I had expected the garage door to lead to the back alley, but it led to, well, a garage. One like where they would repair cars, with the hydraulic lifts and rows of tires and a bajillion tools. There were two small red cars like the one that had delivered my pizza earlier parked in the garage, one of which had its hood open. The sound of someone banging away with a wrench echoed through the big room.
For a long time, I stared in, the smell of grease and car parts wafting into my nostrils. The banging stopped and from under the car rolled a dolly, carrying a girl in overalls. She sat up and dropped the wrench with a snort, muttering about car things that I didn’t understand.
She noticed me and stopped. “Who are you?” Her skin was mocha and her hair was dark, at least until the ends, which were dyed purple. The left side of her head was shaved to a thin layer. I counted five earrings and one nose stud. Under her coveralls, I could see the ends of several tattoos.
“I am new,” I said slowly. “Hello.”
The girl looked at me incredulously. “You?”
“Me. Yes. I’m Arthur.”
The girl scanned me with a critical eye. “Alright, Arthur. Name’s Jaz. I guess, since you’ve been… hired, I’ve gotta show you to your new ride.”
I pointed at one of the little red cars. They weren’t quite like any car model I’d ever seen and I didn’t see any logos on the grills.
Jaz nodded. “Yep. They might not look like like much, kinda like you, but trust me, these babies are more than meets the eye.”
“Hang on, what’s that supposed to mean?” I was insulted.
Jaz laughed. “Just said you don’t look like much, Tiny.”
I crossed my arms. “Hey now, I may not be a walking muscle, but I’m not that small.”
Jaz poked my arm and I realized that she was at least two inches taller than me. “Right. I bet I could snap your arms like a chocolate bar.” Jaz’s arms were huge, backing the validity of her claim.
I held up my finger. “What kind of chocolate bar? Because, they’re a lot different, some of them, in terms of structural integrity.”
Jaz frowned. “Uh, I don’t know. What does it matter? I could break any chocolate bar.”
I dropped my hand. “Oh, right.”
Jaz laughed and pulled me over to the nearest car. She opened the driver’s door and shoved me inside before swerving around the hood and hopping in the passenger side.
As I sat in the black leather seat, my eyes flicked over the array of dials and buttons and switches and displays on the dash. It looked like a plane had vomited its controls into a car. On the console between the seats, there was even a big red button under a clear plastic cover. “Okaaaaaaay. What?”
Amused, Jaz snorted again. “Alright, Arthur, never mind most of these right now. You’ll learn about them later. Right now, I’m just gonna teach you the basics.” She pointed at the wheel that was kinda oblong and flat on the top and bottom, like the ones you see in race cars.
“I know I might seem dumb, but I know what a steering wheel is.”
Jaz flashed a grin. “Good. But I was actually pointing at the buttons on the wheel.”
I looked back at the eight small square buttons on each side of the steering apparatus. “Oh, these things.”
“Yes, those. To start the car, you need to hit them in the right order.”
My face scrunched up as I looked at her in confusion. “What kind of dumb ignition is that? I have to do a passcode?”
“Pretty much.” Jaz caressed the dash. “We don’t want any of these babies falling into the wrong hands.”
“You know, I don’t think most people could hold one of these cars in their hands,” I said.
Jaz took a moment to roll her eyes.
I held up my hands to say, Alright, sorry, don’t mind me.
“Ok, so you’ll need to remember this code.” Jaz proceeded to call out the eight symbols on the buttons in a random order.
When she finished, I said, “Yeah, I totally didn’t remember any of that. Could you repeat everything you just said?”
Jaz flopped her head back against the headrest. “Ugh.”
“I got hung up. How does this one look like a key?” I pointed at the top right button.
“How does it not?” Jaz asked. “Ok, I don’t care. Just listen and remember.” She did the finger thing where you point at your eyes and then at somebody else while making eye contact.
“I’ll try.”
I was making a great first impression.
