Usually, on the day after the harvest, people in the village would gather for a small, intimate celebration. Kamian, who was not fond of alcohol and only wore his best attire on special occasions, was accustomed to receiving drinks from various individuals, as he was considered the hero of the harvest season. Without any hesitation, Kamian would graciously accept the drinks, enjoying them to the fullest, often being the first to lose his composure.
Today, however, the act of drinking puzzled me. I suddenly found myself questioning it. Feeling the need to shed some light on the matter, I lit the lamp on the table. The flame flickered, casting a warm orange glow throughout the room.
As soon as my feet touched the ground by the bed, I heard a small thud. Startled, I hurriedly made my way to the door and pulled the handle. Kamian, who had been resting his forehead against the door, lost his balance and tumbled towards me.
"Hey, no! Wait..." I tried to catch his bulky frame with my fragile body, but it was an impossible feat. My mind quickly assessed the situation, and I commanded my body to step aside, allowing Kamian's resistance to send him stumbling forward.
[Thud] The sound reverberated through the floor, surely reaching the room below. I scratched the back of my head, feeling a sense of frustration, and gathered my knees to sit beside Kamian. He remained motionless on the floor, his forehead still pressed against it.
Is he dead?
"Hey."
I poked his arm, and Kamian took a deep breath before flipping himself over. His dishevelled bangs revealed his forehead. I placed my hand on his smooth forehead, feeling its warmth seep into my palm.
"It must hurt."
Kamian fluttered his long eyelashes and closed his eyes for a brief moment before reopening them. His intoxicated state made his pupils appear hazy. However, to me, they seemed teary, as if he was about to cry.
"You look ridiculous now, even though you won't remember any of this anyway."
If I had a phone in my hand, I would have taken a hundred pictures. I sighed, filled with regret.
Intoxicated Kamian displayed aspects of himself that he would never reveal in his sober state. Behind his sharp and nonchalant facade, his vulnerable side emerged alongside his drunkenness.
Kamian tried to grab my hand and placed it on his cheek. He gently tilted his head, rubbing his face against my palm, reminiscent of a playful puppy. What are you doing? Sighing, I couldn't hold back a mischievous laughter.
I enjoy witnessing Kamian inebriated. The way he acts cute, obedient, and willingly accepts the teasing, despite the wounds inflicted upon him, is simply amusing. The next day, when Kamian would have no recollection, I could tease him even more daringly. That's why I had even attempted to force him to drink on a few occasions, but I had failed every time.
"...Don't apologize."
His unexpected remark caught me off guard, and I choked on my laughter.
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"What?"
"For touching my d*ck... It's okay."
All of Kamian's intoxicated words were genuine. With a different hand, I gently brushed Kamian's head and nodded. It was a statement I had anticipated enough. I had already noticed that the reason Kamian had been distant and cold towards me today was not due to anger, but rather because the affection he once held for me had vanished.
"Yes."
"I won't be like that anymore."
Kamian whispered, his lips lightly touching my palm. His breath and low vibrations clung subtly to my skin.
"What?"
"I won't let you see... me like that. I'm sorry."
I couldn't possibly comprehend the thoughts of a man abruptly apologizing. Kamian's boldly arched eyebrows were now sadly furrowed.
Kamian gently tugged at my hand. I obediently lowered my face as he desired. Placing my ear near his lips, the hot breath pierced into my ear canal. Instantly, a shiver ran down the back of my neck.
"I already knew."
"..."
He spoke in a hushed voice, as if whispering a secret.
"You were there in front of my door that day."
I immediately recognized which day he was referring to. It was impossible not to know. The day when Kamian mast*rbated alone in my room. His red irises emitted an alluring light in the darkness. [Thump, thump, thump]. My heart pounded fiercely, so close that I felt as if I could hear its rhythm. Just as I thought my heartbeats were becoming audible, Kamian once again pulled my hand toward his mouth and lightly nibbled on his lips.
"...So, you avoided me because of that?"
Kamian shook his head.
"It's not because you dislike me?"
His composed face abruptly contorted. The flesh that protruded beneath his thumb was pressed down beneath this firm exterior.
"You like me."
"..."
Drunk Kamian confesses without hesitation. Fanning himself with a folding fan against his fiery face, he exhaled a hollow breath.
"Don't say that. I like you a lot."
"I know... so, stop saying it."
The reason he distanced himself from me was nothing other than self-loathing. My expectations had taken a favourable turn. And how cunningly people can reveal their knowledge; the buried resentment and injustice surged forth. He's the one who did wrong, so why does he make me suffer?
"What's this? I apologize for no reason, then."
Even if Kamian spoke honestly, he would have apologized. Now, however, he showed an unnecessary stubbornness, pouting and grumbling.
"Yes, but please be careful from now on."
"...Uh, sorry."
With a distant gaze and a firm voice, she offered her apology. Reflexively, I apologized again.
"I've been having a difficult time because you appeared naked in my dream. It feels like I've been dreaming about you for days."
"It must have been hard for you..."
I swore to myself that I wouldn't let my gaze wander between her legs. Kamian smiled sweetly, curling her eyelashes. Then she closed her eyes and let out a deep, measured breath.
"Are you going to sleep?"
Silence returned as the answer. Slowly, I freed my hand from her big hand and covered her with a blanket. With the sound of steady breathing settling in the room, drowsiness gradually overtook my tired eyes.
* * *