“I feel like I’m forgetting something.”
Cassandra’s daughter and husband made various absent listening noises as she fussed around the caravan, getting in the way of the unloading and checking on her equipment… and the various equipment the caravan had. Mostly, it was alchemical supplies and various mining tools, which an idiot might have thought wouldn’t be useful for their purposes.
The Sorceress had known a large number of worlds and a large number of powersets. She’d stopped discounting the power of alchemy after the first… fluoridation incident, an unwelcome and nearly lethal lesson in the downsides of playing defense alongside an unhinged alchemist in his own laboratory.
But she really did feel like she was missing something.
“It’s all alphabetized. That’s… convenient. Four vials of pain, some poison, traps, miscellaneous… healing potions… let’s see this list. We’ve got—”
Acid (25gp): As an action, you can splash the contents of this vial onto a creature within 5 feet of you or throw the vial up to 20 feet, shattering it on impact. In either case, make a ranged attack against a creature or object, treating the acid as an improvised weapon. On a hit, the target takes 2d6 acid damage.
Alchemist's Fire (50gp): This sticky, adhesive fluid ignites when exposed to air. As an action, you can throw this flask upto 20 feet, shattering it on impact. Make a ranged attack against a creature or object, treating the alchemist's fire as an improvised weapon. On a hit, the target takes 1d4 fire damage at the start of each of its turns. A creature can end this damage by using its action to make a DC 10 Dexterity check to extinguish the flames.
“Dear,” Jason murmured, interrupting her, “we can afford to pay for what we need. I know we agreed that age-appropriate enrichment for Harriet is a flexible—”
Rolling Intelligence | 1d20+2
“Pay!” The occasionally absent-minded scholar snapped her fingers, interrupting her husband in turn. “That’s what I forgot! Our pay! Where’s the Caravan Master? Rude of him to—”
“You know, mom, we don’t have to talk to him right—”
Rolling Deception (Charisma) | 1d20+4
Rolling Insight (Charisma) | 1d20+5
“Dear daughter of mine,” Cassandra said gently, “I don’t know what you’re lying about, but Query tells me that you just successfully deceived me. Would you like to try again?”
“No lying to your mother,” her husband said in support. “I know you’re having a good time, but let’s be kind to each other, remember?”
“Okay, fine,” Harriet grumbled, “fine, fine, fine. I… look, whatever, here’s our money, okay?”
The mischief gremlin had the grace to look embarrassed, though not abashed or regretful, as she handed over the small purse of gold to her mother. She, in turn, simply checked the contents of the purse for the amount, nodding to herself at the forty gold contained therein.
“Good job, dear,” Cassandra said, smiling proudly at her daughter. “You’re getting much better at negotiating and at lying, but don’t ever forget that I shamelessly cheat and your father can read you like an early-reader book.”
“Mom!”
“Listen to your mother,” Jason said with firm kindness. “I was there for the first time you said that butterfly baby was the one who pushed the vase over and jumped on it, you know.”
“Yeah, but an early-reader—wait, the first time?”
“Your mother liked to have a vase in that holder,” he explained. “And since she kept getting them as gifts and academic conference swag, which I have to admit I don’t get at all, it worked out okay.”
“I… don’t remember that,” Harriet muttered. “If you weren’t, like, you, Dad, I’d say you were pulling my leg.” She smirked after a moment, raising her head back up. “Sounds wicked fun though! Do we still have a—”
“I do not,” her mother interjected sternly, “still have sacrificial vases for you to practice the art of destruction with, nor do you require that practice.”
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Fine, fine.” Still smirking, the girl hefted the purse, eyes going suddenly wide. She opened the mouth and took in the contents with a glance, blinking in surprise. “Twenty?”
“Yes, dear. You worked guard-duty and engineer-duty, and we each worked guard duty.”
Harriet’s mouth worked for a moment, opening and closing in stunned silence as her mother smiled indulgently.
“Try thank you, Mama if you’re stuck for something to say, kiddo.”
“Thanks, Mom! Number goes up and to the right; stonks!”
