Cerus introduced herself first as we walked, but given how she answered she may as well not have gone at all. All she said was that she was a “Beautiful girl from Swingtail”. She didn’t elaborate further than that outside of vague, single-worded nonanswers.

“Well,” Opix had tried. “If you don’t want to talk about your past can you at least tell us how you got so many Battle Points? The Territory Quest started two days ago and you have 100 already. I know you didn’t do that many Quests when I can hardly tolerate doing one with you.”

That reminded me that I still needed to look through the Battle Network tab, but I decided I’d do that later.

“Am I to be blamed when you cannot control yourself around attractive women?” Cerus jeered. “I found the Battle Points! Nobody wanted them, so I took them for myself!”

“That doesn’t even make–”

“It is your turn, Angel Boy. Tell us about yourself!”

Opix rolled his eyes, but he relented. I was actually pretty fascinated by Opix’s story given how detailed it was. He’d been born in “Azeltos”, a planet in the Luminae Sector just like Mephistos. He described the place as labyrinthian and expansive with stone architecture and hand-carved murals and sculptures as far as the eye could see.

“I thought the Azeltians were all people-dogs?” Cerus mused.

“You mean dog-people? Yeah, a lot of them are. There are outliers, though.” He answered, gesturing to himself.

“No, I mean people-dogs. Dogtooth is a person-dog the same way Grim Hearts is a cat-boy. Notice how he has a human face but catlike ears and a bushy tail?”

“I what?!”

Cerus turned to me. “Yes, Grim Hearts you are Felzian and not human. It took you long enough to realize that. You do not get to choose your race like a 3-Star. You should get into the habit of checking your Species as soon as you spawn.” She turned back to Opix. “Anyway, Dogtooth has the head of a dog as well as its anthropomorphized body. I believe he may be a Native Swingtail.”

“Oh, I get it now.” Opix laughed. “In that case, it's usually Reincarnators who end up as ‘people-dogs’ while the Natives are normally ‘dog-people’ in Azeltos. I got lucky to be born a human, but I’m an elf no–”

“I’m a human! I’m not a… Felzian!”

“Okay, Grim Hearts. Show me your human ears and your human lack of a tail.” Cerus said.

I reached for my ears but was met by hair where my ear should’ve been. I reached around and, lo and behold, there was a tail.

“It seems that ship has sailed. If it makes you feel any better, I was a proper woman-bee before I got turned into a bee-woman.” Cerus smiled. “I am a beaut either way! I cannot be debuffed!”

“How humble,” I groaned.

I’ll just have to get used to this. As long as I’m not a dragon.

As they continued to talk about animal-human hybrids, I kept thinking about how the System described them. Their descriptions weren’t as detailed as the ones they gave themselves, but they both had words I’d been hearing and seeing a lot lately – Native and Reincarnator. I decided to ask them about it.

“What’s the difference between Native and Reincarnator,” I asked, interrupting a growing argument about “people-birds”.

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Opix answered. “Natives are born in the Ellalara Belt while Reincarnators come from beyond it.”

“And you two are?”

“Oh, I’m a Native. I was born in Azeltos.”

Cerus looked at Opix, then at me. “Ah, me too! I am a Native of Swingtail!”

“But your System says that you’re a Reincarnator.”

“You said you are from Earth, correct? Tell us of your experiences in the Mortal Realm, Grim Hearts, lest you draw my ire.”

“How can you ask me to go when you won’t?”

“I did. I told you that I am a beautiful girl from Swingtail. I am also a Native.”

“But–”

“The System is faulty. You have not updated it yet. Tell us about yourself now. My ire is being drawn!”

I shared a look with Opix who gave me a noncommittal shrug. It was weird. Having lived for eighteen years, being asked to recount them all on the spot made it feel like I was born yesterday with how little came to me. I found myself looking back on my school days when they’d make everybody give those icebreaker introductions before the school year started.

“Fine, but you have to answer honestly after I do.”

“I will! Go now.”

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

“Alright. My name is Grim Hearts. I’m eighteen years old. I was born and raised in New Jers–...er, Upper Saddle River, New Jersey. I spent the last year of my life in Short Hills, New Jersey. My favorite food is Jamaican curry chicken with rice and peas. An interesting fact about me is that I make pretty good cookies if I do say so myself.”

Cerus tilted her head at me while Opix played with the straps of his overalls. They looked at each other, then back at me with puzzled expressions on their faces.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” Cerus said. “I am merely puzzled. What kind of game has only pictures and words? Those are just picture books! And why did you play so many of them?"

“Right? The System is being weird about you. Was your house dark or something? Why would you need so many flashlights? It spelled ‘flashlights’ wrong, too. I’ve never seen a typo in the System before.”

I paled. What the actual fuck was the System saying about me to them?! I clapped my hands together, drawing their focus towards me and away from their screens.

“Listen, the System gives pretty weird descriptions!” I panicked. “I can give you a better description than it can. Okay? Okay?”

