I never quite have gotten used to being reconstituted after spending time in the digital realm. The feeling of having your consciousness ripped between two different places is not exactly pleasant. Even after years of enduring the reconstitution process of having my body 3D printed and my consciousness downloaded into a new core from the digital realm and emblazoned on a new fleshy brain has never become something normal to me.

Breath surges into my lungs and I feel the liquid of the reconstitution chamber drain around my body. It’s been years since I’ve emerged from this place as a toddler, and now my body appears to my eyes as it did in the digital realm all those years before when my consciousness was born on the shores of some hidden beach somewhere in the digital realm. I’ve desperately searched for my mother, but the digital realm that I have spent years exploring is different from the one I knew when I was born. There is no gigantic metal pillar that towers above mountains, or a beach that borders an ocean of various letters, and no goddess like woman that I have been able to find. I was born and my only indication that my mother exists, is my father’s word.

I stare into my dark grey colored eyes and look at my white hair as the glass of the reconstitution chamber lifts. I scratch at my chest and as always, the metallic device which contains all the data of my physical and mental being, my core, prevents me from itching the irritating prickling that hides just under its pentagonal metal plate. Years have passed and the engraving set by my mother GIA is still placed upon the core of my Consciousness Recording and Holding Device (CRHD). Half a man stands with his other half being covered by binary code that beckons for me to go and find my mother. I’ve tried to change the settings on my core for this engraving to be changed to something I found more personal, but no matter what I try the engraving settings always revert to this default.

“Nya, yeah back Reuben. Mewroew, I just got put on guard duty and nya-one was expecting you until tomorrow?” says the voice of my best friend, and the unfortunate victim of reconstituting in a God Complex reconstitution chamber during one of their experiments. Metal doors open and a humanoid mountain lion wearing pants and a wide brimmed cap walks upon his back legs into the room housing the reconstitution chamber. In his hand is a spear that’s rear end houses a revolver cannon.

“Neil, I found the information we needed faster than I expected. My core currently contains the last copies of a library of books of various religious creeds that once graced this world,” I say pointing to the metal cylinder in my chest, “downloading enough semi-conscious and sorting their data eventually leads to nuggets of the past. Though many such nuggets are fragments, this doesn’t mean that after finding enough fragments that they can’t be reassembled into a reasonable whole. The copies of the Pentateuch and Koran in my core right now are probably the most complete they’ll ever be given the years of degradation of data and loss of all physical copies.”

Neil lets out a sigh that sounded more like a hiss and says, “Nya really need to stop downloading semi-conscious data. Meraw, I mean aren’t you worried that you’ll stop being you one day if you download to much of different people.”

“I’m me Neil and will always be Reuben. Just because you like reading romance novels doesn’t mean that you’ll become Fabio, nor does downloading data make me less myself. I learn, and transport data, like your brain does when it reads a romance novel,” I say coldly as I walk over to the various clothes racks to dress myself, “let’s face it if reading a romance novel bled the consciousness of one of their protagonists into your mind, maybe neither of us would be single.”

“Hey, nya know I’m single because of my accident. I mean if nya know anything about feline anatomy, well let’s put it this way no woman would want that, mereow. Also, what about you and Melissa. You two have been pretty chummy of late?” says Neil and I take a quick glance at his CRHD core and see that he has recently customized the engraving of the core’s personality coin. The top section was engraved with an image of what appeared to be a human hand slowly transforming into a more feline claw.

“When did you adjust your personality coin setting, wasn’t it once an image that was supposed to be Zorro upon his horse?” I ask fully knowing the horrific reality of feline anatomy and wanting to discuss anything that wasn’t related to the barbed truth or about my relationship with Melissa. We are just friends, and I’m pretty sure she has feelings for another.

“Well, it’s been mreownd a year… year and a half since the accident, and I think I’m just going to be this way meow. I figured I’d change the personality coin settings to kind of accept my new life,” says Neil pointing to the core in his chest, “but I do have a question, how do nya know if you have found the old texts the Order is looking for? You download semi-conscious, and that must be flawed data, so nyah do something with it to make it better?”

I smile and wink at Neil and take a quick cautious glance to see if we are alone, “The truth is, many of these books exist in data repositories of the several different factions. I use the data of the semi-conscious to track down the faction that has the most complete copy and then steal it from them. I then use the data from semi-conscious to kind of piece together the data I stole in case the data degraded or was altered with time and sort of stitch the past back together in my core creating a cross referenced version that contains notes from several different data points I’m able to collect.”

