Chapter 1 (Truck-Kun vs. Truck-kun)
...
For as long as I can recall, I had been… running people over.
"Is that a truck!?" Or "Oh, sh*t!" Were a few of the things that people would think before I hit them with my front-end.
As a multitude of varying emotions flashed past their unfamiliar faces, I always wondered why it was that I was there. I had no memory of ever having been in these areas I appeared in, but without warning, I would suddenly be thrown into a situation where I either hit them or…
Actually, I never figured out what would happen if I didn't go through with hitting them, because every time I resisted my own nature, I blacked out. When I awoke, I would find myself in another unfamiliar land, once again chasing after someone or something in the most outlandish of ways.
Sometimes, I appeared above a mountain, sometimes in the middle of a vast blue sea, but more often than not, I would either appear in the middle of a city, outside a thick brick wall, or in the forest. My victims, on the other hand, ranged from the old to the young, from the fat to the skinny, and from the poor to the rich. Whether beautiful or ugly, I would appear out of the blue and rock their whole world with a single ram.
My instincts told me that all my victims were sent very far away after I hit them, but as for where they went... well, I had no idea...
I hit people, and sometimes other organisms or aliens, simply because I had no choice but to hit them. I knew that a lot of them didn't want to get hit by me, but what could I do about it?
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I hit them — that was my only purpose.
That was the only thing I knew how to do. Even if I felt bad for the people I had hit, there was nothing that I could do to alter their destined fates.
I didn't know why I hit people; I didn't know why I appeared all over these many unfamiliar places, but what I did know was that these people were meant to be hit. Or, at least, that was what I told myself to cope...
"Why did that damn truck-kun have to hit me!?" and "What did I do to deserve this!? That bastard truck-kun!" were just a few of the things that my victims thought just before I sent them to a place very far away. I didn't know why or how they unisonly decided my name to be truck-kun, but that name was oftentimes associated with disdain or a deeply rooted hatred.
Yes, a lot hated me. I wished they wouldn't hate me, but when your sole reason for existing was to hit people down on their luck and ruin their days, you couldn't really hope for anything much…
I wished my life was different.
I wished I didn't have to hit people to continue on existing.
Maybe I could use a sword or something instead? Well, anyway, I just wished things were different—
CRACK—
For the first time in Truck-kun's eternally long life, he wished for something three times in a row. This created an imbalance in the functioning of reality. From this imbalance, there emerged a flaw, and this flaw blossomed forth an anomaly.
HONK! HONK!
While out on the prowl on the side of a massive flying sea monster, Truck-kun suddenly heard a loud honking from his left side. When he turned to look in that direction with a bored gleam in his gaze, he saw two giant blaring cones of light. Those lights were right in front of him, and connected to them was…
"Me? Truck-kun—" before Truck-kun could finish widening his blinkers in shock, another wide-bodied white truck hit him at a speed that exceeded all reason!
It looked exactly like him! Truck-kun got truck-kunned!
CRACK!!!
Reality cracked and shattered like a glass panel as the imbalance was corrected and a new version of Truck-kun replaced the one that had been around since time immemorial. For the first time in a very, very, very long time, the oldest and most well-renowned myth of the modern era received a… vacation…?
…