The rain had died, and so did Yushia’s drive to continue moving forward. He remained tucked beneath the tree’s hollow, hugging his knees as he squished the muddy ground with his toes. No more tears ran from his eyes. He stared blankly at the other side of the hollow; where Suzaku once sat. It was his cowardice that made her leave.
Mom was already dead. What was I thinking?
Humiliation of the past events haunted Yushia. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to die. After everything he’d gone through, maybe he should have.
“Are you sad?”
He nodded.
“You make it very obvious. I shouldn’t have asked.”
Burying his face into his knees, he tried to ignore the voice.
“That’s rude. Look at me.”
A tiny pair of fingers pinched Yushia’s leg, stretching his pale skin. Looking up, his eyes widened.
A young girl sat before him where Suzaku once sat, a young girl with long black hair and blue streaks mixed in the bunch. She mimicked Yushia and she too sat with her knees to her chest. Two moles sat under her blue irises and yellow pupils. Those two moles invoked a sense of nostalgia that halted air from entering Yushia’s lungs.
He croaked. “Shiashia...?”
She pouted and shook her head in disapproval. “You didn’t even remember my voice? You’re horrible!”
Still in disbelief, Yushia could only stare.
“It’s okay,” Shiashia said, her eyes down at her feet. “I know it’s sudden.”
“You’re not real, are you?” Yushia backed against the rigid tree bark behind him.
“Maybe I’m not. I’m not so sure, actually.” Confused herself, Shiashia stuck her hand out and tilted her head, carefully analyzing her smooth and bony backhand. “No, I’m real.” Her voice was positive this time as she lowered her hand. “I am real.”
“No, you can’t be!” Yushia shouted. He bit his tongue before speaking again. “I saw what happened to you back then. How you...”
Tilting her head again, Shiashia smiled gently. “How I what?”
Yushia’s memories spurred back to him. A beastly girl who fought blindly, striking at any foe that crossed her sight. The holes in her head that had killed her vanished, completely healed as if they hadn’t been there in the first place. That was all Yushia could remember before he passed out.
Shiashia played with the mud, drawing a heart. “I miss you.”
“Why did you come back now?” Yushia said. He began crawling toward her with gaping eyes that stood on the edge of crying. His lips opened, but as they quivered, they took time to formulate more words. “Do you know how much I’ve been through? How much I’ve dreamt about seeing you again? Why Shiashia! Why are you here now?”
He blinked and she vanished.
“I don’t know why I’m here with you now.”
Yushia’s neck snapped sideways to gaze out of the tree’s hollow. There, Shiashia stood barefooted, ankles-deep in a puddle, staring at the now bright sun. The forest ceiling blocked most of its rays, but they still managed to make her the most radiant.
She looked down, back at the boy she loved. “It’s for a reason though, right?”
Yushia crawled out from the tree’s refuge and fumbled before standing. He squinted at the sun’s bright beams but kept his eyes on Shiashia. To his surprise, he towered over her in height now, unlike when they were still kids.
“You’re so small...” he said in a surprised tone. Somehow, she looked exactly the same as she did five years ago.
She shook her head no. “You’ve gotten taller.”
Yushia took a step forward. He froze when she vanished again.
“You can’t,” she said.
Sitting high in the branches of the forest above, Shiashia swung her legs back and forth playfully and smiled again. A gentle breeze almost knocked her frail body off the tree, giving her a panic that triggered Yushia to reach his arms out to catch her.
“I’m fine!” she shouted, holding on to the branch tighter. She pulled her head back and let out a loud sneeze before wiping her nose and clearing her throat. “Sorry. I can’t let you get close to me.”
Yushia’s heart dropped upon hearing those words. “Why not? I’ve missed you a lot. Don’t you miss me?”
“I do miss you. But are you ready?”
Her cryptic words troubled him. As the petrichor rose from the ground, taken away by the cool gentle breeze, it reminded him of his former life with Shiashia when they were still kids. She’d tease him often just like now, and he’d do anything to protect her smile.
