Eldan’s eyes snapped open and he whipped his head toward Cale, who stood, wide-eyed, in front of a gaping hole in the wall that opened like a chasm into the abyss. He could see stone steps descending into the darkness, and a faint hint of pale, blue light winked at some unfathomable distance below. The cold air that rose from beneath seemed to come from the very depth of the river-bed.
“How could you possibly have found that so quickly?” Eldan stared into the doorway, then at Cale in disbelief.
“I..don’t think I did. I think you opened the door.” Cale eyed him strangely.
Eldan blinked. “That’s not..you were standing here actually looking for a door. I wasn’t doing anything.”
“I was looking because we had talked about hidden passages, and because where those people stopped in the hall didn’t make sense. But the door opened when you leaned on the wall, not because of anything I did.”
Eldan looked at the utterly ordinary and unblemished doorway where he had been leaning. He felt a surge of irrational irritation and defensiveness, angry that Cale was arguing with him and insistent that he prove his point. “That makes absolutely no sense. Why would anyone hide a trigger for a secret passage in the doorway of a classroom? If all you have to do is lean on it people would open it accidentally every day.”
Cale shook her head, frustrated. “No, I’m not explaining it properly. When you leaned there something happened. The door sort of lit up but I couldn’t really see what it did. It was like I couldn’t make my eyes look where I wanted, they kept slipping somewhere else, or like the wall was closed and opening at the same time. I don’t know how to explain but I think if I hadn’t been focusing on it directly I wouldn’t have seen it open at all.”
Eldan gestured at the gaping, black hole incredulously. “You wouldn’t have seen that? So people can just open these passages by touching a doorframe, and then fall into a giant hole they didn’t notice opened up? Wouldn’t that mean students would disappear by the score every year? You would think someone would notice.” He knew he was being obstinate and possibly even cruel, but the words had poured out of his mouth thoughtlessly as he gave into the anger that suddenly burned in his gut.
“Like I said, I don’t know how to explain.” Cale looked sad, and tired, and guilt wormed uncomfortably through Eldan’s chest.
His rage had nothing to do with her, or at least not with anything she could control. He was angry that she was in some ways a stranger, that when he needed her most she wasn’t available, but that wasn’t remotely fair. She was there, chasing the secrets he had wanted to chase and supporting him without question even when she had no idea what was wrong. This was exactly what he had wanted, to explore the ancient Court with his best friend and discover the secrets of the building, and he was lashing out at a moment when he should have been overjoyed.
“I’m sorry, Cale. I..don’t know how to explain, either.” He stepped up to the doorway of the passage, leaning in to peer into the depth. The wisp of light far below thrummed momentarily, seeming to stretch toward him, then returned to a bare flicker. “We would have to come back, anyway. It’s too dark.” Eldan couldn’t muster up any feeling toward the passage other than apathy, and his head felt thick and heavy as he turned away.
Cale nodded. “I know. Let’s figure out how to close it back and we can plan to come back another time.” Disappointment was written clearly on her face. “I really do think you have to close it, though.”
Eldan turned back to the doorway, first pressing with his hands and then leaning on it where he thought he had before, shifting his shoulder to various positions, but the passage remained stubbornly open. “Can you try, too? Do what you were doing before.”
Cale shrugged and began pressing on the wall around the passage opening, with no result. Eldan mashed at the doorway in increasing frustration, finally kicking it hard at the bottom. He needed to leave, to be alone. He wanted to pummel the wall with his fists, to go back to the training room and beat a dummy with a sword until his hands bled, to scream.. mostly he wanted to scream. Cale backed away as he slapped and kicked at the wall with increasing violence, until eventually he smacked the wall directly to the side of the passage opening as hard as he could with an open palm, releasing a bitter cry of fury.
