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brain mush

The tissue that Mitch clutched for the past 45 minutes was discarded in the wastebin by the front door, which was nearly full of many other tissues and a few paper water cups as well. He lingered on the front steps and fidgeted with the edges of the appointment card that Ann gave him. From where he stood, the bumper of Jodie’s car was visible, but he needed another minute to collect himself before he saw anyone. Stray tears were wiped away, and the cigarette that he pulled out was put away when he spotted the ‘No Smoking’ sign on the property.

He was numb, but in a way that was nebulous; neither good nor bad, but the polar opposite of how he usually coped via shutting down. This time, it was as if ancient amber was unearthed from his core and heated up, somehow managing to turn back into sap, then was flushed from his system. He was dazed and hollow, and unsure what to make of it.

But his legs moved of their own accord, towards the car to where Jodie was waiting. As soon as he was inside and buckled up, the density of the air increased tenfold. Jodie waited for a short stretch, then quietly said, “Hey.”

“Hi,” he greeted back, throat still raw. His eyesight was fixed out the window and on nothing in particular. All of his limbs, even the arm in the sling, were as rigid as cooked pasta that sagged in a strainer. Something was placed in his lap, but it took a moment for it to register that anything was there at all. His attention drifted to it, and he spotted the familiar gray fabric.

“Thought you might want an old friend,” Jodie suggested. Mitch put a hand on top of Cendre’s head, then pulled the stuffed rabbit into a tight hug. Shifting into drive, Jodie waited until when they reached the end of the street before she asked, “You alright?”

Mitch let the question swirl and clink around in his head like ice in a glass of whiskey before answering with, “Yes? No?”

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

“Yeah,” nodded Jodie.

“You were right, though.” His tongue grew heavy and throat went dry.

“About?” A right turn was taken onto another side road as she attempted to navigate her way back onto the main road.

“I cried a bunch about my parents,” he burst out laughing, disregarding the inappropriate timing.

“Fuckin’ told you!” She slapped the steering wheel in triumph, although the victory was bittersweet. Still, Mitch appreciated the bit of normality where he could get it.

“Or like, my mom, rather,” he continued. “Can’t exactly cry about someone that hasn’t been around for 25 out of 29 years.” The tension percolated between them the moment he made that quip, and he could physically feel Jodie shoving words through a fine mesh filter. “Oh my god, just say it,” he urged.

“Really?”

“Please.”

“I mean, he’s been a little preoccupied.” She left it at that.

“Well maybe he shouldn’t have fled his fuckin’ country when he had an arrest warrant!” His jaw clenched, and the urge to slam strike the dashboard was barely contained. “I get why, OK! I’ve made peace with it. But then he went and knocked up my mom! If he didn’t, we’d both be less-” He blew a raspberry, too riled up to form full sentences. “I mean, it’s cool and all that he made a…what’s the phrase?”

“Made an honest woman out of her?”

“That’s so gross,” he grimaced. “But like. Wait no, I just went through this in therapy, with my therapist. I’m not rehashing this right now.”

“You brought it up!” She retorted with grand indignation. “You get a pass for first time post-therapy brain mush, but you brought it up! Don’t get upset at me!”

“Look, I got mush! Don’t encourage it further!” he shouted, and weakly shoved at her shoulder. She made no effort to defend herself.

“So uh.” Her fingers drummed against the wheel. “You like your therapist? ‘Cause I know you’ve never done this, like as a grown up. And sometimes it takes a few sessions to feel it out, but it’s like any other relationship, y’know?”

Mitch glanced over at her, the concern simmering below her cool veneer. He was constantly wary of anyone new that came into his life, but he had been the one to seek out Ann and not the other way around. And although it’d only been one session, her warmth radiated within him after leaving her office. He smiled, and after careful consideration, responded with, “I think I do, yeah.”