Chapter V

With the finish line directly ahead of her, Lilly put the last vestiges of her energy into one final sprint as she attempted to overtake the girl she’d been trailing behind for the majority of the race. The girl seemed to notice since she began to speed up as well, with Lilly just barely keeping pace with her. She could hear the cheers of the crowd around her, and even the distinctive voices of the freshmen and sophomores from her own team, but she only paid them a brief glance before turning her attention back to her feet, not wanting to trip on any stray rocks or pits that might have lined the dirt path. As far as she could tell, the way was clear, and so she continued to sprint and just before they crossed the finish line, Lilly managed to overtake her opponent by a mere step. Feeling overwhelming joy at her performance, Lilly gradually came to a halt, breathing heavily as she gratefully took one of the offered paper cups of water that a young volunteer handed her.

I did it! I think that has to be my best race time yet! What a way to start the season!

“Good job,” the girl she beat said between sips of water as the two of them moved away from the finish line. “I thought for sure I had you, but you killed it.”

Lilly nodded weakly and shook her hand. “Thanks. You did great, too.”

The other girl smiled then headed off to reunite with her team, who were all grouped nearby, excitedly waiting to congratulate her. Lilly followed suit, moving out into the grassy area beyond the finish line where she found Coach Francis and a few of the younger team members waiting for her.

“You did so well, Harper!” her coach exclaimed. “You got eighth place overall! I’m so proud of you!”

The other team members gave her similar words of awe and cheer, but she hardly processed any of them as she took in what Coach Francis said.

Eighth place…in varsity? Holy shit! Maybe getting a scholarship somewhere isn’t that unlikely after all…

She’d thought about the possibility a few times, but whenever she did, she had to remind herself that she wasn’t the type of person to draw attention like that. She had faith in her running ability, but at the same time, she also knew there were plenty of other runners that far outdid her. After all, most of her ability came from a simple natural talent. She knew she didn’t train nearly as hard as some of her competitors, so it only seemed natural that hoping for a scholarship was far too optimistic, but after putting her all into training over the summer, she was starting to realize that she might actually have a chance.

Well, Mom was nagging me about my future the other day, but maybe running really will be what I wind up doing.

“Now, you should do your stretches and then get some rest,” the coach went on. “You’ve earned it, Harper.”

“Yeah, thanks,” she managed to get out as she downed the rest of her water.

Anxious to take a moment to calm down, Lilly turned and headed away from the finish line and back toward where the West Wilham High tent was set up among those of the other high schools that were competing in the event. They were currently at a rather large campground about an hour east of Wilham, and so they were surrounded by trees with their foliage keeping the ground rather cool despite it being a warm summer afternoon. As she glanced around, she could see groups of younger girls running around for their warm-up exercises. The boy’s varsity race had just started, so the junior-varsity girls were getting ready for their race, and would probably be lining up in a few minutes.

For a moment, she marveled at the different colored jerseys that other high schools were wearing before looking down at her own black one. She always thought West Wilham’s colors of black and gold were relatively boring and oftentimes found herself missing the blue and white jerseys of her old school. Lilly then continued on her way across the grass before coming to the rather empty West Wilham tent. Nobody was around since the others were either prepping for the next race or were cheering on the varsity boys so all that remained were various bags of their gear and stray plastic water bottles laying in random positions.

Happy to have some time to herself, Lilly began her cooldown stretches, allowing her mind to wander to other topics as she went on autopilot. It was already two weeks into her senior year and so far, nothing else of note had happened. After her strange disturbance on the first day, she didn’t experience anything else alarming. Life went on and it didn’t veer from the norm in the slightest. She remained a loner, eating lunch by herself and going right home after cross country practice. If not for her impressive performance on the team, she imagined she probably wouldn’t be interacting with anybody all that much and normally, this was how she liked it. Yet, for reasons she couldn’t explain, it almost felt as if she was missing something important. As each day passed, there was a subtle nagging in the back of her mind that she could only describe as a desire, though a desire for what, she could not say. It just felt as if there was something she needed to do, or even someone she needed to see, but no matter how hard she thought about it, nothing came to mind. It was especially noticeable during Mr. Lowe’s class, and part of her wondered if that had anything to do with the incident on the first day.

I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do. What am I missing? What is my goal supposed to be?

She sighed as she continued to stretch, briefly glancing around at the various runners doing their own warm-ups or cool-downs, or even just hanging around in their tents, casually chatting with each other. She was still alone though that didn’t surprise her. She suspected the other varsity girls would hang back by the finish line so they could see the boys finish. Audrey, Alice, and Rina in particular would almost certainly wait for Jay before heading over.