He saw it this time, a thin trickle of light that appeared in the back of the passage, revealing a square panel of wall. The huge stone moved forward silently, slowly covering the chasm. As Eldan’s stinging hand fell to his side he idly thought the it must have been massive, to cover the entire opening like a monumental plug, with enough length behind to keep it securely in place without tipping forward. The light within looked like fine fronds of luminescent kelp he had occasionally seen washed up on the riverbank, waving gently as it ran through slender veins in the stone slab, finally resolving into an elegant, radiating pattern of faint symbols positioned around a complex, maze-like insignia at the center. His breath caught as he recognized the mark cast in the pommel of his sword at the end of one of the lower radii, and the itch at the back of his mind became an insistent, abrasive buzz, a susurrus of whispered chatter he couldn’t quite separate into words, drowning out his thoughts. The panel closed with the soft sound of stone sliding on stone, matching the wall seamlessly. The pale pattern faded, leaving behind an ordinary wall.
Eldan’s vision swam and he sat heavily on the floor, drawing up his legs and pressing his aching, buzzing forehead into his knees. “Did you see it this time?” He mumbled.
“Sort of.. it was like before, though.” He saw Cale sit down next to him out of the corner of his eye. “Do you want to go back?” She asked softly.
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Eldan nodded, and to his shame he felt hot tears spill into his eyes. His chest heaved uncontrollably and he gripped his legs tightly, burying his face in his arms. He felt Cale’s hand rest lightly between his shoulders. Part of him wanted to throw it off, to withdraw tightly within himself and force her away, but he let it remain, even as embarrassed as he was for her to feel the shudders in his back.
She sat quietly with him until he was able to calm himself, then helped pull him to his feet to walk back to the stairs. He walked with his head down, hair falling in an unkempt curtain around his face, looking up from his boots only to murmur an occasional response at an intersection as they retraced their steps through the halls.
Eldan trudged up the narrow steps once they had finally found the unmarked staircase door, Cale’s footsteps sounding behind him. As he rounded onto the last flight to the main floor she grabbed his elbow, stopping him in a mirror of his grabbing her arm on their climb to the residence halls two days prior.
“I know things aren’t right.” She started hesitantly, “I mean, I know things aren’t right with me.”
Eldan looked back at her, not sure where she was going, and waited. Cale closed her eyes, letting go of his elbow, and drew in a breath, continuing.
“My thoughts are muddy, and the only memories I have that are clear are the ones of time I spent with you, but even those have fuzzy spots. It’s like I know the general shape of my life but if I try to fill in the details they aren’t there, or I will remember a detail of something but it doesn’t fit anywhere. Maybe if I was here alone I wouldn’t notice so much but seeing you it’s.. hard not to put it together that something is very wrong. It’s obvious you are going through something much worse and I am trying to give you space, but please, at least give me enough credit to know that I’m not completely ignorant of what is happening.”
Her eyes flared briefly at that last statement and she squared her shoulders defiantly, and then she seemed to wilt again, her posture drooping. “Will you tell me what is going on? I don’t want to ask you to cause yourself more pain, but if you could give me anything it would help. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
Cale looked so earnest, and so lost, that Eldan deflated completely, releasing his residual anger and resentment in a slow exhale. Of course Cale noticed, he should have realized she would. The thought that she had lost her mind, in a way, came unbidden. He thought briefly about begging off, telling her he was too tired and promising to talk about it later, but she was right, she deserved to know at least enough to give context to her broken memory. He chewed his lip, trying to figure out where to start.
“I suppose I made little secret of it, but we are from the 32nd annex..” Eldan started slowly. He told her what he knew in the broadest possible strokes, telling her only the most basic details of their families, and what he had experienced during their journey to the Court. He couldn’t look her in the eye, afraid to find out how she might be reacting, so he let his hair fall over his face again and stared at the plank steps as he spoke. Cale was silent when he finally trailed off, not knowing what more he should say, his stomach twisted with anxiety.
“I believe you.” Eldan looked up at her quiet words, finding her leaning against the wall, meeting his eyes directly. “I don’t remember any of what you say, but I believe you. It makes parts of what I do remember, or the places where I should have memories but don’t, make some kind of sense. And anyway, I trust you more than I trust these memories.” She broke off, turning her head to gaze down the staircase.
Eldan sagged in relief, grateful beyond measure that she hadn’t dismissed what must sound like a fantastical story out of hand, finding it it impossible to believe in spite of her own experience. Cale tugged his sleeve, motioning for them to sit down. They sat next to each other on the small landing, leaning against the wall.
