“I did not expect her to kill the Guard, sir. I’ll quickly move to find someone else to replace him.”
“Don’t worry about that, there are no shortage of corrupt men willing to look the other way. That sly weasel’s demands were growing unreasonable anyway.”
The two speakers turned the corner and approached the cell Envy was confined in, raising the lantern aloft to inspect the 17 year old girl. Her crimson hair was unkempt and shoulder length, and the arms wrapped around her legs were bruised from a recent struggle.
“Wake up sweetheart.” Samael the slave trader whispered through the bars. He was a young man with a wispy moustache and feminine lips, and although his voice was gentle, there was a calculating glint in his eyes.
Envy raised her head, but otherwise stayed put, hugging her knees in the corner.
“Oh, poor girl, you poor beautiful girl...” Samael crooned in a soft lullaby, “I’m here to help, or at least send a message. Would you like to relay your situation to any friends or family?”
Envy stared at the man warily. She didn’t trust adults, but was desperate to get word out about her situation. Licking her dry lips, she began to speak, “I have a brother...”
Samael snapped his finger at the man beside him and snatched the lantern off the fumbling assistant’s hand so he could start taking notes on a clay tablet.
“Where is he?” Samael led on.
“We used to live in...” Something caused Envy to hold her tongue. Perhaps it was the way the crouching man held his breath in anticipation, or the flicker of dark intent across his eyes. “We used to often shelter behind the Butcher’s in south street.” she lied.
“And what is his name?”
“Patience.” she lied again. Male vampires often had virtuous names, signifying their difficulty in finding strong life-bond partners. It was a feasible name that would pass muster.
“Huh, ain’t that something?” Samael grinned sardonically up at his Assistant, sharing the joke that Envy's parents obviously preferred one sibling over the other.
Envy remained silent; she was familiar with the knowing grins of those who weren’t familiar with their culture. Observers of vampire society often made two remarks that stood out to them: their obsession with chastity, and their naming sense. Hers was a strong name, worthy of a strong husband, indicating an intense desire and will to succeed. It was nothing to be ashamed about.
“Good, my Assistant will let your brother know about your situation. Now, come closer, let me check your Card and you can also take a sip of this.” Samael beckoned and slightly lifted a small cup while keeping his distance from the bars.
Rumour had it that the pathetic Guard she had murdered had been found with a bone shiv in his neck. Although the girl looked emaciated and thin, Samael knew better than to judge a book by its cover.
The scent of blood wafted through the air and Envy unfurled her lanky limbs to step forward. The dim outline of her Card flared to life on the palm of her hand.
“Tsk. Her primary job is [Warrior], but we may count our blessings the secondary is still blank.” Samael’s tone shifted in disappointment as he handed the girl his cup. Everyone knew stronger vampires required more maintenance, thus combat jobs lowered their potential value.
“Should I arrange a dance instructor to drop by tomorrow?” the Assistant asked.
“No... leaving it blank carries higher value. Don’t presume to know what the client wants, especially for rare and obscure merchandise.” Samael snapped back.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
The Assistant nodded his head in respect and smeared out the latest entry.
“Great, we’ll search for your brother and leave you to enjoy the blood. If you ever want to see him again, you will follow my instructions and leave your secondary job blank. Understood?” The slave trader smiled at Envy, then with a loud huff, rose to his feet.
The gaunt Vampire returned to her corner of the cell and gulped greedily at the cup. Thankfully it was still warm and fresh, and she suppressed the guilt that it had been taken from unwilling donors.
Too quickly, the cup ran dry, and the solitude of night returned. Eventually, her shoulders were wracked by quiet sobs as tears rolled down her sallow cheeks.
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Author’s notes
Hello, this is Perdition Bridge. As this is the end of Book One, I wanted to introduce myself. Since this was my first attempt at writing a story, there were a lot of hardships and rewrites.
My initial intention was to write a trashy romance loosely based on ‘Slave Harem in the Labyrinth’. Call me a degenerate but I really enjoyed it. However, something felt incomplete. I thought, if I was in MCs situation, I would have freed the slave companions I claim to love and trust.
The basic premise of my story would be based on the proverb, “If you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.” Following on from there, I made a few other modifications:
* Instead of a harem, let’s focus on one slave.
* Let’s also say she killed her previous master and subvert the usual trope.
As the characters became more fleshed out and took a life of their own, I grew more ambitious. How could I take this story to the next level? Notable literary works carry a message right? Then what motifs do I want to explore in this story? I eventually settled on the following:
1. Prejudice, and how our jobs define us.
When we introduce ourselves, one of the first questions people ask is, “Where do you work?” There is no doubt our profession defines how people perceive us. Envy is a slave and has the [Murderer] job. What was your initial perception of her? Were you prejudiced in some way?
I didn’t design her to be an inherently ‘bad person’ you know, just abused, betrayed, and exploited to a point where a lesser mortal would have broken long ago. By deliberately limiting her point of view and backstory, I hoped to comment on how society view ex-convicts and rehabilitation. This connects neatly to the next point:
2. The value of kindness and compassion
How do our intentions affect our choices? Does being compassionate make you stupid and weak? In Chapter 3, Exill questions the two types of prayers people make in times of conflict: to tear their enemies viciously apart and the other seeking salvation. What would salvation look like to Exill and Envy?
One line in the story that really resonated with me was, “Exill wasn’t sure what kindness looked like” just before his encounter with Envy. I feel I fumbled a bit here because a lot of people described the MC as stupid and a simp, instead of well-intentioned in offering to free the Vampire. I’ve rewritten Chapter 44 several times and would appreciate feedback on how I could have executed this better. This leads to the final motif:
3. Redemption and Salvation
Do people deserve a second chance? We witness Exill who is afforded a second opportunity to salvage his relationship with Luna. We also see the misunderstood Vampire who has lost all faith in the world. These two take slightly different approaches to reciprocating trust and kindness – leading to interesting results. Sometimes we reject the offer of salvation from others, whether out of principle, pride, or simply because we believe we don’t deserve to be saved.
There you have it. It began as a trashy romance that grew ambitious, perhaps beyond what a first-time author could handle. But 'was it worth it?' as this commentator asks.
[https://i.ibb.co/SmPhbn1/was-it-worth-it.png]
I would argue “No”, it wasn’t worth it, but not for the reasons you may think. The basic framework of my story was designed to be like popcorn – snappy, simple, and addictive. A protagonist the reader would happily self-insert into.
Instead, I had to insert divisive moral dilemmas like a chef sprinkling different herbs & spices onto popcorn, assuring readers that it will ‘all make sense in the end’. The first drop in viewership and ratings happened with the introduction of Envy, then it got worse after Exill turned Luna’s loan down. A final dip after the 'Insult' chapter. What I created was a story that lacked mass appeal.
I recently launched Patreon to subsidise the cost of advertising on Royal Road. I’m so glad I chose to spend my first $50 to advertise, it brought a ton of new readers, advice and critiques – invaluable to a new writer like me.
Thank you for reading the first book of my first story, and I’ll return shortly to continue Exill’s saga.