JULY 24th, 2014.

Feeling the softness of his pillow behind his head, and the warmth of his sheets, Seth sluggishly opens his eyes.

Met with a blurry vision, he blinks repetitively in an attempt to clear it.

What…? Where am I…?

Abruptly, a flood of memories shot into his brain, forcing him to recall the scene he’d laid his eyes on just a few hours ago. Clutching his forehead with his left hand, his other reached over to the nightstand, searching for what was usually on it. There were no lights on in his room, and he couldn’t see much in the darkness, but his fingers still found the bumpy, textured grip of his pistol.

The longer I stay here, the more people get hurt…

…Just because I’m alive.

I don’t have any right to live instead of them.

After all, I’m only…

Picking the pistol up and shakily holding it against his palm, he brings it close to his chest as the barrel begins to raise. Yggdrasil remained silent, even now. He could not speak, for he was not truly concerned, and felt, as much as he could, that it wasn’t his place to do so in the first place. Even as Seth snuggled the barrel against the underside of his chin, wincing at the thought of resetting himself.

It doesn’t matter.

This doesn’t mean anything.

I can’t die, so it isn’t a true suicide.

It’s the only way I can atone for—

A rustling off to his right causes his anxiety to peak momentarily. As he lowered the pistol back down and hid it underneath the comforter he was sleeping in— a cautious preparation in case he was subjected to any type of threat— he tilted his head off to the right, to check the source of the sound.

A woman he’d come to see almost every day had her head gently slumped over in a chair as she peacefully rested within it, her arms laid across her lap and her fringes leaning further forward than he’d ever seen before. Her slow, calmed breathing made it clear that she was asleep, as Seth’s eyes continued to adjust to the darkness.

Why are you here…?

He had no way of knowing, of course, but she had carried him to his room and watched over him after he passed out from the stress of seeing the murder scene. Asuga barely made it herself, only just covering her eyes in time to where her brain couldn’t make out every explicit detail of the horror in front of her, and refused to look at it like Seth had. After she called Liam and reported everything to him, Kat rushed over to pick the both of them up.

But it was Seth she was the most concerned about, and she hadn’t left his side throughout the medical check, nor when he was transported back to his room. After their fight, the moment that Seth had taken control of his body back from Yggdrasil and begged her to escape played again in her mind, over and over again, and she regretted hurting him as she did. It wasn’t an emotion she was used to feeling, so she ended up overcompensating for it.

Her eyes began to slowly open as she shifted her arms a little, lightly yawning as she did. Seth stood still as she looked around, closing his eyes and acting as if he was still asleep. She scanned the area, making sure nothing was awry, as her eyes set their gaze back onto him.

And he could tell, though he couldn’t see it, that she cared about him. Even as just a colleague, she saw value in him, something that barely anyone else had. He knew that those eyes wanted him to wake up, and be okay. Though these two had just barely started to know each other, he could feel the pain arise in his heart as it told him that he couldn’t betray someone who so earnestly wanted to help him. He gently clutched his chest, wanting it to go away. That feeling, above all else, was parasitic. Kat’s eyes closed again as soon as she realized nothing had changed, drifting back to sleep.

The silence was suffocating to him.

He wanted to scream, to gasp afterward, to cry his heart out.

To let go of everything, press the thing that would reset it all against his head, and…

But I can’t.

Why...?

What has my life ever meant?

Why would you worry about someone like me?

I’ve committed sins I can never forgive myself for.

If they knew what they were, would they smile at me?

Would they treat me as openly as they do now?

I’m not dense.

I know I’m only here because I’m too dangerous to be anywhere else.

In the end, maybe I’m only being used again.

But even so…

The idea of anyone, no matter their motivations, smiling at him of all people. That wasn’t something he could comprehend before he met them. Feno was the only exception, and then his only respite was taken away from him. This world had always, always been cruel to him. But ripping his only source of hope from him was something else entirely. A new grief he hadn’t come to terms with.

Until he met these people, as unconventional, and as deranged as they seemed…

…He felt that he finally found a home, in a way.

The only reason he raised the gun to his head, to begin with, was because Yggdrasil had told him that TWR would still be around. That he would be a member, regardless of which world he found himself in.

Despite any of his deaths, his home would remain.

But would they?

If he’d only died once, and Feno disappeared…

…Then died another time, and as a result, so many other things changed?

People dying? Details he’d known as real, missing? Never made, never seen?

What if that happened to Kat? To Asuga? To Liam? Even to Keith or Yasu?

And then, if it did?

If they died, disappeared, suffered because of him?

Would he be able to bear the weight of that guilt?

He clutched his chest with both of his hands as he curled up into a ball, pressing his forehead against his knees, and writhing in emotional agony.