“Are you trying to get killed by the Death Syndicate? Also, how do you get past Gear Head security systems, or the God Complex’s semi-conscious monstrous experiments?” asks Neil and my stomach growls. I smile at Neil and begin to walk out of the reconstitution chamber room.

“That’s for me to know and for no one to try and replicate,” I say exiting out into the hall of the Knights of the Old Way’s base of operations.

Neil rolls his eyes and follows me out of the room and we both walk toward the cafeteria. I know that I should report immediately to command to give them my reports and the data they desire, but being reconstituted restores one’s stomach in an empty state and I could go for a sandwich. I also arrived a day early so it’s not like they expect my report until tomorrow, and I think most of the top brass can wait a day to begin reading and creating physical copies of the dusty tomes of the Bible or the Tao Te Ching.

Neil and I eventually arrive to more populated halls and follow the crowds that are going to the cafeteria, but unlike the crowds that enter the main entrance to the cafeteria we walk around a corner and enter a door that leads directly to one of the base’s kitchens. The kitchen is filled with delicious smells that tell me today was the day the chefs did their best to recreate food from the long dead culture of Thailand. That smell is why I don’t agree with the order’s fascination and veneration of literature and religious texts over more mundane reading material, as the best books I’ve found to date are all cookbooks, because they enrich life on the base with food that is both exotic and flavorful. Not to mention the contents of said books can help reproduce physical goods, and not just intellectual stimulation. I hope they made Tom Kha Gai soup, because it’s one of my favorites, but I’m here in the kitchens today for something I always truly crave.

“Hey Melissa, you here? Could you hook me up with a Reuben?” I yell and a large woman shuffles out from behind a stove top and quickly puts herself between me and the fridge containing the many rations of our people.

“Don’t you dare try to get special treatment. Just because my daughter is your friend, doesn’t mean you can go about getting double rations whenever you please!” says a large woman blocking me from the various fridges in this kitchen, and I desperately look around for Melissa, but it doesn’t seem like she’s here.

Suddenly my nose picks up the tangy smell of sourcrout and the sweet scent of Russian dressing. Below my nose is my favorite sandwich held by a dainty hand. Melissa’s mother, Mildred, looks around herself to try and see how Melissa had suddenly appeared as if from thin air. Mildred’s face once one of snooty success in trying to block my pantry raid now has an expression painted on it of defeated shock, as she tries to figure out how Melissa had silently snuck past her to get the ingredients to make me my favorite food.

“How did you make that so quickly,” says Mildred and she inspects what I assume to be a lock on the fridge behind her.

“Our little secret,” I say with a smile on my face, and I feel Melissa’s arms wrap themselves around my neck minding to keep the plate upright to not spill my lunch. Always make friends with a chef, is a personal life moto that has seen me into blissful and flavorful blessings.

“Go and enjoy your lunch you silver eyed trickster,” says Mildred shooing me and my friends away, “also, don’t you dare try to weasel your way into some Tom Kha Gai, we each get our share, and you should practice a bit more restraint from gluttony before you become a knight of the order.”

“I know, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be rewarded for coming back with ten holy texts this time round. So, save me a ration, because I’m definitely getting that extra meal ticket today,” I say with a devilish smile, and Mildred shakes her head as my friends, and I leave the kitchen.

“You really got ten holy books?” asks Melissa walking in front of Neil and I and I can’t help but smile looking at her beaming face. Her hair is short and brownish in color, but somehow, she has figured out a way to dye just the tips of her wild hair a sort of blondish color, and her eyes are the most amazing color of blue. It’s like looking into the depths of the ocean when I gaze into them.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“I actually snagged close to fifteen different manuscripts, but five of them are incomplete. I will be returning to the digital realm to claim the rest of them later, but it may be risky going for them until some things quiet down a little bit,” I say tearing my eyes from her gaze, and taking a bite of the sandwich she made me, “thanks for the sandwich, you really came through for me.”

“Anything for a good friend and one of the best squires and knowledge seekers of our people,” says Melissa and my heart sinks a little hearing the ‘f’ word.

Neil, seeing my expression hearing Melissa call me just a friend hisses a little as if trying to restrain a laugh and Melissa’s gaze darts between Neil and I trying to figure out what is wrong. Neil shakes his head and as if remembering he is on guard duty says, “I need to return to my post before master Midas figures mrowt I’m gone. I’ll have to run mround the compound on all fours until I pass out if he finds out I ditched my post.”