Jaz scratched the space between her eyebrows, sighed and then repeated the sequence. After she finished, I said it back to her and, to my surprise, I got it right.
Jaz spent the next ten minutes going over how to operate the car. Nearly everything was different than a normal car. Like, to change the radio, I had to use the gear shift, so then, I figured that shifting would be with the normal radio dial, but no, that was for turning on the wipers. The shifting was done by flicking levers on the back of the steering wheel, which actually was pretty handy. Finally, after tiring out Jaz with a tirade of questions and probably making her question every decision she had made in her life to end up there with me, she said that I was ready to take the car out.
“You’re gonna drive around the left side of the building, to the drive-thru window. You’ll pick up an order there and deliver it.” She buckled her seat belt. “And remember not to touch the off-limits buttons. Unless you’re about to die. Then you can push the big red button. But only in emergencies. The other ones, don’t touch. Ever.”
“Got it, thanks Mom,” I grinned as Jaz held her face in her hands.
With a long sigh, she said, “Just, don’t destroy too much, Tiny.”
I gripped the steering wheel and looked at my reflection in the review mirror. “No promises.” The seemingly unending number of colourful switches and buttons mocked me as I tried to recall what I was supposed to do. “Ok, here goes nothing.” I punched in the sequence of eight symbols on the wheel and the car rumbled to life. The seat beneath me vibrated as the engine started up, but a moment later, it became smooth as the motor purred. The main display on the dash lit up and a line of 8-bit text saying ‘Hello and thank you for activating the SO-6 motorized vehicle’, scrolled across the screen. A half second later, a tinny voice repeated the message.
“Um, you’re welcome.” I frowned, unsure why I was talking to the car.
Then, I almost jumped out of my seat as the car said, “Thank you.”
“Dear God in heaven! I’m in a talking car. I’m in a talking car. Help.” My knuckles were growing white as I gripped the wheel. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I told myself it wasn’t that weird, there were probably lots of cars that talked and I had just always been too poor to be in one that did.
Beside me, Jaz was laughing.
“What is our destination?” the car asked.
I’m pretty sure I bit through my lip at that point because I tasted blood. But, I managed to squeak out, “I don’t have one yet. Need to get an order.”
The speakers buzzed. “Then you must proceed to the designated pick-up location.”
“Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Ok, ok, let’s do this.” I pulled the shifter into reverse and clapped my hands over my ears as jazz music blared over the radio. “Ah! The radio! No! Where’s the gear shift?” I slammed the handle back into the first slot, stopping the music.
The car answered me. “The triggers are on the wheel.”
Jaz continued to laugh. She had her phone out, recording my failures.
“What are you doing?”
“Entertaining my followers,” Jaz said.
“What?”
Jaz lightly smacked my arm. “Just ignore it. Get going.”
I clenched my teeth and made a face. “Riiiiight. I’m am going to die in this.
Putting the car into reverse, I backed out into the central aisle. I drove up to the big garage door that was exactly the same as the one that led to the restaurant and stopped. “How do I open it? There’s probably a button somewhere.” At least thirty-five buttons and knobs all seemed like the right one and the wrong one at the same time. I looked to Jaz, but she was just grinning ear to ear.
“I already told you.”
“You suck.” Scanning the dash, my eyes narrowed on a light-switch-looking thing by one of the air vents. I couldn’t quite remember what Jaz had said that one did, but it seemed right. So, I flipped it.
The windows suddenly darkened, blocking out the light of the fluorescent tubes above. My seat began to tip back until I was nearly horizontal. The cab light turned on, casting light orange and pink beams and the speakers began to play soft, romantic jazz.
Frozen in place, I whimpered, “What… is… happening?”
In response, the little slot usually reserved for change popped open, revealing a fresh condom.
Jaz cackled, still recording.
“What kind of job did I just get?” I was very confused, but I didn’t want the car to make any more moves on me, so I sat up straight and flipped the switch again. The lights dimmed, the music stopped and the windows cleared.
