After fishing my headset out from under my wardrobe I quickly put it on and climb into bed — making sure that my head isn’t visible from the doorway — and turn the device on.

Without any transition at all I immediately appear in my bed on my personal Island.

Getting up, I grab my Personal Interface — which is taking the form of a smartphone right now — and message my brother.

“alright I’m in game where should we meet?”

“you know what let’s meet up at the Island I’m bringing you to

but first you need to randomize your avatar”

“what? no I’m not gonna do that”

“come on dude

trust me it’ll be fun”

“how do I even randomize my avatar?”

“right head to Boo’s Beauty Boutique and go into one of the dressing rooms it’ll pull up a menu and if you look in the bottom right you’ll see the randomize avatar selection

you should be able to set certain stuff you want to guarantee you keep but just hit confirm and you’ll get a random avatar”

Clicking on the link brought up a menu asking if I’d like to travel to another Island and I immediately hit yes.

With a flash of blue light and a feeling of nausea that I am certain is an artificial effect I quickly appear in a massive department store.

Aisles and aisles of clothes extend outward as far as the eye can see and only a short distance away an escalator leads up to a second floor.

Immediately I spot the changing rooms underneath the stairs and start heading there quickly.

Upon entering the curtain automatically closes behind me and a menu pops up in front of me displaying my current avatar.

Honestly I’ve never really understood people’s obsession with their avatar, mine is just a scan of my IRL body with a pure-white, full mask covering my face and, frankly, I’ve never really seen an avatar I’d rather have and I doubt this one will be any different.

That said, I suppose the point is to try out being anyone else for today so how much I like the avatar doesn’t really matter.

Additionally, just like Ethan said, in the bottom right of the menu is a bright red “Randomize Avatar” button. I click on it and the menu is replaced with a different one with a long list of different checkboxes. At the very top is one asking whether I’d like to remain humanoid and I immediately click it. I’d rather not be an eldritch abomination thank you very much.

That said I make sure that I don’t look at what else is on the list. I know that I’ll probably be super uncomfortable with whatever I end up getting, but I also know that if I start looking at the different options I’ll keep going until I haven’t changed enough.

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Once I select confirm I’m taken back out to the main menu with my current avatar and it starts spinning rapidly, quickly turning into nothing more than a colored blur.

After a couple of seconds my avatar starts to slow down, and before I get a proper look at what I’m now working with the menu flashes a blinding white. By the time I’m able to see again the menu has disappeared and I’m now standing in front of a full body mirror.

Immediately I stop breathing (a luckily inconsequential event) as I see standing before me a gorgeous 6 foot 4 women with an hourglass figure, small yet pronounced breasts, pale yet definitively healthy skin, long Vantablack hair — with a glowing, navy blue underlayer — reaching all the way down to her waist and half way down its length it’s tied up with a hair tie seemingly made out of obsidian.

Her eyes are the same glowing blue as the inside of her hair and her face seems to be the definition of a ‘cool beauty’ with her sharp eyes, thin lips, and pointed nose. It almost looks like she’s perpetually angry, or perhaps looking at a piece of shit on the side of the road.

Most striking of all however are the characteristics that are decidedly not human. On both sides of her neck barely visible gills can be found, and sprinkled across her face, what seemed to be a select few freckles — on closer inspection — reveal themselves to be prismatic scales.

Erupting from her forehead are two jagged horns reaching into the air like inverted lightning bolts; adding an additional 3 inches to her height. The horns are seemingly made from the same obsidian as her hair tie except lit from the inside by that same navy blue light.

Additionally, on her calves and the outsides of her forearms are fins that only extend about 2 inches out of her body with obsidian spines and pale cyan webbing.

The biggest feature; however, is a 5 foot long fish tail with a 9 inch wide diameter at its base protruding from her backside. It’s covered in the same prismatic scales that can be found on her face and along the top runs numerous spikes made out of that same obsidian. At the very end — aligned with the row of spikes — is a large fin with the same appearance as the ones on her extremities except with a height of 2 feet and extending 4 inches from the end of the tail.

Even after taking her in fully my mind still hasn’t caught up and it’s only as I reach out to touch her that I realize that this is my new avatar. That this is me.

Suddenly all of the sensations hit like a punch to the gut and I immediately curl into a ball on the ground as tears start forming in my eyes. Nearly-opaque, ocean-blue tears.

I look up and into her — no — my glowing blue eyes and they seem to have an endless depth to them; pulling me deeper and deeper without signs of me ever escaping.

And then I start breathing again.

And then I start giggling. Giggling!

And that brings more tears; and more giggles.

It just…

It just feels so good, so right.

And yet…

Like a splash of cold water my brain finally, finally starts working again and I instantly remember what it would mean if this feels good.

No. It can’t feel good. I should be disgusted. I need to be disgusted.

I mean I’m in a female body right now.

If I don’t feel disgusted, if I don’t feel dysphoria, then that means…

NO!

I definitely feel dysphoric.

That’s why I cried.

I mean this is what Ethan experienced every day of his life until only a couple months ago.

So then I must be experiencing dysphoria.

Right?

So then…

Why aren’t I?

Why…

Why can’t I stop smiling?

Why can’t I stop hugging myself?

Why do I want this moment to continue forever?

But it can’t. Can it.

I’ll stay like this for 60 hours.

And then it’s over.

Then I have to go back to real life.

Real life where my parents think queer people are either child predators or their prey.

Real life where my entire school turned against me because of one rumor that I’m gay.

Real life where I have a male body.

Real life… where I don’t look like this.

So I have to be disgusted.

Because if I’m not…

What will I be in real life?