Yin Lei is now who I am. Farmer and peasant bought by a cultivator to join the Raging Storm sect. One of the foremost sects in the whole of Kaldur. My new home.

Unfortunately, the Raging Storm sect was at war with the Heavenly Blade sect for the last 130 years. Not too bad considering. Earth also had some very, very long wars. Although those wars never had access to individuals who could punch sand into glass and kick mountains at each other for fun.

Mister Slaver, who has still not deemed to give me his name, woke me up with a splash of ice-cold water. I jumped up in shock only to find Mister Slaver holding no bucket, hands inside his sleeves with perfect posture and not a fleck of dirt or water on his robe. I, in contrast, was caked from head to toe in dried panda blood. My hair was in an ungodly state, and I stunk like a sewer rat!

“Here, eat this pill, then head to the river down that way to clean up,” he gestured vaguely down camp. Clothes promptly appeared from nowhere, which he placed down on a cleanish rock. Makes sense, considering giving them to me will only soil the new and clean-looking clothes. I headed to the river, numbly trying to keep going rather than think too hard about where and who I am. After endlessly scrubbing myself with a cleanish rag I found on my way through camp, I headed back only to find Mister Wild waging a tug of war on a rope. On the other end of the rope was… nothing? The rope was literally in midair through some kind of transparent space/time fracture. Suddenly something gave, and Mister Wild managed to heave so hard that something massive escaped through the space portal only to smack straight into Mister Wild. As massive as the killer panda from yesterday.

Was that a stone guardian dog from those Japanese temples? A living stone guardian dog that had a collar and rope attached to it. The dog was currently licking Mister Wild with his stone tongue, and each lick was leaving great rents in the ground whenever he missed in his exuberance.

Both suddenly looked at me, and I remembered I was still dripping wet. Naked too. I was meant to be getting those clean clothes.

Let’s ignore the supernatural for now, Yin Lei. Get clothed, get fed, and then worry about this strange world I was living in. Unfortunately, the stone guardian dog wanted to find out who I was and decided to sprint at me with a huge grin and tongue sticking out. I knew then and there I was going to be crushed into fine paste. The killer panda had the decency to try to kill me slowly and enjoy the process. This dog was about to kill me fast and from sheer happiness of meeting someone new. Someone very squishy and new.

At the last moment, the truck-sized dog collar tightened, clothes lining the living statue. After a full 360 air flip to make Tony Hawk proud, it had the unfortunate problem of eating dirt instead of crushing me.

Fuck my life.

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Afterwards, Mister Wild apologized and gave me some kind of ration bar that tasted of nuts and berries. I was no longer naked and wet. I had food in my belly. Life was as good as it was going to get for the moment. Then came Mister Slaver, looking as prim and proper as ever. “Get ready to go. You will be riding the guardian beast. Do not worry. She runs gently when doing her job. She was merely excited to see my brother again.”

Still no names? I guess I have to earn that shit or something, or maybe they see me as so far beneath them that I do not deserve to know. Hard to know in Xianxia land. Either way, I was going to be riding a magical stone guardian dog and was actually rather looking forward to doing so. It would be like every child’s fantasy of riding a T-rex.

We left the burnt-out husk of a camp littered with bodies as it was. The ride experience was surprisingly comfortable, and I got to simply enjoy the sights. The two brothers seemed to elegantly hop from treetop to treetop, seemingly balancing on the very peak for but a moment only to push off onto the next.

What was a relaxing journey soon transitioned into true wonder. After what felt like a few hours, the trees started to disperse, and the foliage changed into something I didn’t think was truly possible outside of anime. Small creeks turned into rivers. Rivers transformed into waterfalls. Waterfalls that filled the entire horizon with rainbows.

Behind me were the endless spires of forest we had just traversed through. To the left were mountains so large the clouds settled around their bases rather than peaks. To the right were grass plains so wide and serene the Mongolians would weep in jealousy. But in front. Oh, the scene could not have been any more stunning. Hundreds of floating islands the size of cities with their own waterfalls. Each landmass seemed to coast along the air currents.

Two of these islands crashed into each other, only for the momentum to keep them moving past. A literal landslide of stone and earth dropped into the plains and lakes below.

“How do they float?” I asked. The two cultivators were now effortlessly running beside the guardian dog with no more trees to traverse between.

“Qi,” said Mister Wild. This motherfucker was literally useless. Any mortal peasant here could tell you they floated with Qi. I looked over to Mister Slaver expectantly. He sighed and began to explain. “The islands used to be part of the land below. As more and more spirit beasts build their nests and die over generations, they saturate the earth with so much Qi it begins to take on properties of whatever was most common for the area.

The plains to the right have many grazing herds of spirit beasts. Many in flocks of hundreds or thousands. Naturally, this draws predators like the three-eyed crow beasts or the elephant eagles, who nest in the direction we are going. They naturally have air/flight-aligned Qi and have been here so long the very land took on said properties and began to float. The herd beasts Qi is more earth-oriented, which has led to these beautiful yet robust plains.” I couldn’t even fathom what an elephant eagle looked like. Surely not just a fat eagle with tusks and a trunk.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

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There was a fat eagle with tusks and a trunk inelegantly flying past us. It ignored us and kept going on its merry way. How the hell did it have a bloody beak and a trunk? This world was crazy, but the longer I was here, the more I came to love everything about it. Every impossibility was possible, and every myth was real. This was a world of dreams, gods, and immortals, and if I wanted to, I could be part of it all.