I leaned ahead and touched my fingertips together. “Hey, um, Mister Car, if you could, you know, not try to have sex with me, that would be great.”
“I am unable to have intercourse,” the car’s tinny voice replied. “You simply activated seduction mode.”
“WHY IS THAT A MODE?” My voice was an octave higher than normal.
“There are some circumstances where the only option is to seduce-”
Jaz was gasping for air. “This is the best thing I’ve ever seen!”
“Ok, I don’t care!” I yelled, waving my arms. “I don’t want to know why a restaurant delivery car has that feature! Just please tell me how to open the door.” My voice wavered. “Please.”
“Certainly. The garage door opener is hanging on the sun visor.”
I looked up to see a normal, completely regular garage door opener clipped onto the thin visor. My eye twitched. “Oh... Thank you.”
The car buzzed. “You are welcome.”
Jaz gasped and wiped her eyes. “Oh my god, this is the best day ever.”
I glared at her as she continued to giggle.
Hesitantly, I reached up and pushed the button, half expecting to be strapped to the wheel with fuzzy pink handcuffs, but the only thing that happened was the grey door began to lift upward, pulled by the motor hanging from the ceiling. Taking a second to clear my head, I flicked the car into drive and rolled out into the back alley. Once out into the afternoon light, I pushed the button again, closing the door behind me.
There was a homeless dude in a Blackhawks jersey lying beside one of the dumpsters. I smiled at him and he sneered back, flipping me off just like how everyone is supposed to return a smile.
Jaz returned the gesture with one of her own as we passed.
Turning the corner, I drove up to the drive-thru window and parked. For some reason, the window was made of green and purple stained glass. But, at that point, I was sure I was hallucinating, so I didn’t even bother to give it a second thought, I just rolled down my window.
I had to wait for a minute or two, so I struck up a conversation with Jaz. “So, where you from?”
Jaz was still smirking from the disaster that was exiting the garage. “Warman.”
“Cool.”
Jaz gave me a side-eye. “You don’t really wanna ask icebreakers, do you?”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
I shook my head. “How long have you…”
“Four years. Right out of high school. Dunno why, but I started seeing stuff. Alien-looking dude riding the bus. A bunch of ninjas fighting on the freeway. Stuff like that.” She gestured to me. “What’d you see?”
“Oh, you know, a giant lobster car being chased by the Bitter Saints who evaporated him.”
Jaz made a face. “Them already, huh? Unlucky.”
“Well, that’s our name, isn’t it?”
Jaz’s smile fell. “Yeah, it is.”
Having successfully killed the mood, we lapsed into silence.
At last, the colourful window slid up and a First Nations guy with a long black ponytail, a flat-brimmed Red Pineapple hat and thick-rimmed glasses leaned down. “New guy.”
“Yep, that’s me.” I smiled widely.
“Hi, Jaz,” he said.
Jaz waved.
The guy’s face remained expressionless as he pulled a brown paper bag with the Red Pineapple logo on it from under the counter. “For John Doe, 999 McOrmond Drive.”
“Hang on. John Doe? There’s no way that’s a real person.”
The guy continued to stare blankly.
“I mean, are people even allowed to be named that? Cuz then all those demo documents and forms would have an actual person on them. I bet he could sue and get tons of money. Are you sure that’s his name?”
“Yes.” The guy’s voice held the emotion his face lacked. I could hear exactly how done he was with me already. “Are you gonna take the bag?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I took it from his hand and handed it to Jaz. “I’m kinda curious about this John Doe guy now. What about you? Do you think…” When I turned back to ask him the questions that were clearly very important, the window was already shut. My reflection stared back at me in shades of green and purple. “I guess not.”
It also wasn’t till later that I realized that was the same guy I had spoken to on the phone. I’m super observant like that.
