Her heart surged with such intensity that it felt as if it would burst through her bones. Meanwhile, her mouth hardened, rigid like plaster. The accident came to a complete halt.
"Could you please let go?"
Startled, as though she had touched something terrible, she quickly withdrew her hand. Thud. It fell neatly and rolled under the bed. Kamian, calling my name, approached, but I, without feeling any pain, flicked my hand toward him.
"Are you alri... I, I'm sorry. No, I, I'm not hurt."
One of Kamian's eyebrows arched in surprise. I kept my gaze down and caught sight of his bulging pants. Thud. Dry saliva involuntarily rolled down my throat. My ears burned as if they were about to explode.
"Well, um... I'll solve it. I'll be outside."
And he rushed out as if escaping. However, besides my room, Kamian's room was the only place for me to go in this house. Familiarly, I entered his room and flipped the blanket all the way to the top.
"This is maddening."
The scent of him, which was buried throughout the room, flooded into my nostrils. Restless, I anxiously paced back and forth.
Not only had I sexually harassed Kamian, but I also found his scent alluring. I felt like I had become an irredeemable piece of trash. Instead of running away like this, I had to apologize to Kamian properly.
A string of curses swirled on the tip of my tongue. Any form of apology would sound embarrassing and eerie. I clenched my fists, pacing around the bed.
"I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy."
But no matter what emotions I harboured, apologizing for the terrible memory I had left Kamian was the right thing to do.
Suppressing the despicable thought of pretending it didn't happen and brushing it off, I lifted the blanket and revealed it. Then, with determination, I marched to the front of my bedroom. Phew. Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand to knock.
"[Sniff…]"
An embarrassing sound stopped my hand. I stiffened, my body rigid, only my eyes blinked.
Did I mishear?
However, the sound of flesh colliding resonated distinctly through the gaps of the old wooden door. And within that, there was a faint trace of heated breath. I pressed my hands over my mouth, trying to silence any sound.
Kamian was masturbating in my room.
"Mmm... Hah, Liv..."
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Calling my name.
I stared at the closed door with a bewildered look. It wasn't the fact that he was masturbating in my room and calling my name that puzzled me, but rather the feelings directed towards myself. Why couldn't I leave and stop listening to this sound?
The heat emanating from beyond the room seeped into me. As his breathing grew rougher, my body became stiff, tingling sensations rippling through. I even had the illusion of his large, fiery hands exploring every inch of my body.
"Ugh... Ah."
I flinched, my shoulders trembling. The sound of flesh colliding grew louder by the moment. Even the moans that escaped breathlessly had taken on an unmistakably explicit nature. It was as if they deliberately wanted me to hear their lewd sounds, a depraved cacophony that echoed with intention.
I felt as if I stood in the midst of a tempest. The raging sensations left me helpless, my legs quivering uncontrollably. The sound of someone gripping and shaking it increased in tempo. My name repeatedly reached my ears from beyond the door, accompanied by a breath hotter than anything I had ever known.
"Haah, Liv."
Finally, as Kamian called my name, reaching the climax, I kneeled down and succumbed. With all the strength I could muster, I pressed my hands tightly against my mouth to prevent any moans from escaping.
* * *
The bear sculpture, due to its uneven bottom surface, was unable to stand on its own and had toppled over behind the desk. Once I leaned its back against the wall, it finally found a stable position.
To treat Kamian's work as a mere sculpture without properly examining it, it was entirely my fault without considering the right or wrong.
And I still haven't apologized to Kamian. Ever since I heard the sound of his self-gratification, his face has become even more embarrassingly daunting to behold. I couldn't even bring myself to utter a single word, let alone offer an apology, as my face flushed at the mere sight of his profile.
Kamian, too, spoke only the bare minimum necessary to me, without engaging in any further conversation. There was not a single exchange of dialogue during our journey to the academy, with him stoically carrying me on his broad back.
We both sensed an intense self-consciousness toward one another, yet outwardly we treated each other as mere acquaintances. No, perhaps this self-consciousness was mine alone.
Our peculiar dynamic continued even after arriving at the academy. Kamian didn't save a spot for me, and likewise, I had no intention of sitting next to him. I settled for a position where I could barely glimpse the back of his head. Have we ever sat so far apart from each other? I searched my memory slowly, but nothing came to mind.
"Did you two fight?" Tessa inquired as if it were a trivial matter. I held my chin, fixing my gaze upon Kamian's dark-haired back.
"We didn't fight..."
I committed an act that I should never have done to him.
"I can tell that you did."
"But I didn't."
"Isn't your village busy with the harvest season these days? Instead of wasting your energy elsewhere, you should focus on replenishing your strength and helping with the work."
"I'm managing on my own."
"Are you telling me that someone like you fought with Kamian?"
"...I'm not in a position to fight or not."
Tessa clicked her tongue as if she had expected this outcome. She was making hasty judgments without knowing the exact circumstances. It felt unjust for Tessa to treat me so harshly, even though I did commit a grave offense against Kamian.
You may not know, but if he were to sneeze, he could turn this academy into a blazing inferno and still be hailed as a hero. To be looked upon with disdain as someone who merely touched his manhood... Ah, it's all pointless lamentation.
Setting aside the future, considering only the facts at hand, it was not Kamian but myself who committed this outrageous transgression without even offering an apology.