“I heard all those things you said before to your friend,” Shiashia said. “But how can you say you miss me when you’ve given up? When you say things like that, I start to wonder if you really do miss me the way I miss you.”
Ashamed, Yushia’s eyes met the floor. “You heard what I said to Suzaku?”
The water splashed, and he looked up. Shiashia stood before him now, nodding at his question as she held her hands behind her back.
“I know you’re strong,” Shiashia said. “In so many ways I couldn’t even begin—”
“I’m not,” Yushia interrupted, biting his lip.
“Yes, you are strong—”
“I’m not!”
As if taking a punch in the gut, Yushia fell to his knees and held his stomach, sick of the person he’d become, sick of the choices he’d made, and sick of the fact he couldn’t protect the one he loved. Tears swelled, and they broke free from their confines, running down his face as he whimpered to himself. He smeared his muddy hands on his face, trying to wipe away his tears and snot. “I’m not strong... You don’t know a thing, do you?”
Shiashia went silent.
“You see? I’m right! You don’t know a thing! All the things I’ve been through until now! I’m so tired, tired of everything! Every day I think about you and how wonderful our lives would have been if we stayed together, or if I listened to your father when he said to take you and run away. I’m so weak, aren’t I? I freeze all the time when something matters the most... How can you call me strong? I can’t do anything myself, not without the help of Suzaku! I didn’t save those children from the demon, all I did was stare and watched as they died. I can’t believe you fell in love with me when I was always so useless. I hate it! I hate myself! I hate that you had to love someone like me! I hate everything! Everything!”
With his final struggling breath, Yushia uttered, “I can’t do this anymore...”
Shiashia’s fingers suddenly combed through her husband’s long bushy hair. “I hate how you perceive yourself.”
“See, even you’re starting to agree—”
“No. I hate how you can’t listen to a thing I say. I hate how you can’t see the things I see.”
These were the last words he wanted to hear. He was sure the words he spoke about himself were true. “Please don’t...”
“Yushia.”
Shiashia wrapped her arms around her husband’s head, hugging him dearly. For the first time in five years, he felt what he could only describe as true comfort that brought him the peace he longed for.
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“I love your voice, and how you used to always comfort me. I love how no matter what, you always helped everyone back in the village, even if you knew you weren’t capable. I love watching you from afar, seeing you smiling as you helped your mom take care of your little brother. I love when you were sick, and how you made all those funny faces as you slept. I love how when you’d go fishing, you always gave me your biggest fish as a gift, even though I don’t like fish all that much. I love how you always cared, even if others didn’t.”
Yushia went silent. Were the words he heard true? They left his brain feeling fuzzy. All those things she said now were in the past. He was a different person now—today. But even then, the sound of the gentle breeze disappeared, and the smell of petrichor vanished. All he wanted to do was listen to his wife.
“I don’t care if you’re weak. I only know one Yushia, and that Yushia is strong. He’s the strongest person I know, and I can say that without a doubt. I never want to hear you say you hate yourself or that you hate that I love you, because I will always be the one to love you the most. Sometimes you don’t listen, but please, I want you to listen now.”
Shiashia paused for a moment before letting go of her husband, holding his hands in hers.
“Who you are now is not who you will be forever. I know this, because you are strong. Even when you think you aren’t, I will still call you strong. Even if you say you are useless, I will not listen to a thing you say. Every time you cry, I will hold you. Every time you need help, I will be here. Every time you think of me, I will think of you. Every time you feel hopeless, please think of me, and please think of how much I love you. Please, think of how much I want to see you again.”
Shiashia’s smile was brighter than the sun. Like it, it drove away the dark.
“You will never be weak, my Yushia. Won’t you listen to me?”
Yushia could stare at her for an eternity. As he watched his wife fade into the light that poured through the forest ceiling, he held on gently to her hands.
Before she disappeared, her thumb and index finger touched, forming a ring. Joining her, Yushia’s fingers formed a ring of their own as he placed them inside his wife’s. Though his tears kept running, he smiled brightly, just as his wife did. Together, they knew the promise they would make to each other, and they did so through a ring promise just like they did back then.