“Will you tell me more about my parents?” Cale asked, her voice quiet again. “I want to know more about where I came from if you are willing?” She looked at him questioningly.
Eldan started slowly, haltingly, but the words began to tumble out faster and faster as he spoke until he had told everything he could remember. He told her all he knew of her parents and family, and he told her his memories of his own, as well, telling her about her father’s workshop and his mother’s forge, and of listening to concerts of his father’s music. Piece by piece he gave her back everything he knew of her own history, from events he had seen play out to embarrassing stories her father had told him about her younger years. At points he broke down in tears and Cale sat with him until he could continue the thread of the story he was telling, and at times he laughed at the retelling of a funny incident. She asked him questions and he filled in gaps in what she remembered, reliving the time they had spent together. He was hoarse by the time he finished, and could not remember ever having talked so much at one time, but some of the fury of his grief had calmed in the remembrance.
Cale leaned her head back, looking pensive. “Thank you. I wish I could remember, but I think I at least understand more now. It’s strange.. I feel like I know these people a little from all you’ve said, they seem more real than what I remembered before, but in a way it’s worse knowing I had all of that and it’s simply.. gone. I can’t make myself feel what I think I’m supposed to be feeling right now. I’m sad, and confused and sort of angry but I’m mostly just empty.”
Eldan unconsciously clenched his fists in defiance as she spoke. “It’s not going to end here, I won’t let them all be forgotten. If there is a way to bring them back I am going to find it, or if they are really gone.. I will make sure they are remembered.” He choked at the end, whispering the last words.
They sat in the narrow staircase for some time, lost in their own thoughts. Eldan felt his eyes growing heavy, his mind and body utterly spent. Finally Cale roused him and they climbed the last flight of stairs, emerging onto the main floor to find it was early evening. They made the long climb to their quarters on the top floor slowly, nodding and murmuring greetings to other students they passed in the halls. At one point a group of girls snickered and whispered behind their hands as they passed, one obviously pointing to Eldan’s forge clothes. He was used to similar treatment so he ignored them, unable to rouse even enough emotion for a flash of stubborn pride or embarrassment.
As they unlocked the door to their suite he could hear a shuffling sound and rapid footsteps from inside the main room, and when it swung open he caught a glimpse of red hair as one of the interior doors quickly closed. He raised an eyebrow at Cale and she shrugged, motioning toward his room. She helped him with his chores, getting his bed made and room put in order, and finally tackling the slightly crumpled pile of papers and forms he had received at check-in so he had his class schedule and instructions for the first week. He declined her invitation to dinner, he was hungry but too exhausted to face another trip out, so she left him with a quick hug and promise to see him for breakfast in the morning.
Once Eldan was alone he lit a candle and placed it on his desk, then opened his chest and withdrew his sword, studying the mark in the pommel carefully. His weapon was the only detail he had withheld in his telling of their history. It had seemed too complicated, even as he was realizing it held significance relating to the events of the last three days. The blue steel caught the firelight, and he could almost believe light flickered from within the recesses of the mark and along the length of the blade.
He took the time to clean and oil the sword, folding it into the dry canvas wrapping and tucking it back at the bottom of his trunk. His window still stood open and as he went to retrieve his knapsack to pack materials for the first day of class he noticed the paper wrapped with the remains of his fish dinner was missing. He leaned out to look at the window sills and pavement below but saw no sign of the small parcel. He stepped away, slightly embarrassed at the thought of his fish bones scattering around the Court.
After packing and settling into his nightclothes he finished his hard roll from breakfast and cut open the strange, wrinkled fruit to find it filled with a brilliant orange pulp. He licked at a drop of juice on his hand and his eyes widened, then he quickly scooped the pulp out and ate it with his fingers, finally licking his knife and the inside of the rind to try to get a last taste. Whatever this fruit was it was the best thing he had ever tasted. He sighed, setting the rinds aside, he would fill his pockets with all he could carry tomorrow.
Exhaustion overtook him as soon as he climbed in bed and he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, half-waking only once when he felt Glade’s weight settling against his back.