So, with any luck, I can be out of here before they arrive.

Yet, she had to remind herself that she didn’t have any luck, as when she glanced off to her left, she saw Matt Briggs heading her way with a bottle of water in hand. He looked exhausted and sweaty, but he was grinning cheerfully as he approached her.

“Harper!” he called out. “You’re so damn impressive, you know that? Eighth place?! That’s so awesome!”

He seemed genuinely happy and proud of her, but for whatever reason, she couldn’t bring herself to smile back. She simply nodded and continued to stretch. “Yeah, thanks, Matt,” she replied. “It was definitely a hard run, but I’m happy with how I did.”

He chuckled, stopping just ahead of her to begin his own cool-down. Evidently, he planned to continue talking with her, and she couldn’t bring herself to blow him off.

“As you should be,” he told her. “Honestly, I can’t get over how good you are. You’re gonna keep running in college, right? I mean, with your times, I’m sure you could get a scholarship almost anywhere!”

She frowned at his exaggeration. “Well, I’m not sure about that. I mean, I’d like to keep running if possible, but I’m not sure about scholarships or anything.”

“Ah, come on! Stop being so humble!” he said with a shake of his head. “You’re the best runner on our team! If you can’t get a scholarship then none of us could ever hope to dream of getting one! Give yourself the credit you deserve!”

She felt her cheeks turn red. She appreciated his praise, but part of her really wondered if he was just exaggerating. She didn’t feel like she was anything special, but she also knew that she probably wasn’t giving herself enough credit. She always felt so torn on talking about her skills. She both felt as if she were really good while also not feeling special. It was an odd contradiction that she just couldn’t explain, and that also annoyed her whenever people like Matt would congratulate her and praise her.

“Yeah, maybe…”

She trailed off, unsure of how to keep the conversation going, but Matt just picked it back up without missing a beat.

“You know, Harper, you mind if I ask you something?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Ask away.”

For a moment, Matt’s smile wavered, and she couldn’t help but feel that his question might actually be something serious. When he finally did speak, his tone was more hesitant.

“Why do you always hang out by yourself? I mean, I always see you at lunch just sitting alone and you never come out to any of the team lunches or anything. I don’t mean to pry, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I hope you know that everybody on the team really does want to be your friend.”

Lilly felt a twinge of guilt as she pondered how to respond. It was the first time anybody had come out and blatantly addressed her distance from others. Most of the time, they left her alone and pretended as if she were more a part of them than she actually was. She knew it was something that needed to be addressed, but she also wished Matt would just mind his own business and leave her alone.

“I…don’t really know how to explain it,” she muttered. “I guess I just prefer being by myself. It’s nothing against you guys, really. In fact, I think you’re all really nice people, but I just…”

How am I supposed to put this into words? How do I explain it to a social king like him? I just don’t like being around other people. I like my time alone and I…

Even in her own mind, she struggled to articulate a reason. For most of her life, she had always felt confidence in her loner mentality, but in the recent months, she found she couldn’t justify herself. Part of her was even starting to wonder if she really was making a mistake and that her whole outlook on life was a bad one, but no matter how much she thought about it, she never changed. It almost felt like Lilly Harper was doomed to be alone whether she wanted it or not.

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“I’m sorry if I’ve ever been rude,” she went on after a moment. “But I just like being alone. That’s all.”

Matt glanced down at the grass and furrowed his brow in thought. She couldn’t begin to guess how he might respond to such an answer, but for the first time since meeting him, Matt almost seemed embarrassed. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, and then opened it again with more determination in his eyes, as if whatever conflict was tormenting him had been resolved.

“Well, I hope you realize that I do like you, Harper,” he said. “I think you’re a really nice person, and despite not talking to you as often as I would like, I respect you. You’re a hell of a competitor and I can tell that you have a passion for running. To be honest…” He paused. “I really would like to get to know you better…”

Lilly tilted her head in curiosity. “Get to know me better? What do you mean?”

“I…well…” Matt took a deep breath and stopped his stretching as he stood up straighter and looked her right in the eyes. “Admittedly, I’ve got a bit of a crush on you, Harper, and I was wondering if you’d ever want to go out sometime…like on a date?”

His words didn’t immediately process as she stared back at him, but when they did, it felt like her entire system just completely shut down. She didn’t know what to say or how to respond. She even doubted whether she heard him correctly.

