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In Human Skin
Chapter 38 - Winner. Loser.

Chapter 38 - Winner. Loser.

“Don’t tell her!”

“Don’t tell me what?”

“Don’t tell you that-”

“Shouldn’t we keep our matters secret? I’m sure no one wants to know about the things me and you do.”

“What are you talking about?”

What now? I had diverted the conversation but what could I do now? Come on mysterious force, do something! My hand suddenly shot out like a snake and bit onto her hand before yanking her on top of me. This was perfect! What do I say now?

“I like to keep what I do with my body private. But I don’t mind showing it off in public either.”

In the time it took me to come up with that sentence my hands had slithered up her shirt and into her pants. If this was a fantasy world then I might get away with it but this was just plain fucking sexual harassment!

“You two are shameless! I’m telling mom!”

Bang!

Now it was just me and her. A particularly dangerous scenario because I was unsure what my body might do of its own volition.

“Get your hands off me.”

“I can’t, they aren’t under my control.”

“Is that what you’ll tell the police?”

“Do you think I would’ve chosen to do anything I’ve done?”

“Who knows? Maybe your mental illness finally got to you.”

“Maybe it has. If so, I think it would be wise of you to not make it act up.”

“And if I do?”

“Who knows? I can’t tell what might happen.”

As if to reinforce my point my hands darted up to her throat and wrapped themselves around it. Wait- actually, this was bad.

“Kuk! Kgh! Keh!”

“Holy shit! I’m not doing this! I swear!”

I could only watch in horror as her struggles slowly weakened and her body began to fall limp. She wasn’t all that worthy of death, at most she had been a bit of a nuisance. Right before she completely lost consciousness my hands loosened and she collapsed onto my already bruised and battered body. What had I ever done to deserve this kind of pain and suffering? As soon as she caught her wind she attempted to scurry away but my hands quickly wrapped around her and pulled her back.

“You will not- be able- to run from- me.”

“Let go! Help! Poli-!”

The situation was devolving by the moment. Now this was turning from a harassment case into a full blown assault case.

“You need to- be more- obedient. Do you understand?”

“Mmm! Mmm!”

“Do not seek- your own death.”

“Mmm. Mhmm.”

“You do not- assure me- of your- trustworthiness. Let me give- you a lesson.”

“Mmm! Mmmm!”

What now? My grip on her mouth moved downwards and my forearm hooked right beneath her chin. Simultaneously, my legs jumped up from behind her and hooked onto the insides of her legs. Now, seemingly completely prepped- all of my body parts began pushing and pulling against each other.

“This is not- a game you- want to play.”

This time my body was doing something weird. Just keeping her barely on the edge of passing out but not letting her.

“All you have- to do is- behave.”

“Ggh… ggh.”

Yo, what the fuck? Why was my jaw wide open? No way right? There was no way it was planning to do what I was thinking right? As my teeth slowly sank into her neck my worst fears were reaffirmed and the panic quickly settled in.

“Uhhh! Uhhh!”

A breathless scream poured out of her throat and I fought desperately to regain control of my body. Her body seemed to somehow regain strength and she was now ferociously wriggling her body. In the midst of our struggles the sound of a door opening trickled into my ears and Eva was somehow flipped to be facing me.

“Oh. I didn’t see anything!”

What kind of reaction is that mom? Does it even make sense that your bruised and beaten son would be trying to get it on with some random girl? Even if it was his girlfriend it wouldn’t make sense either.\

“Eva? Eva! Are you okay?”

Thud!

In her mad attempt to escape from me she had rolled off the bed and fallen straight to the floor.

“Calm down. I think I’m back under control.”

“Stay away from me!”

“Fine! I’ll stay over here. I really don’t know whats happening, let’s just all calm down okay?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know. If I did we wouldn’t be like this would we?”

“Are you really suffering from a mental illness?”

“I don’t know what I’m suffering from.”

“You aren’t kidding?”

“Do these look like the actions of someone who is kidding? You nearly died just now.”

“...”

“Yep. This is my life now.”

“So what’s your plan now?”

“What kind of question is that? Am I supposed to be doing something different? I’ll just keep doing things the way I always have.”

“Will you even be able to? What’s gonna stop you from having those outbursts?”

“These are not- outbursts.”

“Was that you?”

“Yes.”

“So it really isn’t you.”

“You’re quite smart.”

“I think I figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

“Split personality disorder. You have multiple personalities.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. I’m still there when my body loses control, plus bullying isn’t that traumatizing. If it was then everyone would have split personality disorder.”

“Every person is different. When did you first experience symptoms?”

“Are you a psychologist now?”

Stolen story; please report.

“Just tell me.”

“I guess it would be last night. When I tried to jump off the roof.”

“You tried to kill yourself? And you think you don’t have trauma?

“Ok fine, maybe I do. The still doesn’t explain how it’s possible for my body to start moving on it’s own.”