Before Neil bolts off down the hall, he stops for a brief second and whispers, “shoot your shot.”

Neil nods to Melissa and gives her a little wink, before running down the halls back to the reconstitution chamber room. Melissa and I are left alone, and though I kind of like the thought of shooting my shot with Melissa, I’m terrified. I’ve been meaning to tell her about my feelings, but I know she likes a guy in the armory. She has recently spent a lot of time with the armorers and has been talking a lot about a weapon smith that she has nothing but good things to say about. I wish she would talk about me in that way, but I’m just her good friend.

“Hey, Reu, do you want to go to the roof together? The stars should be out tonight, and I want to tell you something,” she says and my heart sinks in my chest as I know that she might have recently started a relationship with that smith guy. What was his name? I think it was Kyle. I don’t know why but I hate the guy, but I haven’t even met him. Though, if he makes her happy, I’ll gladly accept her feelings for him and do what I can to make him my friend. I may want to be more to Melissa than what I am now, but we did grow up together, and she may view me as a brother and only as a childhood friend rather than anything more.

“Reu, you alright? Maybe tonight isn’t a good night. You’ve been gone for thirteen days, and you must be tired. How about we go star gazing another time?” says Melissa, putting a hand to my cheek, and moving her face which gets both uncomfortably, and pleasantly close to mine. Her eyes contain nothing but concern for me, and my heart lurches in my chest.

I grab her hand in mine, and back up a little to create some space between us and say, “Melissa, I’ll never be so tired to not go star gazing with you. Afterall we’ve been friends for who knows how long, and I can always muster more strength for my friends.”

I immediately regretted what I just said and though Melissa smiles her eyes still hold an anxious look in them, that intermingles with the previous expression of concern she expressed. Her hand goes limp in mine, and she tries to come up with words to say as if something I said flustered her and finally musters, “You don’t have to put yourself out for me. Go and rest, we can go later.”

She turns her back on me and begins to walk away, and I trot past her, and she looks at me confused and asks, “aren’t the barracks the other way?”

“Aren’t the stairs to the roof this way though?” I say with a smile, and I extend a hand to her.

She slaps my hand with a chuckle, and we walk down the underground halls of the base and ascend several staircases until fresh air dances upon our skin. The door opens and the world around us is a strange one, but it is our world. We stand on a platform alongside a cliffside and for a brief moment we look out into the vast horizon below and above us. In one direction we see nothing but unending desert, in another a massive forest, in another direction grasslands. If you choose a direction, you see a different biome and each one is completely dominated by nature and whatever abomination mankind created that survived man’s greatness and fall.

I look over to Melissa and her eyes aren’t staring at the land, but the sky. We walk upon the platform bolted to the mountainous walls of our home, until we find a ladder that takes us to the solid ground of the earth, and we continue our journey until we rest at the foot of a giant tree that sits on the cliff face and has long been a haven for Mellisa, Neil, and I.

“I’ve recently read one of the sutras you brought back,” says Melissa breaking the silence that has accompanied us during our journey.

I blush as I know that one of the sutras I brought back wasn’t completely what one could call a ‘holy book.’ Well, it could be considered a ‘holey book’ as it did discuss actions involving certain bodily orifices in detail. I stutter out a response and say, “umm… which one of the sutras, as there were many and I can’t recall each one that I found.”

“I’ve been reading the Lotus Sutra, and I wish I could have known the person who wrote it, as I struggle to understand the thinking of the people of the past,” says Melissa looking up to the stars, “Some of the people who actually understood this stuff still exist, but they are currently on a star ark going who knows where. We unlucky few who were unworthy of such a journey were left here on a planet that was on death’s door, but the singularity kept us alive and now we scrounge for life with what remains of the technology of the ancients. One day, I’ll find those that can explain these writings to me.”

I feel relieved that it wasn’t ‘that sutra’ and relax a little as Melissa talked a bit about her dream and say, “I’m sure that man will find a way to travel to space again. The knowledge is probably still here on the planet, it just needs to be found. Once we do find it, we will live immortal as wanderers on a universal scale, exploring the great creator which is the universe.”

“Which brings me to what I wanted to tell you about,” says Melissa and she fiddles with a button on her blouse.

I remember Neil’s words and sigh as I say, “I also have something to tell you, but I worry that it will put a wedge between us. Especially if some of my suspicions are true.”