No, if he reset to “save” anyone, it’d only end up hurting others.

It was a scale.

Any weight that's taken off of one side…

…Would cause the other to drop.

He wanted to sob to himself as he realized it, realized the answer lying in front of him. It would’ve been clear as day if he wasn’t so quick to sacrifice himself, but nevertheless, he arrived at it. Something even someone as stubborn as him couldn’t deny.

I can’t throw away my life.

If I live, even if I die… people are going to suffer because of me.

Because I exist.

The only thing I can do…

The only way I can stop it…

…I have to find the ones responsible for all of this.

‘Seraphim’.

He clenched his fists against his heart in anger. They gripped against his shirt as the texture of it imprinted itself against his skin, his hands turning reddening from the pressure. Gritting his teeth, he opened his eyes just to view nothing at all.

Even if it only counts for a fraction of how much I have to atone for…

I can’t just let more people die.

Not just as a detective… What justice could I claim that as?

I’m tired of being the one who finds the bodies.

Who tells the loved ones.

Who searches for the killer.

Knowing there’s a chance they’ve done it again by the time I find them.

How many times has that happened? How many times have I regretted it?

It’s always just like it was with the orphanage. So many people I couldn’t save.

Can I change something, now? Can I stop that pain, that despair, from happening?

I don’t even want to be a ‘hero’. That’s not me.

I don’t have to be someone anyone looks up to.

All I ask is that my life is worth something, to more than just myself.

Because for me, I… burned away in that fire with the rest of them.

There was nothing else he could say to himself.

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That was truly what he believed.

His grip on his shirt loosened as he relaxed his eyes, his risen resolve having given him new motivation. Gently moving the pistol over the comforter once more, he set it back on the stand next to his bed, being careful not to wake Kat. As his body groaned in exhaustion, he set his head against the pillow once more and began to fall asleep.

. . . . .

Then, once again, he was met with the void.

“I see you’ve finally realized the circumstances behind the contract.”

It was Yggdrasil, complete with its usual twisted, difficult-to-comprehend form. Curiously, however, it was casually sitting on the floor of the void with its deformed legs crossed. In fact, its mannerisms implied a casual meeting, something that made Seth feel slightly uncomfortable rather than welcomed.

“I would’ve appreciated it if you just told me.”

Yggdrasil wags one of its long index fingers toward Seth while tilting its head back in forth in a reversely corresponding rhythm.

“No, no, no. If I had told you, you would have killed yourself in an attempt to save them.”

Yggdrasil shrugs to itself, throwing the palms of its hands back to face upward. Generally, it was just acting much more sarcastic than usual.

“The least of our concerns. You do remember, yes? What the Council ordered us to do?”

“To find and eliminate a signer…? We weren’t given any more info.”

“Not entirely correct. You were not given more info.”

“...So tell me what you know, then.”

Yggdrasil twists its torso to look toward Seth, tilting its head in confusion.

“Are you not curious as to why I withheld that from you…?”

Seth sighs, tapping his foot against the black liquid of the void’s floor impatiently, lightly splashing it around. It doesn’t stick to or stain anything.

“Yeah… no. I’m starting to get used to your crap, especially after you made your home in my head.”

Yggdrasil heartily chuckles at the thought of that.

“Right, right… Well, I do make a great effort not to disturb your mind while it’s focusing. Would humans purposefully interrupt the plot of their favorite show?”

Seth raises an annoyed eyebrow, staring in disbelief at a literal god talking to him like this.

“...How would I know? I don’t watch anything.”

“That metal cat woman would be disappointed in you.”

Like she’s a good influence.

Yggdrasil stands up off of the floor, stepping over toward Seth slowly while expressing its words with its arms. It mostly works.

“In any event, the signer we’re looking for… has a particular contract. Even the Council is frightened, and that is the only reason they dare to use me.”

“Who?”

“...Though gods do not have families in the manner that humans do, the equivalent would be… my sibling.”

Seth stares at it, questioningly.

“Your… sibling. And what’s the sibling of a god of time capable of, exactly…?”

“She is the goddess of causality. Yggdomur. Maintaining control over the principle of cause and effect, she and I once operated under God themself.”

Yggdrasil stops in its stride over to Seth, gazing into the endless void with no eyes.

“Her judgment… not even the revered Odin could escape from it, as nimble as he was.”

“...How are we supposed to fight against something like that?”

Yggdrasil began to inch closer to Seth yet again, creating pulses in the floor.

“I do not know. That is what we must figure out… after we have found the signer she chose. As such…”

It rushes over with long, continuous strides while raising its right fist above its shoulder, preparing a large punch headed toward Seth.

“...You have slept enough. It’s time to wake up.”

As the punch impacts Seth’s head, he feels it disconnect from his neck for a slight moment before everything goes black.

