Chapter 2: Lust

Lust, Lust, Lust... one of the 7 sins. You can never truly differentiate between lust and love. Even when you think you do, in the end it's just lust. I’m tired of lusting for something, I’m tired of masturbating, I just… want to be someone, share their warmth, be with them simply. Desire to make them happy, desire to spend time with them, desire to be with them. Not to keep thinking about being in bed or having sex.

With lust where is trully love, you can say it's love, you can cry in your heart and declare it in your mind. But truly what is love, how can one find actual love when lust exist.

HOW CAN YOU TRULY FIND LOVE?

YOU CAN’T.

Unless you are one of the lucky ones, who find their fated ones, or simply they don’t lust so easily. But when you are me, someone who has only lust even though you try to convince yourself it's not lust then you are simply hopeless. It won’t end this cycle of lusting someone, this feelings crushes your heart but what can you do?

Nothing, simply put nothing.

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Even in the online world, do you think you actually find love? Do you think simply because you don’t see their face, you won’t feel the lust? No… lust is everywhere.... you eventually realise at one point you are still lusting after them and it's not real love. It can’t be, you get your delusion of them, you think dirty of them. You are just using them to satisfy your lust… is it truly love what you feel? Or is it just lust.

In the end, only your heart would remain broken, because of these intense overwhelming feelings. It never ends and only leaves you feel even more broken than before. HAH, as if that's the end, the feeling doesn’t disappear it lingers on in you. You may try to cover it up but it will return, it always will and always do.

It never disappeared in the first place… it will linger on until slowly taking over you.

You can shut yourself in, no longer having interaction but will that work? No, it simply doesn’t, it intensifies the feelings instead.  

Lust doesn’t have an off switch, its non-existence. You can only hope to find the ray of light in this mess up world so that you can stop feeling like this. For some people this lust of a world doesn’t matter to them, they embrace it till they think they can find love.

Dive into this world of lust is how people handle these overwhelming feelings or else they would feel their heart being grabbed by a hand that they can’t even hold. They can’t stop the feelings so they embrace it, they embrace themselves into this world full of delusion and lack of feelings.

They try to convince themselves what they are doing is correct, but is it really? So many different options, so many choices, so many different roads to take. However, the lust never disappears unless that golden door opens.

Another day of rambling, another day gone past, all these feelings stay the same. Even when I enter the online world the lust didn’t disappear but reappeared and I can’t stop it. It won’t let me stop...

I-I just can’t stop...    

What is...love?... Does it really exist?... Or am I just in a dream?.... a delusion?

Will I ever...wake up?