“Well, all the signs are there. You start acting in a way that is completely different, speaking in a way that’s completely different, and losing control of your body. There is without a doubt another consciousness in your body.”

“Is there a way to fix- you can not- get rid of- me. This is my- body now- your consciousness merely- remains.”

“Looks like you won’t be able to keep doing things the way you always have.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“...”

Fuck. Was I really going to be taken over by some made up second personality? What kind of bullshit was that? There was no way my own body would do that to me.

“What causes a personality disorder like this?”

“They say it can be triggered by extreme trauma and stress.”

“If that trauma and stress were to go away would the other personality go away too”

“Maybe, but there’s no guarantee. Are you really going to try to get rid of the sources of your stress and trauma? You- the loser who didn’t even try to fight back before deciding to just kill yourself?”

“I- I’ll have to try.”

“I believe you as much as I would a crackhead telling me the twenty dollars they need is for food.”

“Do you know anyone who is good at fighting?”

“I do.”

“Who?”

“The other guy in your head.”

“Do you really think he’ll teach me?”

“He already has. You’re always there when he fights.”

“So you want me to make him fight for me?”

“There’s no better way to learn than to do it yourself.”

“Wouldn’t that just make him stronger?”

“You think he won’t come out anyways whenever you try to fight?”

“I’ll figure out a way. I have no choice.”

“Mmm, sure. I’ll be cheering you on.”

“I’d prefer if you stay as far away from me as you possibly can. You aren’t exactly known for having tight lips.”

“How would you know? You’ve never even touched a woman before.”

“Would you like- to show me?”

“No- if you touch me I’ll scream.”

“Every woman- I’ve touched- has screamed.”

“What? You might be a different personality but you two still have the same body.”

“Do you want- to find out?”

“Hey Vaun, I think it’s time for you to come back.”

“I’m still here, I never left.”

“I think fighting is the least of your problems. You’re going to catch a case sooner or later.”

“Don’t you have better things to do? Why are you still here?”

“I just wanna be here. What are you going to do about it?”

“Go crazy I guess, if you’re gonna stay here anyways bring me the material I’ve missed from school.”

“You seriously still have time to worry about school?”

“Yes, once I fix this issue I still have to live life too.”

“Ok, I’ll be back soon.”

“Mm, see ya.”

Finally, peace and quiet.

“She want’s some- thing from you.”

“Better that she want’s something from us than she release whatever information it is that she has of us.”

“That’s reasonable. You just do- your thing. We- will take care- of all your- problems.”

“What do you mean?”

“We can co- exist. There does not- have to be- conflict.”

“Do you understand how much trouble we are in right now?”

“There was no- evidence until- that girl showed- up. We will pacify- her soon.”

“We’ll get caught sooner or later.”

“We will never- be caught.”

“You are too dangerous.”

“That’s a good- thing.”

“Are you ready to eat?”

Ah, I guess mom is back. I didn’t even have an appetite. Only the crazy guy inside me did.

“Yes, please.”

I could sense a very awkward tension between us. She definitely still hadn’t recovered from what she had seen.

“Don’t worry mom, whatever you saw was a very complicated situation. If I had a girlfriend I would’ve told you.”

“It’s okay. I just need some time to get used to it.”

“Don’t worry about me too much, I can take care of my business- I always have.”

“Do you expect me to believe that when you are sitting here in the hospital?”

“I’ll be fine soon. The majority of my problems have been dealt with.”

“Tell me. What really happened between you and those boys?”

“Sorry mom- I can’t tell- you. For your- own safety. It’s nothing serious- though, I won’t- die no- matter what.”

“That doesn’t reassure me at all. If you need help it’s okay to tell someone.”

“I’m not stupid- mom. I have- never done- anything stupid.”

“Ok. Take care of yourself.”

Wow, he really was persuasive- and hungry too. Could he even taste the food he was shoving in his mouth? I could swear I was choking and suffocating. What should I do now though? Rogelio is gone now so the majority of my issues have been resolved. Maybe I could actually have a normal life and have fun now. All things weighed my future was looking much better now. This wasn’t too bad I guess.

“Mom! Mom! He was snuggling up with a girl earlier!”

Well, there was that.

“Everyone does that sooner or later. You will too.”

“What- No!”

“Come on Lily, everyone knows you have a crush on Max.”

“Shut up! That’s not even true.”

“Anyways, pipe down. The noise is irritating me. When can I get out of here anyways mom?”

“You can get out of here right now if you want.”

“Let’s go after I eat then. I need to go get my things in order.”

“Ok, just make sure you’re really ok.”

“It’s just a couple bruises here and there.”

It was nice to be breathing fresh air again. In fact I had never felt better than right now. A truly massive weight had been lifted off of my back and the constant stress gnawing away at me had vanished entirely. Although I couldn’t agree with the methods, the results had been outstanding. It wasn’t like they were amazing people who’s deaths would weigh on me either, the only negative that came from their deaths was the worry that I would get caught. There were still a few of Rogelio’s friends that weren’t with us at the time. They might end up causing problems.