Jaz peeked in the bag. “That was Freddie. You’ve already stressed him out. Good job.”
“Oops.”
Jaz pulled out a fry and stuck it in her mouth.
The pleasant, aromatic smell of deep-fried meat and grease reached my nostrils and I remembered that I had only had two hard-boiled eggs for dinner. Perks of being broke.
Jaz handed me a fry. “Ok, let’s hit the road. Don’t worry, I’ll navigate.”
I slowly headed out of the drive-thru onto the main road. It wasn’t too busy, so I was able to get going without much problem. I was a little nervous, what with my driving record, on top of all this wildness, but it went pretty smoothly. Jaz gave me directions as we drove and occasionally made other comments, but mostly, she scrolled on her phone. And posted the video of me being seduced by the car.
I whistled a tune as I drove downtown, heading for the northeast side of the city. Normally, I would have plugged my phone in, but I didn’t see that option, and I didn’t want to fool around with the radio/fake shifter while on the road. I figured with my somewhat sub-par driving skills I would somehow end up launching myself into the stratosphere in an ejector seat if I tried to skip a song. I hoped I didn’t get pulled over for not using the turn signals because I would not be able to explain what the car was to a cop.
Jaz kept me informed of how close we were. I started to get antsy. I was still really curious to see this John Doe person. Maybe he doesn’t have a face, I thought. That could explain the generic name.
“Ok, we’re here,” Jaz said.
I frowned, thinking it couldn’t be right because I was not close to anything. There were no buildings on either side of the road as it was between two communities. All I saw was a sign with a tractor on it, which I had never seen before. Tractor crossing, I guess. I glanced at Jaz.
“Yep.”
Confused, I pulled into the tractor crossing and came to a stop. “Where are we? There’s nothing here.”
Jaz smirked. “Nah, we’re good. Now, come on.” She got out of the car.
I followed suit. We stood in the approach as other vehicles drove by, probably wondering what kind of nut cases we were.
Jaz held the to-go bag aloft. “John Doe!”
“What are you doing?”
Jaz gave me a harsh look. “Shh!”
I shut my mouth. Jaz was bigger than I was and she wouldn’t have any problem beating me to a pulp with the wrench in her back pocket. She was kinda, very intimidating.
I watched as Jaz stood completely still. The wind was chilly and blew her dyed hair into her face.
I wrapped my arms around myself as we waited.
Suddenly, there was a shift in the air and something whizzed over my head. It sounded like a bird, but way bigger. With the crumpling of paper, the bag was ripped from Jaz’s hands and in its place was a golden coin.
I dropped to the ground with a yell. “What was that?”
Jaz chuckled as she pocketed the coin. “That was John getting his food.”
“But what was he?”
Jaz shrugged. “Never seen him yet.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Right, cuz why would you know? Why would it be just a normal person?”
Jaz stuck out her hand. “Come on, you’ll get used to it.”
I took her hand and she hauled me up. We got back in the car and Jaz looked at me. “You remember how to get back?”
“No, I don’t,” I said with gusto.
She laughed. “Well don’t worry. I’ll help you out this time. But you’ll have to start memorizing the city pretty fast if you want to make this work.”
As I started up the car, I nodded. Made sense, since we were delivering stuff.
We pulled out of the tractor crossing, did a U-turn and headed back into the city. I made a few turns, following Jaz’s directions, until we were cruising down College Drive. The University’s fields for crop research were just starting to get seeded. There were a few farm vehicles to our right as we headed downtown, toward the University campus. A decent amount of traffic moved in a steady stream down the street. I ended up following a grey minivan as the fields disappeared behind us.
Then I saw something in my peripherals that I really wish I hadn’t seen. Before I even processed it, I turned to look out of the window. Pulling up beside the car was a purple and black motorbike, its rider clad in the same colours, dark helmet obscuring all of their features. A Saint.
My heart stopped.
