Interview with a Dirtbag

Chapter 23 - Bel’a (And the Gecko Effect)

Michael had not anticipated the first interview to have been so intense. He didn’t suspect anything nefarious behind what had happened with Staff Sergeant Remington. Remy’s ears had gotten his attention during the move; he thought the best place to start this new role on the base was to follow his genuine curiosity.

Now he knew.

Damn.

So he had a few other interviews with some Shil’vati officers that he didn’t know. Some neutral parties to cleanse the palate, if you will.

Michael wasn’t quite able to follow the military jargon, but that’s why he had Bill around. Bill was helpful until after the first couple he told Michael how he was trying to employ the Gecko Effect.

“What the hell is the Gecko Effect, Bill?” Michael asked with his hands in the air.

“Bro.” Bill let the word hang in the air a bit before continuing, “I know you can see the women who come in here.”

“Yeah, they’re the majority here.”

“But you also see that they’re,” Bill gestured enormous spheres around his chest and half moaned, half squeaked, “Mommy.”

“Uh huh.” Michael rolled his eyes, “But what does that have to do with geckos?”

“You know how geckos’ eyes are on the sides of their heads? And they can look in two different directions at the same time?” Bill put his hands up to his face with his pointer fingers pointing like his eyeballs. “I do my best to keep one eye on their eyes.” He angled his left hand pointer finger down, “and then I try to sneak a peek at the goods with the other eye.”

“Jesus.” Michael groaned as he buried his head in his folded arms on the desk. He thought for a minute. “Weren’t you the Title IX person in a former life?”

“Yup,” Bill smiled. He then pursed his lips and tried to demonstrate the Gecko Effect a couple times. By Michael’s measurement, Bill failed to get away with it every time. “Think of it as a ‘Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer’ kind of thing.”

Michael rose from the desk, “You taught others what sexual harassment was and policed them for it, but you mostly wanted to know the rules so you could try to break them?”

“You got it.” Bill winked and got some mints out of his desk.

Michael smirked knowingly, “And by ‘keeping enemies closer’, you mean try to get some Shil’vati bo-dong-hon-ka-roos closer to you.”

Bill’s chest orb gesture lifted up to his face where he could motorboat the air.

Bill’s breath smelt like the mints. Where else do I remember that scent? It’s not a smell that I’ve preferred. I hate mint! Gross!

Mmm. There is another unfortunate memory. Dad always had a Freedent or a Spearmint of some sort of gum. It’s something that Mom had always talked about; how he always smelled like mint. I hated mint but I loved him.

If I’m meeting new people all the time, I would want them to think I have fresh breath. Damn, I'm going to have to start chewing mint gum now, aren’t I?

Michael’s reverie of sensory-induced memory and thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. He noticed the silhouette on the floor as they entered. It wasn’t a Shil’vati, it was a Rakiri. His brain jerked back into control of the now.

“Bill, cut it out. Bel’a’s coming.” Michael grabbed at Bill’s still-gyrating arms and face.

“Am I interrupting something?” Bel’a inquired when she saw the faces they were making: Bill’s was an open-mouthed slobber of imagination; Michael’s transitioned to matronly correction, shushing Bill, to apology.

“No, no. Not at all.” Michael tried to look cool by brushing his hair to the side. “Come on in, Bel’a!”

Michael took in her visage. Bel’a wore a standard purple camouflage ACU that did little to hide her form. Only now had he consciously noticed her cleft lip. It had always been there, but it hadn’t been a detail that he’d noticed. Her dark pelt showed deep brown undertones. Her ears were triangles that flopped over the top of her head like a velvet bonnet. I wonder what Ssgt Remington’s ears used to look like, Michael thought as Bel’a made her way to a seat across from he and Bill’s desks. She gave Michael’s hand a squeeze and bumped fists with Bill since his hands were already in the air, “Uh, ok, because I can come back if you two are busy.”

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“No, we’re ok. No big deal.” Michael exhaled in exasperation. He rebounded with, “How are you?”

“I’m good. You two might want to be careful with your candle or whatever you have going in here that smells like mint.” Bel’a’s muzzle contorted at what must have been a strong smell to her.

Bill crunched the mints in his mouth, “Not candles, I brought some mints that I found during the move to the office. It helps me think. I assumed it smelled good but excuse me, Princess.” Bill clucked his tongue and twisted his hand up to Bel’a as if to offer it as a more welcome guest with whom she could converse.

Bel’a licked her nose, “I don’t mind it but it’s a bit much around here.”

“How so?” Michael’s brows lowered over his eyes quizzically.

“Oh you do know that mint is like a drug to the Shil’vati, right?” Bel’a could tell by their faces that they did not know. “Oh ho, you boys thought that you were so popular because you’re males?”

Michael and Bill glanced quickly at each other, then both looking at Bel’a, they flexed. Michael assumed the front lat spread bodybuilding pose, with his hands down to his waist so as to show off his manly delts and triceps. However, it only served to make him look more like a pear. Bill twisted into a half-back bicep pose; when he saw she wasn’t impressed with either of them, he used his right hand to swing the fatty underside of his arm like a playground swing. It was an image both he and Michael could imagine that shrill sounding clip from Popeye cartoons; they both giggled at the thought.

Bel’a remained unimpressed. “Sure fellas.” She settled into her seat, “So what’s up you ask? Hmm, nothing much. I know Linnet is over the moon that you two are on base.”