. . . . .

“AGGHH!”

Seth yells, springing out of bed and sitting upright almost immediately as Kat— who was peeling an orange while in the chair she was sleeping in— stares at him in surprise from the corner of her eyes. Without paying much mind to it, she continues peeling.

“I’m guessing… a nightmare?” she softly says while concentrating on cutting off the peel in one piece.

Seth glances over to her in shock as he doesn’t realize, or more importantly totally forgot, that she was even in his room to begin with.

“Uh… yeah…” he awkwardly replies, sounding like he’s completely out of it.

She stifles a light chuckle before letting out a few small laughs at his expense.

“Well, I mean… at least you’re okay, dumbass.”

I’m a dumbass for having a nightmare…?

As she stops her hands from peeling the orange completely, she looks over to him.

“Hey, so… are you alright, actually? Asuga called, said you collapsed, and we found you… there. She’s fine, but… outside of the obvious, what the hell happened?”

Seth looks down at this lap, scratching the back of his head with his right hand.

“That body belonged to a friend of mine. The last murder, I knew him too. He was… an old coworker. Someone who did a lot for me.”

Kat glances down at her mostly bare orange, before taking off the peel completely.

“That makes sense. But killing two guys you knew is a little concerning.”

She slips her fingers between one of the wedges, pulling it out and biting into half of it from the front as she continues to speak.

“Seraphim’s probably going to up the pressure on us. All to get you, for some reason.”

She closes her eyes as she bites into another wedge of her orange, looking satisfied with the taste, and not worried about anything she’s saying.

“But it’ll be fine. We won’t let them. You know…”

She continues biting her orange, staring down at it with an unsure look on her face. Not in what she’s saying, but rather remembering her previous actions against the one she’s saying it to.

“...You are one of us. Remember that.”

Seth stares over at her in silence, not sure what to say. He’s completely taken aback, trying to search his brain for a response, and failing each time. Kat notices and chuckles to herself, putting the back of her hand against her mouth as she does.

“You look so speechless… seriously, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Seth looks down at his lap again, softly smiling at her words. If only for a moment, he forgot about what he had seen the day before.

“...Thanks. Nobody’s…”

Kat stands up, steps over, and puts half of the untouched orange on top of both of his palms as he looks down at it, surprised by the sudden texture and cold feeling against his hands. He stares at it, noticing how it glistens in the dim orange light provided by the lamps in his room.

“Don’t get all sentimental on me,” she says with a smug grin, though not one that mocks him… it’s more reassuring and kinder than that, “Eat that. You looked pale earlier. In the meantime, I’ll go tell Liam you woke up.”

Seth lightly laughed, amused by the idea of Liam worrying about him.

“I don’t see him being very concerned.”

“You’d be surprised,” Kat says while looking over her shoulder as she makes her way to the front door, “He cares about every single person here. Even if it’s a little pushy.”

Seth stares down at the orange with a smile creeping up on him as Kat exits and closes the door behind her. He almost doesn’t want to eat it, but feels as if he should.

Every single person, huh?

So, he did. Wedge by wedge, he ate the rest of them until it was completely gone. But the image of her placing it in his hands remained. A simple gesture, no doubt, but it meant a lot to him for some reason. Not even he could explain it to himself.

Though oranges are citrus-flavored and are typically tart, this one, to Seth, tasted sweet.

Feno… I’m sorry. Sorry that I caused that to happen to you.

He slowly gets out of bed, picks up the pistol off of the stand, and holds it in his right hand while staring down at it. He polished it semi-often, and his consistent efforts allowed for a reflection of his own face on the side of the slide. Looking tired, but resolved.

But I can’t die yet. I’ll atone for everything, but I have to stay alive.

He slides the gun into the holster at the side of his hip, refusing to use it. Picking up his parka off of the back of the chair it’d been laid upon, right in front of his desk, he stared at it for just a moment.

‘Archangels’...

‘Seraphim’...

Whoever you are…

Whatever form you take…

He slings the parka over his shoulders as it wraps around him, fitting snugly against his form.

As long as I’m human…

No, even if I lose everything…

Picking up his black necktie with a singular horizontal white stripe off his desk, he wraps it around his neck and begins to tie it as he approaches the door to his room. As he places his hand on the doorknob, he turns and pulls it toward him, opening the door and letting the lights of the hallway brush against his face.

The world needs to change, but not like this.

Everyone else, and I… we’ll resist it.

You will never find your ‘free world’.

Not at the cost of others.

I won’t let anyone die because of me again.

Yggdrasil chuckles within Seth’s mind, entertained by his ultimatum.

How amusing. We’ll see, signer…

We’ll see.

END OF VOLUME ONE.