All of the warnings I’d heard came rushing back, Walter and Skylar telling me I couldn’t let them know I saw them. Seeing them meant death. I whipped my head back around, away from the biker. But as I did, I saw the biker turn to face me. The black visor of the Saint locked onto me. It knew.
I gulped, hands shaking on the wheel. “Um… Jaz?”
Her voice came back low and quiet. “Please tell me you didn’t look.”
I turned to face her. Her jaw was set, smile completely gone. She met my eyes and I saw fear in the deep brown of her irises.
Before either of us could say another word, the engine of the motorbike revved as it accelerated. The Saint slalomed into our lane, between us and the minivan and reached down to their side.
Jaz swore and lunged ahead, flipping open the plastic cover and slapping the big red button. The car vibrated and the tinny voice said, “Combat mode activated.” A split-second later, two bolts struck the car with that same electrical zap that had evaporated the lobster. The car shook and flashed red as the bolts were dissipated.
I screamed, seeing the Saint’s gun still pointed at us, barrel glowing.
“Get us out of here!” Jaz yelled.
“WHERE?”
“ANYWHERE!”
I yanked on the wheel and we tore into the other lane. I heard a vehicle honk, but I didn’t care. I slammed my foot down on the gas and we shot ahead. The Saint fired twice more as we accelerated, but whatever was shielding the car held. I risked a glance behind as I swerved around the minivan to see the bike racing after us. The black outfit and empty helmet scared me in a way I didn’t think possible. It was so… soulless.
With blood rushing in my ears, I accelerated down the street, weaving in between the vehicles on their commute. I wasn’t thinking, I just drove on instinct, yanking the wheel one way and then the other, narrowly avoiding a dozen collisions. More than one vehicle swerved onto the sidewalk to avoid us.
Jaz had leaned over into the back seat and was rummaging around. I could hear her swearing as things clanked behind me. Yellow lasers shot past my window with a throaty zap. The car jostled as a few of them connected.
The dash flashed red. “Shield at 50%.”
I may have yelped in fear. I definitely yanked the wheel around into a hard left at the next intersection, cutting off the truck in the left lane and barely avoiding the car crossing from the other direction. People were laying on the horn, but I didn’t care. We shot onto Preston Ave and I floored it. I peeked into my mirror to see the bike gaining on us, the Saint having no problem dodging the traffic. The ones he cut off didn’t seem to notice him. No fair.
The car shook as another blast hit us.
“What do we do?” I screamed.
“Just wait!” Jaz answered, still messing around in the back seat. “I’m working on it!”
The Saint accelerated up the lane to our left, drawing up beside the car. In the mirror, I saw them reach into a pouch and pull out some strange sphere with an orange button on it. I didn’t know what it did, but I was chancing a guess it would probably explode my face. Not wanting my face exploded, I veered over and spun the back end of the car, hoping to smash it into the bike. Unfortunately, I’m not a great driver and I didn’t do a very good job. I veered over, sure, but all I really accomplished was sending our car into a vicious fishtail that I could barely control as we careened down the street. The good news was my erratic driving threw off the Saint’s aim and his sphere missed us when he threw it. A moment later, the pavement ahead of us blew up in a flash of fire and heat.
The shockwave sent us into a spin and honestly, I’m not sure how we didn’t crash, but we ended up rocketing down into the right bank, with me screaming bloody murder. Dirt spat out behind us as the tires dug into the earth.
As we ripped away down the ditch, the Saint appeared in the air over the bank, his dark motorbike bursting through the thick smoke like a shot out of an action movie. He hit the ground and swerved onto our trail, dragging his left boot to stabilize his turn. He roared after us, a hundred feet back. My accidental stunt had gained us a few seconds.
Jaz grunted as our car bumped across the ditch. “What are you doing? Drive on the road!”
“He just blew up the road!” I wailed.
Two more bolts sailed past our car. Another one struck.