The only real question now was what to really do. I was part of this world and didn’t really want to go back. I’ve always been a bit of an anarchist, and this was an anarchist’s dream. The land may technically belong to the Kaldur empire, but it was so vast that if I wanted to, I could simply build a shed next to a lake and fish forever, and no one would stop me. I wouldn’t, because that sounded boring and lonely, but the point is I could. On earth, every lake, pond, and parcel of land seemed to belong to some powerful entity out to get you.

So what do I do? I told Mister Wild I would live forever, or implied such when I said heaven could have me when it earned me. Would I just follow every other cultivator and defy the heavens and become immortal? I looked around again and took it all in. Slow inhale, hold, slow exhale, repeat, and I meditated for the first time in my life.

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“Ho, he’s been meditating for a while now, brother. It isn’t a breathing technique, but it is certainly doing the job for now. His Qi is naturally flowing along his Qi paths and through his meridians and dantian. Inefficiently, mind you.” said the Wild brother. “It certainly appears so. I wonder what he is contemplating to suddenly gain inspiration to meditate.”

They carried on traveling at inhuman speeds and spoke effortlessly despite the scenery zooming past them. “I reckon you filled his head with wild ideas, brother. There is a reason I didn’t elaborate when he asked how the islands float. He literally has no need to know yet when he hasn’t even begun the first proper steps on his path. Useless knowledge will just distract him from self-improvement.”

“Perhaps, perhaps. But standard knowledge is to be shared and improved upon. So say the mighty founders of our Raging Storm sect.” “Hmph, if you say so, brot… Do you feel that?”

“I do.” “Where is it coming from?” said the Wild brother. “I don’t know.” They both slowed and finally came to a stop with the guardian dog beside them. Their heads were on a swivel looking for the cause of this unsettling disturbance.

As if from the depths of hell, an almighty screech echoed overhead and was getting closer. They both instantly looked behind and above only to see the biggest three-eyed crow they had ever seen with a cultivator on its back coming right for them. It had somehow gotten merely moments away from reaching them. They were about to grab the kid and dodge when he suddenly shouted. “Watch out in front.”

The Wild brother thankfully reacted without thought and used one of his strongest defensive talismans. There was the sound of rushing air, and instantly there was a huge jade barrier surrounding them. Next came two almighty crashes as the three-eyed crow smashed into the barrier, doing no harm but to itself. Likewise, on the other side was what looked like a spirit beast mole with a female cultivator. They had dug themselves out just in front of Yin Lei and the guardian dog. Claws the size of tree trunks were scraping against the barrier. Sweat was already building on the proper-looking cultivator’s brow at the realization that the bird’s screech had been a distraction.

The enemy could have just charged silently, but they would likely have noticed just in time, so in tune were the cultivators with their senses. The reaction to sudden surprise attacks was often defensive talismans like just used. But by giving them just enough time to dodge, they had nearly played right into the enemy’s hands. They would have dodged right into the mole’s massive claws as he burrowed out.

“Well, well, well. Would you look at this? The Hong brothers out here, relegated to collecting new recruits. The bane of the heavenly sword sects outrider division. Look at you now,” said the man on top of the three-eyed crow. His nose was large and pointy, but his chin was sharp and strong. His silver/white robes rippled in the wind as he stood upon his crow. His hair was, however, copper in colour and flowing with the wind as well.

The prim and proper cultivator openly showed his disdain for someone who viewed such important work as punishment. The Raging Storm sect considered this to be one of the 3 necessary jobs that all under the spirit realm must partake in. There was no exception, no matter one’s standing in the sect. Even before the war had started.

“Hmph, I, Hong Xue, won’t let this insulting surprise attack stand. You would think the heavenly blade sect would have learned to leave us brothers alone by now.”

“Finally a name,” he barely heard Yin Lei mutter to himself, despite his incredible hearing. He was rather calm considering they had almost died. But as he watched Yin Lei in the corner of his eye, he saw he had made a tiny hand signal towards his brother. Had he muttered so quietly to get only his brother’s attention? Then Yin Lei spoke to the female cultivator riding on the back of the mole. Or rather, starting hurling some of the most grotesque language he had ever heard an 8-year-old speak. His brother seemingly knew instantly what to do, judging by his body language.

“Hey, troll,” shouted Yin Lei while pointing at the female cultivator. “How long have you been chasing beauty only to find warts, wrinkles, and shit? I mean seriously, I’m just a peasant farm boy, but my butt cheeks look fancier than your face. My non-existent pubes could probably be styled better than your hairdo too.”

Expectantly the female cultivator grew absolutely incensed, almost frothing at the mouth, looking more and more like what Yin Lei had described. “I WILL END YOU, YOU STUPID RUNT.” She closed in on the barrier with a spear that had just appeared from her spatial ring and naturally assumed her spear would smack into the jade barrier. His brother let the barrier down just at that moment, leaving her completely unbalanced as the expected resistance did not come and was left open to his attack. Hong Xue reacted quickly and imposed himself between them and the cultivator on the Crow.

He didn’t need to see the end of his brother’s attack to know it would be successful. He wouldn’t let such a large opportunity go left unanswered. The cultivator on the crow sped forward with his beast but stopped short seeing Hong Xue in the way. There was no mighty technique or Qi attack. He knew his brother’s preferred method. He promptly heard him literally rip his opponent’s dantian core from her stomach. The look on his own opponent’s face was delicious to behold. He was not happy his companion had been tricked by a child. Not happy at all.

“Bane of the Outrider division was it,” I said. “Let’s make sure we live up to our names.” Came from his brother as he swaggered over. I couldn’t help but smile.

The cultivator on the crow could only glower in hate.