He has a crush on me?! Matt Briggs…likes me?

“Oh, um…”

It was the first time a boy had ever asked her out and she had been far from prepared for it. She’d never given romance even a slight consideration. With her distant personality, it didn’t feel as if it was in the cards for her, but here Matt was, providing her with a chance to get to know him in a more romantic way.

I mean…I definitely like him as a person. He’s a nice enough guy, but do I like him? I don’t know! I don’t even know what that sort of thing feels like! Yeah, he’s a good guy, but have I even ever looked at him as a guy?!

Matt started fidgeting awkwardly and she knew she had to say something, but she didn’t know how to respond. So she panicked and said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m really flattered, Matt,” she responded. “But there’s somebody else I like.”

What?! Why did I say that?! There’s nobody else I like! I just lied straight to his face! How could I do that?!

Yet, for some reason, it didn’t feel like a lie. As she gazed back at the boy, she found herself speaking from the heart. She couldn’t think of anybody she liked, yet it felt to her as if there was somebody, and no matter how sweet of a guy Matt was, he would never be him, whoever “him” might be.

“Oh, gotcha,” he stuttered, clearly trying to pull himself back together after being so open and honest with her. “That’s fair, and I’m sorry for dropping that on you so suddenly. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

She shook her head and forced a smile. “No, it’s okay. In fact, you’re the first person to ever ask me out, and if there wasn’t already someone I liked, I probably would have said yes, but I…” She glanced away for a moment before looking back at his face, full of a disappointment he was clearly trying to repress. “I hope we can still be friends…?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said softly. “I’d like that.” Matt then cleared his throat. “Well, I think I’m gonna go cheer on junior varsity. I think they’re starting in a minute so…”

“Okay, definitely.”

He awkwardly waved goodbye and headed off in the direction of the starting line. She watched as he blended in with the others before disappearing altogether. She honestly felt bad for shooting him down so bluntly, but there was nothing she could do. She didn’t want to lead him on.

But…why did I tell him I liked somebody else? There isn’t anybody else I’m close with. It doesn’t make sense so…

...why did it feel so right?

***

She didn’t interact with Matt again before leaving the venue nor did she seek out any of her other teammates. She simply told Coach Francis that she was heading home, then collected her things and walked down the road and toward the bus stop that would drive her back to Wilham. When the bus arrived, she took her seat and popped in some earbuds so she could listen to music on the hour long ride. The whole way back, she couldn’t help but think about her interaction with Matt, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t explain why she said what she said, so she instead took the option of pushing it from her mind and forgetting it.

I feel like cross country is going to get kinda awkward now. Damn it…

All she could do was pray that Matt didn’t tell anybody else about his confession since she knew the others would only want to ask her why she turned him down. Matt was a pretty popular guy and she knew there were other girls who would have loved it if he confessed to her, so she didn’t need to draw attention to herself.

I just can’t figure out why he would ask me out? He’s got so many other options, so why me? What did I ever do to attract his attention? Is it just because I’m good at running? Maybe he only likes me because of our rivalry.

She sighed and was grateful when the bus finally arrived in Wilham. She headed out into the hot afternoon and was about to start making her way to her apartment, but decided she would first get a quick snack. There was a convenience store nearby that she sometimes visited after school, so she turned and began heading in that direction. The heat was worse than she had expected, so when she finally arrived at the store, she found the air conditioning to be a welcome reprieve.

Thank god. I hope summer hurries up and goes away. I want it to cool down a bit.

Lilly glanced around the store and saw that the only other people inside were the cashier and some young man who looked to be around college-aged. The man was right next to where her favorite brand of chips were so she decided to hang back for a moment, hoping he would move. He actually wasn’t in her way, but she liked to avoid any possible interactions, so she instead pretended to browse the candy aisle. Unfortunately, he appeared unable to decide on what he wanted and since she wasn’t in the mood to wait any longer, Lilly begrudgingly put the bubble gum she was holding back on the rack and walked over to where the chips were located just to his right.

“Excuse me,” she murmured and reached for the bag, but just as she did, she noticed that something was off about him.

He was staring intensely at the other bags of chips. His breathing was slow and his eyes were wide. She could even see that his body was tense and trembling slightly up as he stood in place, as if he were afraid of something.

What on earth is wrong with him?

Now even more anxious to avoid talking to the guy, she was about to turn to leave, but his eyes quickly flickered up to look at her, and when they did, she saw unbridled malice in his gaze. A shiver went down her body as every part of her went on alert and she took an involuntary step back.