As the interior of the car flashed red, Jaz growled as she worked in the back seat. “At least put it in All-Terrain mode!”
Gripping the steering wheel in terror, I yelled. “How do I do that?”
The Saint’s weapon connected again, sending a tremor through the car. Something metal clanged and Jaz cursed. “Parking brake!”
I reached my hand down into the space beside the driver’s seat. Now engaging the thing that makes the car stop when you want it to go faster would generally be considered a rather stupid thing to do, but this car was already a fever dream at this point so I did it. If this really was the parking brake, this chase would be over. The Saint would catch us and we would be very, very dead.
I yanked the lever.
The car bucked and bounced upward as the tires expanded into thick, studded wheels with massive suspension. Exhaust shot out the back as the engine revved into a higher gear. I was shoved back into my seat by the acceleration as our traction improved. The tires grabbed at the dirt and propelled the car faster.
The tinny, robotic voice of the car beeped. “All-Terrain mode activated. Shields at 25%.”
In the mirror, I could see the Saint chasing us down, but its motorcycle seemed to be having a bit of trouble in the dirt.
“Hell yeah!” I yanked the wheel to the right and tore straight into the heart of the field, cutting directly across it. Chunks of dirt and grass flew out behind the car as the wheels dug grooves in the soil.
Behind us, the Saint bent over the handlebars, urging his motorcycle after us. His bike was clearly not made for off road and he started to fall behind. As we pulled ahead, the Saint raised his gun and let off three more shots, only one striking the car.
“Ha ha! Suck it!” I whooped as we made our escape.
Jaz finally wiggled out of the backseat and back into the passenger seat. In her arms was a hodgepodge mash-up of car parts, tools, a car battery, a long pipe, a watch and a fire extinguisher. There was a smear of oil and blood across her forehead.
“What is that?” I asked.
Jaz lifted it against her shoulder and pushed a button on the watch face. “A prototype. Now, get us on the road and let’s lose this guy.”
“You got it.” We sped across the field, leaving scars in the soil as I aimed for 14th St.
The car flew up the embankment in a spray of mud, clearing the sidewalk before slamming down into the pavement. I spun the wheel as we drifted into the street, completely accidentally.
“Lose him! Make as many turns as you can before he catches up.”
The car’s shield was nearly depleted. If he caught up to us again, it would be bye-bye Arthur. “Lose him. Good plan.”
I slammed my foot down on the pedal, leaving rubber on the road as I turned left into a residential area. I didn’t plan anything out, but as streets came up, I turned randomly, altering our course at almost every intersection until I was completely lost. Jaz was facing out the back window, keeping an eye out. At last, she told me to stop.
I hit the brakes and we came to a halt in front of a run-down old house. There were two trees with wide, splayed branches in the front yard and the grass was wild and overgrown. There was mail spilling out of the box; clearly no one had been home in a long time.
“I think we shook him,” Jaz said, slumping down into her seat. She leaned forward, putting her makeshift cannon to the side as she pressed the big red button again and pushed down the All-Terrain handle. The car shifted back into its normal mode. She tapped the screen, selecting a bunch of options. There was a mode for Anti-Gravity driving which was the only thing I remembered. She selected something and the car changed colours and license plates, disguising us.
“Whew. We’re safe,” I said, learning that is the last thing you should ever say in such a situation.
The sound of a motor roaring caught our attention. We both looked up to see a second Bitter Saint on a low-rider exiting an alleyway in front of us. He stared directly at us.
I slowly pulled the sun visors down, like that would hide us. Luckily for me, Jaz had a much better idea. She kicked open her door and stepped out, lifting her homemade cannon to her shoulder. The Saint seemed momentarily surprised and that probably saved our lives. As they reached down for their gun, Jaz aimed her cannon at him and pulled the pin out of the fire extinguisher. There was a hiss of steam and a clank before a loud explosion echoed through the street.
