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I’ve Heard of It: The Way of Dashboard Osmosis
3. How Do You Do Fellow Cultivators I

3. How Do You Do Fellow Cultivators I

When Heng Xiaowen was roused early in the morning by Qiu Jucheng, he was still Heng Xiaowen and he was still in… Ancient China? He was pretty sure this was at least Ancient China adjacent.

Heng Xiaowen didn’t have many skills to speak of, but if he could do nothing else, he could roll with the punches. If this was his life, it was his life.

Qiu Jucheng handed him some weathered brown outer robes, a long hair tie, and a sheathed sword. Heng Xiaowen did his best to look like he knew how to put on his clothes properly and that the sword didn’t immediately make him nervous.

Qiu Jucheng watched him fumble with the ties on his robes for a minute before puffing a small laugh and stepping over to adjust them for him.

He then unclasped a thin chain around Heng Xiaowen’s neck and pulled out a necklace that had been tucked under his clothes and examined it. It was very simple, the only ornament on the chain was a small jade amulet carved to look like some kind of insect, or maybe a closed flower bud.

Qiu Jucheng cupped the amulet in his palm and scrutinized it for a moment before turning his attention back to Heng Xiaowen. "The Liqiu Hua Sect has never been rich in spiritual weapons, and almost everything has been lost. The Jade Chan is one of our only remaining treasures."

Heng Xiaowen wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he remained quiet.

Qiu Jucheng smiled slightly, gently thumbed the amulet and then looped it back around Heng Xiaowen’s neck. "I think it's right to fall on our chief disciple,” he said, tucking the amulet back beneath Heng Xiaowen’s collar and smoothing down his lapels in a gesture of absent-minded familiarity that made Heng Xiaowen feel slightly dizzy. "Come on, nephew, Sect Leader Song has already ordered breakfast downstairs."

Downstairs, he was hastily fed some congee with the other disciples and ushered out of the inn, thanking the innkeeper on the way out.

Song Jiayi set off, leading them out though a small dusty village and onto a winding dirt road.

When they stepped outside, Lu Xiuying opened a wax-paper umbrella above her head and Heng Xiaowen looked up to check for rain. He saw nothing but pale blue sky and transparent wisps of clouds.

Heng Xiaowen did his best not to goggle as he took in the scenery. He wasn't well traveled in his first life, and this was like no place he had ever been. There were lush green mountains on the horizon and birds singing unfamiliar songs in the trees. In the distance he could hear the rushing of a river.

The air smelled alive. Heng Xiaowen could pick out the scents of several different kinds of flowers and the sweet smell of water evaporating from moist earth. He wasn’t sure if his new body had better senses, or if this was just what the countryside was like.

They traveled all day, every so often stopping so they could pass around a gourd of water and Qiu Jucheng could hand out slightly stale steamed buns. Sect Leader Song would quiz them on a variety of topics while they walked, ranging from medicinal herbs to sword techniques, tossing out tangerines as rewards for correct answers. Every so often she would have everyone stop so she could gather some mushrooms they came across and point out how they could be identified.

Heng Xiaowen did his best to diligently absorb her instruction, but was wary of taking too much of it to heart, given how reliable the translation matrix had proved so far.

By the time the sun was starting to dip behind the mountains, he was splattered in mud up to his knees and his legs were aching.

Heng Xiaowen hadn’t been outdoorsy in his first life, but there was definitely something satisfying about being able to spend all day on his feet hiking up and down hills—for the novelty of it if nothing else.

“Master Song,” Qiu Jucheng called from the back of the group, interrupting the sect leader who had climbed into a tree to pick pears. “It's time for us to start looking for a place to camp.”

“Mn,” Song Jiayi answered, tossing a last couple of pears into the waiting hands of Lu Xiuying and dropping gracefully to the ground. “Xiao-Hong, are you tired?”

Ling Hong, who had been slouching and dragging his feet a moment before, straightened up and shook his head. "No, Master."

Song Jiayi clicked her tongue. "The third commandment, Xiao-Hong." She turned to Lu Xiuying. “Xiuying, you take your junior brother, let's find a place to spend the night."

Lu Xiuying gave a start. "What? Why doesn't Senior Brother take action?"

"I'm really fine," Heng Xiaowen protested.

Song Jiayi ignored him. "Xiuying, go ahead."

"But I..." Lu Xiuying started to complain, pouting.

"But who are you? The second disciple I have trained for four years? You can actually hold a boy four years younger than you? Hm?"

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Lu Xiuying sighed. "Yes, Master."

Lu Xiuying and Ling Hong briefly engaged in a staring contest before Lu Xiuying bent down and Ling Hong climbed onto her back, both of them scowling the whole time.

Luckily for Lu Xiuying, it didn’t take long for Song Jiayi to find an acceptably large clearing on level ground.

Looking around, Heng Xiaowen wasn’t exactly sure what camping here would entail. None of them were carrying bags that looked large enough to hold bedrolls, let alone a tent.

Song Jiayi seemed pretty into wilderness survival; was she going to make them build shelters? Or just sleep on the ground around a fire? Heng Xiaowen was pretty sure it was summer here but the temperature was dropping with the sun and he could feel the sweat starting to cool on his skin.

As he was bracing himself for his first night sleeping out in the elements, Heng Xiaowen noticed Qiu Jucheng detach a small pouch from his belt and unlace the opening. He waved Yang Jingfei over, and began pulling a long bundle of fabric out of it. A really long bundle of fabric.

Heng Xiaowen blinked in astonishment as Qiu Jucheng pulled what appeared to be two collapsed tents out of a pouch the size of a small handbag. He hadn’t been aware they had Mary Poppins bags in this universe, but boy was he pleased to discover they did.