“And you?” Michael pressed forward, “How do you feel about it?”

“I’m not complaining. I do like you two silly boys. But this is mostly Linnet’s doing.” Bel’a looked away longingly. “When she sets her mind to something, wild Turox couldn’t drag her away.”

“You think an awful lot about Linnet, don’t you?” Michael hypothesized.

Bill fake whispered an aside to no one in particular, “More than the dude she’s fuckin’, that’s for sure.” Which drew a chuckle from Bel’a.

Michael screwed his face up as he looked over at Bill, “What does that mean?”

Bill looked from Bel’a to Michael, “Well, you’d think you’d do something romantic for your partner. Especially when she’s saving a horse regularly.” He gestured removing a cowboy hat and riding an imaginary something under him.

“The. Fuck. Dude?” Michael asked with eyes stretched wide.

Bel’a leaned forward to mockingly whisper back, “Her favorite flowers are sunflowers. Her favorite meal is now that snake stroganoff you made for her. Her favorite Earth movie is 50 First Dates.”

“Noted.” Michael snipped. He looked over at Bill.

Bill cut his eyes at Michael, “You’re welcome!” He stretched his open palm toward Bel’a as if to high five her. “We practically wrote a shopping list for you!”

Bel’a felt as though she’d been taken advantage of, withdrawing from Bill’s outstretched palm. “I’m more than someone with an obsession with Linnet!” she whined.

Bill straight-faced asked Bel’a, “What’s your role on base?”

Bel’a was taken aback by his seriousness, “Um, whatever I’m told.”

Michael struck next, “Why did you join the Imperial Marines?”

“I didn’t really want to but it made sense financially, particularly being a minority species within the Imperium. I’d get to see more of the universe.” Bel’a responded.

“...See more of Linnet?” Bill jabbed.

Bel’a felt her ear twitching and tried to subtly press it back flat to her head only for it to spring back up like a velveteen sail. “N-not specifically.”

Michael leaned back in his chair, “Ok, what else do you have going on that’s a ‘just you’ thing?”

“Nothing off of the top of my head.” Bel’a huffed and became increasingly distraught, “I may not have anything particularly notable about me. I am me and I am valuable.” She pointed at Michael angrily, “And there’s nothing wrong with being a follower when you’re in a pack, Michael!”

Michael held his hands up in surrender, “I give. All of that is true. You’re beautiful and valuable. And this is a valuable lesson for me to learn as a newcomer to the pack. Thank you!”

Bill’s face became as serious as death, “When you’re in the military, you learn to work together as a unit. You learn quickly that you are shoulder to shoulder with someone that has become your brother. You would live and die for your brothers.”

Their mutual support for Bel’a’s stance calmed her, but she couldn’t help but notice that Bill wasn’t done.

Bill stuck to his guns, “But a part of becoming brothers is learning who you are and where you fit in the brotherhood.” He rolled his eyes as he thought to correct himself, “Or sisterhood, I think you’ll forgive me for saying it wrong.”

“I hear you.” Bel’a nodded for him to continue.

“Have you taken the time to learn who you are? Like, not who you are compared to everyone else but like who are you if you aren’t a part of this unit in this Imperium?” Michael asked.

Bel’a stared at nothing, lost in thought.

“I’m not trying to insult you, Bel’a. Or question your motivations or whatever.” Michael sighed in disgust at the memory. “Look, when I first got divorced and I didn’t have my kids in my life every day, I didn’t know who I was. What made me happy? What was my daily motivation? Previously, it had been the kids, or whatever I thought would maybe make my wife happy. It was far too late for that. I didn’t have the kids there to guide what we’d eat or where we’d go or what we’d watch. I was alone to make those decisions.” He laughed a bit at himself, “I didn’t want to watch Nickelodeon all evening.” He turned to his audience to see if this was connecting with them. Bill was nodding in approval. Bel’a’s gears were turning, but she was listening. “But I didn’t know what I did want to watch.”

“Is it alright to not have an answer right now just like you didn’t have an answer?” Bel’a inquired.

Michael smiled broadly, “Absolutely! I just don’t want you to learn this when you’re alone, like I did.”

“What is it that makes you you, then?” Bel’a asked Michael.

Michael felt the irony of his advice, “Well, I’m not sure that I know yet myself. I don’t know what makes me happy. But I’m here with you; we’re all in this together.”

Bill mockingly whispered, “tiddies and beer.”

Michael shrugged without an argument, “I mean, they don’t make things worse.” He thought back on all the bullshit he’d gone through getting drunk to be able to talk to the Shils and how everything had worked out in the end. Right? Somehow that doesn’t seem right. There is no ‘in the end’ in life. Life keeps going despite every effort to end conflict. Life finds a way. There will be more problems to come.

Bel’a barely concealed her agreement. “Sounds like I’ve got some homework to do.”

Bill quickly interjected, “Tiddies and beer is your kind of homework? I wanna go!”

Bel’a chuffed laughingly as she got up and headed for the door. “It is Shel, so, that’s up to you, friend.” Then she backed up, trying to quickly close the door behind her despite the small throng of Shil’vati who had gathered outside the door to their office.

There was an audible feminine “Ooh” when the door opened and a disappointed “Aww” when it closed.

Bill swung his head to Michael. “Whatta-ya-say, Bud? Tiddies and Beer?”

“I’ll probably have to give ’em more than four tries to see if I really like them.” Michael grinned at his wit.