I didn’t even really see it. Jaz was knocked off her feet by the recoil and a split-second later, the motorcycle erupted into a fireball. Flaming bike parts rained down across the street as every car alarm in the neighbourhood went off. Just as I was regaining my hearing, a cracked and melted motorcycle helmet smashed into our windshield, making me jump. Cracks spiderwebbed out from the point of impact. Dark fluid dripped down from the helmet that I convinced myself was ketchup.
Jaz got up, discarding her cannon. It was a smoking mess, the pipe barrel blown outward into four parts. She was holding her shoulder awkwardly and covered in soot, but she was smiling. “I did not think that would work.”
I gaped at her. “You gambled on that?”
She got back in the car, smelling of smoke. Her face was filthy with soot and fire extinguisher foam. “Yeah.”
“You’re nuts! How the hell do you even know how to make an RPG out of junk?”
Jaz grinned. “I’m the mechanic for the Red Pineapple. I can make anything.”
I looked at the flaming wreckage of the Saint’s bike, then back at her undercut, dyed hair and piercings. “You can?”
“Not even close,” she said. “Let’s get out of here before anything else shows up.”
I was impressed and terrified and a lot of other feelings all at the same time, so I did what any person would do. I turned on the wipers and cleaned the decapitated head off the windshield before fleeing the scene of the crime.
We drove back in silence, both of us processing the last ten minutes.
Back at the Red Pineapple, we pulled into the back alley. The Blackhawks guy was still there. He flipped us off again and Jaz returned the gesture again.
I drove the car into the garage and pulled into the spot it had been before we left. As the door closed, I shut off the car, feeling weirdly calm. Everything felt surreal like I was watching myself rather than being myself. For several moments, the two of us sat in silence.
Together, Jaz and I got out of the car, the former still smoking slightly.
“Well, you survived.” Jaz stripped out of her coveralls, which were blackened in the front, and threw them in a bin full of dirty clothes and rags. Underneath, she was wearing black jeans and a green tank top. There was a massive bruise already forming on her shoulder.
I looked down at myself like I had to double check. “Yeah, I guess I did. Did I do ok?”
Jaz laughed. “That was a disaster, Arthur. We went out to deliver food, not to get in a chase with the Bitter Saints!”
“Oh.” I felt like I had let her down.
She noticed my shoulders slump. “But like I said, you survived. That’s the hard part of this job. Most of our delivery guys only last a couple months and none of them have to go up against the Saints. You did on your first drive and came out unscathed. That’s nuts!”
“I mean, you did most of it. And your car got damaged.”
Jaz leaned against the car. “I blew up #2 sure, but for the first guy, all I did was put the car in Combat Mode. You did all the driving. And sure, I’ve gotta replace the windshield, but that’s literally my job. I fix the cars when you guys break em.”
“So you’re not mad?”
Jaz’s brown eyes sparkled. “Mad? No, you idiot! That was the most fun I’ve had training someone for a long time!”
“Even though we almost died?”
Jaz put her hand on my shoulder. It was calloused and dirty, a mechanic’s hand. “Arthur, in our profession, there’s a thin line between awesome and horrible and the difference usually comes down to if you’re alive at the end.” She grabbed a fresh pair of coveralls and an ice pack that she taped to her shoulder. “You should go see Skylar for eval. I better get fixing this windshield.”
“Wait, I get evaluated?”
“Yep,” Jaz said. “This was your first delivery. What were you expecting?”
“There is literally none of what has happened the last 48 hours that I have been expecting.”
Jaz chuckled as she pulled out her phone. A moment later, rap started playing over the garage’s speakers. “It’s only gonna get weirder, Artie. Get used to it.”
“Great,” I muttered, suddenly nervous about my evaluation. I headed toward the restaurant, feeling like I was being graded back in school.
“Hey, Arthur!” Jaz called out as I left.
“Yeah?”
She smirked. “Welcome to the Red Pineapple.”
Despite myself, I smiled.