“By all means, Grim Hearts. Regale us.”

At Cerus’ insistence, I gave a much more detailed summary of my own life.

“There isn’t much to it. My life was boring and uneventful. All I wanted as a child was to live up to my parents’ high standards, but that never came to be. I never won anything and I never earned anything meaningful. All I was left with were my desires, but I could never reach them. I passed my way through high school, but I failed my way through the rest of my life. When I dropped out of college, my parents said they didn’t want me to ‘soil the family name’ so they bought me this house in the middle of an active adult community and left me alone. I’d attempted to get a few jobs afterwards to prove I was useful but I couldn’t keep any of them. I tried going to trade schools, but I kept failing out because I wasn’t motivated enough to try. I was terrible at talking to women, and I wasn’t very good at… most video games, which you’d think someone like me would be. Eventually, I’d gotten to the point where I’d just about given up, but someone very special to me convinced me to keep going and keep trying, and then I got stabbed by a cultist. And now, after getting killed by a person-dog, I’m here.”

Both of them just stared at me. Opix had a thoughtful look about him with his chin tucked between his thumb and forefinger. Cerus, meanwhile, crossed her arms and mugged me with the same skeptical look she’d had when she analyzed me.

“Hey, were you guys even listening? That was some deep shit, right there. The only person I ever told that all to was Mrs. Gertrude.”

“Fuck 'em’!” Cerus finally said, face still scrunched. “That is the proper turn of phrase, correct? I am well versed in meat–... human.”

“It depends. Who are you talking about?”

“Your parents. Fuck 'em’. Not in a sexual way, of course. I mean that they have not provided the nourishment a growing boy such as yourself needs. If they were not so full of themselves, perhaps you would not have been preyed upon by the succubus and her thralls. Oh well. Fuck ‘em.”

“Cerus has a point. I’m sorry you had it rough on Earth, but I hope the Ellalara Belt can give you what you didn’t get there.” He shrugged. “Oh yeah, fuck ‘em.”

“Poor parentage tends to make people far more interesting. I have yet to meet an interesting person who does not have a poor relationship with one or both parents! I am interesting, beautiful, funny, and humble, and I would not be those things if I had a good relationship with my creator!” Cerus laughed. “Their biggest failing was spawning their better, and that is a burden they must carry for the rest of their short, miserable life!”

“You know,” Opix started. “I don’t know if I should agree but I think I do. I didn’t have a father growing up, but the man who attempted to fill that role was… something. My cousin hates him even more than I do, and I’d say she’s one of the most interesting women I’ve ever met.”

“Excuse me?”

Opix rolled his eyes. “One of. You’re the most interesting, obviously”

“I see. I thought I had misheard you.” She scoffed. “I was prepared to leave this Alliance if I had misheard.”

“Oh no. Anything but that.”

“You do not sound fearful enough!”

They continued to bicker about nonsense, despite everything I’d just told them. Neither of them truly knew me, but they knew the version of me I presented and they accepted it. Did that make them my friends? I felt like such a loser for thinking it, but I was genuinely curious. Regardless of the answer, I appreciated being accepted by… anyone.

”What was your childhood like, Angel Boy? Tell me now, lest you draw my ire.”

“I assimilated when I was sixteen. I never had a childhood. You know how it goes.”

Cerus frowned. “You seem keen on drawing my ire.”

“Alright,” I said, interrupting their conversation. “I was out of it for a second, sorry.”

“Look, Angel Boy. You have disillusioned our newest recruit with your reluctance to share stories of your childhood! You are a terrible person.”

“I’m not hiding anything! I told you, I assimilated at sixteen! I literally don’t have a childhood to talk about. Technically I’m two years old. This is my childhood!”

“Buffoon. Did you not mention having a cousin who dislikes your father figure? When did this take place?”

“Before you answer that, can you tell me where we’re going?” I asked. “I got this Starter Pack thing and it said I should be somewhere safe when I open it.”

Opix smacked my back hard enough for my health bar to appear. I did my best to keep cool, but I could feel tears welling up from the sheer pain.

“I’m glad you asked!” He eventually said. “We were on the way to the village, it’s a few minutes out. Let’s get there faster, hmm?”

“Do not ignore me, Angel Boy!” Cerus shouted. “Answer my question!”

“Didn’t you tell Grim you were going to tell us all about your life in Swingtail in more detail after he told us about his time on Earth? I’ll go after you do.”

Cerus looked between us both before finally staring up at the skyscraper-like trees above us. When she finally spoke, her voice was slightly softer than normal. “Opix Gale, you use words like Assimilation even though the catboy has no clue what that means. Explain it to him so that we may all converse on equal footing.” She turned her nose up at him. “Do not be rude to the potential Alliance member!”

We both turned to Cerus, who in turn refused to meet our eyes. I exchanged a look with Opix and shrugged.

“I don’t mind learning about Assimilation.”