“Danger!”

“Danger!”

A feeling so foreign to her sent a tremor through her body, and those voices she occasionally heard in her head spoke one word each. That was enough for her. She spun on her heel and hurried toward the cash register, not wanting to spend even a moment longer anywhere near the man. She walked over to the person at the register and placed the bag in front of him, but while she did so, she could feel the man’s eyes on the back of her head.

What the hell is going on?! Did I do something to offend him?!

She anxiously paid the cashier, collected her change and chips, then turned and hurried from the store. The moment she was outside, despite the unbridled heat and her exhaustion from the earlier race, Lilly broke into a sprint, desperate to put the man behind her. It was only once she was coming up on Main Street that she finally slowed down. Main Street was packed with shoppers cheerfully going about their days, and very few seemed to pay her any attention. Part of her considered ducking into one of the shops to hide for a bit, but she felt that would be acting a little too paranoid. Whoever that man was should still be way back at the convenience store and probably wouldn’t come after her anyway.

Or at least I hope so…

Those voices had warned her to run so she had. There had been something very off about that man, and even though she didn’t know the first thing about the voices in her head, her instincts told her to listen to them. Part of her still feared that she was going crazy. They sounded so real to her, but she was never able to talk to them or interact at all. It was only on rare occasions that they spoke, and most of those occasions had been following some strong emotions abruptly hitting her. They didn’t feel threatening but they also didn’t feel friendly.

God, I hope I’m not losing my mind.

Like always, she tried to force herself to forget about them for fear of what confronting that problem could bring about as she continued down the sidewalk, keeping against the curb to avoid running into anybody. Even more anxious to get home, Lilly picked up her pace and was almost running again by the time she put Main Street behind her and was in one of the nearby neighborhoods. Her apartment was only a few minutes away now.

“Move!”

As if acting on its own, Lilly’s body darted to the right just as a burst of air brushed past the side of her cheek. She hadn’t seen what almost hit her, but she could feel its power as it soured by her.

“Yeah, I had a feeling you weren’t normal.”

Nearly fifty yards down the road, a young man suddenly appeared out of thin air, and it took only a second to recognize him as the same person from the convenience store. He looked no older than twenty, with messy brown hair and sharp green eyes. In fact, he looked like an average college student with his dark brown tank top and cargo shorts. If not for his sudden appearance, she would never have believed there to be anything special about him.

But…what did I just see? He wasn’t there a minute ago! So where the hell did he come from?! And for that matter, how did he even get here before me?! Was there some shortcut I didn’t know about?!

She didn’t know what to say. All she felt was an intense desire to run again, but this time, she forced herself to remain in place. She wanted to know who he was and what he wanted with her. If anything, she hoped she could at least talk to the man.

“Well, if that’s what you want then so be it. But we’ll be ready in case he tries anything.”

For some reason, the voice in her head was comforting, and it gave her some confidence to face the strange phenomenon before her.

“Who are you?” she called out sharply. “What do you want with me and…how the hell did you just do that?”

The man laughed bitterly as he narrowed his eyes. “Is that your play? You’re just gonna pretend to be ignorant? Well, unfortunately for you, I’m no longer under that damn spell like everybody else. I’m back to normal…and thus, I can sense what you are! You can’t hide yourself from me!”

Lilly swallowed. She didn’t understand a single thing he said, so she didn't have an immediate response to him. She’d never met him in her life, or at least as far as she could remember, but he spoke like they had some sort of connection, and from the sharp tone of his voice, it didn’t seem to be a positive one.

“I… Look, I really don’t know what you’re talking about! I just—”

“Shut up!” he snarled, raising his right hand to aim toward her. “What are you doing here? Did you come to finish me off or something? Erasing me was no longer good enough? Or are you scared I’m gonna cause some trouble now that I’ve got my memories back?”

“N-no! I honestly don’t know what you mean!” she protested, feeling her fear beginning to return in the face of his hostile attitude and his insane words. “Who are you? Maybe we can at least talk this out?”

“What kind of idiot do you take me for?!” The man smiled mirthlessly as he shook his head. “As if I’d ever waste my time talking with a disciple of Nigreos Noctis!”

She couldn’t explain it, but as he spoke that name, something inside of Lilly began to stir. It was a raw fury that she didn’t think she’d ever felt, yet it also seemed quite familiar. She couldn’t take her focus off of that name, and for whatever reason, it was that name that she latched onto.

Nigreos Noctis?