“What do you want to talk to me about?” asks Melissa and she turns to face me, her face red and she walks toward me with watery eyes.

I take her hand in mine under the moonlight and say, “Melissa, I’ve been your friend for a long time, and I… I love you. I know that you probably have feelings for someone else, and only see me as a friend but I truly do love you. Just know that even if you do not reciprocate my feelings, I’ll gladly still be your friend and support you in any relationship that you choose to pursue. I’d rather be your friend than not be in your life.”

Her watery eyes like breaking damns spill out with tears and she leans into my chest and a metallic clinking noise clicks as soon as our chests meet. She chuckles to herself and says, “I’m getting near everything I wanted. Tonight, must be a dream.”

“Wait Melissa do you have CRHD implant?” I ask, and I now know that tonight she was going to tell me that she finally got permission from her mother to pursue her true aspiration. Only knights and squires obtain the CRHD implants that permit them to travel into the digital realm and cheat death as long as the core of the CRHD isn’t corrupted or damaged.

She unbuttons a few buttons of her blouse to reveal the metallic plate of the CRHD and the cylindrical core that pokes a bit above the pentagonal metal plate on her chest. I am surprised to see the CRHD, but my eyes are also drawn to her cleavage. I do everything in my power to force my vision to only see her core and I note that her core’s personality coin was the ancient symbol of the Yin and Yang.

“After years of begging and pleading, and working my ass off to buy armor and a weapon, my mother finally gave me permission to become a Knight of the Old Way,” says Melissa rebuttoning her blouse to hide her CRHD and core behind the cloth of her blouse, “I’m now immortal like you, and will continue to live until the day my core is destroyed or until we travel the stars together.”

“Why are you talking about all this together and we stuff. I thought you liked Kyle from the armory?” I ask and she laughs as she plants a kiss on my lips.

“Does that answer your question of who I love,” says Melissa with tears streaming out of her eyes, “Reu, I’ve waited so long for you to just have the guts to say it. I already kind of knew that you had feelings for me because Neil isn’t exactly tight lipped about anything, but it was getting painful waiting for you. I just can’t believe it… I’m getting everything I dreamed of tonight… immortality, the chance to be a protector of my people, the chance to live long enough to walk the stars and meet those that write and can explain the beautiful ideas of the past, and to do all of this with the man I love.”

I timidly move my face forward and Melissa who was more confident and overwhelmed by emotion accepts my invitation and we stood in each other’s embrace kissing in the moonlight under the brilliant stars. Suddenly something deep within me wretches my face away and tears my body from Melissa’s arms.

Suddenly, My legs lock up and I tumble to the ground and strain against myself to force myself to my knees. I place my hands on my shoulders, and my nails dig into my skin. I can’t have my body lash out like it sometimes does and holding myself helps me bind my arms to prevent me from being a harm to others. I can’t hurt the woman I love.

“Reu, what’s wrong?” asks Melissa putting a hand on one of my shoulders that as if having a mind of its own shakes Melissa’s hand off of my body. My breath comes in ragged gasps as the image of a woman hazily fades in and out of my mind. The woman had dark hair, brown eyes, and long sharpened red nails. Despera, is her name, and the long dead and silent shouts of the screamer from long, long ago break into my mind.

“I’m just… having an attack… is all,” I say struggling to get each word to be uttered from my lips. Taking deep breaths, I reclaim control of myself slowly. The screams begin to fade, and the image of the woman disappears from my mind with each slow and controlled breath I take.

Melissa puts her hand on my shoulder again and though I shudder and feel some resistance to her touch inside myself I accept her hand on my body, and she says, “It’s one of the semi-conscious isn’t it. One of the four that you met the day you were born. Rueben, I know that you didn’t come into this world the traditional way, but I still love you and want you to know that. I know you may have some pieces of you that try to fight for control sometimes, but you are still you and I’ve seen you grow and fight for us. Though you haven’t been knighted yet, you are my knight and will always be my knight.”

Hearing her reassuring words and feeling her comforting grasp upon me, the once overpowering force of whatever is in me fades, and I’m completely me again. I turn to face Melissa again and put a hand on her hand that rests upon my shoulder as I reflect on the day Melissa and I met. Some bullies had stolen her doll, and I fought to get it back for her only to have the bullies turn on me and beat me to a ragged pulp. Melissa seeing me try to help her, went and grabbed her friend Neil and both of them fought to get the gang of bullies off of me. From childhood till now we’ve been inseparable since that day, and we will continue to be inseparable into eternity.