No need to worry, I will take care of them.

Someone will catch on sooner or later that it’s us doing this.

Not all problems require violence.

So you do have rational thought.

Violence is preferable.

Ok I get it. You’re a sadistic homicidal maniac. Can’t you behave a little bit so that the both of us don’t end up dead?

I am behaving.

This is you behaving?

If only you could see all that I have done.

What do you mean by that? Aren’t you me? What could you have possibly done that I don’t know about.

I am you- and that’s the confusing part. For now, I’ll make sure not to get us in trouble.

That truly does reassure me.

The only regrettable thing about sharing a body with you is that you are a complete weakling. How could anyone possibly be so miserable and pathetic?

You think I don’t know that?

No, you do know that. You just aren’t willing to put in the effort to change it.

How was I supposed to fix those problems then. We both know damn well that fighting well only brings more problems. And who in their right mind would just immediately choose to kill someone?

You did indeed choose the best options available to you. You are simply limited by your method of thinking. If you wish to change then you may watch and learn from me. If not then I will simply continue to do my thing while you do yours.

DingDingDingDingDing! DingDingDingDingDing!

Wah, it’s already time for school? How would things go today? For once in my highschool years I was actually excited and anticipating school. Who knew that anyone could be happy to simply go spend a normal day at school? I was ready within a few minutes and downstairs eating breakfast with mom and Lily. As of yesterday, everytime I ate the other guy took control and ate for me. I didn’t mind that much but did he really love food that much?

You would never understand you rich piece of shit.

What do you mean? We’ve always had money.

Not me.

It’s starting to feel like me and you are not the same people.

No shit. Hurry up, let’s go to school. I haven’t been there for a while, let’s see if there’s any nice girls there.

Let’s try not to catch a sexual assault case.

If it’s you it might be but if it’s me then it’s flirting.

We have the exact same face, the original difference is between handsome and ugly people.

Your personality is ugly, mine is sexy.

That doesn’t even make sense you fuckin wierdo.

A guy who gets no bitches like you would never understand.

Can’t argue with that. Fine, let's go to school then.

As I walked through the hallways in school I easily caught all the looks being thrown my way. Some were praising, some were puzzled, some were fearful, and some were simply curious.

You go to a fucking elite school? What a posh piece of shit. I almost think you deserved every beating you got.

That’s a bit hurtful.

One thing’s for sure. You have turned into the talk of the town. I hope you are ready for what’s headed your way.

I sure do wonder who got us into this situation.

You would have died if not for me.

That’s reasonable.

“Hey, you think my time isn’t valuable?”

Eva?

“Oh, hi. How have you been in the last twelve hours that I have not seen you?”

“If you were going to leave the hospital you should’ve at least told me.”

“Sorry. I forgot about that… You’re ok right? No uh- injuries or anything right?”

“What a joke. Anyone can tell that something is wrong with you. Come with me.”

Next thing I knew I was being dragged around by the tie and being led to our classroom.

You’re literally a dog on a leash you fool.

Let’s not phrase it like that. I still have pride.

That’s good to know. At least you are able to stand somewhat straight.

“Sit.”

“Ok.”

“What are you going to do about the rest of Rogelios friends?”

“What do they have to do with me?”

“Rumor has it that there’s a reason you are the only one who survived.”

“That reason is probably because I’m used to getting beat up.”

“Whatever the reason is, you’ll be meeting them sooner or later.”

“I anticipate- our meeting- it will be- very pleasant.”

“I’d like to remind you that you are still in school.”

“Then we will- solve it out- side of school. No, there will be no violence used.”

“I hope so.”

“Why do you care so much anyways?”

“I- just want to have a peaceful day at school.”

“You’d have a much more peaceful day at school not being near me.”

“You’re right. I’ll leave you to your problems then.”

“Sure.”

You aren’t seriously planning on spending a legitimate day at school today are you?

What else am I supposed to do?

Your family is rich dumbass. We can make money easily.

How?

We can go play with the stock market for a little bit. If not that we can just get famous. Everything is easy when you have money.

You might be-

“Hey, banana boy. How have you been?”

What the fuck? Why did I feel so scared? There was no reason for my body to freeze up like this.

Conditioned response. What a fucking loser you are.

My body shot straight up and turned around to face the voice.

“Hey- little fuckface- go fuck with someone-else. I’m not into men. Find someone else- to fuck you in the- ass, I’m tired of you- riding my dick.”

“Oooh!”

“What did you say?”

In the next moment a fist was swinging toward my face and as I attempted to whip up a response my arm had already lifted itself up and blocked it with my elbow.

Crunch!

“Aaah!”

“Stop fucking whining. How are you hurt- when you hit me?”

“Hey, watch out!”

Oh yeah. I forgot. There was more than one of them.