“You’re welcome, and please never say that again. Now!” Voice businesslike, Cassandra gave her daughter a measuring look. “Acid and Alchemist’s Fire. Oil, Holy Water—”
Holy Water (25gp): As an action, you can splash the contents of this flask onto a creature within 5 feet of you or throw it up to 20 feet, shattering it on impact. In either case, make a ranged attack against a target creature, treating the holy water as an improvised weapon. If the target is a fiend or undead, it takes 2d6 radiant damage. A cleric or paladin may create holy water by performing a special ritual. The ritual takes 1 hour to perform, uses 25 gp worth of powdered silver, and requires the caster to expend a 1st-level spell slot.
Oil (1sp): Oil usually comes in a clay flask that holds 1 pint. As an action, you can splash the oil in this flask onto a creature within 5 feet of you or throw it up to 20 feet, shattering it on impact. Make a ranged attack against a target creature or object, treating the oil as an improvised weapon. On a hit, the target is covered in oil. If the target takes any fire damage before the oil dries (after 1 minute), the target takes an additional 5 fire damage from the burning oil. You can also pour a flask of oil on the ground to cover a 5-foot-square area, provided that the surface is level. If lit, the oil burns for 2 rounds and deals 5 fire damage to any creature that enters the area or ends its turn in the area. A creature can take this damage only once per turn.
“—Basic Poison, and Healing Potions.”
Poison, Basic (100gp): You can use the poison in this vial to coat one slashing or piercing weapon or up to three pieces of ammunition. Applying the poison takes an action. A creature hit by the poisoned weapon or ammunition must make a DC 10 Constitution saving throw or take 1d4 poison damage. Once applied, the poison retains potency for 1 minute before drying.
Potion of Healing (50gp): A character who drinks the magical red fluid in this vial regains 2d4 + 2 hit points. Drinking or administering a potion takes an action.
“They definitely exist,” Harriet agreed, nodding. “I totally knew this, and am not just assuming that you’re telling the truth instead of bullshitting me, because that would be pointless and dumb.”
“I am going to magnanimously ignore that you said that. Go steal some.”
“Honey, I—”
“YES!”
“—don’t like this plan.”
“NO! Dad, you ass!”
“I,” Jason said in an extremely Paladin-like tone, “am going to go use my words, as we should all take care to do, and ask the Caravan Master if we can have some of those things.”
“But dad,” the Rogue whined, “I was gonna get to steal things! With permission! They probably won’t even give us anything anyway, and then they’ll know we want it!”
“Of course they’ll give us some stuff, pumpkin. Plenty of it. We just need to ask nicely, and make them feel like they want to do it.”
“Why would they do that?”
“Because the goblins took those two, the poor fellow and lady who were out scouting on their horses. And we’re going to find them.”
His wife looked him up and down, then left and right. Not to see whether he was joking or serious, this being Jason Chadwick Claire, but because she had a sudden reminder of why she’d married him—the absolute lunkhead, the utter imbecile, the beautiful man whose heart would have sufficed for ten men.
“I hadn’t even thought of them,” Cassandra said softly with a non-zero amount of shame. “Yes. I expect that between Mook and the mercenaries, they’ll give us some alchemicals. And we’ll bring back those poor lost souls, or at least their bodies. And the mine foreman might too.”
Harriet coughed. “Hey, uh, Dad.” She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “They’ll probably want us to guard the caravan on the way back,” she pointed out, “and even if we wanted to and weren’t going to extort them for more money about it, we can’t until we finish up here. So whatever they give us also gets them their guards back faster.”
“That’s a good thought.” He smiled like the morning sun burning through the lakeside mists, and set his shoulders. “Alright. You two girls be good, okay?”
“Yes, dear.”
“Yes, dad.”
Neither of them managed to keep a straight face much past when he walked around the corner to open material aid negotiations.
“So! Healing potions, poison, alchemist’s fire, holy water, in that order?”
“That’s my girl.”
“I can probably manage to not just filch ‘em but also leave dummies in place so nobody knows it was us, at least for a while.”
“That’s my girl. C’mere.”
“Love you too, mom.”
Neither of them rushed to break the hug. Some moments were worth savoring.