Yang Jingfei then set to work helping him set them up, which mostly seemed to consist of getting them roughly upright and then jumping back so they didn’t hit you when they sprung into place.

Heng Xiaowen caught a whiff of something savory and turned around to see that Sect Leader Song and Ling Hong were crouched around a small ceramic stove roasting the mushrooms they had gathered earlier on skewers.

He felt someone tap his shoulder and glanced down to see Lu Xiuying looking up at him.

He wasn't sure why she bothered with cosmetics given her lifestyle. After a long day of hoofing it through the wilderness, the rouge she was wearing was blotchy and her lipstick had worn off. It’s not like she didn’t have the same unnerving good looks that everyone else here had; she had a pointed heart shaped face and owlish black eyes, giving her a sort of impish beauty.

“Senior brother,” she said. “Can you cut the pears for me?”

"Oh, sure."

Lu Xiuying passed him a knife and bowl, and they crouched down on the ground, slicing the pears into it.

"Elder brother is very quiet today. Are you feeling well?" she asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine."

"Hm." Lu Xiuying was quiet for a moment, focused on the pears, and then glanced up to him. Her face was full of concern, her wide eyes almost unsettling. She spoke in a soft voice. "It's just that Senior Brother's hands seem to be clumsier than usual as well."

Heng Xiaowen glanced down at the mangled hunks of pear he had chopped into the bowl, mixed in with the neat slices that Lu Xiuying had cut and laughed nervously.

Was she grilling him?

A giggle interrupted Heng Xiaowen's despairing examination of his pears and he looked up to see that Lu Xiuying had covered her mouth and was smiling at him. "Don't worry, senior brother. A hero like you doesn't have to worry about technical problems in the kitchen. Xiuying will take care of it."

"Hey!" Song Jiayi barked from the other side of the camp. "What kind of useless brave hero do you think I raised? A hero who can cut down monsters should also be able to cut down fruits."

Lu Xiuying turned to Song Jiayi with a pout. “Master,” she whined. "Is it wrong for me to cultivate my delicate nature by taking care of my senior brother? If I can't cut the fruit beautifully, how can I find a good husband?"

The weary expression on Song Jiayi’s face told Heng Xiaowen that this was far from the first time she had had such an argument with Lu Xiuying. “Xiuying, I am a cultivator, not a matchmaker. I am guiding your cultivation and teaching you my sect's skills, but to be honest, as long as you can hold the sword well and don't get killed, I don't care if a person has ever looked at you."

Heng Xiaowen had the distinct feeling he had misapprehended what a cultivator was.

“Ugh!” Lu Xiuying stood up with a stomp. "Rude! You are all so rude! You don't understand the painstaking efforts of a delicate girl!" she cried and stormed off into the woods.

Song Jiayi glanced to Yang Jingfei, who had a tent bundle longer than she was tall slung over one shoulder. "Jingfei, do you want more guidance on how to be a good wife?"

Yang Jingfei vehemently shook her head. "Master, I want to learn a fatal blow!"

"I won't teach you this either."

"But Master—"

Song Jiayi ignored her and turned to Qiu Jucheng, who was helping Yang Jingfei get the tent upright. "Junior Brother Qiu, why are all my disciples so unruly?"

"I think Sect Leader Song should look within to find the answers she wants."

"Oh, you people are disobedient." Song Jiayi chastised, half heartedly waving a spoon. "Wen-er, go find your junior sister, dinner is ready."

Heng Xiaowen who had been quietly following the conversation with rapt attention nodded and wandered into the woods in the direction he had seen Lu Xiuying run off.

Thankfully, Lu Xiuying hadn’t gone too far and Heng Xiaowen found her sulking on a nearby fallen tree.

Heng Xiaowen gently called out, “Um, Junior Sister, dinner is ready, we should go back.”

“I’m not hungry,” Lu Xiuying replied, turning her face away.

In his first life, Heng Xiaowen had been an only child, so he wasn’t experienced with coaxing people. “You should eat anyway, we’ve been walking all day,” he said matter of factly.

"Well, since Master cares so much about my cultivation, I decided to start fasting."

Heng Xiaowen wasn’t really sure how fasting was supposed to help with her cultivation—he should really try and figure out exactly what it is that Song Jiayi was training them to cultivate—but he was pretty sure Lu Xiuying was just being stubborn.

Switching tactics, Heng Xiaowen said, “You know, I think you cut those pears very nicely. I’m sure you’ll find a husband that will appreciate all the hard work you’re doing someday.”

Lu Xiuying whipped her head around to look at him, so taken aback that Heng Xiaowen was worried that the translation matrix had mangled his meaning. “I mean, being a skilled cook who can present food nicely is really hard! It’s very admirable that you take the time to practice skills like that even when we’re making dinner in the woods!”

There was another beat of Lu Xiuying staring at him in astonishment before she recovered and stood up so she could cling to his arm. "It would be great if everyone could understand a girl's heart like you senior brother,” she sighed dreamily.

“Uh, right,” Heng Xiaowen responded. “Let’s go back to camp.”

Heng Xiaowen received a few confused looks when he came back with Lu Xiuying hanging off of him, but it seemed no one particularly cared and they joined the rest of the group to eat around the ceramic stove.

By the time dinner was eaten and cleaned up after, night had fallen. A warm meal after a day on his feet had Heng Xiaowen feeling pleasantly sleepy.

Before he followed Qiu Jucheng and Ling Hong into his tent, he glanced up, and between the gaps in the trees Heng Xiaowen saw more stars than he had ever seen in his first life.