Exill didn’t need to [Appraise] to know it was the Wizard Ring he had gifted Tsarra.
He sat there for what felt like hours, feeling hot and cold at the same time while his mind raced with implications. A deep burning anger snapped within him.
“She had nothing to do with this!” He roared, slamming the table with barely restrained rage. Shaken by the outburst, Envy waited for him to calm down before approaching from the side.
“We can go back and get her.” She laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. It had the effect of calming him down, but not for the reason she had thought. Her suggestion that Tsarra could be saved had brought up an equally horrible possibility… that she was beyond saving.
“Let me check where she is.” Exill hastily gathering up the rune throwing bones that had been scattered by the outburst.
Ascertaining the location of a person through divination was crude work. The most rudimentary method was to orient yourself on a compass bearing and ask if the person was in that direction. This was repeated until you succeeded or the residual mana in the target’s item was exhausted. The method Exill was about to try was different, asking the bones to pick from a short list of locations he was familiar with, his prime suspicion lying on the Cathedral of Ark.
The glowing runes slipped through his fingers and dissipated slowly when they awarded him a negative response. ‘Where else can they be holding her?’ He felt frustrated by the result. Mindful of the diminishing mana retained within the finger, he tried again.
“It says she is at home… but how can she…” The words faded from his pale lips. A pit in the darkest depth of his stomach formed. Channelling mana into his trembling hands, Exill’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as he knew what fate the runes would forebode.
‘I can still walk away from this. Live on with the hope that she just lost a finger and is living in the Clinic.’ he thought desperately one last time.
The divination bones slipped through his fingers, defining the second inflection point, or ‘mætos’ of his life in as many weeks. Unwittingly, he had stepped forward onto the next bridge, leaving his old dreams crumbling in ruin, a monument to hubris.
“She’s dead...” He whispered unbelievingly.
Envy’s fingers dug into his shoulder painfully, but it couldn’t compare to the torment in his heart. He shook his head as if in a daze.
“The Inquisitor said he wouldn’t harm them as long as they cooperated with the Church. I even gave Tsarra the contract nullifying the vow of secrecy.” He murmured in confusion.
“I should have asked her like you said, brought her with me. I should have known that thrice damned Inquisitor would never give up. Why did I think he would only go after me?” he hissed while slowly tearing himself apart.
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Envy closed the lid of the box and hugged him tightly, comforting him through the loss. After a while, she pulled her vacant eyed companion to bed, where she embraced him, willing him to sleep and rest.
***
Envy awoke the next morning to the sight of Exill moving his belongings from one bag to another. She sat up in growing alarm when he picked up his spear and slung a much lighter satchel over his shoulders.
“I have to catch the barge… it should be leaving soon.” He offered simply, as if it explained everything - and in a twisted way, it did.
“Are you mad? What can you do by returning to Ark?”
“She’s… alone back there.” Exill haltingly explained. The idea of her slowly decaying corpse adorning what had once been their home was too painful to picture.
He looked out the window, as if trying to judge how much time he had before the barge would leave for Holmsburn. He let out a soft sigh and turned his unsettling emerald eyes towards Envy.
It was the eyes of someone haunted by their past.
“Remember the night I confessed to you my secrets?” Exill looked out towards the far harbour, where ships were busy preparing to leave.
“That wasn’t everything. It wasn’t the real beginning of my story.” He paused for a moment, plagued by indecision on telling her the truth. In the end, he chose a fantasy that was slightly more believable.
“No, let me tell you something else… there once was a bird, real in every sense of the word who suddenly died. This bird somehow revived and found its colour had turned a uniform shade of black.” Exill swallowed and waved a hand in the direction of the window.
“It was initially scared and suspicious of all the new birds around him, but eventually, the black bird made many new friends. However, as time went on, a nagging suspicion started to grate at its mind. The bird thought, ‘was I ever alive, or is this some kind of twisted dream?’
Even when it was happy, it found a reason to be scared… worried that it would wake up and that nothing had changed, that looking back, what remained of its ‘realness’ had been an illusion all along.” He paused, struggling to find the words to say next.
“So what did it do next?” Envy asked softly.
Exill swallowed, his mouth turned dry. Struggling to explain this imposter syndrome he had been plagued with, ever since waking up from the smouldering ruins of Lindtree Village. Even the vague memories that weren’t his own muddied up his sense of self.
“I don’t know what the damn bird did next, but you got it wrong about me returning to Ark for Tsarra, or some vague notion of vengeance… I’m doing this for me. I need to do this.” He didn’t say how he had been escaping danger his whole life. Fleeing from one immediate threat to another.
Recent events had made things crystal clear. It wasn’t that he was running away; it was more like he was searching, in pursuit of a worthwhile cause, proof that he was alive. It was poetic irony that the answer he had been seeking was a suitable hill to die on.
His soulless eyes were drawn from the window to see Envy angrily drag on her boots and gather their belongings.
“Fine, if I can’t get it through your thick skull, I’m coming with you.” Her flashing amber eyes countered the determination in his, and he couldn’t help but smile in affection at her stubbornness.
“No… you will stay here and investigate your brother’s whereabouts. Protect my belongings for when I return.”
“You said the same crap to Tsarra! Do you think it would work on me? Do you think I will leave you to die alone?” She shouted, enraged he was treating her like some delicate wallflower.
“I’m not going there to die. I’m going there to see if I’m really alive.”
“What kind of bull-” Envy’s next words were cut off as Exill channelled mana into his voice, invoking the right to command his slave.
“You will not follow me to Ark.”
She leapt at his throat; fury mixed with betrayal that he had cheated her after all this time. Deceiving her like an equal, only to command her like a slave when it really mattered. The hurt was immeasurable.
“Stop.” He commanded again.
Then he kissed her, before walking out the door.