followed each other in the first place was they liked the same rare-pair from a horror podcast he used to listen to on the train. Still, he was decidedly unpleasant to deal with in person

Heng Xiaowen sighed. “Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you clearly aren’t desperate for money, and I have a very short, angry little brother who I need to feed so he grows up big and strong. So why don’t you leave this poor man alone and go back to your palace and I’ll go back to being a street dog. How does that sound?”

Heng Xiaowen wasn’t sure what Zhu Guangli had expected of him, but something he said seemed to disarm him. “You have a point. I shouldn’t waste my time fighting with dogs.”

Zhu Guangli turned and left with a final indignant flap of a long magenta sleeve.

Watching his retreating silhouette, Heng Xiaowen pulled up his profile in the ‘Character List.’

[Character List:

Zhu Guangli - Inner disciple of Denglong Palace]

Heng Xiaowen did not get fired for almost picking a fight with Zhu Guangli, but Song Jiayi did point to a random tree in the forest, dub it “The Tree of Reflection,” and tell him to face it for a shichen. He was told to reflect on the fourth precept of Liqiu Hua Sect—Don’t anger powerful sects recklessly.

A shichen turned out to be roughly two hours. Heng Xiaowen learned new things every day.