Thank you Shiashia. Yushia couldn’t help but become an ugly crying mess. Let’s meet again.
A single tear escaped Shiashia’s eyes as she mouthed the words, “I love you,” leaving her husband’s hand to become his light.
***
“Ruff!”
A young Silverwolf cub made its way over to Yushia and jumped on his lap, nuzzling its cute furry face into his chest. It barked, licking up his wet tears.
“Moonless?” Yushia said, grabbing hold of the Silverwolf as he set him back down. “What are you doing here?” Moonless barked again, forcing out a light chuckle. “Were you looking for me?”
Moonless responded with a series of barks and frantic licks.
“That isn’t good. You should be away from everything going on right now.”
Instead of barking, Moonless whimpered.
“It’s okay.” Yushia cradled him in his arms and pet him. “You don’t deserve to be caught up in this, so I’ll take you someplace else.”
He stood up and gazed into the endless sea of forest. He was once anxious, but that was no more.
“Cerulean.”
Yushia flinched and turned his head to the voice. “Who’s there?”
“You step into my territory and have the courage to ask a question like that?
Gazing deeper into the abyss of trees, Yushia could barely make out two sets of sleek, predatory eyes that reminded him of Moonless’. When he checked on him, he had somehow vanished from his hold.
“Cerulean.”
The sets of eyes grew closer, and as they did, Yushia finally made out the furry colossal body that stood just as tall as the trees. A Silverwolf pack leader. Bloodlust flooded the surrounding forest as it flashed its sharp teeth, ready to tear apart the intruder.
Yushia’s legs froze. Without Suzaku, he couldn’t do a thing.
Sensing his desire to run, the Silverwolf pack leader sprinted, knocking down every tree in its path. It made a sharp left, vanishing back into the forest. The air became quiet again, leaving Yushia paranoid, bouncing his eyes in every direction he could.
Behind him, he heard a faint panting.
Yushia turned around, but the Silverwolf’s speed became too much to handle as it dashed toward him. It opened its enormous jaws and bit down on his torso, lifting him into the air. Snarling, it shook its head, tearing apart Yushia’s abdomen before sending him flying across the forest roof.
His body went numb, but his Cerulean abilities flickered before turning his veins into a glowing blue. His body healed itself in a hurry.
Breaking several branches on his way back down, Yushia’s Cerulean abilities numbed and protected his body as he landed and rolled in mud, landing at the base of a tree. His blood reverted to its previous red state once it finished its job. He gasped for air and faced forward to meet the Silverwolf pack leader changing at him again. It opened its jaws, letting saliva fly.
I won’t die!
Moments before the Silverwolf could take the Cerulean back into its mouth, Yushia stood and held its jaw open with his bare hands. His body stood firm as his feet slid back in the mud. He stared into the grotesque throat of the animal, taking in the smell of thousands of other dead beasts.
The images of his love, the one he’d vowed to make a promise to earlier, appeared in his mind as he fought against death itself, letting it sturdy his resolve. The Silverwolf’s jaw became slippery with saliva, but Yushia drove his fingers into its thick skin, reaffirming his grip on the beast.
I won’t die! I won’t die! I won’t die! I can’t!
The deathly smell and heat exhausting from the Silverwolf pack leader’s mouth turned cold. Threads of ether drew inside the back of its throat, forming a ball of ice.
Yushia released his grip on the Silverwolf and fell to the ground, quickly picking himself back up. The Silverwolf turned and aimed its spell at him. As it continued drawing ether into the back of its throat, it unleashed a catastrophic beam of frost.
The Silverwolf’s head shook wildly, unable to control its own ether. Its frost breath turned everything it touched into ice, and it would’ve turned Yushia into it as well if he hadn’t run. Luckily, he dodged the attack, sprinting and ignoring the sharp branches that cut his arms and legs.
