Agony! Pure agony! My body felt like it had just squeezed and stretched, and my head like it had just rolled from inside of a washing machine bumping on its way. I felt burning pain in my lungs as if I had just inhaled something no human should. I tried to open my eyes, but it was too bright.
I tried to move, but everything below my neck was paralyzed.
It felt like even my ears and eyes were bleeding, but this pain dwarfed compared to the headache.
Was this another of my nightmares? I didn't think so; it was way worse.
It was a good couple of minutes before the pain dulled enough for me to open my eyes. Even then, I could only lift myself with a bit of struggle. My vision was still blurry though.
"Huh?" I heard a beautiful female voice echoing."Ակի Կուսուրագի, բարի գալուստ հետմահու կյանք։ Ցավոք, դուք մահացել եք։ Ձեր կյանքը, թեև կարճ էր, այժմ ավարտվել է։" As she spoke with a slightly confused tone, I sensed the pain waned and left my body completely as if I had been injected with the strongest painkillers.
“What, sorry I don’t understand you?” The language sounded familiar, but I still had no idea what she was saying.
"Aki Kusuragi, welcome to the afterlife. Unfortunately, you have died. Your life, though it was short, is now over." she switched to English.
I looked around. I was amongst dense clouds; it felt surreal. I looked up to see countless blue stars shining bright in a purple sky. Where was I? My breath was uneven as I was trying to remember what happened before, but every time I did, my brain hurt as if my head was being squeezed again.
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Something bad had just happened, but what? Why was this woman referring to me as Aki whatever? I was George, not some Japanese named Aki. Was that even a male name? I looked at myself; I was one hundred percent the same person.
"I am Noritz, the goddess of death and rebirth, here to guide you through your resurrection into another world." My eyes finally adjusted properly.
In front of me was a woman who looked like an angel drawn from a painting by a Renaissance artist. She sat at an ivory table looking at some documents on A4-type paper, and then at me as if checking something.
When did I manage to die? I instinctively searched for my notebook in the hidden pocket of my suit. It was there, so I opened the last filled page and read its contents.
The goddess was talking to me, but I wasn't looking at her, all my attention was on recovering my last memories on planet Earth. When I read the last entry it all clicked into place, I remembered everything. I smiled, lampooning the situation I had gotten myself into. If I could print this story, it would be the most-read article in the history of humankind. I guessed that was impossible now.
"Are you listening to me?" The goddess's tone sharpened, her patience clearly wearing thin.
I sat on the edge of her table, facing her. "Look, sweetheart, as you might have guessed, I am not Aki Kusuragi. I am George, George Yossarian, and I am most certainly not dead." I winked, channeling my best James Bond impression, hoping it would work on her.
She raised her head and our eyes met. Her lips were pursed as she slightly clenched her fists. "And how much do you know, George Yossarian?"
"I guess I know something I shouldn't. Where should I start from?" I smiled at her gently.
"Start from the beginning, in all the details, we have time." My Bond impression definitely wasn't working on her, but for some reason, she exhaled loudly and stopped clenching her fists, as if accepting reality.
"As you wish, Goddess Noritz. Everything started after I ran into some troubles a few months ago…"