He didn’t have to look back to know the Silverwolf was chasing after him and quickly closing in. Then, it caught up and knocked him to the ground with its large paw.
It snarled again and set its paw on his chest, slowly crushing down on him with its weight. “You’re in my territory. You should die.”
Yushia could hardly breathe as he felt his ribcage shattering. In a moment of desperation—for his love—Yushia dug his hands through the Silverwolf’s fur and pierced his fingers through its skin. “Let go of me...!”
The Silverwolf pack leader pressed its paw harder against Yushia’s chest. “You’re weak.”
Weak?
Those words rang and tormented Yushia.
I’m weak? I’m weak? I’m weak? His grip on the Silverwolf pack leader weakened. His fingers left the cavities he’d made as his arms fell to his side. I’m weak?
The Silverwolf pack leader pressed hard, crushing Yushia’s ribcage. When his Cerulean abilities activated, he heard a soft voice.
“You will never be weak, my Yushia. Won’t you listen to me?”
He felt it slightly easier to breathe. Remembering Shiashia’s soft voice, her gentle reassurance, and her genuine love he sought made it all easier.
“I’m weak...?” Yushia asked the Silverwolf pack leader. He didn’t wait for an answer and plunged his fingers back into its skin, creating new bloody holes.
“Again, your efforts are futile—”
The Silverwolf suddenly howled and leaped back. It raised its paw in the air, whimpering.
Blood dripped down Yushia’s hands, puddling beneath his feet. He rose with wide eyes and stared at the Silverwolf with a ferocious passion. In his hands he clutched the enormous chunks of meat he’d torn from the Silverwolf.
Now desperate, the Silverwolf opened its jaw, letting threads of ether enter the back of its throat again.
In that moment, Yushia’s body abandoned his mind, moving on instinct alone. His body hunched over and his knees bent as he charged at the pack leader, leaping in the air to become level with its eyes.
He landed inside the Silverwolf’s mouth and held on to a canine to prevent himself from falling deeper, and with his other hand drove his fist through its muzzle. “I’m not weak!”
The ball of icy ether in the Silverwolf’s throat dissipated but Yushia persisted, punching several more holes through the beast’s muzzle. It collapsed on its side. Yushia emerged from out of its mouth victorious, breathing heavily while he bathed in its blood.
“Ruff!”
Moonless sat on the ground and watched happily as Yushia’s upper half left the colossal Silverwolf’s mouth. He jumped in the air as if telling him to come down.
What’s going on? Yushia thought. He climbed out of the slimy mouth.
Moonless jolted toward Yushia and pushed him to the ground to lap away the blood. He couldn’t help but gently stroke the beast’s soft fur as it did its work.
Panting again, the colossal Silverwolf suddenly rose, but instead of fighting, it scratched itself with its paw. Naturally, Yushia stood on guard, his heart beating and ready to fight again.
“Have I fulfilled your requests, my prince?”
Moonless barked at the colossal Silverwolf and nuzzled himself against the pack leader.
“Prince?” Yushia said, confused as he sat up.
“My apologies it had to be this way, Cerulean,” the colossal Silverwolf said as it bowed its head. “My name is Dolorma, mother to Prince Erden, though he would like that I call his highness ‘Moonless’ now.”
Yushia remained cautious, especially now that he’d nearly lost his life again. “You’re not going to do anything else to me, are you?”
“I will not,” Dolorma responded. “It’s my duty to fulfill the wishes of the prince. He tells me of his experiences, how you and a village aided him when he became lost. He has seen death and struggle come out of that village, and he wishes that I take you back.”
It was hard to make sense of the situation. Did most Silverwolf pack leaders know how to talk? There was still something amiss too. “Why did you attack me?”
“The prince saw your weakened mind and requested that I reignite your flame. You surely would have died, but it seems something else had already reignited your flame. My apologies if our approach came off as hostile.”
Running back over to Yushia, Moonless looked up at him with his big eyes, hoping he’d be forgiven.
Dolorma lowered herself, offering her back. “You are needed, friend of the prince.”